Chasing River

Heat In Winter

Part 1

Geneviève and I were in charge of buying the takeaway we’d eat on the way there since the morning metro food was always dry and tasted like sandpaper (according to Keomi). I’d gotten everyone’s order except River’s since I didn’t get a chance to see him in the morning but I’d assumed the others that we’d just get something random for him.

Fall mornings in Paris were always cold and everyone was wearing thick coats, jackets and trousers, which was also appropriate considering were going to be spending the rest of the weekend in the mountains. I’d never been to Geneva but everyone else swore they’d gone with their families as kids before.

Now that I thought about it, I hadn’t exactly been anywhere. I’d have loved to travel the world and see all the amazing things the earth had to offer, it would be fun to have someone to tag along with me too. Perhaps I’d take Jaadi once he graduated high school but that was far away as he was only in middle school then. I’d be fine on my own I guessed, someday maybe it wouldn’t be so lonely to be so far away from my family.

Fabian and Merilla went out to get some coffee from Fabian’s mom’s little Café, I didn’t even know Fabian’s mom owned a Cafe, which explained why he almost always had coffee in his hand, and was grocery shopping for her so much. Apparently, she had so much money she never had to work another day in her life if she wanted, but it’d always been her dream to have a little coffee shop and bakery, so she figured why not start it once her acting career was over. Keomi insisted on remaining at the train station to wait for River to get there so he wouldn’t lose us, also to make sure he didn’t bail or run away any chance he got which was both actually really nice of her to do and wise. He was quite the slippery person.

Geneviève and I took a taxi over to Lou Lou’s Diner to order the food, and I was surprised at how surprisingly well we were getting along. No snide comments, no bitter glares, it was kind of freaking me out and I was wondering how long it would take before she snapped. But if she did it wouldn’t be at my dispense, I was hoping to have a relaxing weekend away and I would have that no matter what. Nothing and no one would ruin that for me.

LouLou’s Diner was an old Fast food place on St Ives street, it was very popular but clearly not in the early mornings because when Genè and I got there it was practically empty. A dishevelled-looking middle-aged lady was our waitress, she had dark hair that’d greyed over the stressful years and tired-looking brown eyes.

‘Can I take your order?’ She asked and just before I could reply my phone started to ring in my pocket, so I handed Geneviève the list of food everyone wanted and checked to see who was calling, it was mama.

‘Um, Armani I don’t see anything for-‘ Geneviève began but I cut her off,

‘Not right now Gene, everything is on the list so please just order!’ I burst out sounding a little nervous and she threw her hands up in defeat before turning back towards the waitress to place the order.

I made my way over to one of the booths and answered my phone,

‘Binti yangu.’ Mama advanced when the line connected, ‘I hope I am not interrupting your studies hm?’

‘Not at all mama, I have a free period,’ I lied knowing I was skipping school today for our trip, ‘How are you?’

‘I’m doing well, I only called because I was alarmed as to why your location was not working,’ Mama spoke and I swallowed hard, I’d turned it off so she wouldn’t be able to know that I was leaving France.

‘The wifi on campus never works well, after classes when I’m back in the dorms you will be able to see it,’ I assured her,

‘That’s good, I hope you are well prepared for your exams next week hm?’ Mama emphasised her tone serious,

‘Of course I am, you know me, mama, now I must go. My next class is starting. I’ll talk to you soon.’ I answered and she clicked her tongue,

‘You are a busy woman now eh?’ She tisked, ‘You no longer have time for your mother?’

‘That is not true, and it was never my intention to give you that impression, but I must go now goodbye my teacher is calling me.’ I appealed and hung up the phone.

I sighed rubbing my temples, it was so early in the morning and she was already giving me a headache. By the time I was done on the phone, Gene returned with a bunch of paper bags with our food and I helped her carry them and pay for the food before we made our way back into the taxi and on our way to the train station.

Once we arrived there were a number of people who were waiting to get on different trains, we stepped onto the train and showed our tickets to the conductor before noticing our friends in the back row. My boots clunked on the flooring and I nearly tripped over an unravelling in the faded red carpeting. The train had two-seaters so Merilla sat with Keomi, Fabian with Gene and River, and I even though I could tell Geneviève had wanted to sit in my place for whatever reason.

Barely an hour had passed by and everyone was complaining about how hungry they were so I started to hand out the food,

‘Okay so, chicken mayo sandwich for Mer.’ I announced as I began handing out the food, ‘A berry smoothie for easily motion sick Keomi, breakfast burrito for Fabian, plain French fries and lemonade for Gene, and chicken cheeseburgers for me and River.’

Then everyone started laughing and I had no idea why even River found it funny.

‘What?’ I asked nervously, ‘What’s so funny?’

Keomi was laughing so hard tears began to pool in the corner of her eyes. ‘Come on guys!’

Just then Geneviève got up and handed River a separate takeaway pack with a knowing smile.

‘Garden Salad, your favourite.’ Gene laughed and River thanked her.

‘Okay, that’s enough guys.’ River insisted and everyone turned away, Merilla and Keomi still laughing quietly.

‘What is it?’ I asked feeling slightly left out,

‘I’m a vegan, Armani,’ River told me and just then I remembered I’d cut Geneviève off when she’d tried to tell me earlier at the diner and I suddenly felt incredibly guilty for not listening to her.

‘Oh, I’m so sorry I had no idea!’ I burst out in embarrassment, ‘If I had known I wouldn’t have-‘

‘I tried to tell her but as usual elle pense qu’elle sait tout.’ Geneviève mocked digging into her fries, she thinks she knows everything.

‘It’s an easy mistake to make, I never told you,’ River assured me and I could feel his leg shift towards mine under the table. ‘And I’m not hungry anyways.’

‘What do you mean you’re not hungry, this is a five-hour train ride, do you seriously not plan on eating anything?’ I asked and his gaze shifted to the window,

‘No.’ He simply said and I folded my arms in protest,

‘You’ve got to be kidding me.’ I retorted in disbelief,

‘Not in the slightest,’ River replied, sinking into his seat and buttoning up his suede black Burberry coat.

‘Suit yourself,’ I advised taking a bite out of my burger, and it was good, really good.

By the time I was done scuffing down my burger River was staring at me like there was something growing on my face,

‘Did you want some?’ I mumbled, ‘I thought you were a grass eater.’

‘Believe me, I’m good.’ River laughed, his laugh brought heavy rainfall where there was drought, sunshine in winter, and hope where there was none. And it was just as rare too.

‘So tell me River, as a vegan, you know the way we meat-eaters mouths water when someone’s having a barbecue, does your mouth water when someone’s mowing the lawn?’

‘Hilarious.’ River mocked but he laughed anyway,

‘I can tell you another vegan joke, I promise it won’t be cheesy.’ I joked and even Geneviève laughed and she was sitting behind us with Fabian.

This was going to be a long journey.

One of the workers on the train was handing out pages from colouring books and crayons to all the little kids. I begged him to give me a page because the artist in me was getting very bored very fast. I turned the image of Barbie in her dream house around so the sheet was blank. I began to draw an image of a clear sky, I drew the clouds and the blue of the sky, and I even added a little rainbow.

‘Eat River.’ I insisted and he just glared at me, ‘I’m not kidding.’

River sighed in defeat and opened up the garden salad Gene had ordered him and took one bite, then two, and closed the pack.

‘You’re insufferable,’ River concluded and I smiled. “I don’t like eating on trains, it’s uncomfortable you know?”

“Oh, yeah I can understand that.” I hummed in agreement.

Everyone else on the train had fallen asleep except for River and me. River was flipping through pages of The Great Gatsby and I continued my drawing. Silence wasn’t really my thing.

‘Sometimes I wonder why I chose to become an artist,’ I spoke to break the silence and River lifted his eyes from his novel, ‘At first it was just something I did for fun, but then once my parents realised it was something I was actually good at they couldn’t miss the opportunity to showcase my talents at all costs.’

‘So you do it all to please your parents?’ River asked and I paused.

‘Maybe at first it was like that, every time I came home with a new trophy or award from winning a competition or entering an exhibit it made them so proud. And they looked at me in a way they never had before, like I was finally worth all that they’d been through for me.’

‘But that’s not it, is it?’ River persuaded and if I were telling this story to anyone else they would’ve let it end there, but not River.

‘Then I started to like the feeling of being praised not just by my parents but by my school, and critics and everyone. I liked the power it gave me; having a paintbrush in my hand and knowing that was the very instrument I could use to finally make people see me. I got a sick thrill from winning, I didn’t even care about the other kids who lost, I lived for the feeling of being on top.’ I admitted,

River took the piece of paper I was drawing on from me and my pencil, he began to draw the sun into my sky, it looked so realistic and detailed, almost like he was born to do so.

‘And I live for the escape.’ He said.

I gazed out my window past the flashes of small towns I’d never heard of and I’d probably never visit or see again, I wondered who lived there and what their lives were like. If things were easy or if things were hard, if they had good families, good lives. And the hardest part for my thriving artist brain is that I’ll never know.

I glanced over at River who was still reading The Great Gatsby, I sighed and got up to go to the bathroom. The train bathroom was small and I could feel the railroad tracks when I sat down, which was a strange experience I’d much rather never go through again. Once I’d washed my hands and got back to my seat I noticed Geneviève had taken the liberty of changing seats, so she was with River.

I wasn’t going to fight her on it, nor was I going to declare the seat mine or even try to get her to move. Then I’d look just as immature and desperate just like her, I walked up to them and my gaze caught Gene’s. I smiled politely and grabbed my bag before proceeding to sit with Fabian, River as per usual was unbothered.

I wondered how he always managed to remain almost inhumanly composed in almost every situation unless I pushed him of course but otherwise he’d remain just the same. How on earth had he perfected the art of impassiveness?

‘Hope I’m not being much of a bother, just wanted a chance to talk to my friend.’ Gene pouted and River looked up from his book for a second and gave me a look that suggested he was just as confused as I was.

‘Of course not,’ I replied, proceeding to take a seat across from Fabian, who was playing some game on his Nintendo.

‘Don’t look too disappointed to see me.’ Fabian bantered and I gave him an apologetic smile.

‘I don’t know why she hates me.’ I huffed,

‘Geneviève hates everyone,’ Fabian assured me, his thumbs tapping away,

‘Not River,’ I muttered to myself.

‘How could anyone ever?’ Fabian retorted sarcastically,

‘Don’t be like that Fabes.’ I exasperated,

‘I’m sorry for earlier, at the library.’ He apologised, closing his Nintendo, ‘I was a total dick.’

‘Yeah you were, but that’s okay,’ I assured him, not wanting to avoid him anymore.

‘No it wasn’t, I was just sick of seeing you get hurt and I guess I kind of lashed out,’ Fabian admitted shifting his gaze, “It wasn’t my place to approach River.”

‘Apology accepted.’ I smiled, ‘In one of the coldest cities in the world, everyone needs a friend like you to keep them in warm company.’

‘You’re the only one in all of Paris who thinks that.’ Fabian protested, he was blushing, just a little.

Just then the train came to a halt and the conductor announced that we’d arrived in Geneva, Switzerland and everyone who’d fallen asleep began to wake up and gather their belongings. I got up and grabbed my bag and reached for Fabian’s hand.

‘No, now I’m the only person in Geneva who knows that.’ I encouraged and he reluctantly took my hand and I pulled him up to his feet.

We’d arrived at the train station and it was much fancier and crowded. A kind man took our luggage and offered to call a cab for us. We thanked him and River tipped him quite generously before he helped load our belongings into the back of the cab. It was being driven by an elderly gentleman by the name of Maurice who wore a bright yellow straw hat and spoke very highly of his grandchildren.

River was in the front seat while the rest of us all had to squeeze at the back with Keomi on Fabian’s lap, neither of them seemed to mind that.

‘If you move your hands anywhere down south I’m going to strangle you with my scarf.’ Keomi threatened and Fabian dropped his hands,

‘I was only trying to be your human seatbelt but whatever floats your boat.’ Fabian excused and Keomi laughed, swatting at him with the end of her frilly pink scarf.

Then there was silence after so much talking, awkward elevator music began to play from the radio, and clearly, everyone was way too exhausted to comment on it. I leaned my head against the window and watched the tall oak trees pass by in the distance.

When we arrived at the cabin there was already someone waiting for us there, a middle-aged man with pale skin and jade-green eyes. He had a pocket watch and was wearing an old brown trench coat. He looked like a character straight out of Alice In Wonderland. Geneviève rushed out of the car to give him a hug and he chuckled.

‘It’s been a long time ma fille, you’re all grown up now.’ The man beamed and I could’ve sworn he had tears of joy in his age-old eyes.

‘Maman and I haven’t been since I was a girl, it’s so nice to see you again tonton Claude.’ Geneviève smiled, she seemed so at home already.

‘Are these the friends of yours you told me about?’ He asked,

‘Ah yes how rude of me, these are my friends Keomi, Merilla, River, Armani, and Fabian, they’ll be staying with me this weekend.’ She introduced and a part of me felt strange that she’d said I was her friend. Was I?

We all said our pleasantries before Monsieur Claude handed the keys for the log cabin to Gene and wished us all a happy holiday away. River and Fabian began to load all of our luggage inside all by themselves and we couldn’t help but find it quite amusing.

‘Aww look at our strong men.’ Geneviève cheered as Fabian lunged her three suitcases in,

‘Always taking such good care of us,’ Mer added and River flipped her off as we laughed at the irony.

The cottage was placed low on the lake like a child in the elements trying to keep warm from the winter chill. Its sturdy walls were made from the finest oak and although it was old and clearly wasn’t as enchanting as in its prime days, it was still ever welcoming and I still couldn’t believe I was staying there. I made my way over to the front porch and leaned against the log pillar, staring out at the lake in the distance.

I thought about how my family and I had rarely gone on vacations growing up, it was an expense we simply couldn’t spare. My parents never believed in wasting their money on fleeting travels anyway and whenever I brought it up I’d be almost immediately dismissed or told I was ungrateful. That I should see it as a privilege that we’d managed to escape the fate of our brothers and sisters back home in Nairobi- not that I’d ever seen living in Nairobi as anything less than going home. But it was clear to me that what I saw as a safe haven, they’d seen as a prison.

I wrapped my arms around myself as the autumn breeze caught me off, guard.

‘Get inside.’ I heard Rivers’s voice say from behind me, he was leaning against the tall wooden door. ‘It’s cold outside.’

‘You’re not my dad River, you can’t tell me what to do.’ I retaliated.

‘Oh but Armani, I don’t need to be your father to tell you what to do?’ River taunted and I decided it was best not to fight him on this one and walk past him to go inside, I could feel the flush in my cheeks as it began to spread.

River watched carefully as I went by, his gaze never tearing off of me and making me feel aware of my every move. He did that more often than I’d realised, watching me. I made my way into the cosy-looking living room, it was petit and had a taxidermy moose head pinned up on the wall. River cringed at the sight of it.

‘It won’t resurrect and eat you.’ I joked and he rolled his eyes playfully.

‘Taxidermy is gross.’ Gene scowled poking at its antler,

‘Some of the locals consider it art.’ Fabian contradicted and everyone looked at him like he was out of his mind,

‘It’s the furthest thing on the planet from art.’ River scoffed,

‘Yeah it’s animal cruelty, people need to learn to let the dead be dead.’ Gene countered.

But I had a strange feeling that that sentence carried a hidden meaning.