In My Desperate Time

At the party, surrounded by a group of annoying women, I feel uncomfortable.
When I come back to the present moment, Jane is already dancing with Lawrence.
Although I know Lawrence loves someone else, I get upset at the sight of such intimacy.
After the party ends, I give her a good punishment and finally feel a little better.
After returning from Santos, I receive an invitation to a show in Paris.
I'm not a fan of such an occasion.
Whitney is a famous designer. She attends galas like this with me every time.
Every minute with her is torture for me.
I've proposed a divorce several times, but Whitney never compromises. Every time it ends up with her threatening to kill herself.
I suddenly regret marrying Whitney back then.
If I hadn't done it with an indifferent attitude, I wouldn't have been stuck when Jane appeared.
If it weren't for Whitney, I would have married Jane and given her everything I have.
I tell Jane that I am going on a business trip for a week, and she says that so is she.
I don't ask any further and go straight to the airport.
In the VIP lounge, I see Whitney wearing sunglasses with a satisfied expression.
Seeing me enter, she takes off them and walks towards me.
The GUCCI haute couture outfit looks stunning on her. The surrounding men all look at her with affections.
I have to say that she is so lovey a creature, to the extent that any man will fall for her.
Even Lawrence, her brother in name, is no exception.
Unfortunately, I'm not among them.

I only have Jane in my heart. She used to be, is now, and will be my only love.
Whitney walks over and intimately holds my arm. Those men around instantly dim their eyes.
I frown and go to my seat. Looking at her smiling on the other side, I ask indifferently, "Whitney, what exactly do I need to do to
get a divorce?"
The smile on her face freezes.
"Frances, why do you want to divorce me? What's wrong with me? You don't want to live with me and I let you move out. You
don't want to sleep with me and I have never forced you to do so! We've been married for years, but how many times have we
appeared together? I've done so much. Why are you so obsessed with that?"
She says to me emotionally, completely ignoring the crowd around her.
She's mentally ill, and I've always known that.
It is precisely because I know I'm part of the reason that I can't harden my heart to force her.
But now, I want to make Jane my wife, so I don't want to go on with the charade anymore.
"Whitney, I don't love you. You know it. A marriage without love can't last long." I say flatly.
"You didn't love me before! Why are you bringing up a divorce now? Are you in love with another woman? Is that Cindy Leigh?"
Whitney gives a grimace of rage as she sneers, "Cindy was already disfigured by me. Are you still thinking about her? Let me tell
you, Frances, I'll ruin any woman you get close to! I wonder who else is so bold to approach you!"
I know about Cindy.
To be exact, I'm responsible for Cindy's suffering.
At that time, Whitney kept a close eye on me. I was afraid that she would find out about Jane, so I used Cindy as a shield.
Cindy is really innocent, so I give her a large sum and ask her to go abroad.
"Go with your gut. I have no explanation for you. The divorce will go into effect automatically after two years' separation. It
doesn't matter if you want to waste your time with me."

I say coldly, get up and walk towards the gate.
"I don't care who you love. In any case, I'm the only one who can be with you openly, right?" Whitney says proudly as she chases
after me and grabs onto my arm again.
I frown and get on the plane without answering her.
Because the plane is late, and Whitney changes into formal clothes after getting off the plane, we are running out of time. We
hurry straight for the show.
When we get there, I see a familiar figure from afar.
It is Jane. I don't know why she is here.
However, later I realize that this event is sponsored by the Songs. Given how much Jane means to Steven, it isn't surprising that
she shows up.
But the problem is that Whitney is also here!
I never tell Jane that I'm married. If she knows, how will I explain it?
I've never been in such a panic before.
Whitney doesn't notice the change in my expression and whispers to me, "Go, let's go."
There are only two empty seats at the main table, right beside Jane and Steven.
I walk over with heavy steps.
Sitting beside Jane, I take every breath mixed with her fragrance.
I get flustered so much.
I can't talk to her and only watch the show on the stage as if I don't know her.
Beside me, she and Steven have been discussing something, and I hear every word.
However, why are they getting closer and closer?

I want to remind her, but I baulk at the idea of saying it directly. I can only rub my leg against her.
Her expression changes while she sits motionless, watching the show.
Whitney's coquettish voice suddenly comes from the side.
"Darling, do you think that dress suits me?"
My entire body stiffens at once.
Whitney has never called me darling. Does she lose her mind today? When Jane is present, Whitney actually calls me that!
Not turning to look at Jane, I hear Steven asking, "Jane, are you alright?"
"I'm fine. I'm going to the bathroom."
She gets up and stumbles towards the bathroom.
I glance over at her and see her bump into someone.
When she goes into the bathroom, my phone vibrates in my bag.
"Don't worry. I won't let your wife know our relationship."
I have mixed feelings about Jane's words.
Does she think of herself as a shameful mistress?
I don't tell her that I'm married because I'm afraid she can't take it.
The worse scenario is that Whitney will go at her. Jane is so unsophisticated that she might mistake an enemy for angel.
She comes back from the bathroom very quickly, her entire face pale.
I know that she must find it hard to accept the truth.
Then I'm not in the mood for the rest of the show.
When it ends, Jane takes the lead to get up and go outside.

Whitney and I have always shared a room in order to deceive the public.
But I've never slept with her. The sofa makes my bed.
Whitney and her besties here will play cards all night, so she will not come back.
Before she leaves, she goes crazy again, talking about committing suicide.
When I snatch the knife from her hand, I get hurt.
It leaves a wound on my wrist.
It's not deep, but it hurts.
After that, Whitney leaves.
I don't bandage the cut. Instead, I send a text message to Jane to ask her to come over. Perhaps, this can earn me some
sympathy.
Unexpectedly, she replies, "No."
Apparently, her anger is for real.
I have no choice but to make a threat that if she doesn't come, I'll go find her.
I get no reply for a whole minute.
I can't stand the long wait, so I just knock on her door.
After entering, she notices my wound. Sure enough, she knits her brow and goes to a pharmacy for gauze and iodophor.
Judging from how much she cares, I don't think she blames me for not telling her about my marriage.
To my surprise, as she finishes dressing the wound, she orders me to leave.
"Alright, go now."
Do I hear her wrong?
How can she say that?

I pretend not to hear her and pull her into my arms.
"I'm very tired. Go to sleep."
I'm not lying. I'm exhausted.
Dealing with Whitney wears me out. I feel a bit relaxed only when I see Jane.
Holding her in my arms, I sleep soundly that night.
Thinking that Whitney will be back soon, I leave early.
Jane is fast asleep at the moment.
I can't help kissing her when I see her peaceful face.
Not long after I lie down on the sofa in my room, Whitney returns.
She seems to be in a much better mood and drags me to the restaurant on the second floor.
When she sees Jane and Steven, holding my hand, she heads for them.
For some reason, I feel that Whitney harbors a lot of hostility towards Jane overnight.
Although the way they chat seems casual and normal, I can vaguely smell that something is amiss.
After bickering with Jane for a while, Whitney turns to me and says, "Darling, let's find another table. Perhaps we shouldn't share
a table with someone not on the same page."
Seeing Jane's grim face, I say nonchalantly, "You shouldn't go extreme just because others don't agree with you. Perhaps, you
two have something in common?"
It's just a simple comment. There is no special meaning in it. Whitney stands up and leaves the restaurant. Steven also leaves
for something urgent, leaving only Jane and I here.
"Frances, what exactly do you want?" Jane snaps.
What do I want?

From beginning to end, I only want to be with her. I never change my mind.
"Nothing."
I reply.
"Why don't you tell me you're married?"
Her questioning leaves me speechless.
I don't tell her, because I don't know how to put it in a way that prevents hurting her feelings.
I'm afraid that the quarrel will attract attention, so I stand up and walk out.
She stops me at the stairs.
"Let me ask you something. Why don't you ever tell me?"
Doesn't she care about me? Why is she so obsessed with this question?
Is it possible that she cares?
I see a glimmer of hope.
"Jane, what right do you have to question me? Or are you jealous?" I ask, gazing at her.
She remains silent for a long time.
It is just a flicker of hope and all goes back to the dark now.
Suddenly, I feel devastated.
"Jane, you're just a woman asking for my help. You don't have the right to ask about my personal affairs."
It breaks my heart to see the sadness in her eyes, though I can do nothing but ignore it.
She bites her lip and says to me meekly, "I know. I just feel that you should at least get me mentally prepared. Otherwise, I don't
know how to deal with your wife."

Her sudden obedience displeases me.
I don't like her behaving that way.
Being sharp and straightforward is more herself.
"Just do your part. Don't worry about her."
I walk into the room. As soon as I enter, I see Whitney with a gloomy expression.
My voice just now is very low, and she probably doesn't hear me.
However, why does she look so sullen?
As I'm lost in my thought, she picks up a vase and throws it at me.
But very quickly, I instinctively dodge to the side and it flies past me and out.
I look outside and discover that Jane is still standing there!
The vase smashes right onto her head.
Then, it falls to the ground, making a crisp sound.
I can't help but suspect that it is meant for Jane not me.
Blood flows down Jane's head, glistening with shocking scarlet.
I want to run to her, but I'm afraid that will give away our relationship, so I stand there and watch it.
Whitney runs out. When she passes, I detect a cold smile on her lips.
When she gets to Jane, she asks, "Ms. Noyes, are you alright?"
I gawk at them, believing that Whitney is indeed hostile to Jane.
I'm not sure yet what this hostility stems from and if Whitney knows about us.
"Frances, hurry up and send her to the hospital. She's bleeding." Whitney says to me.

I know there's a lot of blood. I see it.
But I can't.
Care brings chaos.
I'm afraid that if her life is in danger, I'll break down.
In front of Whitney, Jane and I have to be careful.
"You take her to the hospital. I have something to do."
With that, I walk out.
Later, when Whitney comes back and tells me that Jane has only a slight concussion, I feel relieved.
It is another show at night. Halfway through it, Jane suddenly covers her mouth and runs towards the bathroom. She is throwing
up loudly.
After that, Steven takes her to the hospital.
When I see her vomiting, my immediate reaction is that she is pregnant with my child.
I'm thrilled at the possibility.
Whitney goes out for some errands. I call Jane twice in a row, but no one answers.
I become even more nervous.
After a long time, she calls me back.
"Come to my room right now."
I say sternly to her.
The moment I open my mouth, I realize that my voice is trembling.