The Maze Bummer: A Parody of The Maze Runner

Newt and Thomas walked into the room in the frat house where the girl was staying. Next to the girl stood one of the Med-Jacks with a clipboard.

“How’s she doing, Clint?” said Newt to the Med-jack.

“She seems ok,” said Clint. “Talks a lot in her sleep though. Keeps saying she’s warm and asking if I can take her clothes off. Think maybe I should help her out? I hate seeing her suffer like this.”

“Her note said no clothes off, so there’ll be no clothes off,” said Newt.

“Oh I forgot,” said Clint, “she also said, ‘I know I wrote that note but that was before I met Clint. Now that I know Clint I’m totally comfortable with him taking my clothes off.”

“Zip it, med-shank,” said Newt. “I brought Tommy here to see if he could remember anything. Tommy, sit down and take a good look. Anything ringing a bell?”

Thomas sat in a chair by the bed and looked at the girl.

“I think I remember something!” said Thomas.

“Really?” said Newt excitedly.

“Yeah, I vaguely remember being a masseuse and her being one of my regular customers. The details are a bit fuzzy, though. Maybe if I massaged her a little bit it would all come back to me. Oh also, I specialized in butt massage.”

You know what you also specialized in, Tom? Having a small wiener.

Thomas leaped out of his chair. It was a voice. A girl’s voice. But the girl’s mouth had never moved.

“Did you hear that?” said Thomas.

“Hear what?” said Newt.

“That voice!” said Thomas.

Tom, it’s me, Teresa. We used to know each other, remember? How else would I know about your small wiener?

Thomas jumped back again, knocking over a lamp.

“What the klunk is wrong with you?” said Newt.

“She’s talking to me!” said Thomas.

“What’s she sayin’?” said Newt.

Only two inches long.

“She just said…um…my name.”

Tom, don’t freak out on me. You can’t help it if your wiener is microscopic.

“Ahhhhh, stop!” said Thomas. He couldn’t take it anymore. He covered his ears and ran out of the room.

It was you and me who did this to them, Tom. You, me, and your small wiener.