Un2talented (Book 3 of the Un2 Series)

“Is a snallygaster an actual creature, or is it a made-up name because you don’t know what else to call it? It’s hard to feel threatened by something that sounds like it farts glitter.”

“Griffin is a Cromangi. You can’t tell how heroic he is by that name.” Leslie said. “ And, he certainly isn’t farting glitter!”

“Damn straight!” Griffin chuckled. “But you better steer clear on chili night, glitter or not!”

“Can we leave the glitter-farter in the grotto since he is too big to get out of there?” Leslie suggested.

“Cate told me that this is the prime lifestream. It’s the first instance from which all others are derived. It’s the pebble in the water that creates the ripples. Unless we fix this, the future will have snallygaster-infused ripples.”

“No, no, no!” DeLeon chimed in. “That creature can’t live in my basement. I eventually build a research lab down here. That won’t happen if it’s home to a monster. Besides, that thing might screw up this lifestream in ways that we can’t imagine.”

“It’s home to a monster whether we eliminate the snallygaster or not,” Reese added. “I’ve experienced what happens in that lab.”

“Those were the acts of a man blinded by obsession. I can’t right those wrongs in this lifestream, but you can, and will, find a different outcome in another. For you to be able to do that, we need to subdue the creature and retrieve the armor.”

“What about Charlie?” Cadence asked. “I know that he’s a piece of work, but he is the ferryman. What happens to the souls that need transport to the underworld?”

“Charlie was willing to abandon his post. There must be a backup plan in case something happened to him.”

“Maybe they just scrape some scum off of the rivers of the underworld and make a new him!” Dorian proposed.

“Why don’t we focus on the beast?” Cadence redirected. “We have to handle it before we can do anything else. Does anyone know about snallygaster abatement?”

“According to folklore, they have a mortal enemy called a dwayyo. It’s a man/wolf hybrid.”

All eyes turned to Gary. Leslie stepped in front of him to shield him from view.

“There is no way we are pinning this on Gary! He’s a dayhound, not a dwayyo!”

“We’re just spitballing ideas. It was an obvious comparison. Everyone thought it,” DeLeon replied. “No one would expect Gary to take on the beast alone.”

“That’s good because I’ll never let that happen! That option is off the table. Besides, Gary already saved our butts once today. We shouldn’t rely on him to save them again.”

Leslie turned to acknowledge his friend only to see a flash of black fur barreling up and out of the cavern.

“Damn it, Gary!” Leslie called after him.

“I’ll fly ahead and try to stop him. The tunnel will wreak havoc on my wingtips, but I guess that’s the price I’ll have to pay for being a hero!” Griffin winked and then was aloft.

“I’m right behind you!” Dorian moved towards the stairway, but DeLeon grabbed onto him before he could leave.

“You’re not going anywhere without a plan of attack.”

“Give me the sword. I’ll go polar bear on those ass-souls!”

“And then what? Even if you defeat the snallygaster, we would have to find a way to defeat you! We were lucky that none of us died last time.”

“What do you have in mind? It seemed that your answer was to run away from the situation. How does that get rid of the monster?” Reese wondered.

“We were hoping, no praying, we could catch up to you before you reached the Aqua-ma-whatever. We thought that Dorian might be able to rewind things and take us back far enough to prevent Charlie from taking the armor.”

“I can try,” Dorian shrugged. “But I can’t guarantee anything. I’ve only traveled across centuries. I’m not sure that I can travel back a few hours.”

“I can do it!” Reese said. “The bracelets have that capability!”

“Oh, if it were only that simple.”

DeLeon held forth a handful of bracelets. “I had the same idea, but the breastplate’s power was sucked dry by the transformation. I’ve tried each one. They’re all dead.”

“You recharged the breastplate once before. Can you recharge a bracelet?”

“We would need the same elements to recharge a bracelet as we would the breastplate. The essences of ouruboros, phoecock, and koi.”

“What about the bracelets that Lenny, Shorty, and Lanky are holding? Would they still hold any power?” Dorian asked. “I could bring Reese back to them.”

“Even if they did, the breastplate doesn’t have the necessary power to draw them here. You would have to deliver the bracelets back to us. By then, who knows what could transpire.”

“Sounds like we’re dead in the water,” Reese sighed.

“You’re dead, regardless,” DeLeon quipped.

Reese’s eyes lit up.

“You’re right! I am dead, in a sense. I’m closer to being one of those ass-souls than anyone else.”

DeLeon began his retort but was shut down by a wave of Reese’s hand.

“I was just going to say that we might be able to use that to our advantage!” he insisted.

“Right,” Reese replied.

“Say what, now?” Cadence whispered to Dorian. “What does she mean by she’s dead in a sense?”

Dorian leaned in and replied, “She’s a vampire, but the nice kind.”

“You’re a vampire?” Cadence blurted. “Is there anything else I should know?”

“Let’s see,” Reese began. “I’m a vegetarian. Well, I was a vegetarian. Now, I’m a carnivore that feeds on vegetarians. It’s complicated. I’ve always been very health conscious.”

“What about you, Joey?” Cadence redirected her questioning.

“In another lifestream, but I’m not one at the moment,” he replied. “Vampire, I mean, not vegetarian. Brocolli, ugh!”

“What about you, Leslie? Is there some little tidbit of information that is lurking in your closet?”

“Is that a shot at my lifestyle?” Leslie scowled.

“I, I didn’t mean. . .” Cadence blushed.

The space was awkwardly silent.

Leslie’s face turned from a glower to a grin. He laughed.

Everyone exhaled.

“But, there’s a good chance that I’m a Nordic demi-god if we give the berzerker incident some thought. Why would Dorian turn into a polar bear if not for my ancestors’ sword and being infused with my pinkie powers?”

“If true, why were you able to wield the sword without getting all white and fuzzy?” DeLeon asked.

“Maybe I need to summon my powers where Dorian hasn’t any control over them.”

“Or, maybe all of his powers are stored in his pinkie,” Dorian suggested. “You can have it back if you want.”

“The koi is in a lagoon on the other side of the grotto. We can chop it off and reattach it!” Cadence exclaimed.

Dorian flinched. “Whoa! Pretty quick with the chopping!”

“You offered!” Cadence defended.

“Guys, whether we go Plan A, the pinkie route, or Plan B, the vampire route is up for grabs.” Leslie interrupted, “but one thing is certain, Gary is about to risk his life for us and we need to try to stop him! We can discuss this between here and the grotto.”