The Metatronic Chronicles: A Minor Inconvenience

Inside a small ranch house just eight blocks from the Wilder mansion lived the Fitch family. Edward Fitch was a forty-year-old accountant with the personal injury law firm of Ready, Able and Willing. Yes, that was their name. Seriously. This was something he always had to answer for and the idea that these grown men with advanced law degrees should meet up and form a law firm based solely on the fact that their last names would form a memorable combination appalled him. But they were decent men and despite the regular jabs in the ribs from chuckling clients, he was happy there.

His 38-year-old wife Ellen was a stay-at-home sort, sweet and cheerful, intelligent and fun to make love to. She was no classic beauty but during her younger years, she had turned a head or two. However, after 19 years of marriage and two children in their terrible teens, the energy had been drained out of her. Life at home was now just a daily routine that kept them in groceries, the bills paid, the mortgage kept up to date and the kids in clothes and shoes. Beyond that, she felt she had done her job—everyone was alive, healthy, clothed, housed and educated.

A two o’clock date with a daily soap opera, which she called ‘my story’, broke up her day and afterward she put the fixings on for supper, usually something that didn’t require much attention. Pot roast was a favorite—a big cut of cheap beef, some chopped vegetables, water, seasoning, throw it in the oven at low temperatures for an hour or two and supper was ready. She rarely grilled anything and potatoes were always boiled and served with skin on. After all, why peel away the vitamins? Vegetables came from a can and were often poured into boiling water for several minutes to heat them up before serving. Dessert would be either over-sweetened Jell-O with canned fruit floating in it or some Hostess Ho-Ho’s she got on sale at the local supermarket.

As a result, everyone in the family was at least twenty pounds overweight and in their youngest child Alice’s case, it was at least fifty pounds. Her brother Louis at 18 was two years older and in the same class as Michael Wilder, the father of her baby. Only Louis didn’t know. Her parents didn’t know either. The secret was only Alice’s.

It was Monday night and supper was already over. After finishing her two hot dogs, potato salad and sweet corn, Alice was sitting in the small living room, nervously watching that night’s edition of “Laugh-In”. Her eyes were darting around the room, watching as her father sat down in his recliner and began to read the local newspaper, The Roseville Chronicle. In between reading the classified ads and doing the crossword puzzle, he watched along with the rest of the family. Louis was sprawled out on the floor and Ellen joined them after the dishes had been finished. By the time the program was winding down, the whole family was in there, saying nothing to each other, eyes glued to the set.

Alice looked down at her hands and saw that her palms were sweating. She had been putting this off for days but with her menstrual periods gone for almost three months and her tender breasts leaking milk; there was no question about her pregnancy. Only her fat helped hide the fact that her tummy was swelling outward.

Ellen finally opened her mouth to say something. “So, Alice how was school today?”

Alice just nodded and mumbled something about her classes.

“What?” Ellen’s ears didn’t catch it. “Can you repeat that?”

“I said I’m pregnant!” Alice blurted out and then quickly covered her mouth with her hands as if that would push the words back in.

All eyes were suddenly on her. Even Louis rolled over from his semi-conscious state on the floor to stare. Edward was still doing his crossword puzzles, completely ignoring her. Ellen’s mouth dropped open.

Finally, Ellen managed to rasp out a response. “You’re… pregnant?”

Alice nodded, starting to cry.

“Are you sure?” Ellen asked, trying to stay calm. “When was your last period?”

“Mom!” Alice protested the personal question. “I’m pregnant, okay? There’s no question about it.”

Now Edward seemed to have heard what was going on and the paper was slowly lowered to reveal his eyes wide in surprise. “Did someone say ‘pregnant’?”

“Alice thinks she’s pregnant, Edward,” Ellen said, her voice strained.

Louis was taking this in with interest, a grin playing at his lips. He always enjoyed anything that put Alice in trouble and this was the topper of all so far. “Geez Alice,” he finally said. “I thought it was just a rumor that you were—“

“Louis!” Ellen said sharply, cutting him off. “Alice, who is the father?”

She was still sniffling. “I can’t tell you that right now. I know who the father is. There’s only one guy, but I have to talk this over with him and I don’t want to get him in trouble.”

“It seems to me that you’re the one in trouble,” Ellen answered, getting more composed now. “Didn’t you think? Didn’t you use your head? What did you think would happen if you let a boy touch you!”

“I don’t know,” Alice looked up at her mother. “That maybe he’d love me?”

“Does he?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know.”

Ellen got up and took a seat next to Alice. “The question is now what you think is going to happen. We need to get you to the doctor and get it confirmed. Do you realize how much work a baby is? Did you think it would just be fun to have a baby? And what is going to happen to your future and your plans for college? You wanted to be a nurse! How can you do that if you have a baby to take care of?”

“Well, you’re the one who wanted me to be a nurse,” Alice started to say. “I wanted to be an artist.”

“It doesn’t matter, Alice!” Ellen exploded. “What matters is that you are pregnant, have no idea if the father even likes you and your life is going to be ruined! Don’t you understand? Did you think we would take care of this child for you while you just go on as if nothing happened?”

“I never thought that at all!” Alice protested. “I want to have my baby but I’ll take care of it! You don’t have to worry!” She got up and ran to her room.

Edward just sat there with a confounded look on his face, watching her go. Then he turned to Ellen. “Mother, I believe you have messed up here.”

“Oh shut up, Edward!” Ellen spat, fuming.

Alice had grabbed the phone book on the way to her room, and despite her sobbing, was looking through it for Michael’s phone number. When she found a listing for James Wilder, she took a chance and dialed it from the little princess extension phone in her bedroom.

A male voice answered, but she didn’t recognize it as Michael or Daniel. “Hello?” she said. “Is Michael there?”

James was on the other end and he recognized Alice’s voice immediately. “No, Alice he’s not here. Can I take a message?”

Alice was surprised at hearing her own name. “Who is this?” she asked.

“This is Mr. Wilder, Michael’s father. Are you all right?” James was sensing the problem even over the phone lines. It was Alice, pregnant by Michael and probably going to pop out a little angel in a matter of a few months. “You sound upset.”

“No, no,” she lied. “When is he going to be home?”

“Well he’s staying with a friend a few miles away and probably won’t be back until tomorrow morning before school. Is there anything I can do to help you?”

You could take me in and love me as your daughter, Alice thought, but her voice said something else. “No, Mr. Wilder, thank you. I need to talk to Michael. I guess I can do it tomorrow, but if you hear from him tonight, can you ask him to call me, please? It’s important!”

“I’ll ask him to call you, Alice,” James answered and after a brief goodbye, he hung up the phone. Mary was sitting across the kitchen table from him sipping a cup of tea and listening. “It’s Alice Fitch,” James said briefly. “She’s the one. She must have told her parents tonight. I can sense a lot of hostility coming from their house. They are not taking it well and she is thinking of running away.”

“We can’t allow that!” Mary answered. “But we can’t take her in here. Michael would have a fit.”

“And I will have a much bigger fit if something happens to Alice or that child,” James said. “I can contact Michael and see if he can call her to calm her down.”

Up in the skies over southern California, Derasthe, Asmodeus, Michael and Daniel were enjoying a violent game of aerial football, only without the ball. They were simply flying at each other, colliding and bouncing off, then flying around to do it again even if blood spattered. Daniel had never had such a raucous good time in his life and Michael was fondly remembering similar games back in their ancestral Void home. Asmodeus had just taken a very hard hitting shot at Daniel, sending him spinning toward the ground when Michael heard his father’s voice in his head. “Michael, where are you?”

“Damn, I’m not used to this…” Michael growled, banging his right ear and shaking his head as if that would toss his father out. “Yes, dad? I’m in southern California with Derasthe, Asmodeus and Daniel. We’re just doing some physical stuff.”

“Alice has told her parents about the pregnancy and it hasn’t gone well. She wants to talk to you as soon as possible.”

Michael realized that his parents knew. “Uh…okay. Sorry Dad, I was going to tell you. She just told me today.”

“It’s not unexpected though little Alice Fitch may not have been the best candidate for it, but we’ll manage. Call her, will you? Her number is 555-1891.”

His father’s presence disappeared and he waved at Derasthe to get his attention. “I have to call someone,” he called. “Where is the nearest phone?”

“You can call them without a phone,” Derasthe answered. “Just imagine that person’s phone, make it ring and when they answer, have your conversation. You’ll get it once you try.”

That seemed like an odd way to make a phone call but things had been so strange for the last few days that Michael didn’t question it. He did as Derasthe instructed and sure enough, moments later he was speaking to the girl bearing his child. “Alice, what happened?” he asked.

She was sobbing. “I’m sorry, Michael. I told my parents and screwed it up so bad. Now my mother is upset and the whole house is in an uproar. I wish I was dead!”

“Don’t say such things,” Michael admonished her. “You’ll work things out with your folks, I know you will!”

“Michael, I think it would be better if they could meet you. They think I am the school whore and sleep with everyone now.”

Michael groaned inwardly. Meeting the parents was one step closer to the ‘M’ word but he kept his feelings to himself. “Okay, Alice, I guess I can meet them. When should I come?”

“I know you’re busy but could you come tonight? Just for a little while?”

“Just a second, let me ask,” He put her on “hold”, so to speak and waved Derasthe over. “I need to go deal with a problem. Can we come back to this? It’s fun—I really do like it.”

“We’ll be doing a turn around the planet in about an hour,” Derasthe said. “We can go over Wisconsin and you can join us then if you like. Can you find your own way home?”

He nodded. “I remember how to get home. My memory is complete and there is a lot I do remember but it helps with the review. I’ll join you guys later on, thanks.” He went back to Alice. “I’m coming—I’ll be there in half an hour, okay? But I can only stay a few minutes.”

Alice felt her soul lift at the words. “Yes, Michael, we’ll be here! I’ll tell my parents! Don’t be late, okay?”

“Okay,” Michael agreed. “See you soon.”

“I love you Michael,” came the words. They hurt.

“I’ll see you shortly,” he returned, not acknowledging the pain.

Half an hour later, he was back in Roseville and standing in front of Alice’s house. He had gone home first to change back into his human form and to get dressed in his usual garb of blue jeans and a t-shirt but then changed his mind and put on khaki slacks and a short-sleeved blue cotton shirt, then brushed his unruly thick mop of black hair. It was important not to upset Alice’s parents any further by presenting himself as a slob but now here he was, feeling like a prisoner going down the last mile as he approached the house and knocked on the front door.

“Who’s that?” Edward asked from behind his newspaper. “It’s after 9PM. Who on earth would be at the door at this hour?”

Alice rushed to get ahead of her mother and opened the door. Seeing Michael out there, hair combed, dressed nicely and smiling made her feel better. “Hi,” she said shyly, surprised at his tidy appearance. “You look nice!”

“Hi,” Michael returned. “So, shall we get this over with?”

“Alice, who’s at the door?” Ellen barked at her, then gasped and collapsed on the sofa as Michael ducked his head inside to enter. Even as a human, the young angel filled the room with his intense physical presence. Edward glanced up and then dropped the newspaper and stared slack jawed.

Louis was still on the floor, but he rolled around to spot Michael. “Hey Wilder, how’s it goin’?” he said, recognizing Michael from one of his classes and then a revelation seemed to come over him. He sat straight up and stared. “No way, Alice! Michael Wilder?”

“Mom, dad,” Alice said, her voice quivering. “This is Michael Wilder. He’s the father of our baby.”

The room went dead silent. Ellen was still staring at the handsome longhaired young giant who had entered the room.

“Um, hi,” Michael said, waving. “Nice to meet you all.” He looked around the room, but no one was moving. “Is everyone ok?”

“They’re fine,” Alice answered. “Michael, can you stay for a little while? I’m sure mom and dad have some questions for you.” Alice led him to the sofa and he sat down next to Ellen, who continued staring. Alice settled in next to him. “Daddy, don’t you have some questions for us?”

Edward kept staring for a moment then seemed to notice what Alice was saying. “Uh…uh, yes, we have some questions, Michael…” His voice faded away, and then came back as he seemed to refocus on other things. “You’re James Wilder’s son aren’t you? I haven’t seen you boys in a while. You grew up!”

Michael nodded, trying to stay upbeat. “Um, yeah, 14 inches in one year. Drove my mom crazy trying to keep us both in clothes.”

Edward seemed to have forgotten why Michael was there. “So you boys play a little basketball then? Been recruited anywhere?”

Michael shook his head at the old question. “Sorry no, we don’t play organized sports at all, neither of us. Just work out at school and home. Sometimes we do some outdoor stuff—hiking, camping, fishing.” His tense smile grew brighter as he tried to keep the mood light.

Ellen finally shook off her reaction and managed to speak. “I-I think what Mr. Fitch means, Michael, is that do you have any plans for after high school. Are you going to college?”

Michael thought a moment. He had been planning on attending the University of Wisconsin to major in telecommunications but recent events had put that in jeopardy. “Well, I’m still deciding, but definitely will be doing something after high school. Just not sure what.”

“If I were you, I’d plan on getting a job, man, you’re going to need it,” Louis chuckled, enjoying the show but Ellen shushed him.

“Michael, this baby has us concerned,” Ellen tried to explain. “Alice wants to have it so badly, but we want to know what your thoughts and plans are. Do you plan to help with the baby? Are you going to take responsibility for it and be there for it when it’s growing up? Bringing a baby into the world is a big responsibility that can cost you dearly. No funds for college, no time to get to know each other, no time to do anything with your friends or even hardly get out of the house except to buy groceries. I don’t think Alice is ready for it, but are you?”

“To be honest, Mrs. Fitch,” Michael answered. “I’m not sure. Alice and I haven’t really talked about it, but I do know that whatever happens, I will be a big part of this baby’s life and will support it…and Alice…as best as I can.” He glanced at Alice and stifled a wince as she nearly swooned on his arm, delirious with love.

Ellen and Edward looked at each other. What did that mean? “Michael,” Ellen finally asked. “Does that mean you’re serious about your relationship with Alice?”

The ‘S’ word was just a couple short of the ‘M’ word. Michael wanted desperately to exit through the ceiling but he just kept smiling. “I don’t know, Mrs. Edwards. As I said, Alice and I have to talk. I am serious about wanting to be there for the baby though. You won’t be able to keep me away from it.” That was literally true. This child would be guarded 24 hours a day, whether by him or by Daniel or any other friendly angel they could rope into it.

Alice snuggled into his arm. “Oh Michael,” she said. “That makes me so happy.”

“Yeah,” he answered, his smile becoming strained. “Me too.”

“Michael,” Ellen continued. “Have you told your parents about this baby?”

“Yes, ma’am. They weren’t thrilled either but my mom loves babies and is looking forward to helping out with it. So is my dad.” It was a bald-faced lie. Mary loved babies all right but was quite adamant that her sons lie in the beds they make. Michael wouldn’t get much help beyond absolute necessity from her. She would just sit back, enjoy playing with the baby and laugh at his efforts to be a good papa. If he was extremely lucky, she might help him change a diaper once in a while.

Ellen and Edward looked at each other again, knowing that his last answer was not exactly truthful. Ellen turned to Michael again. “Sweetie, would it be possible to meet your parents? Soon? I think we better iron some things out.”

Michael was silently screaming NO, but once again he just bit his tongue and smiled. “Oh…yeah, I’m sure they would enjoy that!”

Ellen got up, retrieved a phone with a long cord and brought it over to him. “Will they still be up?”

He stared at the phone for a moment, and then glanced up at her. “Why?”

“I want you to call them and then give the phone to me. We’ll set this up for as soon as possible.”

Slowly, like a condemned man eating his last meal, Michael took the phone and began to dial. Please don’t answer, please don’t answer, please don’t answer…the prayer ended when James picked up the phone at his home. “Hello?”

“Um, hi dad, it’s me,” Michael said, his eyes on Ellen, who was standing by watching his every move. “I’m over at Alice’s house.”

“How‘s it going, son?” James asked, knowing that Michael must really be on a hot plate right about now. “I’ve been following along from afar but your mom had me do some chores and I lost track. Is everything ok?”

“Oh, yeah,” Michael answered, glancing up at Ellen. “Just great. In fact, Mr. and Mrs. Fitch want to meet with you and mom…soon.”

“Is she there? Ellen Fitch that is?” James asked.

“Um…yeah…”

James had dealt with Ellen Fitch before when she had rented a storage unit at his business then conveniently forgot to pay for the last three months. He had to clear it out and sell what he could to recoup the loss and was nearly livid when he found only a few empty boxes, an old bed and the most ugly painting of two Boxer dogs he had ever seen. “Well you tell that old cow that we will meet with her tomorrow at seven o’clock in the evening and she better have the last three months rent for her storage unit when she gets here. And we’re meeting here!”

James waited for the gurgled response that he knew Michael would have while he was trying to turn that answer into something he could tell the Fitch family without starting a feud. “Um…” was all he got out before Ellen Fitch took the phone from him. “Mr. Wilder?”

“Ah, Mrs. Fitch,” James answered sweetly. “If it suits you, we can meet here at seven o’clock tomorrow night to discuss the situation.”

“That will do just fine, Mr. Wilder,” Ellen said. “I’m sure we can come to an understanding and make a plan for the future of these two young people.”

“I’m sure, Mrs. Fitch. See you then,” James started to hang up, then changed his mind and shot one last statement over the phone. “And please bring that storage unit rental fee that you still owe me.”

Before she could respond, he hung up.

Michael thought he could see smoke coming out of Ellen’s ears as she hung up the phone. “Is there a problem?” he asked.

“Um…no, of course not. We will meet tomorrow night at your house, Michael.”

“Great!” He rose from the sofa, slipping out of Alice’s grasp. “I have to go now. I have some things to get done tonight, but I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I’ll see you to the door!” Alice clambered out of the sofa and caught hold of his arm again. Once outside the door, she closed it and turned back to him. “Thank you for coming. I think it helped. Maybe we can work out something tomorrow.”

“Yeah, maybe we can,” Michael smiled down at her. He really did like her, but he just didn’t love her. It was obvious however that Alice loved him. “You take care of yourself, okay?” He leaned down and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. “Seven o’clock tomorrow, my house.”

“Okay.” Alice watched him go, her smile wider than ever. Whatever happened tomorrow would not change the fact that tonight and forever, she was the mother of Michael Leighton Wilder’s child.

Tomorrow came very quickly. Michael and his brother had spent the rest of the night with Derasthe and Asmodeus, rocketing around the world at high speeds for hours on end until it was inevitable that the two younger angels had to go home in time to get ready to go to school. Neither wanted to stop but Derasthe was firm and set them down in the backyard of the old house while Asmodeus disappeared into the sky toward parts unknown. As he did so, James and Mary both came out to greet Derasthe.

“Derasthe, you old dog!” James called out. “I haven’t seen you in years! How have you been doing?” The two embraced like long-lost buddies and then Derasthe gave a big hug to Mary.

“I’m fine, James. Thank you for calling me in to help with Daniel and Michael. They are amazing young angels, really tiptop! They kept me on my toes all night.”

Daniel and Michael glanced at each other then looked at their parents. “So you know each other too?” Daniel asked.

“Derasthe was brought to me years ago for some orientation,” James answered. “It was only a few hours while you boys were off at summer camp, but we had a great time. I’m so pleased to see you doing well, Derasthe. We’ve even seen a few of your movies!”

“A few?” Derasthe feigned disappointment, and then turned back toward Mary. “You are more beautiful than ever, my sweetheart. Did I mention that I wanted to sweep you away from this old bounder and take you up into the sky with me?”

“Um yeah,” Mary smiled back, not quite utterly charmed by him. “A few times, I think. But I was busy nursing Michael, pregnant with Daniel and couldn’t go flying off with you. Sorry.”

“The offer still stands.” Derasthe looked back at the two angels he had brought in, admiration in his eyes. “They are going to be amazing, I can feel it. They both have complete memories now, though the old Void stuff is a bit too far back for them. It will be easy enough to pick up though. We will go again tonight and have a bit more practice in navigation. Maybe I’ll even introduce them to Leila!”

“Leila!” both brothers echoed. “She sounds hot!” Daniel grinned. “I can’t wait.”

Derasthe winked at James. “Oh she is hot all right. You’ll see. But for now I have a movie needing a producer so I must be off. You two settle into your studies at school, do you hear? Education is still very important so don’t slack off or I’ll be forced to deal harshly with you.”

“We understand,” Michael nodded, unsure of what ‘deal harshly’ actually meant but it sounded weird.

“He means,” James translated. “That he will whip your behinds and he can do it too.”

“Which reminds me, do they have swords?” Derasthe asked.

“Daniel has his, not sure about Michael,” James answered. “Boys?”

“Got it!” Daniel produced the long shining blade he had kept hidden while his two personalities were separated and swung it around a bit, causing Michael to jump away and Derasthe to place a cautionary hand on his arm.

“Why not put it away until later, before you hurt someone?” he said. “We’re going to start in our martial arts training tonight…with Leila…so bring it along.”

“All right,” Daniel said. “I guess old Daniel the angel didn’t really impart his swordplay expertise to me yet.”

“And you, Michael?” Derasthe asked. “Did you find it?”

Michael hated to admit that though he tried to bring a sword out of his subconscious somewhere, it didn’t happen. “No,” he said. “No sword here.”

“Well, we can fix that later. Leila has plenty and she may know where your sword is.” Derasthe gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder. “But now I have to be off. See you tonight then, around ten o’clock central time?”

Glancing at their parents, who nodded, both boys smiled. “Absolutely,” Michael confirmed. “We’ll be there.”

“Excellent!” Derasthe disappeared before their eyes.

“How did he do THAT?” Daniel exclaimed.

“You’ll find out,” James answered. “Now you boys have about two hours to get your homework done before school. If I were you, I’d hustle.”