Remembering You

It is 12:20 in the morning and I cannot fall asleep. I am stuck on this endless loop in my mind where everything is crashing away. The walls are caving in. The black and white dreams I am seeing are fading just to an abyss keeping me trapped in this never-ending moment. I keep thinking, maybe today… Maybe today things will be different. Maybe you will realize I was the only one you ever needed. I was the one always there for you.

I know you were lost in her eyes, and the galaxies entwined in her mind. The body as beautiful as the sunset and sunrise, and her soul as free as the wind in a horrible storm. They drew you in, where you forgot what it like to love anyone but her.

Except while you were off exploring her worlds, you lost the universe that was in front of you. You became a different person, a tortured soul only trying to please the one who broke you in two without you knowing. Your eyes died out, there was not that spark you had when we were so close. You changed to please someone who did not appreciate you. The love you had washed away like the sand castles built next to the ocean. Your story of love will not be as magical as those told in fairytales, rather it will be as disappointing as the death of your favorite television character. But do not tell me that my thoughts of seeing you happy once more, is silly and stupid. Do not tell me I am just a lost girl confused and in love with another person who is never going to love her. Do not tell me that my silly wish of seeing love in your soul is a wasted one.

Once I was that girl who fell in love with her best friend and wished to be his. Stories of hell and heart break came along with that, but it is silly to want you back in my life. Not in the action of love or to be yours, but in the action of having my best friend back.

You traded in a love that brought you the happiness you wanted to get the most beautiful person you saw instead. I lost a part of my universe chasing after you, making you happy, enjoying the time well spent. I lost it and I do not want it back. My want is nothing more than to see you happy once more. You can keep your galaxies and the memories we had. I am in the endless loop of trying to please you and the people around me. Hoping if I make them happy and make them see how much of a beautiful soul, they are that I will be complete. But these four walls of mine are caving in, and the never-ending abyss is growing more and more keeping me trapped in this moment. The moment of memories and pain of betrayal are drowning me. I cannot fall asleep while remembering the loss of another.