Bittersweet Memories (Off-Limits)

My heart is pounding as I walk into the office. I woke up in Silas’s bed, all alone. He never leaves the house before me, and it doesn’t sit well with me that he did today. Mornings are always ours. It’s the only part of our day that’s uninterrupted, and it’s quickly become my favorite moment with him.

I can’t help but feel uneasy. Last night felt perfect, but it also felt final, as though I was losing him even as he sank deep inside me. He seemed hurt and angry, and even as he kissed me, I felt him pulling away.

I glance at his closed office door as I sit down at my desk. “Is the boss in?” I ask. Jessica looks up and nods. “Yeah, he came in super early.”

“Why? Is there an emergency of some sort?”

She shakes her head. “Not sure. He does this occasionally, but he doesn’t seem to be in a bad mood, so I wouldn’t worry about it.”

I nod as I try to think of an excuse to walk into his office. I need to see him. I’ve felt unsettled from the moment I woke up, and I won’t feel even remotely okay until I’m sure things are fine between us.

I sigh as I grab my tablet and walk toward his office, knocking briefly before stepping in. Amy and Silas both look up, and I freeze as I take in their intimate positions. She’s leaning over him, looking at something on his laptop, their heads mere inches away from each other.

She straightens when she sees me and pastes a polite smile on her face, and I try to do the same, despite the white hot jealousy that uncurls in my stomach.

“Can I help you?” Silas asks, his tone overly formal.

I tense and hug my tablet to my chest as I approach his desk, unsure what to say. “Can I speak to you for a moment?”

“Go ahead.”

I glance at Amy nervously. “In private.”

Silas sighs, a hint of impatience in his expression. He’s never looked at me that way before. He’s never looked so cold and impersonal, not even when he interviewed me for this job. “Amy is my executive assistant. There isn’t anything you can tell me that she can’t hear.”

I stare at him pointedly. “It’s private.”

“Then it can wait until work is over.”

“It can’t wait.”

“Then you’d better speak up, Alanna. Stop wasting my time.”

I glance back at Amy, who is watching the exchange between us curiously, and I cross my arms.

“Fine,” I snap. “You weren’t in bed with me when I woke up this morning. Why?”

Amy coughs awkwardly and Silas stares at me with wide eyes, as though he genuinely didn’t expect me to mention it. Amy takes a step away from Silas and grabs her phone from his desk before walking away briskly, a smile on her face. “I… um, I’ll take another look at those files,” she stammers as she walks out, shutting the door behind her.

Silas runs a hand through his hair as he looks at me. “I thought you wouldn’t want anyone knowing what happened last night.”

“You left me no choice.” Truthfully, I’m happy that he forced my hand. Something about the way Amy was leaning into him didn’t sit well with me, and by behaving the way he did, he allowed me to stake my claim. Maybe I’m crazy, but I don’t care.

“I had to work, Alanna.”

“What was so urgent that you couldn’t wait for us to go to work together?”

He grits his teeth and tears his gaze away. “Since when do I answer to you, Alanna? I’m your boss, not the other way around.”

Why is he being this way? Why is he being so cold and distant after the way he touched me last night? I stare at him, speechless. Did I misunderstand?

“Silas, what’s wrong?”

He shakes his head. “Nothing is wrong. What do you want, Alanna?”

You. “I… um, okay, well, let’s talk about it over dinner, alright?”

Silas looks away. “I won’t be home for dinner.”

“Why?”

He sighs and stares out the window. “I’m going out for dinner.”

My heart sinks. “Who are you having dinner with?”

He looks into my eyes, and it’s almost like I can barely recognize him. “Why is it that you seem to think you have any right to question me? Who do you think you are? It seems I’ve been too kind to you, because you’ve forgotten your place.”

I take a step away, my heart twisting painfully. He’s pushing me away, and I don’t know how to hang onto him when he’s determined to let me go.

“Look me in the eye and tell me you’re going on a date with someone else, Silas.”

He smiles humorlessly. “You never did me the courtesy of telling me any of the times you went to see my brother. Why is it you expect something from me that you’ve never given me in return?”

“Who is it?” I ask, my voice breaking. “Raven?”

He looks into my eyes for a moment before nodding briefly. My heart shatters, and I take another step away as I lift my hand to my chest.

“Don’t,” I plead. “Don’t go, Silas. I know you’re mad at me, and I know that I’ve hurt you, but don’t do this. Please don’t do this.”

He runs a hand through his hair and looks away. “Get back to work, Alanna. I don’t pay you to waste working hours on personal issues.”

I swallow hard and nod. I don’t have the right to ask more of him than I already have, and if I keep pushing, he might try to get rid of me entirely. Losing this job is about more than my career prospects now. It’s also the one thing that keeps us connected, even when he wants to cut our ties.

“I’m going to cook you dinner tonight,” I murmur. “So please come home to me.”

I turn and walk away, pausing at the sound of his voice. “I won’t,” he says, his voice decisive.

I lift a trembling hand to the door handle and nod. “I’ll wait for you anyway,” I murmur before I walk away on shaking legs, my thoughts reeling as I head back to my desk.

I’m on autopilot for the rest of the day, completing one task after another just to keep my mind off Silas. Silas walks past us at six, his stride impatient, as though he can’t wait to get to his date. He doesn’t even pause to look at me, not even for a moment.

Jessica chuckles. “Looks like the boss has a date.”

“Why do you say that?” I ask, hanging onto the broken pieces of my heart as best as I can.

“The cologne,” Jessica and Josh say in unison.

I nod as I sit back in my chair. He’s really doing this. He’s going on a date with Raven less than a day after sleeping with me. She really is the one he always goes back to, after all.