Rebellion

I was up by five in the morning, customizing my new tablet because I didn’t have the patience to wait till the sun was actually up. The lights were turned down low and glowed in darker colors instead of bright blue and green. Luckily for me, I didn’t have to reset anything. I just transferred everything I did, including modifications and changed settings. So I’ll still be linked to everyone who’s had a reset.

Beside me in bed, Sirus began to move. He lifted himself up slowly before moving some more.

“...Fuck.” he muttered under his breath, irritated from waking up so early.

He got out of bed without saying anything and made his way to the bathroom. I sort of knew why he was so angry but I wasn’t going to say anything out loud. I swiped on the glass screen to change more settings, ignoring how Sirus came back to bed and immediately latched on to me, getting way closer than he should be.

And it was no surprise when I felt something poking at my back.

“Well good morning to you, too.” I said as he reached over me to get something on the nightstand.

“I can never get head from you.” He complained as he began shuffling out of his pants. He had his hands in mine too.

Unfortunately, Sirus has had this issue where he is unable to keep to himself when I do end up giving him head. Him waking up in the middle of the night because of some kind of wet dream he’d have was expected.

“You really want to do this at five in the morning?” I asked him.

“Tell me to stop if you don’t want to.”

I wasn’t going to tell him to stop. I had to admit that I needed to do something too, however I knew how to control my urges well. He can’t.

I put the glass down on the nightstand when I felt him touching me with cold lube. That barely lasted a second. He was so eager to penetrate that he didn’t care about anything else. Usually, I don’t care because I want him to get this over with. He pushed inside me slowly, and he didn’t stop till he could no longer move. His arms began moving up in my shirt, touching around my skin to get me hot.

“Usually, you have something to say by now.” Sirus said, pressing up against me as I tried to adjust; here I was slightly struggling but he wanted to be smug. “Are you being quiet because it’s my birthday?” He asked.

“Take pleasure in this one time experience, Sirus.” I told him when he snuggled up closer to me, making me shift again.

Now he was completely over me with his body pressed on me and his hands up my shirt while he was inside me. I wasn’t tired yet, and I won’t be for a long while unless Sirus is not gentle with me. He sounded like he was about to fall asleep again when he spoke so maybe this won’t last as long as I had thought. His fingers were pressing on my chest harder, getting touchier than usual.

“Sirus...” I was annoyed with how he was doing this. I don’t like the fondling or the extra touching as much as he thinks I do.

My hands pushed down on the bed so I could move but he wasn’t letting me. This morning seems like the “stay down and take it” morning. And as much as I didn’t want to, there came a point where I did stop fidgeting and trying to fight him.

“Tell me you want me.” He said quietly.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t hesitant. I didn’t miss a second to tell him that I wanted him, that he could do whatever he wanted because I would enjoy it too. That just fueled him.

My legs moved once he was deep inside me. For a second, I needed to adjust again but Sirus never gives me that time. My fingers curled up against the pillow as he lifted himself off me; his hands slid down my back, lifting into my t-shirt, and kept me down on the bed.

Just his hands on my back was the only thing I was okay with. I didn’t mind him keeping his hands on my back even though he was keeping me down. I could feel his fingers tracing my spine as he took it slow for now. My face was beginning to get hot but that wasn’t the only place.

It’s no different just because it’s his birthday. I didn’t feel that different, besides the fatigue and muscle pain from two days ago. Sirus wasn’t that nice to me. But I don’t mind.

I can handle whatever he does to me.

My face stayed pressed into the pillow just to hold back my moans. Even if it was hard to breathe, I didn’t care because I would rather have my voice muffled. He’s never much for taking it easy on me, not like I care why; even with the difficulty breathing, and the pain in my chest, I still kept my head down in my pillow to hide my embarrassment. I’m just surprised he hasn’t yanked onto my hair yet, or tried to pick my head up so he could listen to me do exactly what he wanted.

I sunk more into the bed and grabbed onto my pillow harder. I usually notice when I start to move around and try to hold down that urge but it was becoming more difficult. Sirus hadn’t slowed down or even stopped for just a second but it’s better when he doesn’t. I don’t want to get the chance to feel every part of my body until the very end, until it just hurts to move.

I started to get more than just enthusiastic.

Sirus had to put his hands on me to keep me down. I felt his fingers around my neck, pressing hard enough to keep me from moaning so loud. I didn’t move, more like couldn’t. But that was just fine as well. My head stayed down in the pillow and I didn’t fidget.

That is, until I felt Sirus cumming inside me. My muscles strained as I tensed, only feeling the pressure above me that kept me down on the bed. I groaned weakly into the pillow, my fingers yanking the fabric from the need to tear something apart.

It wasn’t long after that I felt myself cumming as well. That’s when I began to quiet down.

If only he would get off me. I don’t like being kept down.

“I am never going to get over this.” He said, his fingers pressing around my neck to show me what he was referring to.

Ever since I let him that one time, that’s all he brings up. Frankly, he looked rather distraught when he realized what happened. I’m surprised he’s okay with doing it again just because of how weak it made him before.

“You have to stop.” I shuffled under him but he didn’t get off me. “I have to go to work today, Sirus. Get off.” I complained and whined.

“You don’t have to go anywhere.”

No! No, no, no. Not this again. He will not revert to his bad habits! I put my head down in the pillow and muttered my dislike instead of saying it out loud.

His fingers were in my hair, pulling it all back before yanking on it to lift my head up. This is why I need to cut my hair, there is no use to keeping it long, especially if Sirus is only going to use it to his advantage. It didn’t hurt how he did it so I didn’t complain out loud.

“Sure you don’t want to stay, baby?” He asked.

For how long? Another hour? Maybe two more? No. I know what he wants. And usually, he likes it quiet on his birthday. I don’t know why, and I’ll care some other day, but I’m never usually around because he wants to be alone.

“I would rather go to work where you won’t bother me.” I said.

He let go of my hair, but it wasn’t willingness. The only good thing was that he got off me so I could move.

Maybe I should be a little nicer. It is his birthday and he deserves to be happy.

I got out of bed and took off my shirt in front of him. I knew he wasn’t going to look away so I took off my sweatpants too. Whatever else was on me, I took that off as well until I was completely naked.

“Well happy birthday to me.” He got too excited as he moved out of bed.

I took a step back to stop him. “You have no self control, Sirus.” I would love to reason with him and get him to slow down but he was so ready to get to me.

It hasn’t even been five minutes after he’s pinned me down on the bed. And I’m being generous right now so I would prefer if he wouldn’t try to pin me on the floor.

“You stripped in front of me and expect me to just let it go?”

“I’m just saying calm down or you won’t be able to enjoy...whatever else we do.” I told him.

That just got him more excited. He yanked my arm and pulled me on with him into the bathroom. He didn’t hesitate to strip his clothes off either.

This was going to be an extremely long morning. I know what I’m getting myself into, I just wished I was better prepared.

I got dressed for work. I have yet to return Taurus’ pants to her. I can’t tell her that it’s getting harder for me to fit in these too, she’ll laugh at me. I was careful how I stood around while wearing these pants because they did accent more of my hips than I would like. I fixed my shirt and tightened my tie under my collar.

Before I forgot, I went to get the gift I hid in the bathroom cabinet. Sirus was still trying to sleep but he wasn’t going to be successful. I held the small black box in my hand behind my back as I made my way to bed and got on him.

“I swear...” Sirus moved his arm from his face so he could glare at me.

“I just want to show you how to work your gift before I leave.” I said and opened up the box.

I took the smaller band from the black box and lifted his right hand so I could put it on his thumb. The bigger band goes on his forearm where it actually did fit. I thought I might’ve made it just a bit too small but luckily it fit.

I pressed the button on the smaller band so the image would show up across his arm.

“Shit.” He sat up and moved his arm.

“It’s not like you technically need it, but it tells you a lot more than your tablet would, and you don’t have to carry it around when you have this.” I said.

“You’re not gonna tell me to not show off are you?”

“As long as you don’t tell anyone where you got it.” I said and got off him.

“This is actually amazing.”

“Of course it is, I made it.”

Thankfully, I did finish it with enough time to spare. And if something does go wrong, I can easily fix it. There’s only one so it’s not going to be a hassle. However, if he’s the one that breaks it, I will not over work myself to make him another one.

“Do not break this, Sirus.” He rolled his eyes when I began nagging him. “I’m serious, I won’t make another one.” I said.

“You think I’ll break it?”

“I think you’re reckless, and violent, and will crush the bands on accident because of possible rage.” I lifted his hand to show him the band on his thumb. I predict this band will be the first one to break. “So because I poured my sweat, blood, and metaphorical tears into making this, I am telling you not to break it.” I let go of him.

“You’re so hot.” He was about to put his arms around me but my hand pushed him back into bed.

“I’m going to work.” I got off him. I don’t expect him to go anywhere or do anything so hopefully his gift isn’t broken in just one day.

“I’ll miss you.” He said jokingly.

“Go to sleep, Sirus. You had a rough morning.” I picked up my jacket at the edge of the bed and left the room.

When I got to work, I noticed how quiet it was. At first, I just thought a lot of people didn’t want to come in today, but I saw there was more than expected.

In fact, it wasn’t even engineers.

I looked around to find armed soldiers around every corner, along the walls, down the hallways, just practically everywhere. No wonder no one was here, they were hiding from the panic and fear.

I found the two responsible for the issue.

“Alya. Lunar.” I stopped in front of the two of them, staring at their modified dresses and big smiles. They practically snatched it from me once their armor was placed on them.

I guess Libra started a trend today. And in about a week, I can expect more people wanting their clothes custom made for work. I can complain because no one wants to go to the appropriate engineers for the job but I wasn’t going to. What I was going to complain about was how their sectors have completely flooded the place I’m supposed to find security in.

Before I could get one word out, Alya just had to get to it. “We can’t talk today, Hariette is in trouble.” Alya said, holding her hands behind her back.

“The place is completely surrounded so no one goes out until Janus is done.” Lunar said.

“What’s Hariette in trouble for...?”

They both shrugged. I had an idea and I couldn’t explain it. The two of us have been working on trying to scatter the signal for every tablet within the area, and we haven’t gotten far. But someone somewhere knows about this and is giving Janus hints. If Hariette is in trouble then I could be too.

Right on cue, a pair of soldiers walked over to me, greeting me with more respect than they should’ve which means they’re on my side. If they weren’t, it’s not like they would sneer at me, I’m sure it would be apologetic glances and worried looks.

Do I make the rest of them uncomfortable?

“Janus wants to speak with you.” One of them said and he looked a little jarred.

“It’s not good, so I suggest you find a way to get Hariette and yourself out of the situation.” The other said.

I looked at Lunar and Alya. They both gave me an apologetic glance. It’s not like they would be able to do anything to help, unfortunately. Because Janus is here, I can’t put pressure on anyone.

The best plan is to deny and deny and deny. That’s all I’ve got. Janus might be accusing me of everything, and he’s right, but I don’t want to go to prison when there’s a situation that needs to be resolved.

I sighed quietly and trudged forward. This is not fair. And when I groaned, that just about showed that I really thought this wasn’t fair. The other two walked ahead of me, still talking about what could be happening and being so far off that it was embarrassing. I don’t know what people think I do but what I actually do is completely different. I guess I’m flattered that some of them might think I’m hardcore but if these rumors keep spreading my prison sentence will be worse.

The two of them stopped in front of Hariette’s command room. Now I’m on my own. I sighed again, this time more obnoxious than the first. The door opened and I walked inside the dark room without saying a word. The two didn’t even glance up from where they were sitting.

I’m not scared of Janus. I don’t flinch at the sight of all the gold badges and the seemingly cold expression. I just get really uncomfortable by the cold shoulder. He does not like me, at all. And I mean, even if the rebellion wasn’t happening, he would still hate me enough to find another reason to arrest me.

There was an empty seat next to Hariette and I took it, not the slightest bit happy about being here. I was tempted to give up the facade but the expression on Hariette’s face told me not to.

She couldn’t do anything with the drones.

Now Janus wants to get evidence on us.

“I have just a few questions for you and then I’ll leave.” Janus said as he flipped through his tablet.

I would’ve loved to start off by saying that I didn’t do anything, that I have not been involved with anything that’s happened. I was going to lie so hard right now because I needed to protect myself.

“There’s this rumor going around that says you know a way to handle the rebellion.” He explained.

That is not a question.

“Care to explain?” He asked.

“I have no idea where you’re getting that from.” I said without hesitation and he didn’t believe me. That didn’t make me change my answer. “Apparently a lot of rumors about me are going around and I can’t help that.”

“Like the rumor about you being the leader of the rebellion?”

Who is spreading that rumor?

This is why I’m getting in trouble, because someone doesn’t want to shut up. I am not the leader of the rebellion. I have nothing to do with it other than helping others who have lost their only way to prove they are part of society.

“I have no idea why someone would say that. It’s not like I do much.” I said although it’s the biggest lie I’ve told in the twenty seconds. I have done way too much and look at where it’s getting me. I am in so much trouble.

“Aurora, I would love to handle the rebellion as much as you do so I would prefer to know of any solutions.” Janus tried to appeal to me but he didn’t do a very good job.

I pursed my lips together and looked around, not because I was nervous but because I knew what he was trying to do and it’s not going to work. I’m not interested in trying to incriminate myself and I think at this point I should have a lawyer present.

“If...I do find a solution, which I doubt I will since I don’t have access to the necessary things needed to find one, I would gladly offer my assistance.” I said.

“Like I said before, Janus, Aurora is the last person you want to go to.” Hariette said with a matter-a-fact tone.

Honestly, she was going to take the chance to say all these awful things about me and it will all be from how she feels about me. I had no choice but to sit here and take it but I just want Hariette to know that she doesn’t need a reason to say stuff about me, she can go for it whenever she wants because apparently that’s what everyone else is doing.

I don’t like being called the leader of the rebellion.

Whoever is spreading that needs to stop immediately.

“Well I have sources that say otherwise.” Janus glanced at her. “I would hate to doubt you, Aurora, but right now, everything points to you.” he said to me, not even sounding the least bit sorry about it.

It’s not like I was being careful. A lot of people know, a lot of people are involved, and as much as I tried to stop that, I couldn’t do anything else. So I know that it all points to me.

There has to be a reason why I’m not being charged with anything yet. Janus is being hesitant for some reason and maybe it’s a big one if it’s stopping him from getting the Department of Justice on me.

“Apparently, more than three fourths of the ground forces have made it clear that they will revolt if something were to happen...to you.” he said and he definitely wasn’t pleased with that.

It’s not like I was either.

That would cause a state of panic, probably worse than I experience on a daily basis. Three fourths of the ground forces would leave everything and everyone unprotected. They’re pretty much guaranteed anything they want at this point. And what better way to make themselves clear about the situation than by warning their boss that they will revolt the line is crossed?

“So for now,” Janus sighed and shook his head, “the charges against you are currently pending until further notice.” It looked like he just gained ten years on his life.

He’s stressed that I’m undoing his silencing tactic to make a perfect society...or whatever he wants to call it. I honestly don’t care. He’s causing me stress right now. We could both stop the stress if he would just revert the system back and fix people’s lives.

I doubt he will.

Janus got up to leave. This was a very productive session. I learned a lot from him.

The only thing I was grateful for was that three fourths of the ground forces were good at stalling. This should give enough time for me to actually finish what I need to do. Then again, weeks is a long time. It’s not surprising that Janus is already fighting to get charges pressed against me for everything that’s happening. And I’m very sure that all this is just between the three of us.

I looked at Hariette with wide eyes as Janus walked out. She didn’t know what to say since she was in that much shock as well. Hearing that I may be the cause of an internal revolt is not something to be proud over.

“You’re a criminal, Aurora.” she pointed out. “That’s going on your record forever.” she patted my back although unsympathetic.

“I am just so tired of having to answer to people now.”

That’s the only downside. I have so many people to calm down, so many people to warn, to watch. And honestly, it brings me more stress than it did when it was my actual job.

“So what do we do?” she asked.

“Oh, I’m still working on our project. Janus doesn’t scare me.” I never actually considered stopping just because Janus wanted to threaten me a little. It would be great if I could get my charges dropped or if I got arrested after I fixed everything.

“You are something else, you know that?” she leaned her head on to her hand, her white hair draping over her shoulders. “You are trying to fight the Head of Defense, one of the most powerful people on this hemisphere.”

“That...used...to be me.” I said slowly. “I don’t get what you’re trying to say, Hariette-”

“That if he’s the one that takes you out, your life is over. But I can see that nothing scares you.” Hariette just loves doing that to me. She has no idea what scares me. A lot of the petty things scare me. Even my own behavior scares me because at the end of the day, I am still that same person that would rather stick it to some guy than cover myself. “So these rumors though.” she wanted to change the subject. “You might want to get your forces under control-”

“Not my forces-”

“Come on, Aurora. You know that once all this started happening, there was tension between everyone. I’m sure that right at this moment if you were to tell everyone to just fuck everything up, they would do it so quickly to prove their loyalty to you.” She laughed loudly since it was amusing to her.

And her saying that made me uncomfortable.

“Here’s the thing, I’m not that special or iconic or whatever you want to call it.”

“Have you forgotten two years ago because no one else did.” she said.

It’s great to be reminded. I rolled my eyes and looked away while she began laughing again. I don’t know what to tell her about this.

“You shouldn’t stress about the situation.” she got up out of her seat. “I would still cover your ass because we’d all be stranded without you.” she said.

“Was that...were you just genuinely being nice to me?” I asked, a little shocked.

“Get out.” she didn’t hesitate to point to the door.

Well we did have our moment. I got up from the chair and left her room, and while I did, I smiled at her because I was a nice person.

Today already was a rough day for me and I just wanted to lay down in bed for the rest of it. I’m tired. I’m stressed. I just want to go home.

From down the hallway, I saw Haroldo and Libra coming. The only reason they would be here is for me, right? Unless I’m getting ahead of myself and they’re actually here for Hariette. There is no reason why they should be here in the first place. I told them that I would intervene again only if the problem got out of control. As far as I’m concerned, the issue shouldn’t have escalated at all.

“What now?” I asked.

“We missed your birthday-”

“Libra.” I held up my hand to stop her. “What’s going on now?” I asked.

“We were supposed to warn you about Janus but we didn’t make it in time. Did you know that our sectors are trying to-”

“Protect me by threatening to revolt?” I finished for Haroldo since I had a feeling he was going to ask. “Yeah, I already know.” I sighed.

“It’s buying us time which is great but Janus really hasn’t slowed down when it comes to trying to shut everyone up.” Haroldo seemed a bit panicked. “And honestly, on a scale compared to the total population, it doesn’t look bad, but it’s so bad.” he shook his head.

“Our sectors are doing well in the controlled environments but some of the leaders are saying there have been multiple times where they have had to use weapons-”

“Wait-”

“Aurora, we have got to figure a way-”

“No weapons. At all.” I wanted to be done with that. “The only time it should come to that is if it’s a life or death situation. That’s it.” Haroldo and Libra didn’t say anything as they looked away. “It’s not coming to that is it?-”

“No...it’s not.” Libra said quietly, holding on to her tablet tightly.

“What we should be focusing on is reversing the deactivation on people’s tablets.” I reminded them because it looked like they forgot. They still didn’t look at me and it made me think that they had something different in mind. “Well?” I urged.

“It’s just that...” Haroldo looked at Libra hesitantly. “We would really prefer if we could end this as quickly as possible...so...”

“So you want to ask everyone, on their day off, to start using weapons and begin putting their lives on the line for something that could end without the need of...weapons in the first place?” I just wanted to make sure I got this right.

The idea is not a good one.

“The second we do that, Janus will go for the kill. That will also be a conflict of interest because we are using his forces for this.” I explained. “We can’t ask people to choose sides, we know which way they’ll go.”

And I saw the look on their faces when I said that. All three of us know who is going to side with who and even if it’s enough of a divide it’s not a good thing and I don’t support it. As much as I wanted to let them handle this on their own, the only thing I want to ask of them is that they don’t make this violent unless Janus does so first.

The last thing I’m going to have happen is everyone killing each other.

“Just hold on for a few more weeks okay. I’ll try to fix everything.” I assured them.

I assured myself really. A few weeks should be more than enough time, but I have a lot of distractions around me.

My hands began to feel a little clammy. That’s when I noticed the tightness in my chest too. Maybe I’m taking on more than I could handle. I should be able to deal with this stress but for as long as this has been happening, I get closer and closer to cracking. It makes me think that my medication really isn’t working.

I didn’t want either of them to know that I’m panicking on the inside. I promised them I would find the solution and I’m going to hold up to it.

But I still felt like I was drowning and needed to take some time away from the stress.

I needed other things to think about.

Knowing how the situation is right now, this is the only thing I’ll be able to focus on.

My day ended rather quickly and all I wanted to do was sleep. However, with everything I have to work on, that’s the last thing I’m going to do. I was lucky to get time off but that’s just going to make me think about the rebellion and everything else. It shouldn’t be my problem but the situation is getting worse. On the outside, it looked like I was handling it but on the inside, I was slowly losing myself. First thing I’m going to do is take a nap and pretend like none of this happened.

I didn’t expect to find Sirus dressed in uniform when I got back. What I actually was expecting was to see him laid out in bed without even seeming like he was going to get up soon. However, he looked like he was about to leave for work, well like he was going to go soon.

I sat next to him quietly at the counter and he slid a bowl my way. At first I thought I wasn’t hungry but turns out I was because it took me less than a second to pick up the fork and eat.

“I thought you didn’t work today.” I said.

“Well my sector got called in because Janus thinks it’s okay to move people around.” He said bitterly.

I could tell that he was extremely upset about going in today. If I could, I would do something nice but I’m currently busy and he’s not in a good mood.

“Since you’re going in for the evening, I need a favor.” That didn’t make it any better.

However, Sirus isn’t one to say no to me after a little fighting and arguing.

He just glanced at me, a warning glare that no longer scared me as much. I could just avoid the glance back now and ask for what I want.

“Could you get me all the coordinates with rebellion activity?”

"All?”

“Please.”

By the look on his face, he was hoping that I wasn’t serious. I don’t joke around a lot so I don’t know why he thought I would now. He shook his head and sat up in his seat, taking his tablet and changing the screen.

“One day, I’m really going to end everything.” he muttered under his breath.

And yet here we are with things that have not ended. “I just appreciate how helpful you are and how important you are to me and-”

He shushed me and put his hand to my face when I started to mouth off to him. I was just about to bite his finger when he moved his hand away. A small hologram lit up on his screen and he turned away so he could talk.

“Where the hell are you, Sirus?” Janus did not sound too happy. “You were supposed to be here an hour ago.”

“Well I was supposed to be off today but we don’t always get what we want, now do we?” Sirus said back.

This is how he has one strike left. And honestly, I’m just thinking this is it. If Sirus would listen more, maybe he wouldn’t have such a big problem with Janus. Then again, Sirus asked for this day off months ago so I can’t say anything.

“Speaking of what I want-”

“No.” Janus flat out said. “If your sector isn’t in by the next hour-” he didn’t get a chance to finish his threat.

“I just need all the coordinates for rebellion activity,” Sirus said quickly and Janus did shut up.

I’m curious about how lenient Janus really is. Based on what I’ve heard, he’s really strict and that should be a good thing but everyone makes it a big deal, like they’re going to die because their boss actually doesn’t put up with their crap. I also wanted to know how he’s handled Sirus; clearly the Department of Human Resources think Janus’ complaints are more credible than mine.

I just eaves dropped on the conversation as I ate the spaghetti quietly, holding the bowl close to me while taking as much spaghetti my fork could hold.

What would usually take about ten minutes of arguing actually turned out to be less than that. Janus probably reached that point where he has no more energy to fight.

Finally, someone gets what I’m dealing with.

Sirus looked at me when the hologram shut off. He still didn’t look too happy and I felt bad that he had to get out of bed today. He still has to go to work and that wasn’t how he wanted to spend his birthday.

“We good now?” He asked as he began sending me the coordinates.

“You know, you really have to work on that attitude of yours.” I pointed out while literally pointing my fork at him. “If you lose your position, where am I supposed to live when you lose everything else?” I asked.

“Janus won’t do shit to me.” Sirus was pretty sure of that.

One more probation till termination. That’s not enough chances for Sirus. I give it another year before he finally snaps.

“By the way, you have to stop feeding me.” I also have to put that out there.

It’s not like I’m trying to cut back because there’s nothing better for me to do. But it’s not helpful being surrounded by food when I’m taking medication that’s supposed to suppress my appetite. Sirus does not care. I would sometimes find a plate left out for me when I come back late or breakfast when I don’t wake up early enough.

Next thing I know, I’m gaining much more weight than I can expect. Already I’m having a hard time fitting into my own pants that I’ve had for years.

Sirus gave me a plain look and shrugged. That doesn’t mean anything and he’s going to keep doing this.

I bet he couldn’t take me seriously with the way I was holding on to the bowl of spaghetti like it was my life. How am I going to tell him to stop making me food when I look so dependent already?

“If you took care of yourself more, I wouldn’t have to do anything.” He finally said after staring at me for so long.

How kind of him to look after me.

“I hope that nothing goes wrong with you tonight.” He said which is his new way of saying he doesn’t want me to panic when he’s not around.

I was going to change the subject since that’s not what I wanted to talk about.

“You haven’t...have you noticed the other sectors saying things about me?” I asked cautiously.

“As in?”

“Threatening Janus with revolt and chaos so he doesn’t imprison me.” I clarified.

“I haven’t heard about it but it seems like it would be true.” He sighed. “I already know he’s got you for treason, obstruction of justice, and tampering with the system.”

“How long do I get if I go in right now?”

“Ninety years, I think.”

I guess I have to really do everything I need to do before that happens. For now, I have people on my side stalling for me so this should be more than enough time.

“What are you planning-”

“I’m not telling you anything because you have the biggest mouth ever.” I said and got off the chair.

“Don’t worry, you’ll tell me.”

That sounded like a threat. And honestly, I might even tell him about the project I’m working on with Hariette...later. I need this to be between me and her for the time being. I know Sirus and he doesn’t judge the situation the same way I do so he will bring in other people if he feels like it’s necessary...and it won’t be, I can guarantee that.

I smiled kindly at him, hoping to deflect to something else. “Happy birthday,” I said and leaned on to him. “Are you going to be back any time soon?” I asked.

He didn’t like how I asked the question. I’m not much for getting close when it’s not necessary so he caught on easily. I never really pegged Sirus much for caring how and why I do things in his best interest, but at the moment, he was trying to figure something out, whatever it is.

“I don’t even have to go in, my sector doesn’t need me.” There was only one reason why he would feel tempted to stay here.

“I don’t want Janus to hate you.”

“Too late for that.”

“I’ll be here when you get back.” I said, not that I was looking forward to waking up in the middle of the night because of him.

Then again, sometimes it’s not terrible.

I could obviously use a break from everything that’s happening to me, especially the panic attacks. Hopefully tonight, I end up being stress free and can sleep without waking up from a nightmare. I’ve had peace for a few nights, I’m just not ready for things to go back to normal.

Maybe Sirus should stay here. I don’t really feel like I should be alone for the time being.

His hands moved to my face and pulled me forward so he could kiss me. I wasn’t shocked but his movements were abrupt. I didn’t stop him even as rough as he was being. This isn’t new. None of it was. My hands moved to where his were on my face but I didn’t try to get him to stop touching me.

Between all this physical contact and being conflicted about being alone tonight, I figured I could use a little distraction.

I do need him.

He should stay.

I should tell him to stay. He’s listened to me before. And even though now isn’t that serious, he would stay anyway.

Right?

I was eager. He knew that. I kissed him back with the same enthusiasm he had for me. I shouldn’t get too excited but this is the only way I could convey that I would prefer he should stay here. And he got the idea.

Once he got up out of his seat, we started to stagger back towards the couch. We couldn’t just stopped for one second to make it safely over there but he didn’t want to.

I fell on him when we got to the couch but we didn’t stop. His hands untucked my shirt while I tried to get his.

I was actually more concerned that he wouldn’t be so riled up that he wanted to have sex. I would prefer...just this, and I would prefer if he would listen.

At the moment though, I couldn’t talk. We were both preoccupied with whatever we were feeling.

My hand pushed his shirt up but I didn’t move so he could take it off. My fingers pressed down on his skin, being able to feel the warmth that I always feel. I wanted to touch him more, to move my hands on him the way he usually does on me. My eagerness continued to show and I knew he was loving it.

For a second, I just needed to breathe. He didn’t stop kissing me when I pulled away; his lips were at my jawline before kissing lower and lower.

“Stay...p-please.” I said quietly as he continued to kiss me. I’d feel better if he stayed, maybe an hour or two, but I wanted him to stay.

I know he has somewhere to be but I didn’t want to be alone.

His hand moved in my hair, just about to take my hair tie out. “Anything for you.” He said and let my hair down.

I closed my eyes and took a shaky breath. It was more from feeling more aroused and ready than I usually would be. There was more to this than just wanting him to stay but I needed to hear him say that he would.

That actually eased my anxiety for a little while.