What Follows

`sometimes you get the best light from a burning bridge`

I’m lying down. Under a streetlamp. It’s very bright. Bright enough to have hurt my eyes if my pain sensation still existed. My blonde hair is all around my head and my red dress is spread around my ankles in impossible perfection.

For a second, I pretend to be a doll.

Unfortunately, a redhead seems keen on interrupting my little fantasy as he hovers right above me with his dog barking by him excitedly. His hair is falling over his face as he gazes down on me with vividly hazel eyes and a slight frown.

“You had me thinking you were dead for a second,” he tells me, his lips slowly cushioning the words out. I blink my drowsiness away and put out a hand that he takes. He helps me up and steadies me as I look around.

A non-ending, dimly lit street lies ahead of us and what I remember to say is, “I am dead.”

I examine Tobias’ tall figure as he paces slowly in front of me, his hands in his short’s pockets and his eyes trained on the ground.

“What are you thinking about?” I ask and he stops with a small smile.

“You.”

“Other than that?”

“How much of the month we have left,” he tells me, puffing out a breath.

I sigh heavily. “Let’s not think of that.”

Tobias tsks and nods, looking away. “Do you know where we are?” he asks instead as I closely study the streetlamps at the sides of the eerily abandoned street.

The ambience does ring a bell.

Almost immediately, a motorcycle’s ′vroom′ startles both of us and grabs our attention. My lips part and I start shaking my head. I know where we are.

We instinctively turn around to find two figures getting off a motorcycle and removing their helmets.

Joshua and Sierra.

“This will be one hell of a night,” Tobias comments and I exhale shakily as I walk with determination toward them. Benji struts by my side and wags his tail, and I wonder if he can feel my agitation.

Sierra is leaning against the motorcycle, dressed in black, with her hair hanging high in a ponytail and a helmet tucked under her arm. She’s staring at Joshua who’s standing next to me, looking unhinged with his shaky hands and quick breaths.

Joshua scans the place and I absently step back only to be stopped by Tobias’ arms. He holds me from behind and it’d be comforting if it weren’t for my guts that are threatening to empty themselves on this dead street.

I step away from Tobias, feeling the world already spin around me. Because I know, I know that nothing good comes out from those two together.

"So,” Sierra starts, letting go of her helmet and assessing Joshua who stands tall in his jeans, red flannel and grey undershirt. “What is it that you need to talk about?”

Joshua gulps. “What is it with this bloody street?” He says. “Why can’t we meet up in a café or something?”

Sierra smirks. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you’re intimidated, Josh.” She tilts her head.

“Blimey, it is intimidating,” Tobias remarks.

Joshua scoffs and reaches for his back pocket for a cigarette. He lets it hang in his mouth as he looks for his lighter. Sierra lights it up for him anyway.

Joshua looks at her carefully before drawing in his first breath and exhaling it out.

“I ain’t got all year,” Sierra says impatiently and my anxiety manages to roll itself into a ball next to my heart. I hold my hands to my chest and almost worry that it’s palpable. That Tobias can perhaps see it. My anxiety.

“My phone,” he says. “I can’t seem to find it.” He flicks the cigarette and pouts at the groud.

Sierra feigns surprise. “Really?”

Joshua narrows his eyes on her and shakes his head. “Yeah.”

"And?" She starts. “You want my help to find it?”

Joshua clears his throat. “Nothing much,” he says. “I want you to distract Mason so I can get through his room to his parents’ to find my phone.”

Sierra purses her lips as if in deep thought. “Didn’t you say Mason was your ‘best friend’?”

Joshua’s throat bobs and I wonder if he knows how bad he is at lying. “Yes.”

“Then why not ask him? Why not let him get you your phone?” Sierra says too quietly, it’s almost scary. “Why do you need to break in?”

“Shit, do you think he left her BlackBerry there?” Tobias breathes out and I shrug in response.

It seems that Joshua isn’t as good at lying as he’d like to be. The poor boy has no clue what he’s just walked into. An intricate trap.

“Are you seriously asking?” Joshua tries to appear infuriated, but his fear is evident in his blood-shot eyes and fingers’ tremor. He sounds nothing but desperate, and Sierra is enjoying it.

“I don’t know, Joshua. He’s your ‘bestie’, figure it out with him, not me.” She gestures wildly and Tobias shakes his head.

“She’s ruthless,” Tobias says. “Makes me wonder if she was born roaring instead of crying.”

I glance at him and his ridiculous smile that drops immediately when he sees my face.

“Please, Sierra, okay?” Joshua says. “Just do it.”

“What’s in it for me?” She asks, arching an eyebrow.

Joshua drops his cigarette. Crushes it with his black, worn-out, unlaced converse. “What do you want?”

“I want your secret.”

Joshua’s hands get too shaky, he shoves them in his pants’ pockets. ”Secret? What secret?”

“Your secret to your roaring reputation.”

“There’s no secret in that,” he says. “I don’t understand. What do you want from me? What is it that I can offer you?”

She smiles. “There’s a lot you can offer me.” She crosses her arms across her chest. “Especially if you’re my next challenge.”

Joshua shakes his head and lifts a brow almost smugly. “You don’t even have your phone.”

Sierra says nothing to that and I find it difficult to stand regardless of the effort it doesn’t need. “Answer my question.”

“I’m popular because I’m awesome. What stupid shit are you on?”

“Make me your girlfriend.”

“My what?”

“His what?”

Tobias and Joshua say simultaneously and I shake my head in shock. She wants to bask in Joshua’s popularity light. She’d do whatever it takes to get to wherever she wants to be. It’s not surprising.

Sierra smiles and approaches Joshua only to rest her palms on his chest and her eyes on his. Joshua, Tobias and I stand very still, not knowing what to anticipate.

“I’m a lady, you know,” she whispers. “I can fulfil your needs.” She tiptoes and leans in his ear. “I can be much better than your Roseline."

At that, Joshua’s hands find her wrists to push her away. He holds her eyes and very slowly says, “You’ll be nothing like her. You’re a vile creature who feeds off on people’s insecurities. I’d rather die than have you stand by my side as a servant, never mind a girlfriend.” Her lips part. “It’d shame my every cell to be thought of as your boyfriend. Just the mere thought of it disgusts me.” He then lets go of her wrists as she stumbles back, a little disoriented.

And it confuses me how her eyes tear up. I wonder if Joshua noticed.

Sierra clears her throat and blinks a couple of times as Joshua grimaces at her. “Well, then,” she says, collecting herself. “Well, then, I guess you will die.”

Joshua loses his composure and lashes out on her. “Just stop talking and making everything worse!”

“I just asked to be your girlfriend,” Sierra says calmly and my dead bones rattle in their grave.

“It’s impossible!”

“So is finding your phone!” Sierra finally shouts back and Joshua stops for a second to point his index finger at her.

“It’s not impossible. I just don’t need your help!”

“It is impossible, Joshua.”

“It’s not!”

“It is because it’s not lost!” Sierra announces and Tobias whistles lowly.

Joshua takes a small step back. “What do you mean? I left it-”

“It’s not lost,” Sierra smiles. “Because I have it, Joshua. I have it, just like you had my phone all along and never gave it to me!”

Joshua’s facial expressions fall before he scoffs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He then clenches his fists. “But you having my phone is another story-”

“Who are you fooling with your bullshit?” She says defiantly. “I saw you hide it in your pockets. I knew you’d try to avenge Roseline’s death. I’m not daft!”

"Told ya,” Tobias drawls and I ignore him.

“Alright,” Joshua says, his face a red mess of something between anger, disgust and fear. “Give me my phone and get yours.”

Sierra scowls. “That’s not how I make my deals.”

Joshua puffs out a breath, holds his hip. “Clearly, your phone doesn’t mean much to you-”

“It doesn’t mean much if it’s still at Mason’s,” she smirks.

Joshua shakes his head. “You’re wrong-”

“Am I?” Sierra makes a face. “Last I checked, you wanted to break into your bestie’s home. What? You thought I wouldn’t catch your pathetic lie?” Sierra scoffs. “Mason is the dough to my play. He’s on his way to dropping my phone to my house.”

Joshua grimaces before approaching Sierra and grasping her arms to shake her. “I will kill you. I’ll kill you, Sierra.” His veins bulge as Sierra recoils a little.

“No, you won’t,” she says, locking his eyes. She smiles. “You can’t.”

Joshua lets her go with a grunt and steps away with his fingers in his hair. He closes his eyes, then snaps them open on an anticipating Sierra.

“Give me my phone,” he tells her gently, and I wonder how is it that he’s not bashing her head to the tarmac and leaving her to bleed to death.

“And did you expect me to?” Sierra says smugly and Joshua bares his teeth.

“I’ve had enough of your bullshit! Give me my damn phone!” He thunders and Sierra remains unshaken.

“What’s in it for me?” She asks again and Joshua pinches his nose.

“You’re not going to be my girlfriend, Sierra. I hate you!” Joshua seethes and Sierra’s face falls a little.

“You don’t ′hate′ me.”

Joshua looks at her and puffs out a breath. “Just give me my phone.”

“You will have to answer a few of my questions,” she says.

“If her question is, ′can I be your girlfriend?’, I’ll be pissed,” Tobias says over my shoulder.

Joshua paces around in front of her before waving a hand at her. “Okay, ask me some questions.”

“Why did you start playing in the first place?” She asks and Joshua stops to narrow his eyes on her.

“Why do you care?”

“No answering questions with questions,” she warns.

“Because I need the money.”

"You? Joshua Michael Peters? You need money? Your dad is a great musician. It makes no sense,” she says slowly as Joshua comes to an abrupt stop.

“I just need it,” he says weakly and Sierra holds her hips.

“Well, until it makes sense to me, you’re not getting your phone.”

Joshua shakes his head and clicks his tongue. “I don’t know why I bother. Keep the phone. I don’t want it.”

For a moment, Sierra starts panicking, before, “If you don’t answer,” she says. “-I’ll delete your account. It could, for a fact, be the ’F-rule’. It could, you know,” she drawls. “-kill you.”

Joshua looks at her shocked. “You’d kill me?”

“Did it once, why think I won’t do it again?”

Joshua looks at her, at a loss of words. “You’re unbelievable.”

“I’ll delete it, I swear to you.”

Joshua curls his hands into shaky fists and breathes out heavily. “Okay, okay,” he says. “My dad is an alcoholic now.” He closes his eyes. “A junkie too. Coke.”

“Michael bloody Peters?” Sierra gasps. “How come?”

Joshua looks up and narrows his eyes at her. “If it pleases you to think that you can use all that to defame me, let me burst your bubble and tell you that I don’t give a shit.”

“How is it that a very renowned person suddenly turns into a junkie?” Sierra asks, ignoring him.

“What do you mean ′how’?” He asks her incredulously. “Shit like that can happen to anyone. His fame doesn’t make him immune to it. He’s still human.”

"Hm,” Sierra starts. Then, with a head tilt, she asks, “How’s your mom, Josh?"

Joshua looks at her like she’s just slapped him. “My mom?” He blinks once. “She’s fine.”

“She’s fine with her husband taking up drugs?” She asks with a smile.

Joshua shakes his head. ”Sierra-”

“I was there at her funeral, you know,” she says and I gasp. “She’s dead.”

"What? When did that happen?” I ask and Tobias blinks at me in confusion.

“He didn’t tell you?” He asks and I shake my head.

“She’s not dead,” Joshua says slowly, his voice breaking in halves and his eyes swimming in instant tears.

“And your youngest sister? Sara?” She continues answering the question for him. “Odd, isn’t it? That they had the very same funeral?”

Joshua looks like he’s taken a dagger to his gut. “Sierra, no-”

“What happened that Monday night?” She asks him quietly, thoroughly enjoying it.

“You don’t know-”

“You killed them,” she says. “You killed them.”

Tobias looks at me like he’s too shocked to speak.

“It wasn’t like that-”

“It was worse than that,” she says sharply. “You were driving them home. Drunk. You survived the accident. They died.”

And it suddenly makes sense. His broken leg and wrist in the summer of sophomore year. It wasn’t a stair fall. It was a car accident. He lied.

"Sierra-”

“You knew you were going to drive them home that night. Why did you drink?” She pushes it and he looks at her pleadingly.

“It wasn’t supposed to end like that-”

“You’re just as horrible as I am,” Sierra says. “Harming Roseline wasn’t supposed to end like that either.”

“We’re not the same!” Joshua fights back. “You enjoyed it!”

“I did,” she says. “But the result is one. You killed your mom and sister. Your father couldn’t live with it. He became a drunkard. In my opinion, you killed three people, not two.” She shrugs. “Though I still don’t get it. Why do you need money?”

“I’m not obliged to tell you!”

Sierra shakes her head. “You’re not playing for the money, are you?” She cocks her head. “You’re trying to feel better about yourself. About your horrible crimes by harming yourself. That’s why you didn’t choose to hurt others.” Sierra smiles. “Because you love the struggle. You think you deserve it.”

Joshua’s lips part at her explanation. “I played it,” he says. “-for the money.”

And I see what she’s doing. She’s drawing the answers out of him by manipulating him. It’s the work of the devil.

“You wish it was only for the money,” Sierra pushes it.

Joshua brings a closed fist to his lips before dropping it and all his guts out.

“In the beginning, Dad had lots of it. Lots of money that he wasted it on parties, gambling and drugs.” Joshua looks at her through tears of agony. “But money is a finite thing. I spent a year looking for a job with a salary big enough to pay for the shit he fed himself.” He sniffs. “It was never enough. And when it wasn’t enough- he’d- he’d-” He shuts his eyes like it’s painful to look at the world. “-he’d forcibly take Selena’s hard-earnt money,” he cries.

“And if there was a night that she didn’t have any left, he’d beat the shit out of her. In front of me. To torment me and my ‘useless’ talent. I couldn’t let that happen.” Joshua continues. “It had to stop. But, you know?” He looks at her. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I deserve the struggle. Maybe I love it.”

My lips part as Tobias and Sierra stare at Joshua.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sierra voices the question that popped up inside my head. “I was there for you.”

Joshua looks at her in confusion, disgust. “What do you have to do with anything?”

“Who told you about DevilsPlay?” She asks him and he scoffs.

“If only I could go back in time,” he says.

“Who told you about it?” Sierra asks again and Joshua looks at her in defeat.

“You did.”

"Can’t you see?” Sierra says. “I’ve always been there for you. I just wanted to hear it from you.”

Joshua frowns weakly and shakes his head. “I don’t understand,” he says. “How do you know all of that? I never told anyone-”

“You didn’t need to tell me,” Sierra smiles. “Can’t you figure out why I’ve started playing DevilsPlay in the first place?”

Joshua stares at her and says nothing.

“Silly, can’t you tell how much I love you?”