Un2talented (Book 3 of the Un2 Series)

The rumble of a distant truck or perhaps the purr of a large cat echoed throughout the cavern.

“Is anybody else getting hungry? I’m starving!” Shorty held his hand over his midsection as if to muffle the gurgling. He looked at his phone which had stopped functioning. He showed the absence of bars to Lanky, who shared his barless screen in return.

“How long have we been down here anyway?” Shorty called to the group.

“I would say that we have been here for about sixteen chapters,” Lenny replied.

“Sixteen what?”

“I’m sorry. I’ve been recalling a favorite book of mine to pass the time. It has been sixteen chapters since Dorian dropped into the portal.”

“Can you translate that to normal time?” Lanky requested.

“Let me see. A chapter is typically twelve to fifteen hundred words. A narration averages about one hundred and fifty words a minute, so a chapter takes about ten minutes. Ten times sixteen is one hundred and sixty. Divide that by sixty and you get a little more than two and a half hours.”

“You’re one unusual dude,” Lanky chuckled.

“You memorized an entire book? Why?” Leslie questioned, perplexed.

“I retain everything I read. It is not an intentional act. It just is what it is.”

“Wow! I thought it was impressive when people knew their license plate number without it being a vanity plate. This is a whole new level!”

“Next question. Does anyone know what year it is?” Shorty continued.

“There’s no way to tell without moving outside of this cavern,” Joey offered. “I can tell you that we’re probably not in the late fourteen-hundreds or early fifteen-hundreds because I appear to be the same age as when Reese and I jumped life streams”

“The rest of us are appropriately aged so we’re not within the past few decades,” Lenny added.

Leslie stepped forward.

“If we need to know, I volunteer to go topside to see what year it is.”

Gary barked and heeled alongside Leslie.

“I realize that it has been a lot to ask of you to remain here waiting for Dorian’s return. I understand your desire to leave.”

“Lenny, don’t get the wrong idea,” Shorty interjected. “I don’t want to abandon the kid. I just want a sandwich!”

“Understood. May I offer a suggestion?”

“Shoot.”

“I would recommend that there be two teams. One will remain here in case Dorian returns and one will check out our surroundings. The team that remains here should wear their bracelets to stay in sync with Dorian. The team leaving the cavern should remove their bracelets as a safeguard against the perils of jumping into an alternate lifestream without being in a safe zone.”

Most of the group nodded in agreement.

“I agree with us splitting into teams,” Reese began, “But for a reason other than grabbing some snacks. I should have thought of this sooner and I’m sorry. Wearing the bracelets doesn’t keep us in sync with Dorian. It keeps us in sync with the armor. What if Dorian has lost the breastplate? Splitting into teams would allow one to watch for Dorian and watch over the portal and the other could stay with the armor.”

“I didn’t think of that!” Joey agreed. “The best case is that the situations are one and the same, but we should be prepared.”

“If we are all in agreement, the first thing that we need to do is to confirm that we are in the most current life stream. Then we can split into teams.”

“Gary and I still volunteer to check where we are in time,” Leslie looked to Gary who wagged his tail in response. “We’ll take a quick trip to the lab area. If we are in the most current life stream my phone should pick up the wi-fi and we’ll know right away. We’ll come straight back, and we can figure out the rest from there.”

Leslie pulled his bracelet from his wrist and knelt to remove Gary’s. He looped them over the sash at his waist. He did a quick self-frisk and realized that his slave outfit didn’t have a pocket for a cell phone.

“I need to borrow someone’s phone. Mine is in my other toga!”

“Use mine.” Lanky tossed him his phone. “Just stay out of the photos, okay?”

Many eyebrows raised.

“Like you guys don’t have a few questionable pics!”

“I won’t look,” Leslie promised.

He and Gary moved to the edge of the cavern and started their ascent. Leslie turned and looked back.

“Don’t go anywhere without us!”

They picked up their pace and continued upward. Their silhouettes disappeared as they moved beyond the torch lights.

Leslie thought the tunnel seemed familiar even in the darkness. As they rounded a curve, he could see a glow up ahead. A literal light at the end of the tunnel.

“C’mon, buddy. Up for a jog?”

Gary took off like a shot. Leslie did his best to keep up but was no match for a German Shepard. Gary paced in the light, tail wagging excitedly, and waited impatiently for Leslie to catch up.

“I said jog!” Leslie slowed to a stop. “How’s everything look?”

Gary barked and trotted into the lab.

“Electricity is a good sign,” Leslie said as he looked at the overhead lighting. To his right were the metal bay doors that covered the holding cells. To his left was the lab equipment. “Just as horrible as I remembered.”

Leslie pulled out Lanky’s phone and held it out in front of him. The shiny black screen flipped to a desktop photo of Lanky and Shorty, tongues out, hands in the requisite heavy metal devil horns. Apps popped up next, followed by little lines radiating out from the antenna icon.

The “Wi-fi networks available” alert was followed by the date and time. Leslie turned the phone toward Gary.

“That is the day we want, right? I’ve kind of lost track of the days.”

Gary woofed and nodded. Leslie took a screenshot as verification.

“We need to get back to them quickly. Take this to Lenny. I’ll be right behind you.”

Leslie lowered the phone to Gary who mouthed it and ran back toward the cavern. Leslie took a few moments to rifle through some drawers in the lab, hoping to find anything that might be a useful tool or weapon if things went sideways when Dorian returned.

Gary vaulted down the stone staircase and ran directly to Lenny, dropping the phone at his feet.

“Very good!” Lenny announced. “We are very current! If you wish to maintain your position in the present you can remove your bracelet. If you want to remain linked to the armor keep them on.” He passed the phone back to Lanky.

“I need to align with the breastplate,” Reese stated.

“As do I,” added Joey.

“I need to watch over the portal and be here when Dorian returns.”

Lenny removed his bracelet and set it on the podium. Lanky and Shorty’s bracelets were already off and at their sides.

“We’re going to hit the head and then the pantry. Do you want us to bring you something?” Shorty was standing, ready to ascend to the mansion.

“Chocolate and a couple of butcher knives. A cleaver would be nice.”

Leslie reappeared into the torchlight.

“A cleaver?” Shorty questioned.

“I’d feel better having some form of protection, just in case.”

“Are you keeping your bracelet off or putting it back on? I’m staying in the present.”

Lenny raised his bare wrist. Reese and Joey followed suit showing that their bracelets remained.

“Excuse me.” Leslie waved Gary over to him. He knelt and spoke in hushed tones. Gary signaled in agreement. Leslie approached Reese.

“We think that we should keep our bracelets off, but we’ll be ready and willing to slip them on if you and Joey jump life streams. That we can help wherever needed most.”

“That sounds like a good idea. I’d like some chocolate, too,” Reese replied.

“Was that a reply to Leslie’s bracelet thing or do you think getting some treats is a good idea?” Shorty asked.

“Both.”

“This shit is getting complicated!” Lanky groaned. “I sure miss the days of hauling amps and chili cook-offs.”

“Chili!” Shorty exclaimed. “I think there’s some in the fridge!”

“Oh, great!” Lanky chuckled. “I don’t know which is more frightening, dealing with a demon that sucks people into the underworld or being stuck in a cave with you full of chili!”