Signs of Cupidity (Heart Hassle Book 1)

Note to My Stupid Cupid Self: When drinking alcohol, you should stop after one, because your tolerance level is none. You should not, under any circumstance, decide it’s a good idea to agree to go against Evert on who can chug a cup faster. You should also not decide to climb on top of the table to dance and sing songs from the human realm that you don’t know the words to. Nobody needs to see/hear that.

             And no, Evert’s mead definitely does not taste better coming up than it did going down. Somehow, it’s worse.

“How you feeling there, Scratch? Or should I start calling you Guts? You’ve puked enough of them up.”

“Go away, Third,” I grumble to Evert as I lie face down in the grass outside. I have no idea how I got here. Everything went fuzzy last night right around the time I started to try and climb Ronak like a tree so I could swing on his arm.

Evert laughs and kneels down in front of me, handing me a skin of water. “Drink this. I spiked it with some herbs that’ll help your head.”

It takes me considerable effort to sit up and I almost start puking again, but somehow, even amidst the dizziness, I manage to drink down the water. “Good girl,” Evert says, patting me on the head. “You know, you look pretty cute when you’re hungover.”

“Well you look really stupid.”

His grin widens. “There’s that charm.”

“I hate you.”

He tsks. “Uh uh, don’t lie. Don’t you remember what you said last night? You told me I am, and I quote, your ‘freaking favorite because I’m funny and I have dimples that you just want to lick.’”

I squint up at him and groan. “Noooo.”

“Oh yes,” he says with his shit-eating grin. “You also claimed you would like to kiss Sylred’s eye crinkles. Didn’t know what the fuck you were talking about, but dude turned about three shades of red.”

I put my spinning head in my hands. “Why didn’t you stop me from embarrassing myself?” I say into my palms.

“Why would I do that? You were hilarious. You even pinched Sylred’s nipples and told him you were glad you ruined his shirt in the shit pile so that you could ogle his chest all the time.”

I drop my hands and glare at him. “Okay, you can shut up now.”

“Oh, and you continued to play your dirty laundry game, where you admitted to feeling bad about sneaking into Ronak’s room and filling his boots with squirrel shit,” Evert adds, giving me a look. “Did you really do that?”

I try to stop myself from laughing, but it escapes anyway. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I would never do something that immature.”

Evert laughs. “Sure. I’m looking forward to you getting drunk in the future. That’s the most fun I’ve had in years.”

“I’m glad I could amuse you.”

Evert picks a leaf out of my hair and wipes a smudge off my cheek. “I thought you should know,” he says, his tone growing more serious. “That was a stupid game.”

I start to argue with him, but he cuts me off. “Stupid game, but maybe it was all right, too.”

I perk up. “Really? So you don’t hate Ronak anymore?”

“Let’s not get carried away,” he admonishes. “But I am considering not hating him.”

I can live with that. “Good.”

“Ronak’s still an asshole.”

I nod. “Definitely.”

“And I’m still going to talk shit mercilessly.”

“I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

“But maybe, if we can get through the culling, I’ll consider not strangling him in his sleep.”

“Please, don’t get all sappy on me.”

He shakes his head at me and then taps my nose. “You’re a snarky little thing.”

“Yep. Now carry me inside and feed me. And then heat me up some bathwater and brush my hair and tell me I’m pretty.”

“Yes to the first, no to the rest. I told you already, Scratch, I’m not the nice one in the covey. But I’m sure Sylred will be happy to wait on you hand and foot.”

I pout. “Fine,” I say with a dramatic sigh as I lift my arms for him. “You may pick me up now, but I can’t be responsible if I throw up on you.”

With a shake of his head, he scoops me up and I lay my head against his chest, trying to keep it from spinning. It spins anyway. “I’m never drinking your alcohol again.”

“That’s what they all say.”

Inside, the guys are still quiet around each other, but not in the hostile, I’m-going-to-throat-punch you way anymore. It’s more like they’re trying to figure out how to act now that they’re trying not to hate each other.

Evert was right. By the time he sets me in front of the fireplace, Sylred already has a plate of food for me and he’s carrying out hot coals to set up under the bathtub so I can wash off my hangover.

“You’re my new favorite,” I tell him dreamily after I’ve eaten and am ready to go soak.

Sylred smiles. “All it takes is a warm bath, huh?”

“For now. But you shouldn’t get comfortable in that role. Ronak could surprise us all and become my new favorite.”

Ronak walks by just then. “Nope.”

“Don’t fight it. It’s only a matter of time before you want that slot, Ro-Ro.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“You got it, Ro-Ro.”

He stalks outside with a shake of his head.

“I’ll be sure to endeavor to stay in the top slot for as long as possible,” Sylred tells me.

“You’re a smart guy.”

When Sylred has brought the last of the hot coals to warm the water, he leaves me to my privacy and I soak in the tub. Inside. Next to the fire. Taking a bath is much better with warm water and a crackling fire beside me. In fact, I’m on a cold bath strike from now until the end of eternity.

I soak my sore muscles and wash my hair, using the soap Sylred left for me. It’s the same soap that everyone else uses, so I end up smelling like the guys. I’m not complaining.