Some Mate You Are...

The next several days, I spent resting in my old bedroom in the Crescent Moon Pack house. I had rejected the notion of returning to Enzo and I’s room, in favor of keeping distance between us. I was not entirely certain that I was his mate anymore and I could not see a reason for us to go back to sharing a space until we had some things figured out.

I needed to know what really happened while I was away. Was it as Harm had said? Did Enzo take joy in my disappearance and utilize it to go back to his bachelor ways? Or had I been misled? After all, Harm had said that Enzo was not looking for me. Yet Enzo had been there, front and center, at my rescue when it finally occurred. Was Harm lying about Enzo? Or did Enzo just happen to pick the right moment to participate again?

So many questions, swirled like a whirlwind through my mind. I began to analyze every moment that I had ever spent with Enzo. Starting with any memories that I still possessed of when we were pups to losing our virginities to each when we were teens. Then the bad years, where we grew apart, and he had treated me as though I were not important. The tumultuous beginning of our mating period. Which led to a short, but blissful romance ending with my untimely kidnapping.

Enzo’s erratic behavior and the moments that I perceived a coming rejection. Coupled with the stories that Harm had shoved down my throat during my time as his prisoner. Led to more confusion than I would have ever cared to admit out loud. I knew that Harm could not be trusted, and I scolded myself for ever considering otherwise. However, my experience with Enzo had proven that he could be less than trustworthy as well. Subsequently, I found myself stuck between a rock and hard place. I did not trust Harm, but his stories had been too plausible to entirely ignore either.

It certainly did not help matters when I was tended to by every pack doctor that Crescent Falls had access to. I was doted over by my parents. I was comforted by my friends. And even Luna Rigina spent her fair share of time at my bedside. Yet, Enzo had not shown his face at all. I had not seen a single sign of him ever since he had told my father to bring me back to Crescent Falls. He had walked away from me then and it seemed he intended to continue walking away from me now.

I sighed, sadly, as I listened to Aida prattle on. She was sitting in my bed with me, and at more than three months pregnant, she was certainly beginning to show. She was telling me all the little things about early pregnancy that she had not expected, teasing that someone had to warn me because no one did her. She was doing her best to keep me company, attempting to distract me from my darker thoughts.

But talking about her pregnancy only reminded me that I was nowhere near that point in my life. I may be starting back at square one now and this time I would be doing so with the mark of another wolf forever on my neck. Not that I would ever tell her any of this. She was happy and I wanted to be happy with her, so I pretended to be. It was the least that I could do for my friend. She had already worried too much over me the last few months.

I had been reluctant to speak to anyone about the details of my time in captivity. I had not told them about anything that Harm had been telling me or what he had been trying to do. I knew that I should. Eventually, I would have to come clean about everything that had happened between us. But I was hesitant to do so. I had been honest about the wolfsbane, knowing that the pack doctors would need to be aware of my condition while the poison worked its way out of my system. But, otherwise, I was keeping the rest of the details to myself. Especially when it had come to everything with Enzo.

“So…when are you going to tell me why you are staying in your old room instead of your new quarters as future Luna?” Aida questioned, abruptly changing the subject and taking me by surprise.

I stared at her. The shock evident on my face. I should have known that it was only a matter of time before someone had questioned my behavior. Yet, I had been hoping that it would take longer before I was confronted directly.

Unfortunately, no such luck. Not with my friends.

“Well…I…uh…just thought that I would be more comfortable here. This was my room for most of my life after all.” I stammered out an answer which I had believed to be satisfactory.

However, the look on Aida’s face told me quite clearly that she did not believe a word that I was saying. She simply knew me too well. Which was why, after taking in a deep breath and letting it out with a loud sigh, I clarified my decision further despite feeling hesitant about doing so.

“Not to mention…” I huffed, fidgeting with the blanket covering me. “I really do not know what is going on between Enzo and I.” I finally admitted out loud for the first time.

“What do you mean?” Aida pressed, the confusion on her face evident.

“Well…it seems that our relationship has been a bit strained as of late. I do not know what happened while I was gone, but it does not seem like he is very interested in being with me any longer. I was told that he was not even looking for me while I was missing and that he did not care if I ever returned." The words simply spilling from my mouth like vomit now, I could not stop them if I tried. "I was not entirely certain that I believed it. I had been going back and forth on what was real and what was Harm simply attempting to manipulate me. But Enzo and I have always had our problems and I cannot help but wonder if Harm may have been honest about some things.”

“Wow…” Aida exclaimed. “There was a lot to unpack there." She huffed. "But first things first…I do not know exactly what Harm had been telling you or how he was getting his information. However, you should know that Enzo never stopped looking for you. He searched from the moment that you were discovered as missing until the very minute that you were found. He neglected everything else and everyone else. It got so bad that Luna Rigina had to force him to stop long enough to eat something or take a quick nap. He was relentless. Alpha Griffith had to remove him from the main search group because he was too harsh and demanding, alienating everyone around him. But Enzo never stopped.”

“He didn’t?” I questioned, struggling to believe her.

I wanted to. I truly did. Why would she lie? She was my friend, after all. Not Enzo's. And I wanted, so badly, to believe that Enzo cared for me the way that he had claimed to before I was taken. But I was finding it more difficult than it should have been.

Almost Enzo's and I's entire relationship had been full of red flags. If he had been any other wolf, and not my destined mate, then I probably would have said “to hell with this” a long time ago. Enzo had made our relationship difficult from the beginning and he had proven, more than once, how selfish that he could be. I was meant to believe that all of that had changed after I gave him that twenty-four-hour ultimatum. What if he chose me out of pressure rather than actual desire? Truth be told, I had given him little other option.

What if my kidnapping had really been his chance at freedom and what if he had taken it? Aida admitted that Enzo had done a lot of his searching on his own. Had he really been looking for me during that time? Or was he just convincing the others into thinking that was what he was up to? Could that have been where the photos were from? When others thought that he was searching, but really, he was out acting like a playboy?

My head was a mess, and I really did not know what to think anymore. Harm’s words still rung in my ears. And Enzo’s voice still played on repeat in my mind, clearly stating how happy he was to have me gone. I knew that Aida would not lie to me. She was my best friend. But what if she simply had not known better and was only telling me what she believed rather than the true reality of what had happened. I was desperate for an answer but did not trust the one that I was getting. Maybe Harm had done more damage than I had realized.

Word spread quickly throughout the pack that I was no longer trusting Enzo. Aida had told Kiara and, likely, Tyrus. But Tyrus could keep a secret. Kiara, on the other hand, as much as I loved her, was the worst at keeping gossip to herself. Before I knew what had happened, the visitors I was receiving each day had begun regaling me with stories of how Enzo had searched for me while I was gone. How distraught that he had been at my absence. How he had worked tirelessly to find me.

Kiara came. Daray came. Tyrus came. My father came. And my mother, who had never been Enzo’s biggest fan, came and spoke on his behalf. Kiara’s mate, Valentino, even arrived at one point to tell me how Enzo had threatened Alpha Timber as he sought any answers he could find as to where I had gone. But still…Enzo, himself, never arrived and pled his own case. He never came to argue for my love. He never came to tell me that Harm was wrong. He let everyone else do it for him. How was I meant to believe what was being said to me, when the very man that they spoke about, did not find it important enough to come to me himself? However, I listened to what they said and tried to consider their words carefully. Always weighing what could be truth and what was a false narrative. And where, in that spectrum, did the reality come to play.

Then, one day, Luna Riginia came to see me again. I knew that she would defend Enzo, if she had heard about everything that was happening, as I was certain that she had. He was her son. It was understandable that she would want to give me her side of things as well. So, I reminded myself to try and keep an open mind. Her opinion may have been skewed from her loyalty to Enzo. However, she was my Luna and I respected her as such. But, even more than that, Luna Rigina had, in many ways, been like a second mother to me. I loved her and I knew that she would never steer me wrong on purpose. She only wanted what was best for me. As a good Luna should.

Luna Rigina sat down in the chair that my guests had been keeping close to my bed. She began softly, asking me how I was feeling and checking to see that I was being cared for properly. Once she was satisfied that I was recovering well. She took in a deep breath and let out a sad sigh. Her eyes, which reminded me so much of Enzo’s, held a disappointment in them that made me want to curl up into a tiny ball. I had never wanted to disappoint her.

“I have heard that things are difficult between you and Enzo.” She finally said, choosing her words carefully.

“I am just feeling a little uncertain.” I admitted with a lazy shrug of my shoulders.

I was not really sure what I should say. I could not be positive of how objective either one of us could be on this topic.

“Look…” She began, while keeping her voice soft and calm. “I understand that Enzo is not perfect. Goddess knows, as his mother, I have had to put up with my fair share of his bad behaviors.” She paused, shaking her head as if memories of Enzo’s inappropriate past were currently springing to mind. “However, if there is one thing that I do know. One thing that I have been absolutely certain of for much longer than you have been of mating age. I know that Enzo loves you. He has loved you since you were pups, and he loves even more now. Even when you were teenagers, and you were both out there acting like fools, I was still positive of his love for you. As he stole glances at you from across a space. Always lighting up when you entered the room, even if he acted like an ass once he would finally open his mouth to speak.”

“I think it scared him if I am being honest…” She remarked. “I think that he saw how the young male wolves around him behaved and he thought he should be acting like that as well. He was overwhelmed with the idea of being so in love so early in his life. Then, when he found out that finding his mate meant becoming Alpha, I think that terrified him further. He had a sense of who his mate would be and that meant that he would find you right away. Being Alpha is a huge responsibility. Every male thinks that they want it until they are faced with the actual reality. It is a hard job and being the Alpha’s son meant that Enzo knew that firsthand. He was not prepared and I think he thought that admitting his love for you meant that he was suddenly drowning in responsibility. He would not have been, of course, silly boy.” She was quiet for a moment, shaking her head again, but this time with a small smile pulling at the corner of her lips.

The memories she replayed in her mind now were of Enzo in a different light. Her sweet boy who always had the world weighing on his shoulders. Overthinking everything to his own detriment. And when her eyes lifted to meet mine again. The disappointment was gone, but a different emotion could be found there. Now, they were pleading. Pleading with me for the sake of her son and his soul.

“I do not know what has been going through your mind. I cannot imagine what you experienced those few months under the captivity of that awful man. I know that he must have said things. Must have done things to make you change your mind about Enzo the way that you have. I have heard the stories saying that you did not know if Enzo was looking for you. That you did not believe that he would come to your rescue.” She sighed, that sad sigh again.

“There…there was a recording…” I finally admitted.

I had told no one of the recording yet. I had kept that close to my chest. But I needed Luna Rigina to understand. I did not stop believing in Enzo easily. I was being told things and they were being backed up by that audio. That ever haunting audio.

“Harm had a recording of Enzo speaking to someone. I do not know who.” I explained, my face scrunching as I spoke, revealing my discomfort. “He was telling them that he was happy that I was gone. He was relieved to be rid of me. Even going so far as to say that he would thank my kidnapper if he could.”

For a moment, the look on Luna Riginia’s face morphed into one of horror. But it was quickly replaced by one of disgust as she snarled out Harm’s name.

“I do not know how that vile beast retained a recording like that.” She spat as she did her best to control her anger.

But she was not angry with me. No. Her anger was directed at Harm and the level of manipulation.

“I do know that Enzo would have never spoken such words about your disappearance. He was distraught from the very moment that he realized that you and Kiara were late returning from your run. And when we found Kiara unconscious in the woods and you nowhere to be found…well, it took more than one warrior to keep him from destroying everything in his path. And…” She paused, taking a moment for effect. “When he did see your kidnapper, I do not recall hearing anything about him thanking him. Quite the contrary, I believe that he broke the agreement that he had made with another pack and killed the bastard on sight. Murdering the Alpha of a pack that we have been working to form an alliance with, without a second thought...for you.”

Her words resonated with me. She was not wrong. I had not watched the fight closely, as I was in so much relief to be with my father, and I was still in so much pain from the recent shocking with my collar. But the part that I had seen had been brutal and Enzo had carried out Harm’s death sentence with a murderous intensity in his eyes. He certainly had not seemed grateful. And if it had all been just for show, then why had Enzo not stopped at the beating and then handed Harm over to the authorities as he was supposed to. Why break the agreement? Risking the creation of a rift between potential allies? Seemed like the harder route to take, if I were being honest. And I was no longer certain why he would make that choice unless he were compelled too by his own emotions.

And this got the wheels turning in my mind.

“But…but Harm said…” I gaped as I stumbled through my clouded thoughts.

Harm had said a lot of things. Was it possible that none of them were true? Why had I even trusted him at all? Did I trust him? Was that real? Or had he manipulated me into believing he was even the tiniest bit trustworthy? The messaging in my mind was all askew. Everything inside of me screamed that Harm was a liar. But my thoughts would flashback to the recordings that he would force me to listen to as I slept…

“Alpha Harm is your Alpha. You serve only Alpha Harm and no others. You love Alpha Harm and he loves you. You will be mated to Alpha Harm. You will be the perfect mate and Luna for Alpha Harm. You will always do what Alpha Harm tells you without question.”

The rest of the messaging had never really taken. Despite Harm’s best efforts. However, one line had ingrained itself into my mind. Making itself at home amongst my thoughts. It helped his cause that disobeying that particular order was often accompanied by extremely painful shocks being administered through my collar.

“You will always do what Alpha Harm tells you without question.”

Alpha Harm had wanted me to believe that Enzo had not cared about me, and he had gone to great lengths in order to prove it. He manipulated the part of me that was still insecure in my relationship and twisted that for his purposes. And eventually I had allowed it. My will beginning to break as any argument contrary to Harm’s words was met with severe punishment. Enzo’s words playing on the recording had not helped. But could that really all be explained away as well?