Search for the Sunlight

During bouts of intense fur nibbling and extreme contortionism, Smelly Brian displayed an unfathomable ability to place either of his hind legs behind his neck and lick his undercarriage without falling over. To add further incredulity to his tricky anal manoeuvres, he was somehow able to conduct a conversation while the whole distasteful process was going on.

“Many years ago, I used to be a Wizard,” he informed his frowning audience. “Not an evil Wizard” he pointed out. “A good Wizard!”

Harry reasoned that if Brian’s present acrobatic display was anything to go by, then there were no grounds to dispute his claim, for the cat’s unique physical and oral actions were amongst the most complex he had ever witnessed!

“From the Gouldong Mountains, across the plains and the great divide, to the Gogo River, I used to be in charge of all the magic,” Brian continued proudly. “During my long reign, everything ran like clockwork. I served my subjects well and everybody was happy. But my age was catching up with me. My memory wasn’t what it used to be and some of my spells were going disastrously wrong. To be honest, I was becoming a bit of a nuisance.”

The cat sighed, untangled his leg from behind his neck and stood up on all fours.

He arched his back beyond the realms of physical comprehension and ambled slowly over to the window, where he stared wistfully out into the great grey yonder, as if recalling some distant memory from his past.

“One morning however, I came over all confused. I couldn’t seem to get my bearings right and for several days I wandered aimlessly in the freezing fog, with no recollection of where I was, or the purpose of my existence. At first I put it down to the lack of sunlight, but later, I discovered that the witches were controlling me.

“With the clever use of their water-crystal future sphere, they were monitoring my every move and by a cunning combination of subliminal hypnosis and long distance magic, they had lured me into their evil domain.

When I eventually came to my senses, I found myself locked inside their hideous quarters, here in the bowels of Slate Hill. With no means of contacting the outside world, for they had bound my powers of sorcery, here I remained.” Brian swallowed hard and began licking frantically at his fur. He was beginning to frighten himself with his own story.

“A few weeks later, having spent time in solitary confinement, with no food and only a little water to drink, Petronella, the fat controlling one, challenged me to a dual of magic which, under the circumstances, I had no option but to accept.

In my hungry and semi confused state, she hit me, one after the other, with a barrage of spells far superior to anything I could muster and, well, to cut the story short, she turned me into a cat!” Brian sighed and expelled another cloud of smelly breath into the room.

“From that day on, with my Wizardly skills removed, I was totally dependant on the evil pair for all my mortal needs. They had me exactly where they wanted me and now they were in complete control of all the magic - both black and white - in the land.

For the first time ever, the delicate balance between good and evil had shifted and a new age of darkness had begun.”

The travellers listened to the cat’s story for more than an hour and when he had finished, they offered him their deepest sympathy in respect of his humiliating demise, at the hands of The Witches of Slate Hill.