Bittersweet Memories (Off-Limits)

“I didn’t think I’d ever get to have dinner with you again,” Raven says as she sits down opposite me.

“What makes you say that?” I push a glass of her favorite wine toward her, and she takes it from me with a smile.

“Because you found her, didn’t you? You found your Ray. It’s that girl, isn’t it? Alanna. Your employee.”

I look down at the whiskey in front of me and nod. “How did you know?”

Raven chuckles and reaches for me, placing her hand on top of mine. “I know you only ever dated me because I resemble the woman you love. I had my suspicions from the moment I met Alanna, but when I saw the way you look at her, I knew. I’ve never seen you look at anyone that way before — certainly never me.”

I nod slowly and take a leisurely sip of my drink. Raven and I have known each other for years, and though we’ve never dated seriously, we do care about each other. It’s no wonder she knew about Alanna without me saying anything.

“So that begs the question, my dear Silas… what are you doing here tonight? I saw how you two interacted at the auction, and then again at the runway afterparty. Everything seemed to be going quite well, so why are you here with me tonight?”

I sigh and push the menu toward her. “Why are you so full of questions tonight? Can’t I just catch up with an old friend?”

She raises her brow and shakes her head. “Not when that old friend is also your ex. I remember how possessive your girl is. There’s no way she’s okay with this, and I’m not okay with you using me to hurt someone you clearly love.”

I breathe a sigh of relief when the waiter walks over, saving me from this conversation. She’s supposed to be on my side, isn’t she? Why is she defending Alanna?

“Does she know you’re with me?” Raven asks the moment the waiter walks away, and I grimace.

“Can you please drop this?”

She crosses her arms and stares me down. “I won’t. I have no doubt you’re being an ass, and I want to know why. If you’re going to use me to make her jealous, you at least owe me an explanation.”

I look her in the eye and inhale deeply. “She used to date my younger brother, and she isn’t over him. I’m done competing with carefully orchestrated memories. I’m done wondering if it’s him she sees when she looks at me. I’m just done with all of it.”

“What do you mean, carefully orchestrated?”

I shake my head and take another sip of my drink. Everything about the person Ryan is around her Alanna is fake, a persona created especially for her, the perfect man in her eyes. How am I supposed to compete with that?

I glance at my phone, a small part of me wondering if she truly is cooking me dinner tonight. Surely not, right?

I sigh as I log into our home security system and check the cameras, only to find Alanna standing in the kitchen. I switch cameras and zoom in on the dining table. She’s set it for two, and she seems to have gone all out in an effort to make it look romantic. Fuck.

I lock my phone and put it away. Even if I go home, where will that take us? Alanna has always been possessive, so there’s every chance she just wants me home tonight because she doesn’t want me to be with Raven. It doesn’t mean she truly wants me.

“Fine,” Raven says. “Let’s eat then. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you. If I were you, and the man of my dreams actually wanted me too? I’d never let go. I’d play dirty if I needed to. I’d give it my all.”

I look at her as I take a bite of my steak. “You still haven’t told me who he is. Who is crazy enough to walk away from you?”

“Other than you?”

I chuckle. “Touché, but you always knew my heart belonged to someone else. I never led you on.”

She looks away, loneliness taking root in her dark eyes. “My soon to be brother-in-law,” she says, her voice so soft I nearly missed it.

I clear my throat, my sip of whiskey having gone down wrong, and I narrow my gaze. “What?”

She shakes her head and smiles at me with a sad expression. “You don’t get to judge me, Silas. You’re in love with your brother’s ex-girlfriend, and it’s the same for me. I’ve been in love with my sister’s fiancé for as long as I can remember, but he’s never even looked at me twice. I loved him before she even met him.”

“You loved him first,” I murmur, the story sounding all too familiar.

“Yes, and if I thought for even one single moment that he could love me back, I’d risk it all. But he won’t. He can’t. Theirs is the kind of love most people don’t even dare dream of, and I… I just want them both to be happy. But Silas, it’s different for you. Your happiness is within reach.”

I glance back at my phone and grab it hesitantly. The camera feed loads slowly, and my heart starts to ache as I watch Alanna sitting at the table by herself, staring at the candle burning in front of her, two filled plates on the table. I didn’t believe she’d truly wait for me, but there she is.

I watch as she suddenly rises from her seat and stalks over to the living room, returning to the table with her laptop in hand. Just a few minutes later, my phone rings.

“Amy?”

“Boss… someone hacked your private phone and accessed your GPS data. The weird thing is that it seems to have come from your own address.”

I chuckle and look up at the ceiling with the biggest smile on my face. She’s such a psycho, but I love her so fucking much. I had my doubts about her feelings for me, but she wouldn’t go this far if she didn’t truly care about me. “Thanks,” I say, ending the call.

“Raven,” I murmur. “I need to go, before my girl comes to get me. I’m pretty sure I’m already in enough trouble as it is. I’d better not get you involved too.”

Raven nods as she lifts her fork to her lips. “Go get your girl, Silas. And this time, don’t let her go.”

“I won’t,” I promise as I rise to my feet. My driver is already waiting for me as I walk out of the restaurant, and I can’t help but chuckle. She never would’ve shown her crazy side to Ryan. That’s always been only for me. This is the Alanna I know and love. The one who spray painted a car in high school because a guy wouldn’t stop pursuing her, the girl who smashed my car because my brother hurt her, the crazy psycho who tracked me down because I didn’t make it home for dinner when she told me to. She’s insane, and I love every little thing about her.

Raven is right. My happiness is within reach, even if it doesn’t always seem that way. She might not be fully over my brother, but her relationship with him is nothing in the grand scheme of things. When she and I are old and gray, she won’t even remember him.

I walk into the house to find her by the door, putting on her shoes. She looks up at me, her eyes wide.

“Silas,” she says, her voice breathy. “You’re home.”

I lean back against the closed door and nod. “Going somewhere?”

“I… um, no. I was just going for a walk.”

I chuckle as I take in her outfit. She’s wearing a black dress that looks way too hot on her with matching black heels that I bought her. I have no doubt my little psycho was on her way to bring me home, and she’s dressed for battle.

I walk up to her, and she tenses. I can’t help but smirk as I cup her cheek. “You wanted me home, Alanna… here I am.”

She looks into my eyes and tips her face up toward mine. Her gaze roams over my face, and she tenses all of a sudden, her hand lifting to the edge of my collar. She looks into my eyes as she unbuttons the top button of my shirt. “There’s a lipstick stain on your collar,” she tells me, her tone deceptively calm. “How did that get there?”

I bite back a smile and thread my hand through her hair. “It’s not quite what you’re imagining, baby. It was just a simple greeting, that’s all.” She nods and continues to unbutton my shirt, her jaw locked. “What are you doing?” I ask, unnerved by her silence.

Alanna smiles up at me. “I’m going to burn this shirt.”

I burst out laughing and pull her closer to me. “Okay, my little psycho… but can it wait?”

I lean in and kiss her, my heart finally at ease when she kisses me back, nothing standing between us. Any doubts I had are gone. Even if she doesn’t love me as much as I love her, there’s something between us that I’m certain she’s never felt for my brother.

For now, that’s enough for me.