Until You (Off-Limits)

I pause in front of Gray’s bedroom, wanting to knock, yet wanting to give him space at the same time. He took me out for lunch after church, but I could tell his mind was elsewhere. He looked so somber, and nothing I did or said cheered him up.

The thought of him doing this every single week kills me. He’s been alone here for years, and I don’t even think Noah knows what Gray is going through. I’ve been here for months, and all this time I didn’t know.

I’ve just about convinced myself to knock when my phone buzzes. I grab it, partially relieved to have an excuse not to go into Gray’s room. I don’t know what to say to him, and I hate seeing him hurting. Even worse, I know that even if I go in, there’s nothing I can do.

I unlock my phone, frowning when I see a notification for the Nemesis App.

Ash: If I sincerely asked for your help, would you grant it? I think I’m ready to call in my favor.

I tense, my thoughts whirling. Ash has always been flirty and lighthearted. When it comes to cases, he’s serious and hardworking, but he’s never once asked for a personal favor, nor has he ever taken credit for the incredible work he’s done.

Nyx: Provided that it’s within my power and doesn’t go against my morals, yes.

Ash: Will you help me find someone?

I freeze, my eyes widening. My hands tremble as I type my reply, and I almost drop my phone.

Nyx: Who is it?

Ash: My mother. I already have a file on her, so I’ve got a starting point, but I keep running into dead ends.

I swallow hard, my heart beating out of my chest as I sink to the floor, my back against Gray’s bedroom door.

Ash.

Ash, the guy I’ve been talking to for years now, the one that continuously teases me and flirts with me…

Could it be?

I don’t dare follow my thoughts in the direction they’re going. I can’t. Ash has been flirting with me for months now. The things he’s said… telling me I’ve made him hard on numerous occasions? I must be misunderstanding something and drawing false conclusions.

I try my hardest to pull myself together. I need to reply. Ash has never asked anything of me, and I can’t deny his request now. Especially not when it’s one that’s so sincere. Besides, I might be wrong. I hope I am.

Nyx: Send it over, and I’ll have a look at what I can do for you. No promises, Ash.

Ash: Thank you, Nyx. I’d say I’ll thank you in bed, over and over again, but today has been a rough day. Instead, can I thank you with a virtual hug? Just imagine me being the big spoon.

My eyes fill with tears and I try my best to blink them back. I drop my head to my knees and inhale shakily. My heart is breaking right alongside his, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say.

Nyx: What if I prefer to be the big spoon?

Ash: Right about now I’d actually appreciate that. Since I can’t have you, I’ll settle for your help. I’m sending you the files through the Nemesis secure channel we always use.

I don’t have the patience to wait for the files. Instead, I force myself to get up and into my room, moving almost entirely on autopilot. I turn my laptop on and log onto my platform, feeling sick.

I should’ve done this weeks ago. Months ago, even. I keep all data on my platform encrypted and I don’t have access to users’ private data myself, but it isn’t hard for me to unravel Ash’s details.

My stomach twists violently as more and more information unveils itself, and I burst into tears when I confirm what I already know.

I can’t even explain why it saddens me so much, but it does. It feels like Ash instantly became just as out of reach as Gray is.

I need to tell him, and I know that once I do, he’ll stop treating me the way he does. He might even pull away altogether out of embarrassment and horror.

I sniff and try my hardest to pull myself together. I’m being ridiculous and selfish. Gray asked for my help, yet here I am, thinking about myself.

I open up his files when they come in, reading through everything carefully, forcing myself to focus on nothing but the information in front of me. My hands are shaking as I reach out to the few connections that I know can help with this. All we need is a small lead, which we might be able to find if we search databases using the data Gray already has as filters. If nothing else, it’ll give us a list we can further refine.

I close my laptop the second I’ve sent out all my requests, as though that makes anything even remotely better. It doesn’t undo what I just found out, and it won’t prevent what’s coming.

I need to tell Gray. I can’t mislead him.

I’m trembling as I walk back to his room, my heart beating in my throat. I’m scared of his response. I’m scared whatever is left of my heart will be torn to shreds.

I pause in front of his door. Just thirty minutes ago I was standing here because I wanted to make him feel better, because it’s what my heart begged me to do. Now I’m standing here, knowing things will never be the same again.

I knock on his door, my heart heavy. When he calls for me to come in, dread overcomes me. I walk into his room, stopping in my tracks when I realize he’s in bed, his bedroom pitch dark.

“Ari,” he says, his voice filled with an ache I didn’t think him capable of. Grayson is the strongest person I know. He’s without a doubt the most powerful man I know.

I walk up to his bed, pausing right next to him. He sits up, the sheets falling to his waist, exposing his bare chest. He reaches for me, and I stumble, falling into his arms. Before I even realize what he’s doing, he’s got me on my back in his bed, his body on top of mine.

He hides his face against my neck, his weight pressing onto me. “Just a couple of moments, Ari. Please,” he whispers, and a delicious thrill runs down my spine.

I wrap my arms around him and let my eyes fall closed. “In the last couple of months you’ve been my solace, Gray. Now let me be yours.”

He presses a lingering kiss against my neck, and I exhale shakily. “You are, babe,” he whispers. “You are.”