The Twelve Days Of Kurai’s Mass

(Kurai)

So it turns out Christmas is fast approaching. You may be wondering “What?! You guys celebrate Christmas too?!” The answer is yes, yes we do. It’s the time of year where a lamb named Jesus was born. (They killed him later even though he didn’t do anything wrong.) My mother, Ōkami Suisen, has been hard at work decorating the house for this joyous occasion. Only twelve days remain until Christmas Day.

“Mom, mom, mom! Can I eat that?” I ask, pointing a paw at the box of ornaments.

“No, you may not!” My mom exclaims.

“They look crunchy,” I comment.

My mom swats at me as I lunge at the ornaments. Ahah! I’ve got one! I bite a red ornament and it shatters, littering sharp pieces everywhere including in my lips. Ouch! Now my mouth hurts!

“See, I told you not to eat the ornaments!” My mom scolds. “Why don’t you go outside and bother someone else? Christmas is in 12 days and if I don’t get these decorations finished now, they’ll NEVER be finished.”

“Fine…I WILL go bother someone else,” I say with a smirk.

“Not literally,” my mom clarifies.

“I understand,” I say with a nod.

Rushing out of the house, I meet up with a friend of mine named Cheese. Cheese is a mouse I met at Reeds’ Intelligence Academy. She’s singing some sort of song in her high squeaky voice. Something about a partridge in a pear tree?

“Hi, Cheese! What are you singing?” I ask.

“It’s called The Twelve Days Of Christmas. Someone gifts their lover something new every day in correlation to which day it is,” Cheese replies.

“Huh. That’s weird. You said something about a partridge in a pear tree. How does one gift someone a partridge?” I ask.

“Y’know? I have no idea,” Cheese says.

“Actually, that gives me a great idea. Let’s do a challenge… There’s twelve days until Christmas. What if I could find each item from the song by Christmas?” I suggest. “And eat it.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you telling me you intend on eating a partridge AND a pear tree?” Cheese asks.

“It doesn’t specify the size of tree, does it?” I ask.

“No, it does not, but it has to be big enough for the partridge to sit in,” Cheese points out.

“Cool! I’m gonna start now! See you after I eat a partridge and a pear tree!” I exclaim, wagging my tail.

“Somehow, I don’t see this ending well…” Cheese says with a grimace. “ESPECIALLY with some of the later items…”

“I can do it! I know I can!” I exclaim.

So then my hunt for a partridge begins. First off, identifying the partridge. They look a lot like little quails, except without the noodle feather thing on the forehead. They are beige in color with red and black markings.

“Hello? Hello? Any partridges around?” I call out.

“Partridge?” a little voice calls.

I look and, there in a bush, is a partridge. Cool, but where can I find a pear tree to put it in? The partridge and I stare at each other for a moment. I approach rather casually.

“Yes, indeed. I seek the presence of a partridge. Do you also, perchance, know where I can find a pear tree?” I ask.

“A partridge in a pear tree. I know the song. People KEEP asking where my pear tree is,” the partridge says.

“Okay, so where is it?“ I ask. “For research purposes.”

“Ohhhh, research! Dang, now I feel bad for depriving a student of info. Come along. I’ll show you the pear orchard. That’s where I keep my trees…and my many children,” the partridge says.

“Perfect! I am grateful for your assistance in my project!” I say.

The partridge runs along and I follow. As the partridge cannot run that fast, I just walk at a moderate pace after her. Eventually, we get to a fenced off area where lots of pear trees have been planted. Some, though, are still in pots, not ready to be fully planted yet.

“Here! These are my pear trees that so many people ask to see,” the partridge says.

“What is the smallest pear tree that you can comfortably sit in? Also for research purposes,” I say.

“The smallest? Well, I’m a medium sized bird, so I can fit in a sapling,” the partridge says.

“Let me see,” I prompt. “I must see with my own eyes a partridge in a pear tree.”

Much to my surprise, the partridge willing flies and lands in a small pear tree. The branches bow slightly, but hold her steady. Now is my chance to consume a partridge in a pear tree! Before she can even react, I pounce and swallow her and the entire pear tree.

“HEY! WHAT IN THE HECK?!” the partridge’s muffled scream says.

“Research purposes,” I reply.

Slowly, I trot back to Cheese. My belly drags, making it hard to walk. Cheese takes one look at me and face-palms. Task one complete.

“I can’t believe you seriously did that!” Cheese exclaims.

“Somebody save me!” the partridge wails.

“It was much easier than I expected!” I say.

“Kurai!” my mom calls out.

(Suisen)

You know what’s annoying? Decorating while an adult child continuously asks if she’s allowed to eat various things. No, we cannot eat tinsel, velvet ribbons, ornament hooks, ornaments, or even candy canes. They are all decoration. Candy canes have too much sugar in them.

Kurai is almost always trying to eat random stuff…and random people unfortunately. Ever since the labs at the lab revealed that my daughter is, in fact, a mutant, I’ve been trying to keep a close eye on her. I TOLD her not to tell anyone about her powers, but, of course, she told her mouse friend Cheese. Well, Kurai was getting on my nerves so I sent her out of the house for the time being.

With Kurai away, I actually get the house prettied up. I put a tree inside of the house and put shiny balls on it to make it prettier. The tinsel is strung and the bows are affixed. After some silence, I begin to get lonely.

“Dang, maybe I should go check on Kurai,” I say to myself.

I step out of the den, looking around. Ah, there’s Kurai…hanging out with Cheese as usual. Unfortunately, it appears she has eaten something, or someone. Her belly is very rounded at the moment.

“Kurai!” I call out.

“Mom!” Kurai exclaims, looking shocked.

“What did you eat?!” I ask.

“A partridge in a pear tree!” Kurai replies, wagging her tail.

She’s kidding, right? My daughter didn’t seriously eat a partridge and a pear tree…did she? I pad closer to her and, sure enough, there is a mass moving inside her belly. I stare accusingly at her.

“Isn’t that so cool?” Kurai asks. “I can barely walk, but look! I did it!”

“No! I told you not to eat people! And trees aren’t edible either!” I yell.

“Of course, there you go, yelling at me as usual!” Kurai says, rolling her eyes.

I give chase. For someone who can “barely move” she sure escaped fast. Cheese watches in wonder as I chase her friend around. I pounce and nearly catch her, but she slips and pops out the other end.

“You can’t take the first day of Christmas away from me!” Kurai wails.

“Gosh dang it, Kurai!” I exclaim as she squiggles and shoves her fat body into a crevice somehow.