Reckless

Flushed and feverish, I kneel down in front of Mila. “Honey, go find Uncle Logan. Stay with him, okay?” I don’t understand how I channel a gentle tone with Mila when the storm of emotion whipping through me is cresting.

She nods and skips off, completely ignoring Allison when she tells her to stay.

As I stand, I point to the path Mila took out the back door. “That’s what happens when you ignore your kids, Allison. They ignore you.” My voice gains strength. “And you can sweep in here and pretend like you’re mother of the year for all your friends, but let’s get one thing straight. I know you’re a shitty parent, but worse? So do Mila and Cody, and they’re the only ones who matter.”

It’s her turn to sputter, but I ignore her and turn to Ethan.

The distance in his eyes is devastating, but when he doesn’t come to Allison’s defense, I take that as a small victory and plow forward. Deep down, though, I’m preparing for the death blow to my heart when he learns the truth. “The question you should be asking is how Jamie knows so much about me.”

His attention shifts to his friend, and I continue, my anger rising. “The question you should be asking is why Jamie cares. By the way, I’m calling him Jamie because that’s what he told me to call him during the six months we dated.” Ethan’s eyes cut back to mine, his nostrils flaring. “I didn’t know he was married. I didn’t know he had children. I didn’t know because he lied. About everything.”

Behind me, Felicia gasps, he and his wife shouting I’m a liar and a whore and a cunt, but I ignore them. This isn’t about them. This is about Ethan understanding.

“Remember when I told you about my ex?” I remind him. “Yes, part of what he told you about my past is true, which is why I never drove your kids anywhere except the one time you insisted.”

“She’s lying,” Felicia screeches. “James has never cheated on me.”

Looking over my shoulder, I shrug. Jamie’s pale as I tell his wife the truth. “Then ask him how I know you have a tattoo of a fairy on your lower back, just above the dimple on your ass. Ask him how I know he bought you tickets to a Rangers game for his birthday last year. Ask him about how you came home early that day. How he shoved me in your bedroom closet so he could protect his dirty secret. Why he nearly choked you on his dick when I walked out to confront him.”

I’d felt unhinged when I finally gathered myself and stormed out of that closet ready to tear into him, his marriage be damned. But one look at their naked bodies before me, closer this time, with his wife in his lap, taking him down her throat, and I was rendered speechless.

I’d thought, That could be me. Completely clueless.

The dirtbag had moaned loudly, shoving her down hard to distract her from my presence. In the moment, my rage deflated, and all I felt was resignation. He was an asshole. Her asshole. And she was welcome to have him.

In the two seconds I stood there, all of the crazy I’d planned to unleash fell by the wayside. I didn’t need anymore problems.

But that didn’t stop me from slashing his tires.

I clear my throat. “If he did that with me, how many other times has he cheated?”

“Motherfucker,” Ethan growls behind me, and my skin prickles.

“You little psycho,” Felicia wails. “You’re the one who vandalized his car!”

“Guilty as charged.” I hold up my hands and return my focus to Ethan. “I’m a lot of messed-up things, but I always cop to what I’ve done. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my driving record. At first, I thought you hadn’t done my background check because I was only supposed to be here temporarily while you found a real nanny through an agency. Then I hoped my sister had warned you. Because she does that. She cleans up my messes and gets me jobs.”

I swallow, knowing how badly I’ve screwed up. “But when you kept offering me your truck, when you told me to drive the kids, I got too afraid to ask what you knew. Too much time had gone by. Too many opportunities to tell you about my past.” Too many intimate moments. Tears burn in my eyes, and I swipe at them with the back of my hand. “I can’t explain how you looked at me, but for the first time, I wasn’t a screw-up. You didn’t see me the way my family does. A mess. A flunky. A basketcase. And I didn’t want to mess this up too. You and Mila and Cody were too important to me.”

Ethan’s expression is blank. “So tell me now. Tell me what happened.”

“Are you serious?” Allison blows out a breath. “She’s endangered the lives of our children.”

“No, I didn’t endanger your kids. I drove them once. Once. Under the speed limit for all of two miles, and Logan drove them home.” Angrily, I wipe at another tear. “Here’s the truth. I got a DUI my freshman year of college for driving my friends with open containers in the car. We drag-raced through some back roads we thought were empty, and they were empty, except for that state trooper who pulled me over. No one was injured, though.” Even though Jamie made it seem like I had run over a busload of kids.

Awkwardly, I shift on my feet. “I had a few beers that night, but the breathalyzer showed that I was point zero five over the drinking limit. Plus, I was underage and drag-racing. All stupid shit on my part. I spent a night in jail. Lost my license for a while. Let my life fall apart. Wasn’t the last time, either.” I glare at Jamie.

I wish freshman year had taught me a lesson. While I never drove under the influence again, I partied away most of college like an idiot. Partied and worked to pay off my attorney bills. You’d think one night in county would teach me, but it took getting screwed over by Jamie for me to take a long, hard look at my life and try to make some lasting changes.

Allison moves close to Ethan before she narrows her eyes at me. “You need to leave. Now.”

Ethan looks shell-shocked. Like the news of me having an affair with his friend and my arrest have shattered his impression of me.

With a trembling hand, I touch his chest. I keep my eyes pinned to the collar of his t-shirt. “I never meant to keep any of this from you, and I’m sorry if you feel like I’ve lied. That was never my intention.” Finally, I brave a glance in his raging blue eyes. They’re the color of the sky during a storm. “But I would suffer through all of that humiliation again if it brought me back to you.”

Tell me you love me.

Tell me we’re okay.

That we’ll get through this.

That you forgive me.

He clears his throat and reaches for me, his touch gentle on my shoulder. “Tori, I—”

“Daaaaaddy!” Mila’s wailing, frantic, as she skids into the kitchen. “Daddy! Cody fell. He’s hurt re-re-real bad. Logan says it’s an emer-emer-gency.”

One minute Ethan’s staring at me with so much emotion in his eyes, I want to weep. The next, he’s gone, picking up his daughter and racing out the back door.

I watch it slam shut.

When I make sense of what just happened, that the baby is injured, I start to follow, but Allison grips my arm, digging her nails into my skin.

Her voice, toxic and bloodthirsty, is in my ear. “Get the fuck out of my house before I call the police. Unless you’d like another arrest on your record.” She rattles off things she could lie about. That I stole jewelry or hurt the children or did drugs.

I’m standing there in stunned silence when two large hands grab me from behind and drag me down the hallway where I’m shoved out the front door.

I land on my ass and gasp for breath because the wind gets knocked out of me.

White spots dot my vision as I stare up at Jamie’s furious face, but I’m scrambling back toward my car. Ignoring the voices. Ignoring the yelling.

Although everything in me is screaming to check on Cody, he’s with his dad, and Ethan will know what to do. There’s no one better to take care of the baby.

Jamie reaches again for me, his hulking figure something straight from my nightmares, and I stumble for my car.

I have to get away before he does something worse than push me.

I need the one person who’s always had my back.

My sister.