Would You Rather: A Novel

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

Noah returned the book of tattoo designs to the table. “It’s not too late to back out. Not until that needle touches your skin. Even then, you could say the word and just have a permanent freckle.”

She laughed. “No, I want to do it. I’m still nervous, though.”

She held a printed image of a floral design in her hand, for placement on the upper left side of her torso. His muscles twitched uncomfortably in anticipation of the pain she would experience. Most of his tattoos were on fleshy, muscular parts of his body. Bones supposedly hurt the most.

“Sticking with your choice?” he asked. “That’s a pretty serious tattoo for your first.”

“Go big or go home, that’s what I always say.”

“Not once have I heard you say that.”

“Well, I do.”

He gave her a look. “When?”

“I said it to myself right before I married you.”

“No you didn’t.”

“I did.” She arched a brow. “And back then I had no idea just how big I’d gone. Lucky me.”

A laugh burst from his chest, along with a small measure of embarrassment. “Mia.”

She laughed. “For a man who’s so good in bed, you sure are a prude talking about it.”

“I prefer action to talking.”

“You can say that again.” Her fingers slid across the sheet of paper. “Anyway, yes, this is the one. I know I’m supposed to have some serious reason I chose it, but I don’t. Lilies are my favorite flowers, and I just want something beautiful on my body.”

He leaned into her and whispered, “Everything about that body is beautiful.”

She nudged him with her shoulder, and the smile on her face sent a rush of satisfaction through him. “Thanks for coming with me.”

He hadn’t had any important meetings today, so leaving the office after lunch had been an easy decision. “I wouldn’t miss it.”

“Mia?”

Ian, the large bald man who’d walked Mia through the paperwork, looked at them expectantly. They stood and followed him to a chair.

“So, how many tattoos do you have?” Mia asked as they went.

“Just one,” Ian said. “I wanted more, but it hurts too bad.”

Her mouth dropped open and she turned wide eyes on him.

Noah frowned. “Dude.”

“It’s true.” Ian shrugged, unapologetic. “Have a seat.”

Mia, looking uncertain, handed her purse to Noah and sat. He didn’t take his eyes off her while she lifted her shirt and Ian placed the stencil transfer. She stood to look at the placement in the nearby mirror, and Noah focused on taking slow, deep breaths. The intricate, feminine design curved just a few inches below the edge of her breast.

“What do you think?”

“It’s—” He cleared the rasp from his throat. “It’s perfect.”

“I agree,” Ian said appreciatively.

Noah tossed a glare his way before refocusing on Mia. She turned this way and that, studying the design, and finally gave a little lift of her chin. “That’s good.”

She returned to the chair and positioned herself per Ian’s instructions, then Ian prepared the machine.

“Sure?” Noah mouthed.

She smiled in reply.

“Here we go,” Ian said. “I’ll start for just a second then stop, so you know what to expect. Okay?”

Mia nodded, locking eyes with Noah. The buzzing started, and Noah wanted to grab her hand, but was afraid to jostle her.

“Good?” Ian asked.

“Yeah. It’s not so bad.”

Ian snorted.

“I’ve had worse.” Mia’s voice was steady and sharp, and Ian’s smirk faded. Noah couldn’t help the swell of pride beneath his own ribs as Ian continued, and Mia’s face barely registered the discomfort.

He leaned forward and gave her an encouraging smile. “You’re doing great.”

“Distract me?”

He reached into his pocket for his phone and carefully put an AirPod in her ear, taking the other for himself. He swiped through the songs on his playlist, found what he was looking for, and hit Play.

The moment the first notes of “Chasing Cars” flowed through, a familiar, soft smile tipped her lips. Her dark eyes met his as she listened, and his gaze swept her face, admiring the simple beauty of her. Her jaw relaxed and her eyes softened as the song played, and he just smiled at her, content to sit there and listen with her as long as she wanted.

The song paused for an incoming call and he quickly swiped to ignore it and set his phone to silent. It was just Julia—he’d call her back later.

She listened to a few more and during a break in the songs asked, “What’s next?”

He’d come prepared. “Would you rather.”

“Okay, hit me.” She paused. “But not really, because this guy has a needle on my skin.”

Noah chuckled. “Ready? Would you rather be forced to dance every time you heard music or be forced to sing along to any song you heard?”

“Sing.” She grinned wryly. “I’m such a good dancer I don’t think I’d be able to ward off all the men wanting to take me home.”

Ian kept his head down, but his brow rose with interest, not having caught the dryness in her tone. Mia was a lot of things…a lot of wonderful things…but a good dancer wasn’t one of them. Rhythm wasn’t quite her forte.

“Would you rather travel the world for a year on a tight budget or live in luxury in one country for a year?”

“Travel.”

Ian and Noah both nodded in agreement.

“Would you rather have free caramel lattes or free chicken wings for a year?”

Her eyes widened. “That’s the hardest one you’ve ever asked me. I can’t possibly choose.”

“You have to.”

She groaned. “Fine. Um… I’d have to give up the coffee. There’s no way I could give up wings.”

Ian paused. “A woman who can dance, wants to travel, and loves chicken wings? Are you single?”

The hell?

“Nope,” Noah answered. “Check the rings, man.”

“Sorry, didn’t see one.”

Noah leaned to the side, and sure enough, Mia’s ring finger was bare.

She winced, and he didn’t think it was from the tattoo. “I took it off when I was cooking earlier. I know exactly where it is—”

Ian stopped to wipe her skin with a cloth, and Noah took the opportunity to grab her hand. “It’s fine.”

She sighed and closed her eyes as he traced his thumb back and forth across her hand. He idly wondered how many men had hit on her over the past nine years. The possessiveness coursing through him was alarmingly potent. No man knew her like he did, but it didn’t take much to want her.

One glimpse of that smile, one note of her laugh, and everyone wanted more of her. How many had succeeded? How deeply did they know her? How far into her life had she let them in?

That was the one part of her life she’d always kept hidden.

He couldn’t fathom going back to that place. To wondering if she was with another man and where they were or what they were doing.

Noah wanted to be the only one to hear her intimate whispers, to know the gentle touch of her lips. To know the sweet, borderline annoying way she sometimes snored as she slept, and the way she always rubbed lotion on her legs before getting into bed every night.

He’d never considered himself a jealous man. Despite loving her all these years, he’d always kept his distance. Watched her live her life the way she wanted.

But that was before.

Before he stood in front of a judge and promised to provide for her and care for her. Before they lived together and shared a bed and their bodies. Before he knew the true meaning of the word intimacy and connection.

There was no part of him that wanted to go back to the way things were before this all started. Unfortunately, it might be his only option, because he couldn’t let her out of his life completely.

Even if he was willing to try to go back to being just friends, he didn’t have the first clue how to get there.

It was almost dinnertime when they walked out of the tattoo parlor. Just as he was about to ask if she wanted to grab something on the way home, Noah happened to glance at his phone.

“Shit.”

Mia paused before opening the car door. “What’s wrong?”

“I have a bunch of missed calls from work.” Julia had called a second time, and James had called, too. Julia had texted as well, and he sat in the driver’s seat and pulled up the messages.

Julia: Answer your damn phone.

Julia: David got fired.

Julia: James knows.

James knows. What did that mean? Did David tell him about Noah and Mia? Panic ripped through him as he tapped on the voicemail James had left. His tone was impossible to decipher.

“Noah, we need to talk. Call or come by my office before the end of the day. I’ll be here until six. It’s urgent.”

His stomach plummeted. James knew. He had to.

“Is everything okay?”

His eyes darted to Mia, sitting beside him with concern in her brown eyes.

“Yeah, I think so. Sounds like there are some last-minute issues on a project I’m working on.” The lie fell from his tongue too easily, but he wouldn’t tell her anything until he knew how bad it was. “I’ll drop you off at home and run up there, if that’s okay. Shouldn’t take long.”

Her brow remained furrowed but she nodded. “Sure, that’s fine.”

He dropped her off and sent James a quick message to let him know he was on his way to talk. His mind raced with questions the entire drive, and by the time he pulled into the parking lot his stomach was in knots.

What the hell had happened? Had they made the promotion decision and David wasn’t the one? It wouldn’t be a surprise if they chose someone else, since David didn’t deserve it and the principals weren’t idiots. Still, surely the asshole realized Noah had no control over the situation. Even if David couldn’t get over whatever issue he had with Noah, how could he do that to Mia?

The office was nearly empty. He straightened his shoulders as he moved down the hall, determined to face it head-on. His own door was open and as he passed, his gaze touched on the framed photo sitting next to the monitor.

When he’d gotten the images from the wedding—he’d asked Claire for them the next day—that one had immediately been his favorite. The way Mia looked at him…it had almost made him feel like that day was real. That it was about love and promises rather than necessity and deception. Her face was tilted up toward his, a secretive smile on her lips. Her dark eyes had locked on his as if she hadn’t realized anyone else was even in the room.

With that image in his mind, and the reminder it brought about why he’d done this in the first place, he continued toward the door at the end of the hall. David’s office was bare—lucky bastard got away before Noah could deal with him.

Noah knocked and leaned toward the door, waiting until he heard James’s gravelly “Come in” before twisting the handle. He stuck his head in.

“Is now a good tim—”

“Yes. Come in and shut the door, please.”

Resigned, Noah did as asked and sat in the chair opposite James. He looked the older man in the eye, refusing to cower or try to cover up what he’d done.

“I received an interesting piece of information this afternoon.”

Noah fought the urge to fidget and said nothing. There was no question there.

A slight irritation flared in James’s eyes at Noah’s silence. “Any idea what it might have been?”

“I’m sure you’re about to tell me, sir.”

“You’re too much like your father,” James muttered. “Fine. If you won’t say it, I will. We made the decision regarding the associate position. Julia accepted it this morning.”

After an initial flood of surprise, Noah tilted his head and nodded. “Wow, that’s great. Well deserved.” He meant it, and felt ashamed he hadn’t considered Julia might put in for it. She was an excellent architect, a hard worker, and great with clients. He’d been too wrapped up in everything with Mia and David, he hadn’t even thought to ask if she was interested.

Which probably worked to her advantage, in all honesty.

“I agree.” James steepled his fingers. “David didn’t take the news so well.”

“He wanted it pretty badly,” Noah said carefully.

“It’s a shame he didn’t have the portfolio to back it up.” James assessed Noah carefully. “It’s what he said after I broke the news that I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Okay.”

“He claims you and Mia got married so she could quit and keep the company insurance for her medical condition. Is that true?”

“Yes.”

James’s brows shot up. “Yes?”

“Yes. That’s why we got married.”

The man who had been his mentor for years sat back in his gray leather chair. His expression was hard to read. “I’ve got to say, I didn’t expect you to confirm it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“That you committed fraud, or that I found out?”

Noah inched forward in his seat. “Look, James. You’ve known me a long time. Since well before I was an architect. You’ve been a friend of my dad’s, and a friend of our family, for decades. By proxy, you know Mia has been a part of my life for a long time. Our friendship was never a secret, even when we both worked here. In fact, I think most people knew that friendship was the reason my dad offered her this job without a day of administrative experience.”

“She wasn’t a bad employee.”

“She was great. Doesn’t mean she would have gotten the job if she’d walked in as a stranger off the street.”

James tipped his head to concede that fact.

“My point is, our friendship was no secret. But how much I loved her was. I kept it from everyone. Even tried to talk myself out of it on occasion.”

“I take it that didn’t work out?”

Noah gave a humorless laugh. “I can’t stop loving her any more than I can choose to stop breathing. When she had the opportunity to go back to school on a scholarship and pursue her dream job, I couldn’t stand by and watch her give it up. I couldn’t think of any other options, James. Our policy is antiquated and doesn’t allow partner-based dependents without marriage. Even if it did, we couldn’t wait until open enrollment in November. She deserved this chance, and God knows it was no hardship to marry her. It’s real for me, if that makes it any easier to swallow. It always was.”

“You should have come to me. Maybe we could have changed our policy, or made an exception.”

Noah shook his head. “It wouldn’t have been that easy. Besides, there wasn’t time. She had to accept the scholarship to start this summer, and never would have done it if she wasn’t confident she had coverage for the medicine she needed to live.” He glanced at the photo of James’s family on the bookcase. They vacationed at Seaside every summer, and they stood on the beach there, James’s arm around his wife with their four children surrounding them. “What would you have done? If you were in my shoes and Sharon needed you, wouldn’t you have done the same?”

James folded his arms across his chest. “It’s the lie, Noah. I have a hard time criticizing you for taking care of Mia, you know that. Not only because I care about her too, but because it’s plain as day how close you two were and how much she means to you. But this company was built on trust and integrity. I need to be able to believe in the people who work here. In their character. And everyone should expect the same from me.”

“I understand.”

“The fact that you lied, took advantage of the generous benefits we offer our employees—potentially putting our company at risk for audit and review, and then went along with some blackmail scheme with another employee to keep things quiet?” James frowned and his lips turned down at the corners. “I’m disappointed in you, Noah. So much so, I don’t know how to move forward.”

Noah swallowed, the reality and severity of the situation finally settling around him like dust after a storm.

“Do whatever you think is right, James. I take full responsibility for my actions, and I’ll accept the consequences.”

“I haven’t made a final decision regarding your future with the company,” James said slowly, as if the words were just as difficult for him to say as they were for Noah to hear. “I really hadn’t expected it to be true. I wasn’t prepared for this.”

Neither was he. “I’m sorry.”

“In all honesty, as long as there’s a valid marriage license, I don’t think there’s anything any insurance company could do to try to prove it as fraudulent. It’s the principle, though, and the prevarication. I can’t just overlook what you did.”

“I don’t expect you to.”

James dragged his hand down his temple and stood. “I’ll have to discuss this with the other principals. I’ll let you know as soon as we’ve come to a conclusion.”

Noah stood. “Okay. Thank you, sir.”

As he turned and walked to the door, James called out one last question.

“Noah?”

Noah looked back.

“If you’d known how this would turn out—that I’d eventually find out and your job would be in jeopardy, would you make the same decision again?”

Noah thought of Mia’s beautiful, cheerful face and everything they’d shared these last few months. Of her excitement about what she was learning, and the new recipes she’d tried in preparation for future clients. He remembered countless nights on his couch, and the more recent ones in his bed. He thought of the things they’d talked about in the dark hours of the night—what they felt for each other and how complete his life felt.

The answer was clear. “Yes, sir. I would.”