Severed Bonds

I pull off the covers slowly and put on my clothes from Yesterday. I fold the pj's Violet let me borrow on top of her drawer. I walk to the kitchen and search their cabinets for coffee mugs. I could really use some coffee, I hope they won't mind me using the coffee machine. When I finally learn how to use their coffee machine, I pour myself some coffee and sit down. I look at the time on my phone, just as I thought almost time for school. Ugh... I don't want to go.

"Hey, Hannah do you want me to drop you off?" Johnny slides a seat next to me. A yawn breaks through me.

"Thanks Johnny, I don't think I could miss any more days." I take a sip of my coffee.

"Yeah, I bet!" He jokes. An awkward silence passes through us. "Why didn't you show up for a week?" I lower the mug gently on the counter.

"Oh, I had the flu."

"Oh, you're over it right?" He flinches. I can see he's trying to cheer me up.

"Yeah." I nod my head. I sigh. "Have you ever stopped and thought about everything that's happened? And how you wished for everything to-"

"Go back to the way it was?"

"Yeah."

"All the time, I just wish she confided in me and told me she was feeling like this again."

"Again?" I tilt my head.

"Violet has been having depression problems since she was a little girl. It wasn't as severe but she was quiet and sad all the time. My mom and I, well, we thought she'll get over it at some point. But as she grew older she got worse. This isn't the first time she had an episode like this." That explains how he was able to keep himself calm. "Eventually it came down to bringing her to a physiatrist. She wasn't allowed to tell us what Violet told her but after the first week of sessions she concluded that Violet needed more help. For a while my mom would cry herself to sleep while I kept Violet company. The physiatrist prescribed Violet antidepressants she gave her the first month's supply for free. Violet didn't know how severe her depression problem was until we told her later on...." Wow, I had no idea she was always depressed. From the way she acts with me I would think her to be the opposite. But everything makes sense, that's why she can't stand up to Rose. That's why she's so timid, that's why she spoke very meakly.

"Thanks, Hannah, you have no idea how much you mean to Violet. It's because of you she's still alive. If you weren't there..... she'd probably...." I put my hand on his shoulder.

"Don't think like that Johnny, she would've been alive even if I wasn't here she cares about you." He puts his head down.

"Where did I go wrong?! How did I miss all the signs! I shouldn't have left her alone!" I rub his back.

"Don't beat yourself up Johnny, this is no one's fault!"

"I-I know.... I just worry about her....." He looks at me sympathetically.

"After that session she told us everything about Violet, she told us.... that Violet may not get better from her depression and it'll get worse..." I hugged him, tears streamed down his face, he sobbed for a while. I had no idea...... she was always depressed? That's why he asked about her. That's why she felt like a burden..."I understand why she thinks she's holding me back and I don't plan on giving up college either. I'll just have to find one that can help me support Violet."

"But don't you think it's a bit of a stretch for other colleges?"

"No, I believe a good opportunity is one flexible with Violet's situation." I never knew that this family went through so much pain and sorrow. He really loves her. I never had a sibling so I don't know what it feels like to have a brother or sister. Or to care for someone that way.

"Hey come on, I'll drop you off." He stands up.

"You're not coming to school?" I follow him to his car.

"No, I'm going to stay home with Violet." I smile at him. He drops me off and I wave goodbye. Ian stops me at the entrance.

"Where were you!" He hisses.

"Didn't my dad tell you? At a friends." I say shortly. He follows me inside.

"Do you have a death wish or something?"

"A friend of mine was going through something and she needed me."

"Well if you forgot, you're targeted!"

"Well, thanks for the reminder! Jackass!"

"Anytime! Maybe it will somehow knock some sense into you!" Just walk away Hannah, he's not worth your time. ARGH! This damn headache! Walk away! After school, I confide in Ali and tell her about Ian and a little of Violet. I didn't tell her all the details, I feel like Johnny will kill me. Especially since it seemed so hard for him to talk about. I lay down in my room to get rid of the awful migraine. I hold my head, and smush my face in a pillow and fall asleep. I wake up at night, losing track of time. My head is still killing me! I take some sleeping pills and fall asleep again. When I get the next morning, I feel exhausted and bothered. My head keeps pounding like crazy! I know Violet won't be back in school for a while. Dad shows up outside, I walk to the car, Still, with a massive headache. This one makes me want to vomit! Dad takes a long look at me.

"Hannah? Have you been sleeping?" Well I think. All I know is that my eyes are closed and I wake up in the morning the next day. Unless I just space out?

"Yes dad." I sigh.

"You look awful." He places his hand over my forehead.

"Well, you have no temperature."

"Which means I'm fine." He drives off, looking anxious. I wave goodbye and head inside.