THE WIEKTS

I walked towards the backyard as silent as possible. There was another meeting tonight for the movement and I promised Ila that I would go with her to the house. I didn’t get the reason why she insisted that we walked together since we could easily reach the place by ourselves. I knew that it had been quite a long time since I last went to the house and delved into the movement’s matters — my father insisted that I helped out more in the farm — but it didn’t mean that I would somehow forget my way to the house in the blink of an eye. But she insisted and I learned that there would be hell to pay if I didn’t do as she said. So I gave her my word. A creak in the floorboard startled me. Damn these floors, all creaky and old. I should change them someday. But the deed was done. The creak was loud enough that Mother could hear it from the kitchen. She showed up from the kitchen door and frowned at me.

“What are you doing, Oarn?” asked her curiously.

“Nothing, Mother. I was just going for a walk.” I answered smoothly. There was a time when I would feel bad lying to her like this. But that time was long gone. I couldn’t afford to let her know about the movement or everything would be ruined. She and Father would never understand our cause.

“This late at night?” asked her again.

“Yes, Mother. I believe that the cold air will be good for my health. But don’t worry, I won’t be long.” I gave her a reassuring smile.

I tried my best to keep my activity a secret from my parents by putting on a mask of a perfect son. I did everything that Father asked me to do and behaved exactly like he wanted me to. Soon, he trusted me enough to give the farmers their daily wage. That was a great chance for me to sneak into the house for a while. I could just give the farmers their wages and then went back to the direction of my home only to slip out again from the backyard. No one knew and everything went smoothly. For now. I wasn’t naïve enough to think that this would continue forever. Someone would find out eventually. It was what happened in the real world. I believed that this was just a lucky coincidence. Ila said that I was just being negative, but I didn’t care. If it helped me to be more cautious about how to continue being a member of this movement, then I would do anything, even if it meant that I would have to keep on thinking negatively. Now, going back to the matter at hand, I needed to go out soon or I would be late to meet Ila and then, surely, late to the meeting.

“Just for a while, Mother. I will probably end up in the tavern with my friends anyway, so I won’t really be out there in the cold for a very long time, if you’re worried about that.” I explained as smoothly as possible. I could use the tavern as a cover up because I knew that none of my parents would go there at night. They wouldn’t bother to check whether I was really there or not. In fact, there wasn’t any reason for them to doubt me in the first place.

“Alright, Oarn. Just don’t be too long. You know that the governments are going all around the land trying to catch possible rebels from that stupid movement, don’t you? I don’t want you to get caught up in one of those. Alright?”

Oh you have no idea how deep I was ‘caught up’ in the matter, Mother. I was sorry for her, but my mind went back to the journal that was left by my brother, Roan. I couldn’t let what happened to him happened to anyone else ever again. Things needed to change. And so, I answered, “Yes, Mother. Bye.”

I kissed her cheek and proceeded to go out from the backyard, pretending to stretch my back in case she was still watching me. After I was sure that she was back in the kitchen, I ran towards Ila’s house. I ran as fast as I could, but I was still late and she was there, near the window of her room, waiting for me with her arms folded and a frown on her face.

“You’re late,” she said. “Very late.”

“I’m sorry,” I said while trying to gulp down as much air as possible. I was still heaving when she started to walk in front of me in the direction of the road that would bring us to the house. “My mother caught me when I was trying to leave from the backyard. Creaky floorboards, you know.”

She huffed but nodded. “Fine. But don’t be late next time.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t. But, Ila,” I called her after my breathing was calmer and we walked side by side. “What’s so important about this particular meeting that you insist I’m coming with you?”

“Tonight’s meeting was very serious, Oarn. You haven’t been to the house lately and surely you’ve missed some information about our cause. But, we’ve lost people.”

“What do you mean lost people?”

“Our people died, Oarn. Several of them. Sure it was only one or two people, but you know how small our number is. We need every member that we have.”

“What? How did they die?”

I was shocked. People shouldn’t have died in this movement. Sure, I knew that there would be some casualties, but I thought it was more like material casualties. How did those people be dead? This wasn’t supposed to be a real rebellion. This was supposed to be a movement for a cause. A noble cause! Moreover, she promised me that night when I decided to join the movement that there would be no violence involved in this movement. So, how did this happen?

“The King’s army killed them.” She stated and then she was silent.

“The King’s army? Wait, Ila. Our people were fightingthe King’s army?”

“Yes, Oarn,” hissed her. She turned and looked at me furiously. “You don’t think that we’ll keep on doing things peacefully, do you? None of our diplomatic move worked! We need to actually attack the society and forcibly change them. And what’s the best way to do it? Get the leader! We will get the King, Oarn.”

Shocked was an understatement. What I felt at that time was bordering on a full blown panic attack. I didn’t know what happened to the movement so that it changed its course so frighteningly fast. But I knew that fighting wouldn’t change anything. It would be futile even if we did win the fight against the government. We would just create another society just like this one.

“Ila! What do you mean ‘get the King’? Are you out of your mind? That’s a real rebellion. You will be killed. And I’ll be fighting my own brother! He’s a Captain, in case you forgot. And you promised me that there will be no violence involved!”

“What we did all these time didn’t even stir the people, Oarn. We need to do something drastic. We need to get the King’s attention to our cause! I know what I said, Oarn, but the situation makes me unable to keep that promise. If we want to make this movement a success — and I do want that — then we must fight.”

“Well, you can just send a messenger to the King and tell him what your cause is instead of starting a damn civil war!”

“Oh, and who will we send, huh? Those King’s armies will kill them immediately!”

“It’s because you started fighting them already! You weren’t a threat before, even though there were some occasions that you would get into fights with the army, but nothing so severe happened. At least no one died!”

“At least they died with honor! They didn’t die in vain, Oarn. And it’s my movement now, isn’t it? Are you leaving us, Oarn? Are you really so naïve to think that blood won’t be shed in this battle against the people?”

I was so angry I couldn’t see straight. She was so stubborn. She didn’t understand that there wouldn’t be any victory in this movement if she fought for it this way. This was simply stupid and idiotic. She said so herself that we only had small number of people in our movement. To fight the whole King’s army with that number was impossible. It was the same as committing a suicide. But I could see that nothing I said would change her point of view. I knew that but on the other hand, I couldn’t let her died because she was too stubborn to see the truth. An idea got into me then. I could be the one speaking to the King. People wouldn’t suspect anything if I went to the Capital because almost everyone in the town knew that Thoar was a Captain there. I could simply use the reason that I was visiting Thoar and would like to pay my respect to the King to speak to him. And so, I told Ila my idea.

“Are you out of your mind? Do you think that just because Thoar is your brother that they will let you walk away unscathed if they know you’re a part of this movement? They will still kill you, Oarn!” she yelled at me.

“Then what do you suggest we do, huh? Do nothing? Getting into fights with the army? What? Tell me your solution that will not kill a lot of our people!”

She was silent. She didn’t have anything. I knew that. Her hands were tied, because as much as I tried to argue my point with her, she couldn’t do anything in the end. It was because she wasn’t the leader of this movement. In fact, we didn’t have any leader and that was part of the reason why we were so disorganized. No one would lead us and so we decided our course of actions by the majority’s voice. And by the sound things were going, the majority thought similarly to Ila. It would be very hard to make them all see the reasoning as to why I oppose this violent and radical way of doing things.

“Just, let’s go to the meeting first and I’ll help figure out another way to make sure that we get our message across but not in the exchange of people’s lives.” I said to her and started walking. We walked in absolute silence until we reached the house. We entered and the meeting was finally begun.

The meeting was horrible. People shouting and yelling at each other to make their solutions heard. I got a headache from listening to them. And even worse, once I got back from the meeting, my parents scolded me because I took so long and told me that Thoar was here. Good. Another problem in my already problematic night. He would see something different in me surely. And he would sound his suspicion towards Father. Thankfully, I didn’t really see him in his visit this time because he went back to the Capital as soon as the dawn broke the next day. He was going on a voyage with the King himself apparently. Now that I didn’t feel as on edge as before about his arrival here, my mind went back to the meeting last night.

As I suspected, many of the people thought exactly the same like Ila. Only few people were on my side. And that small side was losing fast. The people who were on my side last night had said to me that they would leave the movement if this violence continued. They wanted the people to change, but they didn’t want a forced change. They — and by extension, me — wanted them to understand instead of simply told them that they must change their customs and traditions. The forced change would mean nothing at all and history would repeat itself because the understanding wasn’t there in the people’s mind. But they just wouldn’t listen.

Another point that was discussed in last night’s terrible meeting was that several of our men had fled the Kingdom and took refuge in Skeistl. I couldn’t fathom why they fled to Skeistl but then some of them explained that Skeistl and Viepar were the two places where their movement was the strongest. The people were so understanding and that there wasn’t any different in treatment whether you were a man or a woman. The two countries were actually the base of their movement. And so it made sense that the people chased by the King’s army would go to one of those countries to seek refuge. This brought me back to the voyage that my parents told me about. Thoar had said to them that the King was going to Skeistl. I had a feeling it was to retrieve these people. But the Skeislt Queen wouldn’t let them go that easily if she was also a supporter for our cause.

As time passed, the fighting continued and I grew even more restless. I started to pull myself from the activity of the movement, feeling myself not aligned any longer with their course of actions. But my best friend was still there. Ila was still there, fighting the armies and she could get hurt anytime soon. And with such restless feelings continued to grow in my heart, time moved on. In no time at all, Thoar was back with the King and the refuge, but the surprising thing was, the King didn’t execute them immediately. He put them to trial. And even though they were put to prison, it was a fair judgment seeing that they had committed a treachery towards the Kingdom. Hope blossomed in my heart then. The King seemed to be quite a gentle and fair person. It made me think about my idea that night long ago. If I could speak with the King, there might be something that could be done to help this movement. Added with this information and the story that Thoar’s new wife was recruited by the King himself to be in the King’s army, I went to Ila’s house. Once I got outside and started walking, I saw her figure sitting under our tree. I walked there instead.

“Hey. What are you doing?” I greeted her.

“Just thinking. How are you?” she asked me but didn’t turn her head.

“I’m fine.” I sat down beside her. “You? How are things?”

“Messy.”

“Look, I have an idea. Let me talk to the King. Let me convince him to think about our movement. He will listen to our cause, Ila. You’ve heard what happened to the ones they caught and then there was Thoar’s wife. The King recruited her to be in the King’s army, Ila. We can do this. I can do this.”

“Really? How can you be that positive, Oarn?” She gave me a weak smile. I looked at her ashen and grim face. She had lost that enthusiasm that she used to show me every time. Her usually loud voice was gone, replaced by the soft and broken one.

“Hey, what happened?”

She sighed and leaned on my shoulder. I looked around, making sure that no one saw us. Once she got comfortable she said, “My parents know that I’m involved.”

My whole body tensed. She didn’t need to say anything more than that. I knew exactly what she meant. I didn’t have the heart to ask for more details. The thing was her parents knew about her involvement in the movement.

“What are they going to do?” I asked her quietly.

“They told me to leave the house. They’ve disowned me. I have nothing and no one.”

“Oh, Ila…”

“You shouldn’t meet with me anymore. Soon, your parents will hear about this from mine. You’ll be discovered too if you keep on associating with me.”

“Don’t worry about me. Just worry about yourself first. Where are you going now?”

“The house, I guess.”

“And do what?”

“Continue to fight?” She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Seek refuge there. Manage the house, learn how to cook, do anything you want. But please, promise me. Don’t fight.”

She snorted but she leaned more heavily on my shoulder. I put my arms around her body. I realized that she was small. All these time, I always saw her as such a strong figure in my life. To see her crumbling was too much.

“You make me sound like a housewife with your tasks for me.”

“I’m not trying to give you any tasks, Ila. You’re my friend. My best friend. I don’t want to see you hurt. Please. Just listen to me this once.”

She sighed. “Okay. Whatever you want. I’ll listen to you.”

Silence fell before she let herself loose from my embrace and looked at me straight in the eyes. “Oarn,” she said. “I’m sorry I broke my promise about the movement. “

I nodded because I had forgiven her a long time ago. After all, she was my best friend. We spent the next few seconds in silence before I needed to go back to the house. I said goodbye to her and went back. My heart went out to her. She didn’t deserve this. I needed to do something with this movement. I wanted them to change but I couldn’t do anything about it. Everything seemed futile now. I started to think that the movement wouldn’t reach anything at all here in Proscris. I could only guess but I thought the reason that the movement had been so successful in Viepar and Skeistl was probably because the people were ready to accept the change. The same couldn’t be applied here, because the people simply couldn’t accept the change. Someday, perhaps, but not now. I could, of course, go to the King and told them about the movement’s cause, but now that I thought about it over and over again, it wouldn’t really change the people. What was left for me to do now was to fight for my freedom. In order to honor my brother’s wish for me to be able to reach my dream, and to fight for Ila as well, I must be able to change my own life. If I couldn’t change the people, I would change myself. I would learn to fight for myself.