Kanin

We end up in the back yard after our run. Jax is resting on the back steps, leaning on his elbows and watching me intently as I stretch. I try to ignore his heavy stare, but I can feel his eyes on my skin. I let out a frustrated groan and face away from him.

“Kanin.” Jax says my name in a slow, tantalizing way. I wonder if he’s purposely trying to irritate me. I ignore him and return to my stretches. ”Kanin.”

"What?” I yell, spinning around to face him so fast that his eyes widen for a moment.

He lets out a laugh and pushes himself to his feet. “Would you stop for a minute, please?”

I scoff, “Is there something better I should be doing?”

He nods, “Celebrating your eighteenth birthday. That’s what you should be doing.”

“No offense, Jax, but I’d rather not celebrate it.” I back away from him, to irritated to have his warmth near me.

He sighs and follows me, “You only turn eighteen once.”

“You only die once, too.” I said defiantly, trying to make a point. “Just drop it okay?”

He nodded, “Fine.”

I squint, studying him. It wasn’t like Jax to give in, not on anything. He always got his way and when he didn’t, he threw a fit about it. ”Fine? That’s it?”

He shrugged, “Yes, fine. It’s your birthday. If you’d rather forget about it, then fine. Who am I to argue.”

“Thank you.” I tell him, content on leaving the subject alone. “Now, will you fight me?”

He smirks, the right side of his lips curving. “Be prepared to lose, birthday girl.”

“In your dreams.”

Jax won.

Like always.

Now that we’re both aware of my werewolf side, he hasn’t gone easy on me. I don’t expect him to and I didn’t want him to. Keera’s pack wouldn’t go easy on me. So, I needed to train against someone that wouldn’t hold back. Jax didn’t.

I entered the house with far more bruises than when I’d left. Cade was waiting in the kitchen with an ice pack. He must have been watching from the windows. I took it willingly and thanked him.

I rested down at the island, rolling out my shoulders and placing the ice pack on the back of my neck. when I looked up, Cade was holding a cup cake with a lit candle on it. He smiled down, “Happy birthday, Kanin.”

Does everyone know that it’s my birthday?

I couldn’t help but smile. I left the ice pack forgotten on the counter and stood to my feet. “Oh, Cade, you really didn’t have to.”

“Of course, I did!” He thrust the cupcake under my nose. “Make a wish and blow out the candle.”

What did I always wish for on my birthday? I wished for a pony when I was six. I wished for a cell phone when I was thirteen. I wished for a car when I was sixteen. Those were wishes I made when I thought I was normal, when I thought my life was boring. What would I wish for this year knowing that I wasn’t normal or boring? I closed my eyes and blew out the candle, praying that someone up above was listening.

“What did you wish for?” Cade asked, handing me the pink wrapped cupcake.

“If I told you, it wouldn’t come true.” I teased, and I prayed that this year that was true.

“She probably wished for a new convertible or a pair of shoes, or something girly like that.” Jax teased from his where he stood leaning against the counter behind me. He smirked at me when I shot him a glare.

“You got me, now it won’t come true.” I rolled my eyes, picking off the wrapper and licking off the icing from the top of the cake.

“What do you want to do today?” Cade asked me.

“She actually wants to forget that it’s her birthday.” Jax informed his friend.

“What?” Cade sounded confused. “Are you kidding me? You’re eighteen!”

“I wish everyone would stop saying that!” I sat my half eat cupcake aside with a sigh. “I know it’s my birthday! I know how old I am! I also know that there’s a major possibility that I won’t make it to nineteen! So, drop it, both of you!” With one final look at them both, I bolted for the stairs. I hurriedly locked myself away in my bedroom, collapsing against the door and trying not to sob.

I just needed a shower, I told myself. That would calm me down. I stepped into the bathroom and ran the shower steaming hot. As soon as I stepped under the water, I started sobbing. My tears mixed with the water pelting down my face. I stayed that way long after the water started turning cold.

When I finally stopped crying, I turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. I wiped the steam from the mirror and focused on the face staring back at me. Thankfully, my dull eyes weren’t that puffy.

I avoided Cade and Jax the rest of the day. I stayed to myself in my bedroom. I rotated between sleeping and staring out the window at the trees. My thoughts always drifted to my father and Delilah. I wondered what they were doing, knowing that I wasn’t there to celebrate my birthday with them.

I fell asleep to tears streaming down my face once again. When I opened my eyes again, the sun had set. My heart stopped in my chest knowing that it must almost be time to meet Keera. I didn’t move, just stared at the full moon that lit up the night sky.

There was a knock at my door then. My ears picked up the sound of the heart beat on the other side of the door: steady. I didn’t turn to the door when someone stepped into my room, but I instantly knew who it was. My body always ignited with fire when Jax was close.

“Is it time?” I said, clearing my scratchy throat.

“Almost.” He says, his voice merely a whisper.

I rise to my feet and make my way to the closet. There’s a black dress hanging in a bag. Arya brought it over last week for me to wear to tonight’s meeting. I haven’t brought myself to look at it yet. My fingers shake as I unzip it, so much that I struggle.

Jax says nothing as he leans over me and pulls the zipper down for me. I stop moving, his warmth coming to cover me like a thick blanket. For a fleeting moment, I’m calm and collected. I can feel his steady heart against my back. His breath tickles the spot where my neck and shoulder meets. There’s no doubt in mind that Jax knows how fast my heart is beating right now. I spin around slowly. Jax doesn’t move. My chest is pressed against his, my heart hammering into his.

“You shouldn’t do this.” I say in one rushed breath, but my heart isn’t in my words.

“Do what?” He’s leaning forward ever so slowly, his breath fans across my face.

"This.” My words are telling him to stop, but I’m leaning closer to him with each beat of my heart.

“This?” He asks, and then his lips are touching mine. It’s a ghost of a kiss, but I feel the heat of it in the tips of my toes. He leans back. “Or this?” His lips touch the corner of my mouth and then he’s trailing down the side of my neck. Goose bumps form over my skin and my hands pull him closer.

“Yeah, that.”

His lips stop abruptly on my collarbone. He pulls away from me, creating a distance that might as well be the size of the Grand Canyon. My heart physically aches for a moment. “If you say so.” He’s teasing me and he looks like he’s thoroughly enjoying doing so.

I clear my throat and try to regain my composure. “Just keep your hands off me for the rest of the night, think you can handle that?”

He cocks his head to the side and his eyes trail over me. “Only if you can.”

I laugh, crossing my arms over my chest. “Oh, please. I won’t have any problems.”

He makes his way back to my door with that teasing smirk at his lips. “We’ll see.”

I’m left staring at a closed door, appalled. The nerve of that boy.

I shake my head clear of the thoughts and turn around to pull the dress from the rack. I don’t give it a second glance as I step back into the bathroom. I quickly shed the clothes I wore today and replace them with the black dress.

My eyes bulge out of their sockets. I should’ve known better than to have Arya chose it. I would barely even call it a dress, more like a slip of fabric. It’s tight, hugging to every nonexistent curve I have. There’s strips of see through lace across my stomach and right shoulder. It stops just above mid-thigh and I try to tug it down further. I would never be caught dead in a thing like this. That’s probably why she chose it.

I try to ignore the dress, or lack thereof, and move to fix my hair. I opt for an easy half-up braided look. Then I step back into my room to look for the black pumps Arya leant me. I pull them into my hands and expect them.

“Nope, not happening.” I groan and pull on my black boots instead. I’m far from caring about fashion tonight.

I suck in a deep breath and then pull open my door. Cade is pacing the hallway as I step into it. He stops dead and looks up at me. His eyes widen and a smile creeps onto his lips. “Whoa.” Is all Cade can muster as his eyes rake down my form.

My cheeks heat up. I tug the fabric down again. “Is it too much? Arya picked it.”

Cade was quick to shake his head. “No! You look gorgeous, Kanin.”

“Really?” I squeak.

“Drop dead.” He reassures me.

“Thanks.” I say to him. I feel a little bit better now.

Cade motions for me to take the stairs first, I do. I make my way down them and into the kitchen. I suspect to see Trent there, but he’s not. He’s been absent the last couple of weeks. Every time I ask about him, Cade tells me that he’s off trying to calm down the rest of the pack. They’ve been threatening to leave for weeks now. It was Jax who convinced them to stay for the meeting with Keera tonight. If it didn’t go well, he told the others they could leave if they wanted. I knew how hard it was for Jax to say that, but he cared about his pack. He didn’t want anyone staying if they didn’t want to.

I really hoped it went well, for the sake of Jax’s pack.

That’s when my eyes land on the alpha. He looks handsome as always. He’s wearing a leather jacket over a button up shirt. His familiar converse is on his feet. His hair is somewhat tamed tonight, which is a change from his usual unruly mess.

His stormy eyes turn red when they take in my short dress. I smile at him. He steps in close to me. “It’s going to be hard to keep my hands off you after all.” His words tickle my ear as he whispers.

I reach up and cup the back of his neck. “Try harder.” I nip his ear and then step away from me.

“You fight dirty, Kanin Abbott.” He shakes his head at me, shoving his hands into the pockets of his dark jeans.

There’s suddenly a howl outside, but I don’t panic. It’s Arya’s. I’m not sure how I’ve come to know each wolf just by their howl, but it’s as easy as breathing now. Cade steps over to the front door, “I’ll meet you outside.” His eyes study Jax and for a moment I’m sure his heart kicks up a speed. I ignore it though.

Jax pushes me back against the counter once Cade disappears. His hands cup the island, caging me in. He leans forward and breathes me in. Then he runs his mouth down the side of my neck. My breath hitches in my throat. “Just one for good luck?” He asks in a rough voice as his eyes flick down to my lips.

“You don’t have to ask.” I rush, and then I pull him the rest of the way to me. This time our kiss is rough and filled with desire. His hands roam my body. I’m so caught up in the moment that nothing else exists but his lips on mine and his flaming fingers on my body.

Suddenly, something cold clasps around my wrists. I know it well, but I don’t want to admit it. I stay rooted in my spot for a moment, my eyes wide and staring at Jax. I don’t want to look down.

“I’m sorry.” Jax whispers.

That’s when I look down to see the handcuffs. For a second, I don’t understand what’s happening. “Jax?” My heart hammers in my chest, different from how it was a moment ago. “What are you doing?”

He pulls me along with him through the kitchen and into the dining rom. That’s when I see that one of the dining table chairs is pulled onto the rug. He forces me to sit down and then handcuffs my hands behind my back.

“What are you doing?” I yell, pulling against the metal cuffs. “Jax, un-cuff me! Now!”

He rakes a hand over his face and through his hair, “I’m sorry. I can’t do that, Kanin.”

“So, that’s how it’s going to be?” I’m beyond angry now. He’s betrayed me. He’s lied to me. He’s been playing me. “You’re going to give me up to Keera and not even let me fight for my life? You coward.”

He stumbles back a step like I’ve physically hurt him, “Is that what you think I’d do?”

I nod, “It looks like that’s exactly what you’re doing.”

“I can’t believe you’d think I’d do that to you, Kanin. After everything.” His voice is merely a whisper, filed with pain.

“Then what’s happening, Jax?” I plead. “Tell me what’s happening.”

He kneels in front of me, “I’m going to meet Keera.”

“Then why am I handcuffed!” I demand.

“Because you’re not going with me.” He tries to keep his voice calm, but it breaks.

“Jax, no!” I struggle against the cuffs, but they don’t budge. “You can’t do this.”

I know what she’ll do if he shows up without me. Keera will attack his pack. She’ll kill him. So many people will die if I don’t show up.

“Haven’t you learned yet? I can do whatever I want.”

“Cade couldn’t have agreed to this.” I shake my head.

He says nothing.

“He did?” I couldn’t believe it. “And the rest of the pack as well?”

“We took it to a vote. Most of them voted for this.”

“How could you?” Tears are streaking down my face now. “Keera will kill you, Jax!”

He stands to his feet with a sigh. “Now, I know you can probably get out of those cuffs, so Cade’s going to stay here and make sure that you don’t.” He ignores my pleads.

“Cade’s not going with you?”

“Someone has to stay here with you.”

“I cannot believe you. This will destroy him.” I scream, pulling harder until I can feel my skin break open on my wrists. “I can’t believe you’d ask your best friend to stay behind while another alpha slaughters you!”

“Do you not have faith in me?” He asks of me.

“Not right now.” I tell him truthfully, my vision blurring.

He nods sadly, “I’m sorry, Kanin. Really, I am, but this is for the best.”

“How can you say that? What is one life compared to the lives of your pack? What’s my life compared to yours?” I plead for him to understand how wrong this is, but he’s not budging.

“Do you not understand that I’d do anything to keep you alive?”

“Even this?” My voice breaks. “You’d let others die for me?”

“Yes.”

“What about what I want? Do you not care about that?”

He shakes his head, “Not when you’d rather die than live.”

“I’d rather die when it means others can live!” What was he not understanding about this?

“This is not up for debate, Kanin. You can’t change my mind.” He spins around finally, giving me his back as he starts to retreat to the door.

“Please!” Please. The plead beats in time with my heart, but it does no good.

My only answer is the sound of the door slamming closed as Jax disappears through it.