The Maze Bummer: A Parody of The Maze Runner

He began his new life standing in a cold, dark room.

My name is Thomas, he thought. That’s all he could remember. He couldn’t remember anything else about his life. He couldn’t even remember what he was. Maybe I’m a giraffe, thought Thomas. That would be cool.

Suddenly the room jolted upward. Harsh sounds of chains and pulleys echoed around Thomas as the room kept ascending. He was in some sort of elevator.

With a groan and a clank, the room stopped. From outside the elevator above, Thomas heard a bunch of male voices chanting.

 “Girl! Girl! Girl! Girl!”

There was the sound of a latch being opened, and a straight line of light appeared across the ceiling and expanded. Thomas looked down at his body. He wasn’t a giraffe, he was a human. Darn.

Thomas looked up and saw a number of sets of eyes peering down at him. The male voices were talking again. But now they were angry.

“Klunk! It’s another dude!”

“Klunk me!”

“Maybe it’s a girl with really short hair?”

“It’s a dude, you piece of klunk.”

“This klunking klunks.”

“Motherklunker!”

A rope dropped down from above. Thomas grabbed it and was pulled up out of the elevator. When he stepped out the light blinded him momentarily, but then his eyes adjusted and the scene came into focus.

He was surrounded by dudes.

They were all his age, which he vaguely remembered was 17 or 18. A bunch of 17 and 18-year-old dudes.

One of the dudes took a step forward and spoke to Thomas. And as soon as Thomas heard the words, he knew he’d remember them for as long as he lived:

“Welcome to the Sausage Fest.”