Remembering You

Being lost in your mind, forgetting how to speak. The excessive lie of being okay. What is it going to take to be okay? Tears falling down your face, but you swear you are not upset. Maybe this is true, maybe it is pure anger, seeping through the only route shown. But what is it going to take to speak the truth? Hidden behind stories they are speaking. False pretenses. What are you truly expecting?

These words just flow off my keyboard, but they fail to express what I am thinking. Could everything be worth it? This happiness I am trying to reflect off myself to others, will it work or is it just a ruse? This heavy presence drowning me, like I cannot let go of the past. I cannot express the ideas that are flowing through my mind.

What happens when we pass? Do we just fade? What happens to our souls? Do they go to someone new? Does the other half of our souls, feel the loss of us? What is true happiness? Is everything just a lie? What are our dreams made of? Is it hidden memories of past lives trying to foretell the future? Or is it our imagination just playing tricks? Why does the wind whisper? What is it saying to our souls?

It all comes down to the soul. But I do not want to explain why it all comes down to the souls. Because these are thoughts of my heart. It is trying to understand life, the reason behind life. Being lost in your mind, having so much you are thinking, but are too afraid to speak up about it. The idea of being upset enough for it to turn into anger and for it to spread into tears. What we may not understand, is hearts have funny ways of showing us what is right or wrong.

Simple questions about life, lead us to the unbelievable answer that it is all hidden in this journey we take to find our soul. To find the persons we truly wish to be with, or the person we wish to be. We question our dreams, our thoughts, our emotions, our meaning. We continuously search for meaning in the people who will not show us the meaning of our being.

But these are just that of my thoughts, yet they show nothing of what I am truly thinking. Because if those thoughts I am truly thinking, are that I keep hidden. For if they are released into this world then I fear the fear that will be shown. Because in simple words, why would I want to show the worse part of myself, if I know it would not be welcomed. The fear that the monsters (or demons as some call them) will seep through completely and take the last amount of strength one has. The fear they will take the last drop of happiness I am trying so hard to share and keep, just to turn it back into something that has never been seen.

But as I sit here and type these words, the forgotten words are painful as ever. We are controlled by our thoughts, slaves to the demons in our minds. But as there are something’s we have control of. Like the control of who we can bring into our lives to help us with our demons. If we can just find that one person, then everything will be just amazingly perfect. We could fight and win, we could connect with our souls. But the words I am typing, are that of hope. Hope that everyone will soon find that person, before their demons get worse.