Remembering You

There is a part of me that wishes someone would understand the fear it brought into my life knowing death would always be by my side. Haunting me every night and day until one day someone else I love is gone. Will Death forever be my best friend? Will he be in my life until I am gone? Taking the most beautiful things known to my life and never returning them?

But truth be told death is not an enemy of ours. It is the proof that life was truly there. It is proof that no matter your pain and sorrows, they were heard. But Death is not the reason for our pain or sorrow. It is proof that we spent every minute we could changing other people’s lives. Giving the best we could and sometimes that being the worst we could give. In moments of weakness, when all else fails, Death takes the ones we love to better places. It relieves us of the fear that the person will be in pain for eternity.

Images of death seep into my dreams, forever remembering every story he has told me. From memories of one I love dying, to a story of a heartbreak between an old married couple. Death takes many things from us but gives us the opportunity for better things in life. Many examples come to play here. Like you could lose me in a fire with a rope tied around my neck, but only to wake and be drowned in your own tears. You could lose me in the wind, like when a plane crashes. Only to remember the terrible lies you had told. Or you could lose the love of your life, while being in a huge fight.

This kills me every night thinking of the night we got into that huge fight. You were mad at me because I did not want you driving down to Bakersfield from San Francisco to see me. You were mad because I did not want you taking time away from your family on your birthday to see me. But as it turns out you were fated to death, like you were fated to be my soul mate. And I was fated to forever be best friends with Death. But when I got the phone call, I knew he had you in his grasps. Waiting for the moment I told you to let go so he could take you to a better place.

Death is not our enemy, rather a friend of love. He is not the reason the one you love dies or is gone from your life forever. He is not the reason to cry over the pain it has brought you. Rather he is the reason to grow. Because without him, this world would cease to exist as we know it. It would not be a better place, given it is not all that great now. It would be much worse. Hell, on earth comes to mind with this. Death makes room for love. He takes you down to only show you that the loss you feel is only temporary. Something bigger and better is awaiting you.

Death is my biggest fear, yet the closest thing to me. He turned my life upside down, only to turn it around into something better. Proving that love is not the only thing that can change your life. While he is one of the most reasonable fears, he is forever going to be walking this earth. In any shape or form he chooses only to take the soul to a better place. While the rest of us are waiting for our timers to finally end so he can come and take us to that better place as well.

But will Death forever be my best friend? Showing me stories of his past reaping’s. Will he forever be by my side showing the way to my happiness? Will Death forever haunt my life, changing in the best ways just to make me grow? Or will one-day Death disappear out of my life forever?

Part of me wishes someone understood my fear of Death, but the other part wishes someone understands why I fear to let him go.