The Lies that Made Us

Amelia

She felt lost in the darkness with no light to guide her. She would have thought she was dead, but there was pain to teether her back to the land of the living. There was something else as well, a familiar faraway voice calling for her, begging her to stay. For the moment, she could not find her way back or a way forward, so she stood in the darkness, shivering.

She rubbed her arms, feeling the familiar fabric of the black dress she wore every day. She wondered where her cloak was as it might have helped with the coldness. As she stood in the darkness shivering, she wondered if it was worth it to go on. She could keep trying to win her freedom, but would it ever bring her happiness? She could move away and become someone else, but would she ever not be haunted by what she left behind?

As much as she wanted to hate Brynn or at least feel indifferent to him, she could not. Her eyes constantly sought him as her magic reached his way. It felt wrong not to speak with him as she once did, but to try seemed impossible. He was not who she thought he was, and she had changed beyond what she knew he could recognize. Still, she wished it were different. She wished there was a way to go back, or maybe somehow they could find the trust they had once had for each other. She wished he could love her again as she could not stop hers for him.

As she stood in the darkness, she saw a small light spark in the distance. She started walking towards it, hoping it would bring warmth. The closer she got to it, the safer she felt. Her heart beat stronger, and she did not shiver as she once did. The light grew stronger and stronger until she came upon it. A man stood in the light with his back turned. As she approached, he turned around, and Amelia made a sound between a laugh and a sob.

He held out his hand to her, and she rushed forward to take it. King Iver smiled down upon her, his brown eyes much like Brynn’s. He raised her hand and kissed it as she gazed up at him.

“You are here,” she whispered. “I have missed you so much.”

“I have missed you, my darling girl. Let me look at you.” He let go of her hand, and she moved closer to him. He touched her cheek and smiled. “You have grown even more lovely, Amelia, but you look sad and tired.”

“I am both of those things.” She looked around to see they were in a room much like his study. A warm fire burned nearby, and the air smelled of sweet wine and baking bread. “Am I where I think I am? Is this the end?”

“The end?” The king laughed. “My dearest, I don’t believe there is a true end, just a bunch of new beginnings. This is where we leave things behind and go on to something more.”

“Am I going on then?” she asked as she moved closer to the fire.

“I don’t make those decisions. Do you wish for a new beginning?”

“More than you know, your majesty. I am done with the life I have. It has all gone wrong.”

He came to stand beside her, and he took her hand again. “I know it has not been easy or fair. I hated leaving you. You know it is not your fault, don’t you?”

“I never should have left you that night.”

“You could not have protected me the whole time. What was done would have been done eventually. I am only sorry for what has happened to you.” He pulled her so she would turn towards him. “Amelia, I know how you have suffered. None of it is fair, but don’t let it cause you more pain than it already has. Do not let it forget who you are.”

“I have already forgotten. I betrayed who I was so many times in that tower that I don’t even recognize myself anymore.”

“You did not betray yourself. You did what you needed to do to survive. Don’t let him take away from you more than he already has,” said the king.

“I should just go on from here. The kingdom is better off without me. My father will no longer have to live in shame, and Brynn can be completely free of me. He seems to have moved on already.”

“You know none of that is true, especially about Brynn. You two have been bonded for so long. He could not set you aside even when he tried. He loves you, Amelia. You must see it.”

“You are mistaken. You have not seen how he looks at me. What he once held for me is gone.”

The king smiled sadly. “He has his own burdens and guilt, my dear. They are not your fault, but they keep him held back in a way he never did before. I wanted him to grow up and mature a bit, but I never wanted him to lose who he was. I need you to remind him.”

“You have chosen the wrong messenger, my king. He will not listen to me,” said Amelia.

“He will. You are the only one who can help him, but you must let him help you as well. He needs you, Amelia, and I believe you need him as well.”

She looked away and shook her head. “I think he might be better off without me. He should have stayed away.”

“No. He couldn’t leave you as you were. It would have slowly destroyed him. Amelia, both of my sons have lost their way. One is beyond what can be helped, but Brynn is worth the effort. I know you believe he is. Promise me you will help him.”

“If there were anything I could do for you or him, I would, but the division between us seems too wide.”

The king smirked a little as he pulled her closer. “The largest river in our kingdom is very wide near its northern mouth. It is almost impossible to cross when the water is running strong, but if you move along the bank towards the south, it becomes so narrow you could cross it in two strides. Even better, there is a bridge in the middle of the kingdom. Right now, you are only looking at the things that divide you. If you search for the things that still bind you together, I think you will find a way to cross, whether that’s by stepping through the anger, hurt, and fear or finding a way over them.”

“I don’t want to give up on him,” said Amelia with tears in her eyes. “I have wanted him for him for so long.”

“Then do not give up. Promise me you will try. Even if you can’t find a way to love him as you did before, can you still help him? He will have much to do soon, and he can’t do it without you.”

Amelia nodded. “I will help him. I promise.”

The king leaned down and kissed her forehead. She closed her eyes and felt him take his hand from hers. When she opened her eyes, he, his light and warmth, were gone.

“My loveliest Amelia,” said a voice that made Amelia’s blood run cold. “You miss me, don’t you?”

She felt his arms go around her waist as his warm breath floated against her ear. “No. I want never to see you again.”

He chuckled as his hands moved up her body. “After all our times together, you do not miss me? I am sure you do. Think of all those nights of pleasure I gave you. Finish this task and then come back to me. I will find a place for you to stay and continue to come to you. We never have to be apart.”

She shook her head as her hands went to his. “I do not want you. I never have.”

“Do not lie to yourself, my dear.”

She threw his hands off of her and pushed her elbows back to knock him down. She turned to look at him when she suddenly sat up in bed. Terror gripped her as she looked around, not knowing where she was. She jumped up, ready to flee, going she did not know where.

She felt hands grab her, and she looked up to see what she thought was Gareth standing in the shadows. She struggled to get away. She was prepared to do what she always should have, fight him.

“It’s alright, Amelia. You are safe here, I promise.”

The gentle voice stopped her. It was not Gareth. She reached up as she stared at Brynn’s face. “I thought you were him. I couldn’t let him do it again.”

“It is me, Amelia. I will not hurt you.”

She leaned into him and felt his strong arms wrap around her. She had longed for this for so long, to be back in his arms feeling completely loved. It must have been a part of her dream, but it was a sweet dream.

She let out her fear and guilt as she cried in his arms. “I didn’t do it, Brynn. I didn’t.”

“I know. I never thought you did.”

She wanted to believe he meant it. She had always hoped he would know she would never hurt his father. “Why didn’t you come back? I thought you would come help me, but you never came. Even if you didn’t love me anymore, I thought I would at least still mean something to you.”

His arms tightened around her as she put her head against his chest. She heard his heart pounding and felt his warmth. It all seemed so real.

“I never stopped loving you, Amelia. I was a coward.”

He loved her. It could not be real. She wanted to hear him say it again, but the darkness surrounded her once more.

She woke up hearing someone scuffling around the room. As she opened her eyes, she saw the morning light coming through the window. As she sat up, her body protested in pain. It felt as though she had been ill with a fever as even her bones ached.

“There is some tea here if you would like some, mam,” said a female voice close to the fire.

Amelia looked at the woman to find her a little older than herself. She was putting some logs on the fire. After wiping the sleep from her eyes, Amelia stood up and went to the small table by the fire, and poured a cup of tea before sitting down slowly.

“Where are the men who came here with me?” asked Amelia as she took a sip of tea.

“You came with the prince, didn’t you?” the girl asked. Amelia nodded. “I saw him by the stables arguing with some of his guards. They wanted to leave you behind, but the prince wouldn’t have it. He said they would stay until you were well enough to travel.”

“What did the guards say to that?”

“I didn’t hear all of it, but I heard them speak of a boy and having to move on. The prince seemed agitated and annoyed,” said the woman. “I heard him agree that something must be done about the boy.”

Amelia put down her tea cup and picked up some toast on the plate. “Can you send a message for me to the prince?”

“Yes, mam. Would you like some paper?”

“No, as I will just tell you, and you can speak it to him. Tell him that I shall be ready in less than an hour and will meet them all by the stables.”

The woman looked at her. “Are you sure, mam? You do look as though you have been unwell.”

“I am very sure. Please do as I ask. I do not want to delay my party, and I am ready to ride on.”

“Yes, mam,” said the servant as she curtsied and left the room.

Amelia finished her toast and tea before standing up. She went to the bed and found her bag close by. She saw that her red book was lying next to it and not in her bag. Also, outside the bag was a jar of ointment on the bedside table. Deciding Brynn or someone must have used the ointment on her wound, making the book fall out, she thought nothing of it, placing both back inside.

After brushing her hair and braiding it, she picked up her cloak and went to the door. Before she could open it, it flew open with Brynn standing in the doorway.

“You shouldn’t be up, Amelia,” he said with no greeting. “You need to rest.”

“I am fine,” she said as she stood as straight as she could. “I wish I had time to mend the back of my dress and cloak, but I will have to let it be for now.”

Brynn closed the door and walked closer to her. “You almost died last night. I can tell you are weak and still ill. You will need more healing done today and probably tomorrow.”

“And we can do them on the way. I am well enough to ride a horse which is all that is needed. Hopefully, we have put the shadowlands behind us for a few days, and we will not run into trouble. Truly, your highness, I am able to continue.”

Brynn walked up to her and took her hand. She felt his magic run through her, and she tried to gather her strength to hide how ill and tired she felt. He leaned towards her. “You don’t have to do this. No one will think you are weak for resting one more day.”

“That boy is being held by evil men, and every day he is there is life is in danger. I have felt the darkness and know what it is like. I cannot let it take an innocent child.”

He whispered her name as though in pain as he stared down at her. She thought of her dreams from the night before, of her promise to Brynn’s father and the feeling of being in Brynn’s arms. She wondered if any of it was real, or perhaps all of it was in some way.

She softened her eyes and let her shoulders sag. “I promise to tell you if I am tired and need to rest, but Brynn, I have to save the young prince. I didn’t think it would matter. I thought I had gone past caring about another’s life, but now, I know it is still a part of who I am. Life is precious, and I must protect it.”

He rubbed her hand gently and nodded. “We will leave this morning, but you will ride with me.”

“I can handle a horse,” said Amelia.

“I know you can, but you are weak, and the darkness still lingers in you. If you are close to me, I can feel if you need help. You can also rest more along the way. Please, Amelia, do not fight me on this.”

“Just for today, Brynn. I do not wish to be seen as weak.”

“After what you did for all of us yesterday, no one could see you as anything but powerful. We all owe you our lives, especially me.”

“There was no thought to it. I wish to protect you all, especially you.”

He grinned down at her, and she couldn’t help but return it. He leaned even further down towards her, but before he could say or do anything else, there was a knock at the door. They both turned to see Owain walk into the room.

Brynn sighed. “I suppose something is comforting to you being so consistent, Owain, though at times, I wish you weren’t.”

He looked confused as Amelia rolled her eyes with a smile. “Come on; we need to be going.” She started to walk forward, but Brynn stopped her by holding out his arm. She looked up at him for a few moments before she accepted it, and he helped her from the room.