Icejacked

It Is Who You Know

Although I didn’t get to bed until two thirty, I was wide-awake at six thirty. I showered, donned the voluminous, fluffy, five-star robe that was on the heated rail in the bathroom, and peeked outside my door. There, as promised, was a blue bag containing all my freshly laundered clothes. By seven fifteen, I had ordered the biggest fry-up on the menu and was wondering what the day held. Would we be successful in our mission to release Leddicus?

“Good morning, sir! full English with extra bacon!” The cheerful waiter, smiling broadly, placed my food on the table. I nodded and thanked him without much grace. It always seemed to make one feel much worse when other people were happy and you were gloomy.

Julie arrived just as the waiter was leaving. She waylaid him and ordered her usual frugal fare. I would never understand how people managed to be so strict with their eating habits. I was sure I saw a glimmer of disapproval as she surveyed my huge fry-up.

“Morning,” I said through a mouthful of sausage. “Why are we up so early when the place is so near?”

“Sleeping is hard when your friend is in prison and you might be able to get him out.”

I nodded. “I was so exhausted last night. I thought I would sleep forever, but here I am.”

“Can’t believe the service here. It’s marvellous. Such a relief to have all my clothes back clean and dry.” The waiter breezed up and greeted her equally cheerily. She smiled and thanked him.

She checked her watch for the third time since she had sat down.

“Do you know what time the centre opens?” I asked.

“Not until nine, but visiting isn’t until ten, so we have to kick our heels until then.”

“It’s such a blow what happened. We had the best time in the States. We went to so many places. We were both looking forward to a break. Leddicus thoroughly enjoyed himself.” I paused to pour some coffee from the cafetière the waiter had just deposited on the table. “Very odd how things worked out. In , I thought he would struggle, but he took to it like a duck to water. I thought he would be at home in , and he couldn’t get away quick enough.”

Julie just nodded, letting me ramble on.

“I took him to some of those churches you suggested. Not my scene, but as you thought, it would be a good idea. I went along for the ride. He understood them a bit, but he mostly struggled with the way things were organised. It confused him. He liked the people and understood what they said to him, but I didn’t, not in the slightest.”

Julie gave me an ironic smile. “You’re the historian, as you often tell us. I would have thought you had worked some of that out by now.”

“What’s it got to do with history?” I asked defensively.

“If Leddicus and we are right about his date of birth, then he would have been part of a church that is quite probably nothing like it is today. He doesn’t even use the word Christian, although I’m sure he understands what it means. Rather, he talks about the way. The word Christian was used much later and not when Leddicus was around originally. Second, you have to realise that the early church was very subversive. That’s why Leddicus is often so careful when talking about it. In his day, he could easily have been put to death for what he believed. The church would probably have been non-institutional and non-hierarchical, a much more organic set up, empowering people from below. By 112 ad, Pliny, I think he was a Roman governor, wrote to the Caesar of the time and said, ‘These followers of Jesus are everywhere. They have turned the world upside down, and our temples are closed. I am killing as many of them as possible, and still they multiply, but what else can I do?’ That’s why Leddicus is struggling with the so-called organised church of whatever ilk it is.”

“Okay, Julie, thank you for the history lesson. Bit early for this, and your lectures are longer than the ones I get from Leddicus when he gets started.”

At first, her face fell until she caught sight of my face. Then she grinned at me. “All right, sarky, shove me over that coffeepot.”

“Coffee! Easy now.” I teased.

She ignored my dig and poured a cupful. “I need to be on form when I do battle with those jobsworth morons at the centre.”

“Did you ever find out what happened to your notes?” I asked.

Her face fell. “No, it’s a complete mystery. I tried to do some of it from memory, but it was hopeless. I’ve never worked that way.”

“It just doesn’t make any sense. You are so organised.”

“I pride myself on it. Joe seems okay about it now, but was cool with me for quite a few weeks while you were away.”

“What’s his beef anyway? It’s your work, and you’re freelance, aren’t you?” I topped up her coffee.

“I know, but it’s a vital key to what is rapidly becoming Leddicus Ltd. It’s likely to be a huge money spinner, getting the book published and then, if the sales are high, a movie deal. All of that is on hold now.”

“I can see how a file can go missing from a laptop, but your notebook? That’s what I don’t understand.”

She just shrugged. “I always put it in the same place when I get home, right on top of my desk. When I lost the Word documents, I went to get it straight away. I turned my flat upside down. No joy. It makes my head ache thinking about it. Let’s change the subject.”

We chatted about trivia while waiting for the time to tick by. Both of us regularly checked the time. We requested more coffee and toast just for something to do. Julie checked her watch for the twentieth time and then stood up.

“I’ll be down in ten minutes. I’m going to freshen up. Then let’s get out of this place and go get our man. I have flights booked for Caesarea Philippi for tomorrow, and we are going to be on that plane.”

I called after her, “I’ll pay the bill and meet you in reception.”

We pulled into the car park at ten minutes to the hour. Julie pushed the buzzer, and as predicted, another jobsworth was at the end of the phone, “Visiting time is at ten.”

What sad people. It’s only five minutes to go, but they won’t open the door. I could sense the bile beginning to rise in Julie. Her face was fixed and pale. I wondered where calm Julie had disappeared to. An explosion would not help our cause.

“Hey, Julie, it’s only a few minutes. Let’s be patient.” She took a deep breath, and we wandered up the path alongside the building to pass the time.

By the time we got back, it was just after ten. I pressed the buzzer.

“Enter,” said the officious voice.

The door clicked, and we pushed it open into a small reception area. Behind glass panelling, rather like in a bank, sat a grim-looking, middle-aged man in need of a shave.

“Yes,” he said.

“We have come to collect Leddicus. Leddicus Palantina.” Julie said quickly.

The man pulled up a small hatch. “Papers.”

“What papers?” said Julie.

“Collection papers.”

I saw her shoulders go rigid, so I stepped forward, “Please, can we see Mr. Palantina?”

He looked up. “Papers.” His face barely moved.

This was getting tedious. “What papers?” I said calmly.

He looked me in the eye. A curious mixture of boredom and defiance, his monotone voice informed us, “Visiting papers from you and collection papers from her.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know I needed any papers. I was with my friend at the airport yesterday, and I understand he was brought here. I would very much like to see him.”

“Need papers,” he said in the same monotone.

Julie was exasperated. “Yeah, yeah, it’s more than your job’s worth to do anything at all without papers, isn’t it?”

He shrugged, unfazed. “Them’s the rules, lady.”

She moved over to the other side of the reception area, pulled out her mobile, and started punching at the keys. She was soon talking to Joe, updating him on the situation.

The monotone guy actually raised his voice. “Oi! No mobiles in her. It’s not allowed.”

She pulled the phone away from her ear and snapped, “I don’t doubt it! Not without papers!”

She turned her back on him and continued her call to Joe. When she finished, she turned round and glared at the man behind the screen.

There were a couple chairs set against the wall, and Julie sat down on one of them. I walked over and sat down beside her.

“What now?”

“We wait. Joe said to hang on while he finds out what’s holding things up. He’s surprised at our reception. He was promised everything was in place. He’s making some calls now. But quite frankly, I would like to punch someone.” She glared darkly at monotone man.

Unblinking, he stared back at her. “I need your papers. And no more phone calls.”

Julie looked at him or rather looked through him and didn’t say a word. I admit I felt out of my depth. When I glanced at monotone man, I got the impression he felt the same in the face of this total defiance. From Julie’s perspective, he was surplus to requirements. She would no longer be dealing with him.

He kept looking over at Julie, then at me, and then back to Julie. He was blinking furiously, perhaps casting around for something to say that did not involve papers. Every now and then, he would open his mouth, but no words came out. He would shift in his seat. Every time he looked over at Julie, she stared back at him blankly. I’m not sure if he were afraid or what he felt, but he certainly did not know how to deal with the situation. The minutes ticked by, and the tension mounted.

From behind the only other door in the reception area, I heard footsteps coming down the corridor. The door swung open, monotone man jumped out of his seat, and he stood almost to attention.

A tall, angular man walked in. His lined face smiled down at us as he extended a hand. “Very sorry for the delay. I’m the governor in charge. I have only just become aware that you are here when I received a call from our government official. Would you please follow me?”

We walked behind him down a long, grey corridor, starkly lit with regulation fluorescent strips. He opened a door, ushered us into his office, and asked us to take a seat.

The governor cleared his throat. “Again, my apologies. This is a most unusual case.” He picked up the phone and spoke into it quietly. Almost immediately, we heard a knock on the door. A uniformed guard entered the office.

“Thank you, George. Would you please take these people to the common room to meet with Mr. Palantina? Then can you bring them all back to my office?”

We stood up and dutifully followed George along the depressing grey corridors. He eventually led us into a large room filled with people. Some were sitting chatting, others were drinking from paper cups, and many just sat there and stared into space. It smelled of dirty laundry and fish. There in the centre was Leddicus, surrounded by a gaggle of what could only be described as the United Nations. As we moved closer, we could see that they were trying to teach him to play cards. It was all very noisy and good humoured.

We approached the table, and Leddicus finally noticed us. A huge smile spread over his face. He jumped out of his chair and said to the group, “Here are my friends!” He beckoned to us. “Come and meet all my new friends!” He began introducing them one by one, so many names, so many different nationalities. It became a complete hubbub as everyone began speaking at once, greeting us in their own language. Leddicus fetched two more chairs and insisted we sit down and have coffee with his new friends. That was the last thing on either of our minds, but the people were so welcoming, and Leddicus was so persuasive that we hadn’t the heart to refuse.

Everyone started talking at once, and I let it wash over me, smiling and nodding mechanically, but not hearing any of it. Julie was more gracious. She made small talk with everyone as she sipped at a paper cup filled with the most disgusting coffee imaginable. I noticed a small group of children in the corner, sitting quietly on the floor. There were about nine of them. They could not have been more than five or six years old, all girls. They made no sound. Their eyes were dark-circled and haunted. One small, skinny, dark-haired girl sat hugging her knees and rocked back and forth. In her hands, she had a grubby linen handkerchief, which she twisted and twisted and twisted as she stared at the wall.

I eventually managed to cut across the noise and confusion and put my hand on Leddicus’s shoulder. “We need to go and see the governor now.”

Julie quickly noticed my cue and started to head toward the exit. She smiled, waved at everyone, and said again and again, “Nice to meet you.” Leddicus hugged everyone and followed us out. I swear he looked sad to be leaving.

George was waiting for us in the corridor, and we followed in the direction of the governor’s office. It didn’t seem to take nearly as long on the way back, and we barely had chance to ask Leddicus if he were okay before we were back in the room with the governor.

As we entered, the governor looked up from his desk and motioned for us to be seated. “I’ll be with you in just a moment.” He looked down and continued to read and write. He seemed a little uneasy, perhaps embarrassed. A small bead of sweat glistened on his temple.

He scribbled on the form before him for a while. He eventually looked up. “Apologies again for the mix-up. Most unfortunate, your friend phoned me, and now we are trying to ensure that this does not happen again. I hope you are not planning to leave the country in the near future as we must send Mr. Palantina’s travel document to the home office, where he will be given an ILR. I just need Mr. Palantina to sign here. Then he can collect his belongings, and you can be on your way.” He slid the paper towards Leddicus and handed him a pen. With his other hand, he picked up the phone. Again, George appeared immediately.

The governor continued to speak, but this time to George, “Please take Mr. Palantina and his friends to collect his belongings. He is free to leave now. Here is the discharge form for the front desk.” He picked up his pen, looked down at the neat stack of papers on his desk, and began to write on the top one. The exchange was concluded. It seemed the governor could not wait to be rid of us.

Leddicus had signed the document, which George now held, and we obediently stood up and followed him out of the office. During this whole time, none of us had said a word. We had not been given the opportunity. The governor had rattled away at us. His clipped comments bombarded our ears like a verbal machine gun. He had somehow even managed to maintain Julie’s silence.

As we walked past Mr. Monotone, Julie gave him her sweetest smile. We stepped from the grey gloom into the fresh air, and I stopped, leaned against the wall, and heaved a huge sigh of relief as the tension ebbed away. Only then did I realise that I had grooves in the palms of my hands that my fingernails had made.

“I feel like I am waking up from a nightmare,” I said. “What on Earth was all that about? I have no idea what that governor guy was talking about. Who is the friend that phoned? What is an ILR? And why can’t we travel?”

“Let’s just get going,” Julie responded. “We can talk as we head back to civilisation.”

We loaded Leddicus’s case into the boot and clambered in. Julie gunned up the engine.

“Leddicus, how are you?” She edged her way onto the main road.

“I’m well, thanks,” he said in his usual unruffled manner.

“And how did they treat you?” Julie asked.

“Most people were nice to me, but some of the ones in uniform treated me most strangely. They said they knew I was the iceman and gave me a plate of ice cubes for my meal. I tried one, but it wasn’t very nice. I don’t mind them in Coke, Gerhardt, but on a plate? Not nice at all.” He rubbed at his stubbly chin. “Some of the people who were not staff were very kind. One said he came from a small island called , and he made me what he said was his national dish. He said that it would be hot. It was! It made me cough!”

Julie and I laughed at the thought of Leddicus sampling curry for the first time.

“It did make me sad, though, talking to some of the people. Most come from places where there is war and lots of fighting, and they all seemed to be trying to escape terrible things. They asked what I was running away from and didn’t understand when I said nothing. They asked why I was there. I told them I had no idea. They were puzzled by that, but then, so was I.”

We laughed again at his simple pragmatism. He had taken it all in his stride, and his experience did not seem to faze him at all.

“I don’t think the staff were being particularly kind to you. In fact, it was quite cruel what they did, but it sounds as if you were okay with the other people there.” Julie patted his shoulder. “It’s good to have you back.”

“I second that!” I said. “One thing I wondered, Leddicus, that group of children in the corner. Where were their parents? They looked rather terrified.”

“Finding out about those girls was the worst thing about my visit. They came in about four days ago. They were discovered in crates in a lorry carrying bananas, the same crates used for the bananas. Heartbreaking.”

“Gosh, the things some people will do to get their children to this country,” I quipped.

“Don’t joke like that, Gerhardt. Unscrupulous men stole those children from their families to be sold as slaves,” Leddicus said quietly. His face was dark.

“Slaves! What work could those tiny kids carry out? And slaves in England? I think the authorities would have something to say about a six year old doing the dusting.”

Julie sighed heavily. “You are such an idiot. You do walk round with your head in the clouds! Think about it. Do I have to spell it out to you?”

I opened my mouth, ready to snap back at her, when a cold chill ran down my spine. “Oh, hell! No!”

“Sadly, yes,” said Leddicus. “I couldn’t believe it either when I found out. I went and sat with them when I first arrived. Not one of them would speak. They had been there four days, and social services still had not been able to find foster homes for them. I couldn’t sleep thinking about them.”

We drove along for a while in silence. The full horror of what we had seen and heard percolated into our consciousness, a reality none of us wanted to believe but could not erase from our memory.

“Julie, what was all that stuff the governor was going on about?” I asked after a while to lighten up the atmosphere. After all, there was a positive side. We had rescued our friend.

“Not totally clear, but my guess is that the friend he referred to was probably someone in government that has intervened at Joe’s request. I’ve dealt with those types. They can be quite imposing. Maybe the governor wanted shot of Leddicus to avoid making waves. They had already detained Leddicus by mistake. Then blocking us from seeing him last night obviously did not go down well. Add that to all the phone calls that were flying back and forth between Joe and people in high places, it all starts to look very bad on the governor.”

“I’m glad I’m in history and not politics!”

“Us turning up this morning and being stonewalled by Mr. Monotone, although I wanted to thump him, probably strengthened our case.”

“And the travel document?” I felt more relieved the further away we got from that awful place.

“That’s very good news. ILR. Indefinite leave to remain. Means he can pretty much come and go as he wants. It’s almost like a full passport. It seems they want to avoid further embarrassment down the road. Stamping his documents ILR gets Leddicus, Joe, and all those powerful people off the governor’s case.”

“Hey, buddy,” I said to Leddicus, “no more worries when we travel!” I was delighted.

“It’s great for Leddicus and us, but very frustrating for all those people stuck in there who haven’t got powerful friends to help them cut through the bureaucracy and will continue to suffer at the hands of Mr. Jobsworth and Mr. Monotone.”

I was getting ready for Julie to launch into another tirade, but there was no time for that. We were pulling up outside the hotel. This place was becoming our second home. We decided to celebrate the release of Leddicus and end of Team Ice’s second tour with a trip to a good restaurant.

“Well, Leddicus,” said Julie, “I’ll have to postpone our trip to Caesarea Philippi until your travel documents are released. It seems you’ll have time to get a better look at after all. In which case, I’m going to take you to see Boadicea.”

“Who’s that?” asked Leddicus.

“You’ll see.” She grinned.