Rebellion

I stayed under the blankets when I woke up. If I was lucky, Sirus will think that I’m still asleep and leave me alone for the entire day. It’s not like I wanted to talk about what happened last night. It was just a panic attack and that will never happen again. It shouldn’t have happened in the first place but here we are anyway. I didn’t move under the blanket; this was the best way to hide, plus it was warm too.

My hair mashed around my face when it began to get hot but that didn’t bother me. I just had to wait long enough for Sirus to leave; I could hear him moving around the room, already dressed and about to leave, hopefully.

In the next second though, things got quiet and I couldn’t hide for long.

The blanket was yanked off me so I would be exposed. If Sirus knew I was awake in the first place, there’s no reason to pretend like I’m sleeping. I know what he’s going to say.

He’s not much of a curious person. But the problem is how much he tells me he cares about me. That might’ve been like three times but that’s a lot. He is not going to just ignore any of what happened last night. He’ll want answers.

“Care to explain what that was last night?” Sirus asked loudly over me.

I knew it.

“...No.” my voice came out extremely quiet and just a bit ashamed that I didn’t want to talk about it.

It’s just to him though.

“I still want to know anyway.” He didn’t care that I wanted to hide under the blanket and pretend some more that I wasn’t real and this wasn’t happening. “C’mon, Aurora, I don’t have all day.” Sirus urged me, getting impatient.

I have every right to tell him no. I have every right to say it’s none of his business. I don’t have to tell him, I don’t have to say anything. But I told myself one day I would mention it to Sirus because I thought he’d be able to handle it, or maybe even care enough to talk to me about it or something like that.

The day came quickly. I wasn’t prepared.

I sat up in bed and pushed my bangs back out of my face before reaching for my tablet on the dresser beside the bed.

There was actually a lot more I needed to explain to him.

My modified device was definitely one of them. If anyone were to look me up, it would show that I was fine, that my health was in good condition and that I could continue working. However, that’s not how it really is. When I redid my settings, I changed the configuration that would keep me tracked on every single system. Only I will know if there’s something wrong with me.

And there is something wrong with me.

I haven’t told him anything. All of it is a secret from him. Already, I know what he thinks of me, that I have some perfect complex and think that there’s nothing wrong with me. It’s not that I want him to change his view of me but...I just never planned to tell him so soon.

My health wasn’t that good at the moment. I’m going to mentally snap if I don’t calm down. Today.

Would he get it?

I pulled up my records for Sirus to see. The most recent was my interaction with the Department of Human Resources and how I had to go through therapy for the duration of time where I was spiraling out of control. I gave my tablet to Sirus so he could read it for himself.

“I have PTSD.” I told him, not too happy about it. “Apparently I have a fear of space, failure, and having too much stress piled up on me.”

Those were just the big things, the things that could ruin me. There are other things now. I can’t be in large crowds, I can’t have too many people talking to me at once, I certainly am in no position to take over anything at the moment, for example my past role as Commander and Head of Defense.

“I tend to have nightmares about space, my biggest trigger is seeing anyone fatally wounded, and I have this terrible dislike for things I can’t control.” I continued but he could read it all for himself.

Sirus didn’t say anything as he read through it. Everything was there so my secrets were out. That’s the one thing I was hiding from him and now there’s nothing to keep from him. My health and everything that caused me problems are out in the open. I wasn’t sure if this should be liberating or not. Him knowing doesn’t make me feel any better. Him keeping quiet doesn’t make me feel better either.

After a little while, he sat down and took out his tablet, unlocking it and letting a hologram load for me to see.

“Remember that one rumor everyone knew about?” He asked and gave me his tablet.

I didn’t remember the rumor till he brought it up. I know what the truth was but Sirus never talked about what happened. At least not to me. I don’t know any details, any personal stories, nothing.

I remember wondering what the time gap was in his records. He wasn’t an active Flyer for three months which was weird to me because it was only a year after he started. That was all I knew. And that’s what made me assume the rumors were true. There were pieces missing from the story.

But I read through it now and apparently it was true.

As self defense, Sirus actually did kill someone when he was fourteen. There wasn’t that much for punishment, no demotion, termination, nothing. Just suspension. What happened during that time, it doesn’t say. All it said was that the situation was unique and there was no clear solution to the issue. It was vaguely worded.

One part of me knew already. That same part wasn’t bothered. The other part of me was not indifferent. I knew the truth and now I had questions.

“I never really got over what happened.” Sirus said. “I don’t like talking about it, I don’t even like when other people talk about it. All the officials wanted to get me help but I never listened and refused to talk with anyone.” He explained.

That sounds like him.

“For three months, the officials thought I was in shock. But I honestly just...”

He didn’t finish. Why? He just what? Would he say something he shouldn’t? That’s like him. What does he think?

Even more importantly, why would he show me?

“Why would you...?” Why would he show me this after all these years?

It’s been so long that I don’t think it would matter now.

“You show me your dark secrets, I show you mine.” He shrugged.

That’s how it works, isn’t it?

His is much worse than mine. Does he know that my problems don’t even compare to what he is showing me?

“I just...well... I won’t say anything if you want to talk or whatever.” He looked away and rubbed behind his neck, a habit he had when he had to say something he didn’t want to say.

This was new.

“You’ll listen?” I asked, getting my hopes up.

“Maybe.” He looked further away.

“That’s fine with me.” I was okay with settling. This is a good start. I could just tell him things, even if he doesn’t listen to me. “Are you ever going to tell me what happened?” I asked, curious to know the situation about him murdering someone.

As serious as it is, it’s not like I want to burden Sirus. It was almost a decade ago. I wanted to know what made him snap, how it happened, what was so bad about what led to it. But he doesn’t have to tell me if he doesn’t want to. I don’t want to bring up something that upsets him.

He could see the curiosity on my face but I also had every reason to believe that he wasn’t planning to give me any details at all.

“I would,” he said as he got up, “but I have somewhere to be.” He lifted his tablet from my hands and turned off the hologram.

I was actually hoping that he wouldn’t go anywhere today. I can’t stop him. Last night has me feeling a little paranoid and scared that I might have another attack and feel so alone.

I could tell Sirus that, right?

I opened my mouth but the only thing out was air. Apparently, I can’t give up that much right now. I also have a fear of holding Sirus back. So I won’t stop him when he has to be somewhere.

“How long will you be gone?” I asked instead, still worried about being alone.

“A few days. Janus is forcing me to go to Russia.”

“But I thought we weren’t allowed there.” I said. I clearly remember the not-so-nice messages I got from their officials.

“No, you’re not allowed there. Everyone else is good.”

Right.

“Are you going to be okay by yourself?” He asked.

“I know how to take care of myself, Sirus-”

“That’s not what I’m asking.” He said when I misunderstood.

I looked away and played with my fingers, getting sort of nervous because of the thoughts that crept into my head. Maybe I’m overreacting. I can’t just assume that I’m going to be perfect because I finished therapy. Things happen. This just might be a once a month thing or even less than that. It might not be a big deal. Though, I was still nervous that I couldn’t stop playing with my fingers.

“I’ll be fine.” I answered quietly.

Will I be?

I didn’t want to be alone today but I can find other people to spend my time with while Sirus is gone for those couple of days.

Sirus stared down at me for a moment, and I knew that expression on his face so well. He didn’t believe me but it’s not like I would believe myself either. He would’ve said something about me lying to him though he didn’t. Instead, he just turned around and left without a word. I was expecting a speech about minding my own business and letting other people handle situations I’m no longer responsible for but he just left.

I have things to do anyway and it would be better to have some time alone because what I plan to do could have serious repercussions.

After Sirus was long gone and I was sure I wouldn’t lay in bed feeling sorry for myself, I got dressed and left. My conscience was going wild, trying to make sure I knew the clear difference between right and wrong. I know what I’m doing, which isn’t a good thing, first of all, but I couldn’t help but feel like...I should be doing this.

It shouldn’t be hard to explain but I had a hard time finding the right words.

I met up with Libra and Haroldo when they had the chance to talk with me. The only reason they stayed in the region was to give me a chance to give a positive answer for their request to help.

I had to find a solution fast, something that would make it easier for me to control what happens and to let the two of them help like they want to.

So I decided to use an old method that worked with computers a long while ago. Instead of changing the workings on their devices, which would take weeks, I decided that my tablet would be an administrator and I’d give them access to what I can do; they can’t see my information but I can see theirs.

They gain the power to do what I can but only I see the data.

I told them how it’s going to work and they agreed way too easily, like there wasn’t a reason to think about it when they should actually think this through. When I began to protest, asking them to take this a little more seriously, they just insisted that I go ahead with it.

It’s more serious than they think. I’m not supposed to be able to do this. I’m not supposed to be able to get away with this. If I get caught, everything is over. I lose everything I have. So they have to take this seriously.

“You can’t tell anyone I’m doing this, okay.” I warned them as they gave me their devices. “Not other captains or leaders, no one, not even your family.” I made sure they understood me because this is a big deal.

“We would never tell anyone-” Libra stopped and looked at Haroldo as if she needed to second guess herself. She took a breath and looked at me again, smiling, and said, “We wouldn’t tell.”

“I’m serious.” I looked at both of them and waited for them to respond. I have to make sure I don’t get caught for this. “You’re going to have to lay low for a few hours because I’m taking these with me.”

“That means we can’t go anywhere-”

“I know...? That’s why I said lay low for a few hours.” I repeated myself. That just kept them on edge. They were the ones that wanted to help, they shouldn’t get mad at me because it takes forever.

“Wait, before you go...” Libra looked at Haroldo then glanced back at me. “Have you figured out what’s causing the issue?”

“Well no, since I don’t get the kind of access to figure it out.” I said. I don’t want the access either. I’m just doing my job which is giving the necessary tools for other people to do their jobs.

However, me not having answers was stressing them out.

“Please tell me that you still aren’t dependent on me after a year of me being gone.” I was hoping they would say that they weren’t.

“It’s not that.” Libra said quickly.

“You just made everything so easy--wait-” Haroldo stopped when he saw my eyes widen at his comment.

I’m also hoping that they don’t want me back so they don’t have to do work. They’re no better than everyone else. No wonder I had problems dealing with stress, everything was dropped on my shoulders.

“Aurora, I mean you always had the answers to everything.” Haroldo clarified.

“And when you didn’t, you found one rather easily.” Libra added.

“I can’t think for you.” I said.

I can’t do that anymore. I have to worry about myself. None of this should be my problem. Even if I was the first one to find this out, none of what’s happening should be my problem.

Libra and Haroldo looked terribly discouraged and as much as I want them to do things on their own, I felt a little bad that they thought they were stranded without me. I wasn’t going to ask how Janus ran things here now because I don’t have a place to speak, but if Libra and Haroldo are asking for help this badly then maybe it’s not beneficial for them.

I sighed and shook my head. I just can’t believe I’m going back to this.

“A good starting point for now would be to see what connection any of these people have, whether it’s with each other or with the system.” I said.

“But to find everyone else who’s having issues...”

There’s more isn’t there?

“I’ll work on that. Just look up the people you do know.” I told them as I turned away, leaving to go to the elevator down the hallway.

“Thanks, Aurora.” Libra called out.

This is not what I should be doing.

I thought I would feel horrible honestly, like assuming over a ton of responsibility that isn’t even mine should make me wheeze and crumble to the floor. Yet I was perfectly okay to have a plan for Libra and Haroldo to go by. I hope they know that all three of us could get in serious trouble for this.

It was quiet on the ground floor, though the way I remember it is different. Maybe now because everything is so quiet, no one has business with the Department of Defense. When I was Commander, everyone was always here doing something and trying to fix a problem that was blown way out of proportion. I’m not going to forget the war I caused, ever. Now things were quiet. It was actually peaceful.

I’m never coming back to work here again.

I sat next to Nova at the front desk; she looked so happy to see me, after all it has been a year since we’ve talked.

There was a ring on her finger that shined bright from the sunlight through the glass windows. I could ask but I know she’s going to tell me without me saying anything.

“I...am getting married.” She looked shocked. “Aurora, I have never been so happy in my entire life.” She said quickly, lifting up her hand to stare at her ring.

It was a nice ring.

“Someone I know?” I asked.

She just smiled widely, giving me a look as if I should know. I’m actually limited with the people I talk to.

“He’s Commander for Latin America.” She said.

My shock wasn’t visible on my face. At first, I thought she was kidding. I mean, it’s not like Haroldo is socially awkward but I know his history with women and it’s not like it’s a good one. More importantly though, when did they even get together? It has to have been a while if they’re getting married, right? And why did no one tell me?

“Nova, is this supposed to be a secret?” I asked her.

“Like I would ever keep this a secret.” She snorted and lifted her hand again to stare at her ring.

Nova isn’t the greatest person to tell secrets to but she always means well regardless.

“It’s so nice to be in love.” She sighed with relief.

“Hm.”

Was there something I could say to that?

“And he’s so nice and smart and funny and...” She went on and on, and I could listen for the entire day but I had things to do.

But I didn’t get up from my seat. Once in a while, it’s nice to hear how happy someone is or how nice everything is going for them. I didn’t mind listening to her talk about how much she was in love with Haroldo. She couldn’t stop smiling either and I just knew that she was really enjoying herself.

It’s good to get away from the serious stuff.

Though, I still worked while she talked to me. Half my attention was on Libra’s tablet first, letting her new settings load while my device just completely ruined whatever privacy she had before. Nova didn’t notice the blue hologram on my left, she was too busy talking about how amazing her life was. It’s not like I was going to tell her what was going on unless I knew she could really help out.

There’s no point in getting her involved. I don’t want to ruin her life.

However, she knows a lot about things that may or may not be going on. So I did have a question for her. As she talked, I took a pen and a sheet of paper to make a list of items that I was going to need.

I thought of something this morning but I didn’t think it was going to work. But Nova knows a lot considering how she hears gossip and spills other people’s secrets.

“I didn’t ask how you were.” Nova finally changed the subject. “I will never get over that night I saw Rhea take you.” She said.

Yeah, neither will I.

“Well, she’s not as uptight now since she’s been going out with Libra...” She continued on while the shock spread on my face.

These are things I don’t know yet.

Nova just casually mentions things to me like I’m supposed to know but I don’t know. I never know apparently! I looked at her, more than just shocked. Neither Haroldo or Libra told me anything, and I thought I should know things like this considering everything we’ve gone through together.

“Oops.” Nova covered her mouth.

So, Libra is going out with Rhea and Haroldo is engaged. Life is going by fast.

“You know, this wouldn’t be a shock to you if you hadn’t disappeared.”

“I’m at NASA.” I told her, still in a bit of shock from the news I was receiving.

I’m literally just a ten minute walk down the street away, there is no reason this should be happening to me.

“Is Hariette still in a good mood? Ever since she...” Nova stopped herself and looked away.

“Now you want to keep it a secret?” I asked.

“Well, uh,” she leaned closer to me, “let’s just say she and a certain someone have been hooking up.” She whispered. I kept my eyes on Nova, curious about who it could be. This is one problem she won’t tell, maybe because she doesn’t know or Hariette just might ruin her if she says something.

“Speaking of secrets you should be keeping,” I started and slipped my paper towards her. “Do you know where I can get these things?” I pointed to the list.

She looked down and read the list, thinking to herself; she was concentrating and the more she read, the more frustrating it got for her.

“You’re not going to find any of this stuff here.” she said but kept her eyes on the paper. “I mean, besides the contact lenses...” she said and reached for a pen near another worker beside her. “You can go...here.” she wrote down an address.

“California?”

“Yeah, won’t take much longer than an hour. But this lab has everything you’re looking, and if it doesn’t, someone can get it for you.” she said.

“Is that supposed to be a secret?” I asked her.

“Well it’s not now.” She mentioned under her breath. “So what are you doing with contacts, plutonium, and computerized chips?” She asked, curious, moving her hand under her chin and sliding her chair closer to me.

I looked at her but didn’t say anything. This is supposed to be a secret and she doesn’t do well with keeping them. After a second of my silence she knew I wasn’t going to tell her.

“I’ll find out one day, Aurora.” She said.

“It’s supposed to be a secret, Nova. I could get charged with treason if you tell.” I warned her.

Her eyes widened as she stared right at me. I was being serious but I don’t think it would be that bad yet. At least for what I’m doing at the moment, it’s treason. What I plan to do in California, maybe just a misdemeanor for trespassing and getting my hands on things I shouldn’t have access too. Nova desperately wanted me to tell her about it.

I wasn’t going to tell her details though but maybe she knows things already.

“Have you heard things about the rebellion going on still?” I asked.

“Yeah, but here’s the thing about it,” she scooted closer and looked forward, like she wasn’t about to tell me another secret. She spoke quietly to me. “It doesn’t have to do with scary people trying to hack into the system. It’s just regular people doing regular things wanting regular solutions to their problems.”

“What have you heard?” I asked.

“Remember how everyone had this image of a perfect utopian society where everyone is happy and the world is great?” She asked and I nodded. “Well that’s not a thing and we have yet to see the real world.” She completely tore that thought bubble down.

“I don’t get it...”

“Based on where we live, of course you wouldn’t get it-”

“We’re in the Midwest-”

“Yeah but think about where we are in society and what we’re doing.” She said. I still don’t get it. She caught on to my confusion. “So you know we aren’t divided by class but more by how we give back to society, but even then it’s not really a division since almost everything is equal and so on and so on... Well someone changed the rules.”

“You physically can’t change the system like that.” I told her.

“Yeah, but you can change how the system reads every person manually.”

“Only Iris can do that...” That’s what I thought but Nova looked at me like it wasn’t Iris.

“A couple days ago, I over heard Commander Janus talking to someone about fixing the world and making it a true society and whatever.” She mocked him and continued, “Anyone part of the rebellion gets punished; their identities are just deactivated like that, no warning.”

That was it. That was the answer to the question. I stared at Nova, just in shock because I didn’t know what to say. I just...I didn’t have anything to say. Anyone who protests against the system gets removed, but then more people would protest which means more people are removed. That could leave families stranded, people without ways of communicating and getting help. And then there’s not a solid solution to reinstating their identities except for what I came up with.

From what we were taught, the system’s creation wasn’t supposed to have flaws. It would run perfectly on its own and make sure that people would have a fair chance in society. There is no fix mechanism. The assumption was that there would be nothing to fix. We don’t decide who gets what, the system does. Why would it change? It wouldn’t need to.

If something ever does happen, which no one assumed it would, only Iris may be able to reset the issue.

But to manually deactivate is beyond what Iris has access to fix. The system doesn’t have a mechanism to undo that because no one really thought it would happen in the first place.

This is where I come in.

“Nova...is there anything else? Like how to reverse this problem?” I asked.

If there was a faster way, it would save me a lot of time and effort.

“Not that I’ve heard of, but it’s not something that would be talked about. Even on the Mother ship, there were secrets about the Computer.” She shrugged.

This is a big deal, a very big deal. I could feel the anxiety already piling up, making my chest feel heavy from the pressure. This is really bad. People could be left stranded just for Janus’ twisted idea that he could make society better which he can’t! That’s why we have a system! Because human bias will always be worse than a calculator.

If there was a way I could fix it, I would. Now I can’t just stand by while I know the reason for the problem. These people are within their rights to show disapproval for the system. Cutting them off from society is not a way to solve the problem!

“Aurora, you look pale-”

“I’m fine.” I stammered.

Just breathe.

Breathe!

I glanced to the side to see if the modifications were done but it wasn’t even half way there yet. There was something inside me that said now I was obligated to fix this issue. I mean, I know about it so I should do something, shouldn’t I? But what can I do? It’s not like I’m in the same position as I was in with the last situation with the war. Before, I could get everything I needed and be done with it, now it’s not so easy.

This is just the worst timing.

“Do me a favor, Nova.” I said as I began picking up my stuff. “If you hear anything else, tell me.” I fumbled with everything in my hands.

I had to go find Libra and Haroldo and tell them what’s going on. They should know, after all they work with Janus. I wanted to know how he got access to something as secret as the system. I never had access to it. Who does he know that would get him the answers he wants? I knew everyone thought he was sketchy but this is pure evil.

None of this is supposed to happen. We were taught that being on this planet would make everything paradise, that we would treat everything better than how our predecessors did. And to be honest, I believed that bullshit so easily like there wasn’t going to be a person with an evil bone in their body trying to figure a way to mess all that up. I’m just trying to understand how someone can get away with this so easily. Janus has to have some trick up his sleeves to do this.

I made my way around, asking people where Libra and Haroldo were because I needed to talk to them right this second. I ran into one of the conference rooms to see them sitting together, talking about what they should be doing. I set everything down on the table abruptly and they looked up at me.

“Everyone who has had their devices deactivated has protested publicly against the system.” I said.

“How do you know that?-”

“Your fiance told me.” I looked at Haroldo.

He put his hand to his forehead and sighed quietly under his breath. Libra was laughing at him since the secret came out, but it’s not like I didn’t have anything on her either.

“You’re no better, Rhea’s girlfriend.” I called her out too.

She stopped laughing and looked away like she was ashamed of being caught red handed.

“Janus somehow has access to the system and is erasing anyone who is part of the rebellion.” I said and sat down.

“That’s extreme.” Libra said.

“But how...”

None of us knew how Janus would have access to that, or how he was able to do it. I didn’t know of a permanent fix mechanism for the issue either. For us to go find each person affected would take weeks and it’s not helpful because it’s just the three of us.

“We need help-”

“No.” I said quickly. That’s the worst thing to suggest. “We cannot ask more people to do anything. Do you know what kind of trouble we could get in?” I asked.

“Aurora-”

“If anyone were to find out that I have been modifying our devices, I’d get killed on the spot, so please don’t say anything.” I begged them.

If I think we need the help, I’ll find it but for now, I have this covered. I will figure out a way to handle this but we have to do it my way. I don’t want any of us to lose what we have or to get hurt on the account of helping others. For us to fix the problem, we have to be strategic about it so we don’t get caught or the problem will never get solved.

It was enough to know all this was happening but to know why changes everything.

At the moment, I don’t have a solid plan, but I knew where to go to get a bit of help.