Icejacked

What a Time

Since we had rescued Leddicus, Julie had returned to her usual calm and efficient persona. She arrived punctually the next morning. She looked radiant and ready to keep her promise to take Leddicus to meet Boadicea. I didn’t want to do another tour of , but was concerned about her influence on Leddicus and the effect she would have on him without me around.

My Leddicus paydays could be threatened if she took him under her wing. Did I want to trail round ? No! Did I have pressing deadlines? Yes! I had stern e-mails from the magazine and university. Did I trust Julie? No! Although I found her very useful, I could not escape this nagging feeling she was trying to steal my pay cheque. These thoughts went round and round as I hacked into my sausages and mixed them with beans and scrambled egg.

As I popped the mixture into my mouth, Julie said, “Are you cross with me, Gerhardt? You’re glaring at me as if I’d stolen your breakfast and put you on bread and water.”

That caught me so off guard that I swallowed hard. It went down the wrong way, and I ended up having a coughing fit. I coughed so hard that I had to mop my streaming eyes and drink a large glass of water. During which time, Julie clucked over me with concern, and Leddicus fell about laughing. I eventually regained my composure and managed to speak.

“Cross? Who me? No, I was just wondering if I ought to stay here today. I have a ton of work, and I am being hounded to meet deadlines, but I didn’t want to leave Leddicus to you to look after for the whole day.”

“Well, you are a grown-up, aren’t you, Leddicus?” She smiled warmly at him. Leddicus was hungrily pushing grapes, toast, and jam into his mouth and didn’t reply. Perhaps because he didn’t want to replicate my coughing fit. Instead, he nodded enthusiastically. “We’ll be fine. If you need to work, that’s okay, I’ll play guide and host to our Roman.” She patted my shoulder and laughed. “You really have no need to worry.”

I gave a wan smile and shrugged. “Okay then. I’ll stay here and work while you go and meet Boadicea. I wonder how long we’ll have to wait for those travel documents to be released. I’m sure Leddicus is keen to go to Caesarea Philippi, aren’t you?” I said to him.

“I am. I can’t wait to be the tour guide for you and show you around my town. It will be good for me to play host to you two for a change.”

“Are you coming, too?” I asked Julie. My heart was sinking.

“Yes,” she said firmly. “Don’t you remember? I said that weeks ago when the idea was first mentioned.”

“Okay, so when do we book the tickets?” I sighed.

“You are losing the plot, aren’t you? Have you forgotten I already booked them? I’ve put them on hold with the travel agent until the documents come through?” She leaned forward to pick up her handbag off the floor. “You’re very distracted today, Gerhardt. Perhaps you should rest, not work. The governor said it could take some time, but Joe said he’ll chase it up if it’s too slow in arriving. Let’s just relax a little. Leddicus had a rough time the last forty-eight hours. Let’s be a bit patient and try not to fret about it.”

Well, that put me in my place. I bit my tongue to avoid snapping at her. They both stood up, and prepared to leave.

“I hope you get through your work, Gerhardt,” Leddicus said. “I will tell you all about this foreboding sea person when I get back.”

Julie and I laughed at that, and the tension eased a little. I poured a third coffee, more to avoid the inevitable than the need for another drink. I sipped at it, delaying putting my nose to the grindstone and thinking about all the time and energy I had put into Leddicus and all the money I had earned from the tours. I still could not shake this feeling that Julie was trying to muscle in on my property. Even though I had spent so much time with her, I still did not trust this newshound.

Back in my room, I reluctantly fired up my laptop, but once I got down to it, I made good progress. I completed the two articles that Archiv was chasing me for. Finally back in my stride, I fired off the two thousand-word unit to the uni, which was already three weeks overdue. There was a brief e-mail from Mr. Calabro indicating I had done a good job so far and I only needed to e-mail him once a week in future. Suits me just fine.

At around four thirty, feeling very smug and self-satisfied, I treated myself to a pot of English tea, accompanied by scones, jam, and cream. I settled into a large leather armchair, cup in one hand and newspaper in the other, when Leddicus dropped into the seat opposite me with a loud thud.

I peered at him over my paper. “How is Boadicea?”

“She is very well, thanks. Sitting in her chariot opposite Big Ben. Julie also took me to see some Briton who had tried to fight us Romans, as if they had a chance!” He laughed at his own joke. “We had a very good day.” He busied himself and splurged jam and cream onto one of my scones.

“Where’s Julie?” I was only half-listening and still trying to read my paper.

“She’s gone to some meeting or other. She just dropped me at the door. She said she was running late. But it’s good she’s gone. I wanted to chat to you about an idea I’ve got.”

Leddicus paused long enough to take a huge bite of his messy scone and then carried on with his mouth full. “I want to invite Pricilla Morrison over, you know that lady from the , and give her a personal interview. What do you think?”

“What do I think?” I almost exploded and slammed my paper down onto the table. “I think that’s a terrible idea. Who put you up to such a crackpot idea? Julie Bright, I’ll bet!”

“No, no!” Leddicus said hastily. “You’ve got it all wrong. It’s not her idea. Julie thought it was mad, too. But I insist. I think it’s a good idea, and I’ve asked Julie to arrange it. I understand Pricilla is in the at the moment.”

“I need to speak to Julie!” I yanked my phone out of my pocket and started punching in the number.

Julie answered after the first ring. “He’s told you then!” She didn’t even say hello.

“How did you guess?” I asked.

“I can see the fumes from here!”

“What do you think?”

“I think it’s a bad idea, but for some odd reason, he’s on a mission with this one. He’s like a dog with a bone. So insistent.”

“It’s not just a bad idea. It’s a terrible idea.” I glared at Leddicus. He just gave me a calm half-smile.

“I agree! It is! But he just won’t leave it alone. He’s been on about it most of the day. He would not budge. There was no way I could persuade him to change his mind.”

“What shall we do?”

“I was going to call you after my meeting to fill you in. I’ve already been in contact with Morrison. She’s coming to the hotel tomorrow after lunch. I’m sorry, Gerhardt. I think we just have to let him have his head with this one and be around to pick up the pieces. I have to go now. I’m so late. I’ll call you this evening.” The line went dead.

“You crazy Roman!” I put my head in my hands.

Pricilla Morrison arrived at two thirty, just ten minutes after Julie met her in reception and escorted her to the quiet corner in the lounge where Leddicus and I were sitting. Leddicus had learned impeccable manners in such situations. As Pricilla Morrison approached our group, he stood up, gave her a big smile, and put out his hand. Morrison did not take it. Leddicus stood there feeling rather foolish and quickly retreated back to his chair.

“Well, let’s get on, shall we?” Morrison took over the proceedings. “I want to deal with this as a professional interview, but I need to say first of all, Mr. Palantina, that I do not like you. Not one little bit. So let’s just stick to a professional interview, shall we?”

Leddicus looked crestfallen and disorientated, but he smiled graciously at Morrison. “I am pleased to meet you at last. Please, go ahead and ask the questions you would like me to answer.”

I noticed Julie looking down at the floor, biting her lip, and tapping the arm of the chair in an effort to keep quiet.

“Where do you really come from?” Morrison snapped.

Leddicus took a deep breath and remained calm. “I thought everyone already knew that. I have been saying it over and over again.”

“Yes, yes, of course,” Pricilla interrupted. “For your tour publicity. But where do you really come from?”

Leddicus looked at me, almost in despair, so I intervened, “Well, perhaps it does not fit with what you want to write, perhaps it challenges your belief system, and maybe you don’t like Leddicus, although I have no idea what he has done to deserve your treatment of him.”

Morrison opened her mouth, but I didn’t give her chance to respond.

“It’s common knowledge where he was found, on which mountain, and by whom. The why and how of the mystery is still a matter of continuing research and debate. If you have a problem with that, then you need to take it up with the professional authorities involved. If you have come here to personally attack Leddicus in the hope of receiving an answer that will fit in with your expectations and theories, then you have wasted your time!” I was more than happy with my articulate response, delivered very quietly and with great emphasis on the word “professional.”

My controlled tirade had given Leddicus a chance to think, and now he looked at Morrison. “What do you really want from me?”

“The truth!” she spat at him.

“I have only ever told the truth, but you obviously do not believe me. I can only tell you what has happened to me. I can only give you a straight and honest answer to your question. But it seems that is not the answer you want to hear.”

Morrison leapt up out of her chair. “I thought this would be a waste of time. I am not staying here to listen to this rubbish!” She grabbed her things off the table, stood up, and turned to me. “And as for you, Gerhardt Shynder, I still think you are pulling a fast one much like you pulled a fast one and arrived one year later than you should at university and completed your degree in two years, not three. Don’t think this is the end of it because it isn’t. You’re just a bunch of crooks. This is a scam. It’s a just one big fat gravy train!” She turned on her heel and marched toward the revolving doors, leaving them almost whirring as she disappeared to find her taxi.

The three of us watched her departure. As soon as the revolving doors stopped spinning behind her, we all burst into peals of laughter, drawing glances from the other residents sitting in the normally quiet lounge. After quite some time, we managed to control ourselves, and the laughter died down.

“Unbelievable. Can I write up this story for my paper? Don’t you just hate it when people say they are professional, but don’t possess an ounce of professionalism or even common sense? Poor woman, I doubt she even knows what day it is!” Julie was on a roll. “The only thing I don’t get, Gerhardt, is why she attacked you. What was that about your university and being late? What is she on?”

“I have no idea,” I said. “I did have to retake my exams at school to get into the university I am at. I didn’t quite get the right grades first time around, but so what? And how does she know that? I would have thought that was confidential. Very strange. I don’t know what else to say.”

“I am so sorry!” Leddicus looked at us, shamefaced. “You were both correct. That was not a good idea.”

Julie was quick to respond. “No, it wasn’t, but you’re forgiven, Leddicus. You must admit it was a giggle, and it’s given me a good story. I am going to write up this meeting, at least the interview with you, Leddicus, if you don’t mind. I still can’t get my head around her having a go at you, Gerhardt. Maybe you have some hidden secret. It will make a good story for the press and keep Leddicus in the news.”

“Write it up if you think they’ll bite, but keep my name out of it!” I said.

“I don’t mind,” said Leddicus. “And what exactly does professional mean?”

“If you are referring to Miss Morrison’s use of the word, then it means ‘I am well and truly up my own backside,’” Julie said. “I vote we go get a drink. What say you lot?”

We didn’t need any persuading and swiftly decamped to the bar. As Leddicus took a sip of his wine, I could see that telltale crease between his eyebrows.

“What’s bugging you?” I asked.

He shook his head and shrugged. “I’ve let you both down. I was a bit naïve, I suppose. I thought that if she were out of the gladiatorial arena of the press scrum, she might be more amenable, more approachable. I feel pretty dumb now.”

“Don’t say we didn’t warn you!” Julie and I chorused.

“And I still don’t understand what professionalism means.”

“Poor Leddicus, I’ll explain another time. As Julie said, it was a laugh, but ultimately, her behaviour was very offensive. For now, let’s put the rude Miss Morrison out of our heads, have a drink, and relax.”

Leddicus grinned. “Okay, you’re right.” He raised his glass. “Let’s drink to a successful tour and my escape from prison.”

We chinked our glasses together and soon forgot Morrison. We settled down by the bar, ordered up some snacks, and spent a delightful few hours discussing everything under the sun with the exclusion of the formidable Miss Morrison.

Late into the evening, Julie reluctantly made her departure. “I have heaps of work tomorrow, so you’ll have to manage by yourselves.”

“Fine by me. I could do with a lazy day.” Leddicus and I walked with her to the exit.

As Julie’s taxi pulled away, Leddicus opened his mouth to speak, and I knew exactly what he was going to say.

“Google it!” I said before he had said a word.

“How did you know what I was going to say?” He looked peeved.

“I am a total genius,” I said.

I snuggled down into bed, luxuriating at the thought of a long lie-in, a late breakfast, and no deadlines. The most taxing thing would be explaining to Leddicus the meaning of the word professionalism, that is, unless he was Googling it at that very minute.