Speak To Me

***Trigger Warning for mentions of Suicide*** (Katrina)

I always wondered what happened right before you died. Would there be some bright light that fills your vision? Pulling you toward wherever you are meant to go next. Or perhaps would I just exist beyond my body, being able to observe and watch the people around me..seeing how much happier their lives could be without me.

Neither of those things happened..in fact..the last thing I remembered was slashing my wrist and feeling my head become lighter and lighter, making me drift off into a dizzying sleep. A sleep I didn't expect to wake up from..

So when my eyes began to flutter open..when the sound of machines beeping filled my ears as I saw a white ceiling above me..I couldn't help but feel like I had failed again.

Why was I still here?

I felt something heavy by my waist, my hand seeming to be locked in place as something weighed it down heavily..and then I saw him.

Grayson..

He looked like an angel...and for a moment I thought maybe he was..

I felt my other arm raising, my hand reaching for the man sleeping against me as I took advantage of the moment.

Just seeing him hurts..knowing that everything he said..everything I felt..it was all a lie. And I can't blame him..he is a good brother, unlike me with my sister. Grayson would do anything for his family.

Not to say I wouldn't now..a part of me did do this for Gabriella. I wanted to disappear from her life forever..I wanted to erase those horrible things I did to her. She deserved a life full of love and happiness..and just looking at me caused discomfort..

I let my fingers glide across Grayson's tan cheek, the way his golden brown hair glowed made a halo effect seem to surround him.

"Why did you save me?" I barely croaked, feeling my throat tighten as the words came out more like a raspy breath than anything. Suddenly another movement caught the corner of my eye, making me turn my head as Gabriella's beautiful face filled my vision. "K-kat..you're awake." She sobbed, making Grayson start to stir as I quickly pulled my hand back, not wanting him to catch me.

"She's awake?!" Grayson practically jumped up, his grey eyes wide with shock. I could see the worry etched on his brow which surprised me honestly. Are you reading this on "obiẞ.m? If not, you've been misled! This chapter was lifted from our site. Head over to Dobiẞ.m for genuine chapters, the latest updates, and exclusive releases."

Grayson stared down at me, making my skin prickle beneath his intense gaze as he studied me intently. I didn't want him to even look at me..not after realizing he probably said all that stuff just to get me to trust him. He must think I'm hideous..

"I....." I didn't know what to say..should I apologize for making such a big scene? Should I tell them they don't have to stay because I shouldn't even be here to begin with?

"Don't ever scare me like that again." Grayson choked out, tears filling those grey eyes as he suddenly collapsed on top of me, hugging my body tightly as I just froze beneath him.

"K-Katrina..w-we were so w-worried about you." Gabriella added, coming to my other side as she gripped my hand tightly before leaning above me.

I could see Jamie hovering behind her near the corner, and I felt embarrassed..he was probably upset with me. Thinking I did this just for attention or to upset Gabriella..like something Cecelia would do..or even my mother. But I swear I didn't..I swear I didn't expect to be saved. Maybe I should tell them that.

"I..I'm sorry it didn't work." That was all I could think to say. I was sorry I was still here..because it didn't fix anything. I'm still the same burden they had before..no..now it's worse..now I'm upsetting them even more. Grayson froze..his head rising as he peered down at me with hurt-filled eyes.

"You're sorry it didn't work.." He repeated, making me nod my head as I turned it before closing my eyes and trying to swallow down this emotion that threatened to explode out of me.

"I didn't want it to be like this..you don't have to stay..I swear I didn't do it just for attention." I rushed out, feeling that guilt piling up higher and higher.

"Stop..no one thinks you did this just for attention Katrina. You almost fucking died.." Grayson stated lowly, his expression growing more serious by the second.

"K-Kat..we are g-going to get you some help..someone y-you can talk to.." Gabriella added, and I shook my head no.

"You've already done enough..you guys don't need to help me anymore."

"Clearly we do Katrina! Especially since you tried to...you tried to.." Grayson trailed off, struggling to get the words out.

"I thought it would be best for everyone..I'm just a burden.."

"Don't..don't even say that...you are not a burden..you were never a burden. Yeah Grant brought you here for different reasons..but the moment I saw you, I knew you were special Katrina..and if I have to fucking drill that into your brain then I will..but get one damn thing straight... never lied when it came to anything else..and I'm going to prove that to you." Grayson rushed out, his voice becoming more hysterical as Jamie suddenly stepped forward.

"Grayson..why don't we go for a walk..we can let the doctor know she is awake." Jamie suddenly interrupted, the things Grayson was saying causing more guilt just to rise up..

I didn't realize he would be this upset.

Grayson just stood there gripping my hand tightly as his gaze burned into me intently.

"Fine..but please..just look at me first Katrina..please." He whispered, making tears well up inside of me as I slowly met his gaze.

"Almost losing you was the scariest thing I have ever experienced in my life...please promise me when I walk out of this room, you won't do anything like that again.." Grayson pleaded, his hands sliding up as he brushed the side of my cheek. "Please..I just need to hear you say it. I need to know you will be safe right now." He pleaded once more.

"I won't do anything." I whispered, making Grayson sigh in relief as he suddenly bent down before pressing his lips to my forehead, surprising me completely.

"Good girl..thank you..thank you so much, Kitty Kat." He whispered, lingering for a while longer as I felt myself breaking all over again..I wanted to throw myself into his arms...to beg for forgiveness as I sobbed and wailed uncontrollably..but instead, I stiffened, not sure what to do or say as he finally pulled back and stepped away from the bed.

It took him a few seconds to finally leave..his head turning as he looked back at me a couple of times before stepping out into the hall..and that's when I turned to Gabriella.

"Kat.." She whispered, and then the dam broke..

A deep and primal sob tore from my chest..this pain of not feeling loved or wanted ripped through me as Gabriella wrapped her arms around my body tightly.

"I know..it's o-okay..l-let it all out..I'm here for y-you..I love y-you Katrina." She spoke those words that I always longed to hear..not just from her..but from any of my family because I've realized..I've been alone for a very very long time..even before the accident. Grayson was the first person to ever see me..the real me...and when I realized that was a lie too...there was nothing left.

"I'm sorry..I thought it would help..I thought if I was gone it would make everything better." I cried out my confession, feeling Gabriella start to shake beside me.

"I j-just got you back K-Kat..you can't leave me n-now. I finally h-have my sister.." She sobbed, her words tearing into me and creating fresh wounds. But not ones of pain and loneliness..these wounds were filled with remorse and guilt.

"S-so many people care about you..and w-we want you to realize that. I know things have b-been hard..but we will get through this t-t-together okay?" She reassured me, causing my head to nod up and down as I continued to sob as that pain pulsed through me. "All you c-can do is try, right?" Gabriella added, making me nod as we continued to hold onto one another tightly.

I have never felt this much emotion in my life..and in a way, it felt like I was mourning a death..my own death..and I wasn't sure if I could live..or what that would even look like now..but I will try.

At least right now..I will try. That's all I can do..even if I still feel like I don't deserve it.