Thristy for us

Another six months had passed, and my head was pounding with all the questions I had. It seemed so strange, the feeling that this had already happened kept haunting me. Every time that dark hallway there I go right through and end up alone in my room. Ellen had been gone for quite a while now and still, I hadn’t found a new roommate, which also made me look weird. Alec already had a new one a week after her roommate was gone.

Something about too many accepted students and not enough room. Colten had also disappeared for a while, though the reason was rather vague. Outright, I forgot another thing that makes me think. I hardly forget anything. My memory could almost be called photographic, how is this possible? Wyatt and Miranda were still the two who despised me and ignored me so much now that our classes were even separated. Even though I remember a time when she still sat next to me, another memory that made me lose my way.

The dreams were still quite present, though they were even more unclear now than before. I used to be able to make out something from the phantom, though now it was more of a black spot than another human being. Another thing I remember and can’t get out of my mind. All those questions and so few answers. Not even Dad and Diana came around after Diana left the house with her boyfriend. Yes, the sister who had said never to move, moved out of our family.

Until my sister made the decision, thus depriving me of her happy visits as well. They were rare in the beginning until they rarely occurred now. And father and I were never really the best of friends, so after Diana left him, I don’t see him anymore either. My days were pretty full and alone.

The full days I could live with, but always being alone broke me up. It made me start starving myself even more, not on purpose. I just couldn’t get anything in, nothing tasted good anymore.

That night, I decided to go to my room early, to get to the bathroom in time to take a bath. Something I could enjoy lately. A feeling of weightlessness and relaxation until there is a knock at the door. No one has been at my door in months. I open the door and Wyat steps in after first scanning the hallway. “What are you doing here?” I ask with a stuttering, too stunned to get a decent word out. “Look at me,” he says with a command as I feel his hands on my arms, pressing on them, just not hard enough that it hurts. Just enough to shift my attention to his face. “Why?” I ask him when I find my voice again, though it becomes increasingly unsteady as his eyes stare into mine. In his eyes, I see something, something I can’t place.

He keeps looking at me, but my brain won’t let me see laughter, which is what he wants me to see. “Avery, do you remember the forest?” He asks almost hopelessly, searching for my answer, afraid of not getting an answer. “What are you talking about, Wyat?” I ask him, still looking at his features that are becoming more and more vulnerable, due to my ignorance. “Avery in Townsend, our hometown, at your house in the woods?” Still, I keep wondering. What on earth he is talking about?

Then lips that look beautiful red touch mine and all the memories, come back. “Varnic?” I say questioningly, to which he looks at me with a look of joy. Though it is only short-lived. “Oh no, this again,” says a familiar voice in the door, which we hadn't noticed was open. It’s as if she steps into the room out of nowhere.

The last thing I remember again is my idea of taking a bath, which seems odd because I’m in bed when I turn over. It felt like just a minute ago I was getting ready for a bath in the evening, and now I am lying in my bed. With the sunlight shining through the open windows.

Open windows, which I always draw the curtains for when I get into bed. Angry and confused, I get out of bed. I hate being woken by sunlight, so I would never forget to draw the curtains. What the hell is going on here? I hastily yell as I walk into the bathroom, almost pushing Sin out of the way, who just came out of the bathroom. In the mirror, I look at myself, at my black hair tangled from sleeping, and at my eyes, which still have the previous day’s makeup on them. As I continue to stare at the line reflection, it is harder and harder to see the Avery I used to be.

The strong Avery, the smart one. After all, that’s what I thought of myself. Now I’m no longer that girl; it’s as if only one part of me is still here. The other part is gone, which makes me more lost by the day, lost in life.

At school, the day runs like any other, only I notice it is quieter than usual. Whether something is happening though I couldn’t guess what. Wyat and Miranda I have seen walking by, though I only managed a brief glimpse of Colten who's, not daring to look back. That night I ran into someone familiar who I had been trying to ignore lately, Randy, the boy, who I had been making out with. Though beyond kissing, the passion didn’t really continue for me, for him this was an entirely different matter. “Hey Avery, long time no see,” he says in a flirtatious tone that doesn’t come across as serious because of his drunken state. How I managed to drag myself to such a party again, I didn’t know. But I could keep locking myself up alone in my room. Which was not what I wanted. I needed contact with others, though most others saw me as an outcast.

That’s why I can only be glad when Randy takes me to a group of his friends, who are not all as fed up with happiness as he is. He drops his arm around my shoulders, trying to claim me for the other boys looking in my direction. Why, I don’t understand, none of the boys gave me even a glance. We played the usual games, leading me into another kissing party with someone I didn’t want. Again, have I done this before? I ask myself, to which my subconscious answers “Yes.”