Those Three Little Words

Don’t fucking do it, man.

Don’t.

But . . . hell. I can’t fucking take it anymore. My mind is full of images of her, recent images that I’m surprised I was able to clear out for the game because they’ve been running on repeat.

Her asking me to feel her breasts. Her perfectly heavy, magnificent breasts. Her in the damn robe. The dress . . . my shirt. Massaging her. Her moans. Her orgasm. The little touches. The teasing. The fucking flirting.

And now, this nightgown, the one she’s wearing with no underwear. I don’t think I can hold out. Especially when she smells this good. I move my head closer to hers, and before I can stop myself, I say, “Are you doing this on purpose?”

“Hmm?” she asks as her ass rubs against my crotch.

“Are you fucking with me on purpose?” I repeat, my thumb once again caressing the underside of her breast because I can’t seem to control myself.

The question makes her turn, causing my thumb to drag completely over her breast. “How am I fucking with you, Eli?” she asks, her voice full of curiosity.

“I don’t know,” I say, my mind so fucking confused, I don’t even know where to begin. “But . . . you’re making me want things I shouldn’t want.”

Now she turns completely, and her hand falls to my chest. “And what exactly do you want?”

My tongue wets my lips as I grow hard just from her touch, from her proximity, from the way I can see her nightgown barely cover her breasts.

Don’t do it.

Don’t fucking say her.

You made a promise to your friend.

Her hand falls over my pec, her thumb rubbing across my nipple, and I nearly scream out in frustration.

Fuck!

I’m hard.

I’m desperate.

And I’m so head-over-heels infatuated with this damn girl that I don’t think I can keep acting like she doesn’t affect me.

My hand falls down her side to her hip, where I grip the fabric of her nightgown.

Her fingers dance across my chest again. “What do you want, Eli?”

I’m going to lose it. I can feel it.

I want her lips. I want her moans. I want her delicious pussy. I want everything this woman has to offer.

But I can’t . . .

“Your silence makes me believe you’re not ready for what you want.” Her hand slides up to my cheek. “That’s okay. Sometimes it takes a bit to figure out what we want.” And then she slips away from me and out of bed.

“Where are you going?” I ask, watching her petite frame walk away.

“Checking to make sure I locked up.” She disappears down the hallway, and I inwardly groan while pulling on my hair.

Fuck.

This is maddening.

I flip the covers off and go to the kitchen for some water. As I walk down the hallway, she walks toward me, but her head is down, so she doesn’t notice me until we’re a few feet away.

“Oh.” She presses her hand to her chest. “You scared me.”

I stare down at her, my fucking need skyrocketing so fast that I can physically feel my will slipping.

She drags her finger down my abs as she asks, “Everything okay?”

And I stop her hand, grip it tightly as I quietly say, “You are toying with me.”

“What do you mean?” she asks.

“That kiss, you wanted more, and now you’re trying to get it.”

“Wh-what are you talking about?” she asks, stumbling now.

“The way you’ve been dressing. The touching. The flirting with other guys. That’s all to get my attention.”

“Oh my God, Eli, I have better things to do—”

I press her against the wall, pinning her hand over her head. With my other hand, I set her hips against the wall as well. Her gasp is followed by a series of quick intakes of breath.

“Don’t fucking lie to me. You want my attention. Don’t you?” When she doesn’t answer, I move my hand to the hem of her nightgown and slip my fingers under the silky fabric. “Now that I call you out on it, you’re going to go shy on me?”

“I don’t want your attention.”

“Bullshit,” I seethe, my irritation and pent-up frustration creating my mood. I move my hand farther up her body, dragging the fabric with me until I reach her hipbone. “You’re doing everything you can to drive me crazy. Do you realize how infuriating that is?”

“If you think I’m putting on some show for you, you’re wrong.”

I lower my forehead to hers. “I don’t fucking believe you.” My voice is so strained that I barely recognize it. “You know exactly what you’re doing by walking around in a nightgown like this, by wearing my name on your back.” I let out a heavy breath, my hand moving toward her belly button. “Do you know how hard it made me, seeing you wearing my name?”

She shakes her head just as I glide my hand another inch.

“Feel me,” I say. I take her pinned hand and bring it right in front of my hard-on. “Fucking see how you make me feel.”

She wets her lips and then cups my cock. I squeeze my eyes shut and push her harder against the wall. Her fingers run along my length, a feather-like caress, and then pull away before I can sink into her touch.

“Do you see?” I ask.

“Seems like something you need to deal with,” she says before patting me on the chest and moving away from me. She slides by me and heads back into the bedroom.

Is she fucking kidding me?

Is she really going to deny what she’s been doing?

I tear away from the wall and go back into the bedroom, where she’s slipping under the covers.

I should rip those covers off, push that godforsaken nightgown up, spread her legs, and show her just how much she’s charged me up.

But with what little control I have left, I watch her settle, her petite body nuzzling into position. I half expect with how she’s lying through her teeth about toying with me that she’d sleep on her side, attempt to ignore me. But no, she nestles in the middle, where I’d normally hold her.

It’s the only reason I proceed with proving her wrong. I’m going to get it out of her. Even if it means taking her naked body into my goddamn hands, I’ll make her confess.

Set in my intentions, I slip under the covers as well and pull her into my chest. To my chagrin, her ass nestles right against my cock. Shit, that feels so goddamn good. Just enough friction to drive me wild, to make me prove her wrong even more. Slowly, I slip my hand under her nightgown, my fingers curling over her hip.

With my lips right next to her ear, I say, “What turns you on, Penny?”

She doesn’t answer right away. She steadies her breathing before she says, “Do you think that’s an appropriate question?”

She’s so fucking infuriating. She’s trying to act all innocent now when she knows damn well what she’s been doing to me.

My fingers move forward, coming close to her pubic bone, and she doesn’t even flinch. “If you were wearing a turtleneck, no. But when you’re wearing this . . . yes.”

“It’s comfortable for me.”

“It’s fucking sexy, tempting, and driving me nuts. But that was your intention, wasn’t it?”

“Never.” I move my hand right over her pubic bone now, and her leg bends, creating more room for me.

“You’re such a liar,” I whisper into her ear. “If I were to touch your pussy, how wet would you be?”

She doesn’t answer. She doesn’t move. I’m not even sure if she’s taken a breath. So I slip my finger just a little bit closer . . .

“How wet, Penny?”

She lightly groans before arching her back into me. “So fucking wet, Eli.”

Christ. I inch my finger forward to the top of her slit, where I toy with her, barely dipping my finger.

“Yes, Eli,” she says, wiggling.

“Tell me the truth. Tell me you’ve been taunting me, and I’ll make sure you find the release you so desperately want.”

“I don’t . . . I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she says again, causing a roar of frustration to ripple through me, and before I know what I’m doing, I’m rotating her to her back and pinning her, so I’m hovering above her, my body now between her legs.

I take both of her hands and plant them on either side of her head as I drop my pelvis against hers. From my hasty fumbling to get her in position, one of her breasts slipped past the fabric of her nightgown.

Nipple hard, her tit just begging for my mouth, I lower my head down and suck the little nub past my lips. Her back arches, thrusting her breast deeper into my mouth. I suck her in, all of her, taking every ounce she’s willing to offer me.

I suck.

I lick.

I bite . . .

“Yes,” she cries out.

I pull away an inch and say, “Tell me, tell me you’ve been taunting me.”

She shakes her head. “You said you didn’t want me.”

I pin her with my stare. “I never fucking said that. I’d never lie about wanting you. Because I want you, Penny. I wanted you the day I first met you, and I wanted you the night of my birthday. I’ve craved you ever since. Don’t put those words in my mouth.”

“Then prove it,” she says with such sass, such power, that I feel that last wave of restraint slip away. And then I thrust my hips over her spread legs.

My covered cock to her wet, dripping pussy. The connection is so palpable I can feel all the way down to my toes.

“Fuck, you’re so wet. I feel it through my briefs.”

Testing me, she asks, “Don’t you want to stop this, Eli?”

“Why the fuck would I want to stop this?” I ask, now rubbing my dick along her exposed pussy, soaking up every ounce of pleasure.

“You stopped our kiss. Told me you can’t.” She spreads her legs even wider. “Why not stop now?”

I pause despite my thrumming body. “Do you want me to stop?”

“I’m clearly aroused and needing release. Do you really think I want you to stop?”

“I need a clear answer.”

“You need a clear answer, but don’t you think I deserve one?”

Even though I know I shouldn’t keep going, I can’t stop myself. I thrust harder, faster, the friction between us building.

“You’re driving me crazy, Penny.” I lower my forehead to hers as I thrust. Our linked hands grow tighter, her fingers pressing into the back of my hand. “I know, in the back of my mind, I shouldn’t be doing this, I shouldn’t be touching you, let alone rubbing my cock along your pussy, but fuck, I can’t take it. I can’t handle you walking around here, in practically nothing, flaunting the body I’ve been craving for months.”

“Yes,” she whispers as she hooks one leg around mine, bringing her closer to the friction between us. “More, Eli.”

My name, rolling off her tongue like that, unleashes something in me.

I’m now thrusting frantically, and nothing could stop me at this point.

Not one damn thing.

Her breathing increases.

My groans become more intense.

And as I keep pace, I hold my breath, afraid I’m going to miss one moment of this if I search for air. Because this feels like a dream, like this can’t possibly be real. I’ve thought about this, over and over, having her in my arms, feeling her, searching out a release with her.

I’m afraid if I blink, it will all disappear.

But when I hear her feral cry fall past her beautiful lips followed by her legs clamping tightly around me, I know this is real.

Every last second of it.

And I soak it all up.

How she clings to me.

The sounds of her moans.

The way she wets my boxer briefs . . .

It’s all I need to bring me to the precipice.

I move my covered cock over her, faster and faster until my balls tighten and I climax. All of my pent-up frustration is released as I groan in her ear, riding out my orgasm until my body is completely sated.

And that’s when I realize what I’ve done.

“Fuck,” I mutter as I slowly lift to look her in the eyes. “Fuck, Penny. This was not supposed to happen.”

“Why?” She challenges me with a chin tilt even though her eyes are still heady with pleasure.

“Because we’re only supposed to be friends.”

At that, she scrunches her eyes shut, pulls at her hair, and growls. Yep. Growls.

Oh, fuck. She’s not only hurt but angry now too.

“Don’t. Give. Me. That. Crap. There is something else, and you’re not telling me. What is it?” When I don’t answer, she says, “Is it Pacey?”

I glance away, not confirming, but that’s all the answer she needs.

“I knew it.” She releases my hands and slips out from under me. “You know what, Eli, just forget this happened.”

“If only it were that easy,” I mutter.

“What?” she asks when she whips around.

“It’s not that easy, Penny. I can’t just forget this happened because I know I’ll relive this moment for months.”

She holds her hand up. “Cut it with that shit. I don’t need you telling me all these dreamy romantic things when I know they mean nothing.”

“They mean something.”

“If they meant something, then nothing would block you from taking what you want.”

“You’re not the one losing out if I act on what I’m feeling,” I say, growing angry. “If I actually take what I want, if I claim you as mine and only mine, I lose a friend. A close friend, practically family. You’re never going to lose your brother.”

She takes a step forward and motions between us. “Pacey does not control this. What happens between us is just that, between us.” And then she walks over to the closet, where I hear her rummaging around. After a few seconds, I hear the sound of a zipper, and everything in me freezes. Is she leaving?

I hop out of bed, change out of my briefs, and slip into my shorts. When I head to the closet, she pops out, wearing sweats and a T-shirt and rolling a bag behind her.

“Where are you going?”

“That’s none of your concern.”

“The fuck it’s not.” I stand in front of her, blocking her from going anywhere. “You can’t just leave.”

“Actually, Eli, I’m a grown woman, and that means I can do whatever the hell I want. I have a mind of my own, unlike you.”

Walked right into that one.

I push my hand through my hair. “It’s not that easy, Penny.”

“Why not?” she yells at me. “Why is this so hard on you?”

“Because . . .”

“Because why?”

“Because I don’t want to be fucking alone,” I shout. “Because Pacey will always be your family, no matter what, but I don’t have a goddamn family. My friends, they’re all I have, and I’m not about to fuck that up.” I pause, attempting to swallow down my painful truth. “I almost lost him once. I can’t go through that again.”

She rears back, and I can see the minute she understands what I said. The anger in her shoulders dissipates, and her expression immediately turns soft. I bring her into my arms, as there’s nowhere else I want her to be right now. Ever.

“I’m sorry, Eli. So very sorry.”

I rub her back as I press my chin to her cheek. “Don’t apologize. It’s fine.”

She steps away, far too early for my liking, and takes my hand in hers, giving it a good squeeze. “I’m really sorry. Things are just crazy for me right now, and my hormonal libido is insane. I let that take over my brain.” Her cheeks stain pink as she says, “I was trying to get your attention, drive you nuts, and I shouldn’t have done that. I should have honored your promise to Pacey. I really am sorry.”

“You were driving me crazy before this, just so you know.” I place my palm on her cheek. If I wasn’t the fuckup, the man not good enough for this woman, the man her own brother didn’t want near her, I’d grab her and never let go. She’s . . . perfect. And I’m . . . not. “If things were different, I wouldn’t have held back for so long. I would have taken what I wanted the first night I was here. But things are different, and I want to respect that.”

“I get it,” she says sadly. “I truly do.” She looks away, but not before I see tears in her eyes. Fuck. I’ve gone and hurt her again.

“Penn—”

“Well, I’m going to clean up and then get to bed.” She sniffs back her tears, and I feel like I just shattered her in some way. She deserves so much more than I could ever give her, but I hate this. Before I can add anything, she asks, “Do you want to use the bathroom first?”

“No, go ahead.”

She gives my hand one more squeeze and then slips into the bathroom while I take a seat on the edge of the bed and filter my hands through my hair, pulling on the strands out of pure frustration.

I don’t think I’ve ever wanted a person as much as I want Penny. And it’s not just the attraction I feel toward her. It’s so much more. She’s warm, funny, generous . . . unfailingly kind. Somehow, she crept into my life and captivated me. She’s all I think about. She fills in the broken and cracked parts of my soul . . .

If things were different, she’d be mine.

But they’re not, and I have no right in saying that either because even if she was mine, I’m pretty sure I’d fuck that up somehow.

It takes us a few minutes, but once we’re both cleaned up and ready for bed again—her wearing a pair of shorts and the same T-shirt now—we climb under the covers. I move to the middle, but she keeps to her side. Not happening. Will she allow me to hold her, though? Because I’m not sure I can sleep without her touch now. Did I fuck that up too?

“Hey,” I say, tugging on her hip. “What are you doing?”

“Eli, I’m not going to make you hold me, not after everything that happened.” I hate that the sass has gone from her voice, that she sounds so subdued. Teary.

“First of all, you didn’t make me do anything. Secondly, I like holding you at night. I like the human touch. So please, come over here.”

She doesn’t even pause as she slides back into me. I wrap my arm around her stomach and hold her tightly against me.

“Thank you,” I whisper.

She doesn’t say anything, but her hand falls to mine, and then we both drift off to sleep.