The Maze Bummer: A Parody of The Maze Runner

“Omigod, I love pizza,” said Thomas, as he finished off the final slice.

“See if you still feel that way after eating it for 500 straight meals,” said Chuck.

Thomas picked up the empty box and looked around for a garbage can. “Where do I throw this?” he said.

“Duh,” said Chuck. “Box Forest.”

Thomas walked over to the forest, handed his box to one the workers, and then decided to have a look around. The forest was actually kind of neat. With all the tall towers of boxes, it was dark and quiet—a perfect spot to bring a chick. Unfortunately, he was living in a place where there weren’t any.

A box fell from one of the towers behind him. Thomas turned and looked, but it was too dark to see much of anything.

Then Thomas noticed a tower closer to him shaking. Then another.

“Who’s there?” Thomas said.

Suddenly something burst out from behind a tower and leaped on top of Thomas, shrieking loudly. Thomas flailed with his arms and legs and finally managed to kick the thing off him.

Thomas looked at the thing and saw it was another dude from the Sausage Fest, but there was something wrong with him. His eyes were bloodshot and his pupils were dilated, and he was frothing at the mouth. The guy shrieked again, and Thomas realized it was the same shriek he’d heard from the frat house when he first arrived.

This was the guy who’d hooked up with a Heaver.

“Back off, Ben!” came a voice from behind Thomas. He turned and was stunned to see Alby pointing a crossbow at the attacker.

“If you kill me, you’ll be killing the wrong guy!” hissed Ben. “He’s bad. Bad bad bad bad!”

“What the klunk are you talking about?” said Alby.

“He’ll hook up with your girlfriend!” said Ben. “He needs to be stopped!”

Hook up with your girlfriend? thought Thomas. There weren’t even any girls here. Why would he say that?

Ben growled at Thomas and eyed him menacingly.

“Ben, I’m only gonna say this one more time,” said Alby. “Back off.”

Ben laughed maniacally. “I’m doing this for our own good,” he said, and then leaped at Thomas. Ben was nearly at Thomas’s throat when an arrow pierced Ben’s neck with a sickening thud, and Ben fell to the ground.

Thomas looked at the body in shock. He’d only been in the Sausage Fest 24 hours and already someone had tried to kill him. Although getting killed wouldn’t be the worst thing, Thomas thought. It sure couldn’t be any worse than living in a place entirely full of dudes.