The Alphas’ P**n Star Mate

Estel

POV

"He's touching us! He's touching us again!" Ada was bouncing on her paws, feeling the sparks through me.

"Don't get too excited yet," I kept warning her.

Everything happened so quickly after he tried attacking us, we haven't had time to talk to him. He had to relay everything that had been happening because of his ex-mate to Mick and Miles, and then we had to plan our attack. We haven't had a moment to discuss anything or clear the air. "Don't be a sour puss. Look at the way he's staring at you."

Butterflies fluttered inside my stomach. My wolf was right about Boyd's stare. I could feel his eyes on me.

His hands and his eyes haven't left me much since he came to in the Alphas' and Luna's room. His wolf was all over Ada, which had turned her completely. She's forgotten all about the pain we've felt the last several days being constantly rejected by him.

He's not rejecting me now. That's for sure. I'm still not sure that I'm ready to just give in to the bond like Ada is though.

He didn't want me before he felt the bond. He seemed disgusted with me. Repulsed by my presence. To me, the only change I feel there was in him was the black magic's removal, so he could feel our bond at last. That doesn't wash away the pain I felt from the way he treated me. I glanced over at Boyd, and his eyes were still boring into me. They were following every feature on my face until his gaze finally met mine, then he gave me the gentlest smile.

"Your room or mine?" He asked, like it was the most basic of questions. Like it wasn't loaded with assumptions and inclinations as to what happens next.

Ada was screaming in my head, urging me now to overthink this, but I couldn't stop myself. I needed time to think about what I wanted. I didn't want to go along with him just because he was magically okay now.

Still, his earnest stare was making it hard to form the words I was thinking. That didn't stop me from spilling them out.

"I think we should go to our own rooms for tonight."

His expression fell into one of confusion. His fingers pressed more into my back, and I had to step out of his reach before the sparks made me change my mind.

I watched as his face made every emotion imaginable given the situation, until it landed on a broken mess that I could feel. It was like I was hurting too just seeing his sudden pain.

"You.... You don't want me either?..."

Either? Like, he didn't want me either? Is that what he was asking?

Then why does his expression look so painful right now?

"Either?" I scoffed softly. "So you really don't want me? Is the bond the reason why you're acting like you have been? Being all touchy feel with me?"

"Wait. What are you talking about?" He looked confused again.

I shook my head, trying to hold back my angry tears. "If I'm not up to your standards, just say it, so we can be done with this and move on," I snapped, then rushed off down the hall before I could feel any more hurt than I already was.

I went to wipe the fury from under my eyes, but my hand drew away covered in a bloody mess.

No wonder he was staring at me like that. He was probably just amused by how disgusting I look right now. Maybe that wasn't real affection after all.

"Estel!"

I gritted my teeth, hurrying faster towards my room. I didn't have far, but I felt him getting closer. I didn't want him to see me break down like this, already looking like a mess from killing his first mate, and the tears were doing nothing to help my appearance. "Estel!"

Right as my hand touched my doorknob, he closed his around my wrist. I felt his heat pressing into my back. His scent, cinnamon and figs, washed over me.

"Don't run from me," his voice was pleading. "Please, please don't run."

"I'm not," I lied through my teeth. My voice shook from the pressing emotions.

His scent and the sparks from his touch weren't helping me get myself under control. He was flooding me with both. I just stared at the ground, willing this moment to end, so I could run inside and shower before facing him again. Maybe I could ask Chloe or Emily to help me dress myself up, so I wasn't so ragged when I was ready to face him again.

"Estel. Look at me," Boyd urged. "Please."

"I can't," I growled through my tears.

"Why not?"

"I'm disgusting right now," I snapped. "I already knew you liked prettier women. Just let me shower or something before we talk. I can't do this right now."

"The fuck? Are you fucking serious right now?"

I stayed silent, closing my eyes to press back more of the moisture spilling from them.

"Look at me," he demanded.

"Fuck you," I growled.

He let out a frustrated groan, then his hand brushed the side of my face. He was gently trying to turn my head. I could only resist the tingles from his touch for so long before I finally turned my face towards his.

"I think there's a big misunderstanding," he whispered softly, "because not once, not ever, did I think you were disgusting. Not once did I not think you weren't the prettiest woman I had ever seen in my life." "Bull shit."

"It's true. Even when the darkness inside me was violently fighting it, I was attracted to you from the second I opened my eyes in that basement. You are the most... the most stunning woman I've ever laid eyes on." He had to be lying. "I'm the complete opposite of Chloe and your ex."

A sad smile moved on his face. "That's what makes you even more beautiful to me."

"SEE!" Ada huffed with a haughty air in my mind.

My heart wanted him. My wolf did too. Every fiber of my being wanted this man, but my mind just wasn't there yet. There was so much pain from before.

"You said either," I whispered numbly. "You said you didn't want me either."

"No. I said you didn't want me either," he said slowly, like he was talking to a two-year-old. "I have never been the first choice of anyone, Estel. Never. I was my first mate's back-up plan, and every other woman I ever showed interest in didn't like me back."

He was talking about Chloe, which hurt in a strange way, since I've grown to like her a little. But there was also relief that came with it. Chloe messed around with the other men from their club in their line of work, but she never touched Boyd. I tried to cling to that thought. "I've lived with constant rejection, Estel. That's all I've ever known, and I've survived it all, but I don't think I can survive you rejecting me."

Both of his hands were cupping my face. His eyes were reflecting all the emotions I was feeling back at me. The fears and insecurities. Everything.

In those seconds as we stared at one another, my head finally caught up to what the rest of my body already knew.

He was mine. My mate. I didn't want to reject him, and he didn't either.

"I don't want to reject you," I whispered brokenly. My bottom lip quivered with the confession. "You're all I've ever wanted. Everything, down to your scent. I just.... I just don't want to get hurt anymore."

His breath caught in his throat. The agony intensified in his eyes before he tightly closed them and rested his head to mine. The contact was painfully sweet, the tingles soothing us both, but the pain from the past several days still made us both tense. That was until, with a shaky breath, he pressed his face closer to mine.

I didn't move. Not until his lips met mine, and then I couldn't resist him anymore.

I threw my arms around his neck, holding him so tight as our lips clashed together that it was more pain than pleasure.

That's what I needed right then. I needed the pain to override all the other pain I was letting linger inside of me.

We kissed, teeth clashing, biting one another's lips, until I had to pull away, gasping for air.

He was looking at me with such ferocity, it sent a chill down my spine. I felt his longing. His need. I knew there was no way he was going to let me go now. Not without him.

Good. I didn't want to run away anymore. I made up my mind, and there was no other choice but him.

"Open the door," he pressed into me, drowning me in his scent again. I mewled, overcome with my own needs. "I'm not letting you get away from me again."