Those Three Little Words

“The plan is off,” I say as I sit down in Blakely’s office.

She removes her blue-light-blocking glasses and folds her arms on the table.

“What plan?”

“The bosom buddy alliance plan, the one to get Eli to break.”

Her brow crinkles. “Why? It was such a good plan.”

“It was until I pushed Eli to dry-hump me last night.”

Blakely breaks out into a grin. “Oh, an old-fashioned dry-hump. God, what I wouldn’t do for one of those right now. They’re so raw, so dirty, yet so innocent. I believe I shall convince Perry to dry-hump me later, or maybe I’ll just do it myself. How did it happen? Give me some pointers.”

“Are you even listening to me?”

“Uh, yeah, you said you dry-humped, and forgive me for wanting more details. How did it happen?”

“I don’t even know at this point. There was a lot of touching, a lot of frustration from the touching and showing skin, and then before I knew it, he was pinning me against the bed and rubbing his penis over my”—I motion to my southern region—“area.”

“And how did it feel?”

I sigh heavily and melt into the chair just thinking about him on top of me. “Freaking amazing. I was done in seconds. But during and after, we were pushing each other, trying to get the truth from one another, him wanting me to admit that I’ve been taunting him, and me wanting him to admit why he’s put up a roadblock between us.”

“Was it because of Pacey?”

“Yes, but not for the reason we thought.” I sit up again and lean forward. “It’s because he has no family. He lost his mom when he was twelve, and his dad was never in the picture. Grew up in the attic of a barn practically by himself, and now he treats his teammates as his family, so he doesn’t want to mess that up.”

Blakely grows serious. “Oh hell, I never would have thought about it that way. I thought he was just accommodating Pacey’s sensitive man feelings.”

“Me too,” I say. “But now . . . well, as I said, the plan is off.”

“Ugh, that’s devastating for your vagina.”

“Tell me about it. She’s still weeping.”

“At least he was honest with you.”

“Yeah, I’m glad he was because I was really starting to get annoyed. But now that I know that, we can just focus on what’s important, the baby.”

“And what about the mom? You have needs.”

“Which will be met by my trusty friend, the vibrator. And hey, I ordered that other device—”

“The clit stimulator?”

“Yeah. That should give me everything I need.” I stand from my chair and straighten out my high-waisted black pants.

Blakely chuckles.

“What?” I ask her.

“It’s just a vast difference from what you wore yesterday. Pants and a turtleneck. You went from sex kitten to HR’s best friend in seconds.”

“I’m showing arms. It’s a tank turtleneck.”

“I love you, Penny, but I’m going to tell you right now, no one wants to see your arms when you have a rack like that.” She points at my chest with her pen, causing me to laugh. I shouldn’t feel I can’t flaunt the girls just because of Eli. I can wear things that make me feel sexy simply because I want to feel good about myself. But if what Eli said is true, it’s more difficult for him when I show extra skin. And honestly, he’s a good man, even better than I first thought, so I don’t want to do anything that makes him struggle against his attraction to me. Hence the turtleneck.

“Well, these boobs are currently off the market. That means keeping them hidden from the world.”

“Such a shame. I liked staring at your cleavage.”

“There’s something seriously wrong with you,” I say before taking off and heading back to my office.

ELI: Was going to make tortellini for dinner. Are you going to be home for dinner?

Penny: Yes, but you don’t have to worry about me.

Eli: If I’m already making dinner, you can have some.

Penny: Okay, sure. Thanks.

Eli: Are things weird between us again?

Penny: I want to say no, but I think they are.

Eli: How can we make it better?

Penny: Uh . . . I ate an apple?

Eli: LOL, that’s a start.

Penny: Unfortunately, I just think this is how it’s going to be, Eli. And we have to accept that.

Eli: We can be friends.

Penny: I don’t think we can be the kind of friends you’re hoping for. And that’s okay. As long as we’re friendly, that’s all that matters. And you need to stop focusing on me and concentrate on your game for tomorrow. You guys have to win.

Eli: But things don’t feel right between us.

Penny: Not sure they ever will.

“CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?” Eli says as we’re lying in bed, his arm protectively around me of course.

“Sure,” I say as I clutch his pillow.

Dinner was a disaster, we didn’t know what to say to each other, so instead of talking, we just sat there and ate. I tried to do the dishes after but he wouldn’t let me. So then I ended up just scrolling through TikTok and replying to comments from trolling fans with just enough sass not to get me fired but to make everyone laugh.

“Have you ever thought about being a parent? Before all of this? Were children in your future?”

Oh . . . I wasn’t expecting him to ask that. Something so deep.

“Um, I assumed that I’d probably have kids one day once I was married and settled. I never expected to have a kid like this. But yeah, I’d say at some point, I’d probably have kids.”

He’s silent for a second before he says, “I always swore I wouldn’t. It’s why I lived the type of lifestyle that I lived, never really attaching to anything. It was easier that way.”

Quietly, I say, “Can’t lose something you don’t have.”

“Exactly.” He squeezes me a little tighter. “But things have changed. I don’t have a choice other than to accept this new person into my world, and that freaks me the fuck out. I don’t want to do this alone. And it’s fucking with my head that things are weird between us again. I just . . . I need you to promise me that no matter what happens between us, we’ll always be there for each other. You can count on me, and I can count on you.”

“Why are you bringing this up now?”

“Because I can feel us drifting apart after last night, and that fucking scares me. All of this scares me, but knowing I had you at my side made it easier. If that’s taken away from me, I don’t think I can be the man I need to be.”

Needing to look him in the eyes, I turn toward him and press my hand to his cheek. “Eli, you don’t need me in order to be the good man you already are.”

Vulnerability flashes through his eyes. “This is overwhelming for me, Penny. You have your parents to help navigate you through all of this. I don’t have that. I don’t have someone to guide me. And I’m so fucking scared that I’ll fuck this up. That I won’t be a father this baby deserves. I need someone to lean on, someone to guide me when I’m being an idiot.”

“Eli, you’re not going to do this alone. I promise. Whatever happens, we will make it work.”

“Promise me,” he says, his voice so heavy with concern that it nearly splits me in two. I now understand this man very well. He’s terrified of being alone again. Even though he lived a fun and seemingly carefree life, I’ve caused a disruption that terrifies him. I’ll do anything I can to ensure he has his family intact.

“I promise, Eli.”

“Thank you.” He leans in and presses a soft kiss to my forehead before pulling away.

From the outside, Eli looks like a well put together man. He appears strong and confident like nothing fazes him as he struts through life in his three-piece suit. He’s easygoing with a solid head on his shoulders, the first guy to welcome you. In getting to know him, I see that yes, he’s all of those things, but he’s also incredibly vulnerable, a young boy looking for someone to love him, someone to take his hand and walk him through this life, so he’s not alone. And that right there . . . that breaks me. Because I am fairly certain I wish I could be the woman to do that for him. To love him.