Bittersweet Memories (Off-Limits)

I walk into the house after a fulfilling evening volunteering with Ryan, my heart filled to the brim with something that feels a lot like closure. The way our relationship ended left me questioning everything about who I am and who we were as a couple. Ryan might have been the one who broke my trust, but it resulted in me questioning everyone and everything around me.

It might have been different for someone who’s lived a full life with enough memories to help them withstand the hits that life brings them, but it isn’t the same for me. I was betrayed by the only person I ever remember trusting, the only person I’ve ever let in, the only one I’ve ever loved. It left me feeling stupid and inadequate, as though somehow, I deserved what happened, because I failed to see through Ryan, because I chose to trust him.

I walk into the living room to find Silas standing by the window, a whiskey glass in his hand. He turns to face me, his expression unreadable. “Where were you?” he asks, his voice soft.

I tense, unsure what to tell him. If I tell him the truth, would that hurt him? Would it anger him?

Silas put his glass down and walks toward me, his steps slow and measured, his gaze trained on me. My heart starts to race and I bite down on my lip in an attempt to keep my nerves under control. He pauses in front of me and raises his hand to my face, placing a finger underneath my chin to tip my face up toward his. “There’s sand in your hair,” he whispers. “Who were you with?”

I look into his eyes, my heart heavy with regret. I don’t need to tell him who I was with. He knows. He just wants me to say it.

“Silas,” I whisper, his name a plea on my lips. What I’m asking him for, I’m not sure. Don’t do this. Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to. Don’t look at me that way.

He drops his forehead to mine and inhales shakily. “Alanna,” he murmurs, his voice barely above a whisper. “Tell me you weren’t with him.”

He pulls away a little to look into my eyes and cups my cheek tenderly, his gaze pleading. “Silas,” my voice falters. “It isn’t like that. When I broke up with him, that truly was the end of our relationship. We were just volunteering together. All we did was gather plastic on the beach.”

He takes a step closer, our bodies brushing against each other. “Was that really all it was?”

I nod, my heart breaking over the pain I see in his eyes. I put that pain there, and I don’t know how to take it away.

“Did you go because he asked you to?”

I look into his eyes, unsure what to say. I can’t lie to him. Not to him.

His thumb brushes over my lip, and I inhale shakily. “Why do you keep hurting me?” His voice breaks, vulnerability shining through his eyes. “I’ve done all I can to show you that I’m not playing games with you. I’ve put my heart on a silver platter for you, Alanna… but I never even stood a chance, did I? I can’t compete with the history you share with my brother, can I?”

“Silas, I swear, there’s nothing left between Ryan and me. It was just… we’re just trying to be friends, that’s all.”

“Friends?” he huffs. “You know he doesn’t just want to be your friend, yet you’re giving him chance after chance to be with you, to earn your forgiveness. What have you given me? Have you ever seriously considered giving me a chance?”

My eyes widen, and Silas chuckles humorlessly. “You haven’t, have you?” His hand threads through my hair, and he holds the back of my head like that, his touch possessive even now. “Do you have any idea how much I want you? Do you know how patient I’ve been? I’ve given you space, never asking for more than you’re willing to give me, quietly watching over you, always putting you first… but it’ll never be enough, will it? I’ll never be enough for you. You’ll never see me as more than you ex’s older brother.”

He untangles his fingers from my hair and lets his hand fall to his side, a soft defeated sigh escaping his lips. He takes a step away and turns away from me, leaving me staring up at his broad back. Silas looks up at the ceiling, and for once, I allow myself to follow my heart, no matter how wrong it might be, no matter how harshly the people around us will judge us.

I take a step closer to him and wrap my arms around his waist as I press my cheek to his back, hugging him tightly. I can’t stand to see him hurting this way, and watching him turn his back to me tears me to shreds. Why does it feel like I’m losing him when he was never mine in the first place?

“I don’t feel anything for him, Silas. I really don’t.”

He places his hands over mine, but the tension in his body doesn’t ease. “I can’t do this anymore, Alanna.” He pushes my hands away, forcing me to let go of him. Silas walks toward his bedroom, and every instinct is telling me to stop him, that letting him walk away now isn’t something I’ll survive.

I walk up to him and grab his arm, pulling him back to me. Silas turns back to look at me, his gaze cold, but I don’t let that deter me. I rise to my tiptoes and wrap my arms around his neck before pulling him toward me, my lips finding his. I kiss him with every repressed and hidden feeling, every desire I pretend not to have.

Silas freezes against me instead of kissing me back, and my heart sinks as I pull away, humiliation and defeat spreading throughout my body. I let my hands slide down his chest and pull them toward me, unable to look him in the eye, the rejection stinging.

“Silas,” I whisper, my voice breaking.

Just as I think he’s going to walk past me, he grabs my hair and tips my head up before leaning in and kissing me, his touch rough and impatient. I moan as I rise back to my tiptoes, my hands roaming over his chest.

Silas grabs my hips and lifts me into his arms, and I instinctively wrap my legs around his waist as he pushes me against the wall, grinding against me as he deepens our kiss, moaning into my lips. He pushes against me, pressing his hard cock against me, and a delicious shiver runs down my spine. I move my fingers to his chest, sending the buttons on his shirt flying in my impatience.

Silas chuckles and moves his lips to my neck as I push his shirt as far over his arms as I can, wanting it off entirely. “So impatient,” he admonishes before sucking down on my neck.

“Oh God,” I moan, rolling my hips against him. I need more of him. I need to feel him closer. I want him deep inside me, his thoughts filled with nothing but me. I want my body to tell him everything my lips can’t.

Silas carries me to his bedroom, his lips never leaving mine as he blindly finds his way to his room, the two of us knocking over several things in the hallway in our impatience. He throws me onto his bed and shrugs off his shirt, letting it drop to the floor as he watches me.

He places his knee on the bed and leans over me with a scowl on his face. “Tell me, baby. Did you let my brother touch you today?”

I shake my head, and Silas grits his teeth as he stares at me for a moment, trying to ascertain my truthfulness. He pushes my dress up and looks into my eyes as he wraps his fingers around my thong, slowly dragging the fabric down my thighs.

“You’re lying to me, aren’t you?”

I shake my head again, and Silas leans over me. One of his hands moves between us, and he smiles when he realizes how wet I am. His touch is rough as he pushes two fingers in, his thumb brushing over my clit. I wrap a hand over my lips, trying my hardest to control the intense desire he makes me feel.

“No,” he warns. “None of that.” He yanks my hand away and pins it above my head as he looks into my eyes, his fingers slowly driving me crazy. “Say my name, Alanna. Beg for it, and I’ll make you come.”

“Si,” I beg, “please.”

Silas freezes, his eyes widening. “What did you just call me?”

“Si?”

He groans and dives in, his lips taking mine roughly as his hands tear at my clothes, his touch tinged with a new kind of desperation. He takes off my dress, and I tug at his suit trousers, the two of us relentless. Silas moans when I wrap my hand around his cock and pump up and down, enjoying the feel of him.

“Alanna,” he warns. He sits down on the bed with his back against the headboard and pulls me on top of him, so I’m straddling him, his cock sliding against my soaking wet pussy. I rise up a little, and Silas grabs his cock, aligning himself with me as I sink down on top of him, taking all of him, inch by delicious inch.

“Oh God,” I moan as Silas drops his forehead against mine. Our position feels so intimate, so close. I feel like I’m in his embrace, yet he’s filling me up in the best way possible. He cups the back of my head and kisses me as I rock my hips, riding him slowly, leisurely, the two of us lost in each other.

“He can’t fuck you like this,” Silas whispers against my lips as his hands move to cup my breasts, his thumbs teasing my nipples. “He doesn’t know your body like I do. No one ever will.”

I nod. “No one has ever made me feel this way, Si. I swear it. No one but you.”

He captures my lips as his hands move to my waist, and Silas starts to move me up and down his cock, keeping me at an angle that has me gasping. He nibbles on my lower lip as he teases me. “He doesn’t know you can come just like this, with my cock sliding in and out of you slowly, the tip brushing past your clit over and over again.” Silas pulls back to look at me and smirks. “You want to come for me, don’t you?”

I nod, my gaze pleading. He’s torturing me, keeping me right at the edge. I might be on top of him, but I’m not in control at all.

“Yeah… you’ve always been a little slut for me, haven’t you? Couldn’t resist me even when you were dating my brother. You’ve always been mine.”

“Please,” I beg.

“Please what, baby?”

“Please make me come, Si. I’m begging you. I can’t take another second of this.”

“Tell me you’re mine, and I’ll consider it.”

I look into his eyes, half crazed with a deep need for this man that goes beyond the orgasm I’m craving. “I’ve been yours from the moment I looked into your eyes that day in the coffee shop. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since.”

“Good girl,” Silas says. “You’ve been mine for far longer than that, but this’ll do for now.” He moves his hand between us and brushes his thumb over my clit as he finally lets me have all of his cock, and just like that, I shatter for him, wave after wave of pleasure making my pussy clench all around his cock.

Silas watches me with a satisfied expression and lifts his thumb to his lips, sucking it clean with a smirk on his face. The moment my breathing steadies, he turns us over, his hands pinning my wrists above my head.

“My turn,” he groans as he places his lips against my neck, sucking down and marking me as his as he fucks me, the speed and strength of his thrusts getting me close all over again. Silas pulls back a little to look at me as he gets close, holding himself up on his forearms as he whispers my name.

“Alanna,” he groans, right before coming deep inside me, his eyes falling closed as pure bliss takes over his expression. He drops his forehead to mine, his breathing irregular. This is everything I’ve been denying myself, everything I’ve ever wanted. This feeling… I’ve never felt quite this complete with anyone else. I wrap my arms around him and hug him tightly, my heart at ease. Something that feels this right can’t be wrong, can it?