The Maze Bummer: A Parody of The Maze Runner

When the walls of the Sausage Fest opened in the morning, Thomas and Minho carried Alby back inside and told everyone about killing the heavers and finding the cliff. But no one believed them. Everybody thought that Thomas and Minho were just lying to avoid admitting that they hooked up with fat girls.

“Look, we all hook up with people we regret hooking up with,” said Newt. “Just be men and admit it!”

“We didn’t hook up with them, I swear!” said Minho. “Thomas figured out how to kill them.”

Everyone laughed. “You could’ve at least put some effort into coming up with a plausible story,” said Spatula. “Thomas killed them? It’s like you didn’t even try.”

Suddenly Alby let out a horrific scream.

“He’s going through the Changing!” said Newt. “Med-jacks, get him to the frat house!”

Thomas watched worriedly as the Med-jacks took Alby away. But Chuck approached and waved at Alby dismissively. “Don’t worry about him, he’ll be fine,” said Chuck.

“What’s this ‘Changing’ thing, anyway?” said Thomas.

“It’s what happens after you hook up with a Heaver,” said Chuck. “It makes you scream a lot and it triggers old memories. Speaking of which, I forgot to tell you: when Ben was going through the Changing he told me he remembered that before we came to the Sausage Fest, you owed me a thousand dollars. I’ll give you a week to get it because I know it’s a little out of nowhere.”

“Is there any news about the girl?” said Thomas. “Has she woken up yet?”

“Nah,” said Chuck. “She just keeps sleeping and mumbling, and guys keep sneaking in and trying to take her clothes off.”

Newt came running back from the frat house. “Tommy, we gotta talk,” said Newt. “Alby’s going on and on about how you hooked up with his girlfriend. Also, he told me that before we came here you owed me three thousand dollars.”

“Dude, is there anyone’s girlfriend you didn’t hook up with?” said Chuck.

“I don’t know what these people are talking about!” said Thomas.

“Well you need to try to remember,” said Newt. “Remember who you used to be. You seem connected to everyone. Maybe if you can remember, we can figure out why we’re here.”

“But I can’t remember anything,” said Thomas, “same as all of you.”

“Just try, okay?” said Newt.

“Fine, I’ll try,” said Thomas. He closed his eyes and concentrated. “Okay, me: start remembering. Remember, remember, remember, remember—”

“Not now, klunkhead!” said Newt. “We’re gonna go see the girl, see if she can trigger something in you.”

Oh, she’ll trigger something in me, thought Thomas. He looked down at his pants. In fact, she already has.