THE WIEKTS

The visit to that house unnerved me. It was one thing to trust my best friend. It was another thing to jump into a rebellion with her. The repercussions were far too great. We — they — would be treated as traitors. There would be many fights against the King’s army. My own brother was in the King’s army and he was a Captain for god’s sake. If I did join Ila’s movement, I would be fighting him. But the thing that unnerved me the most was the fact that I agreed with her points. I understood completely about the things that she spoke about. There were too many lives broken because they didn’t conform to the society. I believed that people should choose freely as to how they lived their lives, because I would love to live my life that way too. Free to choose my own way in life without being afraid of what the people might say behind my back. I shouldn’t be ashamed in wanting to be a teacher, but my parents and the people around me thought that I should. Perhaps it would be different in Erzieg, but here in Proscris, they didn’t need men with brains.

“What are you doing, Oarn? Stop your useless daydreaming and come here,” shouted Father from the front door.

I sighed. He said that he was going to show me the whole land today. He wanted me to memorize everything that would help me to maintain it. Lately, he always talk as if he was going to drop dead soon. I knew that he wasn’t that healthy anymore, but the negative thoughts didn’t actually make his health better anyway. Especially after he was ill some time ago. He kept on saying that he felt like crap and started to make preparations of things that should be done when he was gone. He was getting more and more irrational with things. Sometimes, on his worst days when the anxiety clearly took over, I wanted to just shake him and told him that he was not going to die this soon. But everyone knew that he was the most stubborn man in this little town, so my words would only fall on deaf ears. The only thing left for me to do was following his orders so that he wouldn’t give me an earful.

“Yes, Father. I’m coming.” I walked towards the front door with heavy steps.

“Hurry up.”

“Yes, Father.”

We walked together then, passing by the farm located nearest to our house. He didn’t stop because he knew that I knew this farm enough by now seeing as I had spent my childhood there. But he brought me to the further located farms. We passed through the first farm to get there faster and he greeted some farmers with a smile. I stared at him. This was one of the things that confused me.He looked absolutely kind towards his farmers and friends, but he was so hard towards his own family. But I guessed that was his way to assure himself that his family would always uphold the family name. I understood that but once again, it didn’t mean that I agree with that attitude and view.

“Here we are, Oarn,” said Father. He stopped in front of me and turned back to look at me. “Oarn, this is as far as our land goes. This will all belong to you after I’m gone. In fact, when I think you’re ready, I’ll give it to you at once. And I think that you’ll soon be ready.”

“Father —,” I started but he cut me before I could finish my sentence.

“Look. I will be the one to decide whether you’re ready or not. When I think you’re ready, then you’re ready. And don’t forget about our conversation that time when you said that you wanted to go to Erzieg to study. You’re the only one I have left, son. There’s no one else to maintain this land except from you.”

“I understand, Father.”

“Good. Now let me introduce you to the farmers in this part of the land.”

And that was the extent of our conversation about the matter. He didn’t give me any choice in this. Right after that, he started to introduce me to the farmers there. Every single one of them was very friendly. They greeted me with a smile and a few even engaged me with a question or two about my life. I smiled and answered all the questions politely. After the whole affair was done, Father gave them a little speech to thank them and to wish them a good harvest again next time. They clapped and thanked him in return. Then, it was time for us to go back to the house. We walked in absolute silence, each one of us was busy with our own minds. Once we reached the house, Father dismissed me and left towards the kitchen, looking for Mother. It was nearly midday and he would be taking a short nap before going back to the farm and distributed today’s wage for the farmers.He would ask me to accompany him again in order to make sure that I would know how much the farmers should receive in a day. I decided not to go too far in case Father would need my immediate assistance with the wage. So, I ventured towards the nearest farm. I caught a glance at Ila when I walked past it with Father during our trip to the farmlands.

“Ila!” I yelled to get her attention when I saw her near the edge of the farm. She was sitting on the ground, just lounging without doing anything in particular. There was a rather big tree on the edge of the farm that turned into our favorite place to meet, and that was where she was sitting. She moved her head slowly when she heard my voice. I waved at her and she waved back.

“Hey, Oarn. What are you doing here?” asked her loudly — as usual.

I smirked. She just couldn’t change the way she was. Most of the time, she would greet people with her extremely loud voice, and they would squint their eyes at her because of it. Not me, though. I was too used to her voice to be shocked about it any longer.

“Just walking around.Waiting for my father to ask me to do something.” I answered her with a shrug of my shoulders.

She scoffed and laughed. “Not a good day to spend your day.”

“Right.Couldn’t agree more.”

“Care to do something more productive?”

“What?”

“Teach me how to cook another dish.”

I laughed loudly at that. She was completely helpless in cooking and that was the source of her mother’s constant headache. I smacked her at the arm and said jokingly, “You wish!”

“Oh come on, Oarn. You know you need it too!” She pouted.

“Eew…stop pouting. It doesn’t suit you!”

“I know. That’s why I did it.” She grinned and we laughed once again.

It was nice to talk to her about things. She was joking almost all the time we talked but that was the fun thing. Nothing was complicated with her.I smiled and leaned on the tree. She did the same and for a while no one spoke a thing. I knew that we couldn’t really meet too often. People would talk and Father would be furious. It was extremely inappropriate for a man and a woman to be so touchy with each other in public, especially if they weren’t married to each other. Father hated it if he saw me with Ila being all friendly with each other. Her parents also hated it. I realized that the people would talk about how inappropriate we acted when we met, but I couldn’t really help it. Talking and joking with her was the time when I felt most free. I couldn’t — wouldn’t — trade that with anything else.

“Oarn!” a loud shout from the direction of my house confirmed that Father was ready to go to the farm again. It also meant that my time to chat with Ila was over.

“Duty’s calling. I have to go. See you, Ila.” I said while standing up.

“See you, Oarn.” She smiled and waved to my father.

I looked at her, gave her a big grin and walked towards my father, ready to go to the farm again with him. By the time I was close enough to see him clearly, I could see a frown was pasted on his face. I sighed and went a bit slower. He would start talking about keeping my distance from Ila again. As expected, his frown deepened when I stopped in front of him.

“Oarn, what did I tell you about you getting together with that girl in public?” asked him coldly. The frown seemed to be permanent on his face.

“I know, Father. But she was my best friend.”

“I’m not telling you to stop being friends with her, son. Just keep your distance. It’s inappropriate for you to get too close to a girl in public.”

“We were just talking.”

“Doesn’t look like that to me. Sitting that close together, touching each other that freely. People will misunderstand.”

“Alright, Father,” I said weakly. I just couldn’t reason with him. The only way to make him listen to my argument was if I spoke about logic and facts, but the thing was I couldn’t really explain what I felt in a logical reasoning, could I? So I did what I could do. I relented. “I’ll keep my distance when talking to her from now on, Father.”

“Good. Now let’s go.”

And then we walked back to the farm again. He talked rather a lot with the farmers every time he gave them their wages, so that it took a lot of time to distribute the day’s wage to everyone. Once we finished, the sun had begun to set. We walked back to home to have dinner and then I could finally retire to my bedroom and continued my daydream that was interrupted earlier. The dinner was spent in silence. It wasn’t unusual to have dinner together without saying anything to one another. If there was a conversation, usually it was between Father and Mother. It was very rare that Father would ask me for my opinion — almost never — and I thought it was because in his eyes, I was still a child who knew nothing. It used to irk me because I had already passed the age of adulthood. I was already twenty three but Father would treat me as if I was still thirteen. I didn’t mind that anymore, though, because I knew that nothing I did would change the way Father treated me. I just needed to go along with it.

“I’m finished, Mother, Father.” I said and stood up, preparing to leave, but Father stopped me.

“Wait, Oarn. I’ve decided to use your brother’s old room for additional storage. Before you go to your room, go to his first and take the mattress out. Just put it in the backyard. You can throw it away tomorrow,” said Father.

Then, he resumed his eating, not waiting for a confirmation because he knew that I would do it. And he was right. I would do it and I knew perfectly well whose room it was that he was changing into a storage room. Roan’s. Hart’s room was long gone. It turned into the first storage room. Now, he was going to change Roan’s into yet another storage room. A shiver ran down my spine when I imagined him changing my room into another storage room — or whatever room that he needed at that time — if I did something that would disappoint him.

I nodded at him and Mother then left the dining room. I went to Roan’s room as ordered and flipped the mattress. When I was flipping the mattress and dragging it out of the bed frame, something under it caught my eyes. It was like a journal. I would know the shape of a journal as I had one too. Glancing around to make sure that both my parents were still in the dining room, I picked the journal and put it in my pocket. I would read it later, when I was safe in my room. It must be Roan’s and the fact that he kept it under his bed must mean that he was hiding it from everyone. I didn’t even know that my brother could read and write. Apparently, there were a lot of things that I didn’t know about my own brother. I would read the journal thoroughly later, I promised myself. But for now, I needed to get the mattress out or else Father would come up here and demand answers as to why I took so long. I would rather avoid unnecessary confrontation with him now that I had the secret journal in my possession. Quickly, I get the mattress out, bid my parents goodnight, and entered my room.

After making sure that the door was locked — I put an extra chair behind it just to make sure —, I sat at my desk and get the journal out of my pocket. The little book would tell me a lot of things about my brother. Perhaps it would also hold the answer of why he lost his mind. Father didn’t tell me anything except that he became crazy after his wife left him. I just didn’t believe it. That was hard, I was sure, but I didn’t think that it was enough to make someone lost his or her mind. Curiously, I opened the book and began to read.

I closed the journal with a deep sigh and a frown on my face. It was shocking, to say the least. Just as I expected, the journal consisted of my brother’s personal feelings. The thing that shocked me the most was that he was blaming himself for everything that happened to him. It was extremely unfair that I felt angry for him. Father — and the people who had absolutely nothing to do with him or his family — was demanding too many things from him, one single person. The unfairness of it all was so shocking. It made me think of all the things that Father wanted me to do without even asking me if I wanted it and how the people basically told me about what should and should not be done in my friendship with Ila. Thinking about my best friend, I thought about her statement regarding the people and what her movement was fighting for.

It was late at night, but looking back at the journal still laid open in front of me made my decision. I closed it, put it back into my pocket and sneaked out of the house. I promised myself that I would burn the journal to honor my brother’s wish. I would do it once I was sure that it was safe and nobody would be able to see the fire. I didn’t want anyone asking me questions. I walked the short walk that it took to reach Ila’s house. I was just about to knock on her window when someone grabbed my shoulder and pulled me away. I gasped in surprise but then I heard her voice.

“Ila!” I whispered. “You almost make my heart stop!”

“Thanks for the compliment. Now, to the matter at hand,” said Ila lightly. Then she grabbed both my shoulder and made me completely facing her. Her tone turned serious then. “What are you doing here?” she hissed.

“Ssshh! Keep your voice down! Are you trying to wake your whole family up?” I shushed her. I knew she couldn’t control it sometimes, but right now was the appropriate time to start learning how to control her volume.

She just rolled her eyes and raised one of her eyebrows at me, as if waiting for me to answer her earlier question.

I sighed and said, “I need to talk to you about something.”

“And it can’t wait until tomorrow?”

“No. Where were you going anyway?” I looked at her suspiciously.

She rolled her eyes but led me away from the brightness of her house lamps into the dark road. I didn’t want to walk aimlessly. I wanted to talk to her and told her my decision, not wandering around the town in the darkness with her. Added with the journal in my pocket, its weight felt heavier with each seconds passed. The anxiety building in my heart didn’t lessen the problem as well. I couldn’t stop twitching or looking over my shoulder. But then, after a while I started to recognize some of the buildings that we passed and I knew that we were heading to the house.

“You know where I’m going. Are you coming or not?” she asked me with a raised eyebrow.

“Fine.”

We walked in silence. Once we reached the front door of the house, once again we stopped. She folded her hands in front of her chest and raised her eyebrows at me. She was waiting for me to start explaining. I really didn’t want to do this outside. There was still a high chance that people might come here and see us. Then there would be questions asked.

“Can we do this inside?” I asked her. I looked around, afraid that someone might see us.

“No one will come here, Oarn. Just tell me already.”

“I found something, Ila. I can’t tell you what it is or whose it is, but know that it’s the thing that finally makes me decide to do this.”

She looked as if she was ready to ask me tons of questions but hold herself just in time. Instead, she looked at me squarely in the eyes and waited for me to tell her. I knew she would understand my decision not to tell her anything related to the journal that I found. I had never kept any secret from her, but this time, I couldn’t and wouldn’t tell her about this. My brother wouldn’t want me to, so I wouldn’t. But I could tell her my decision. So, with a deep sigh, I closed my eyes. When I opened them, I looked her in the eyes and with a voice full of determination, I told her my decision spurred by the finding of my brother’s journal.

“Ila,” I started. “I want to join the movement.”

“Are you sure, Oarn?”

“Yes. Absolutely.”

She practically beamed at me. “I’m so glad, Oarn. This movement is a peace movement you know. With your writing skill, we can do a lot more together. We can write petitions, letters, we can do this!”

“I’ll help the movement in any way that I can, Ila. Trust me. But, one thing…”

“What?”

“Promise me that there will be no violence involved. Violence won’t solve anything. I’m out of the cause if you use violence against the King’s army.”

“Don’t worry. It won’t come to that. Believe me.”

I looked at her and smiled a grim smile. She nodded at me and with the upmost certainty in our steps we stepped into the house to start planning our first ‘attack’ on the society.