DRAMA NOVEL ONLINE HUGE X4: Chapter 6
I shower while Liam and Callum do whatever it is they do. When I’m done I put on my wedding clothes and cringe at the walk of shame I’m about to do across the hotel. My hair is wet and my skin scrubbed clean of make-up. When I study myself in the mirror I’m momentarily shocked at just how alive I look. There is pink on my cheeks and light in my eyes that hasn’t been there for a long time.
I can’t believe that all it took was some good sex to bring those things back. But I am grateful. Seriously grateful.
When I step through the bathroom door I find one of the twins sitting with a cup of coffee and the other channel surfing on the bed. I can’t tell who is who until Liam speaks, waving the remote.
“You sure scrub up good,” he says. “Makes me want to come over and dirty you up all over again.”
I raise my hands in protest. “I think you’ve dirtied me up plenty in the last twelve hours!”
Callum chuckles. “Stop trying to pretend you were an innocent participant. You dirtied us up plenty too.”
I blush, feeling a little proud of myself if that’s what he thinks. “I should go.”
“Mmm…” Liam says, narrowing his eyes. “Is this your attempt at a goodbye?”
“It’s the ‘thanks for last night’ speech, isn’t it?” Callum says.
I shake my head. That wasn’t what I’d intended. I’m not really sure what I was intending. I’m here for five more days and I hadn’t even gotten around to asking how long the twins are staying. Please let them be staying five more days too.
“So if it’s not goodbye and thanks, what is it then?” They both look at me, gray eyes narrowed slightly as though they’re hoping to read between my lines.
“I was gonna say ‘see you at breakfast’, but if you want to get rid of me…”
I take a step back and they are both up and off the bed. “You stay right where you are, little Rio,” Liam says. His hand cuffs one of my wrists and he pulls me in for a searing kiss. Callum takes his place behind me and kisses my neck, stroking his big hand over my ass. I’m wet in a second, but I need to get out of here. The longer I wait, the greater the chance I’m gonna bump into mom or cousin Dylan on the way to my room.
I push against Liam’s chest and when I’ve managed to get him to take a step back, I turn and do the same to Callum. The twins are panting, chests rising and falling and eyes shining in a way that is utterly sexual. “I need to go. But I’ll see you in the breakfast room in thirty minutes?”
They both groan as though I’m the worst kind of tease, and I grin.
“You can save those for later,” I say, looking down at their erections pertinently.
“They’re all yours, baby,” Callum says, following me to the door. “You got everything?”
I look down at my purse and the shoes I’m holding because I can’t face forcing my bruised feet into them. “I think so.”
“Well, good luck,” he says, opening the door.
I wave and then start down the corridor like an elderly power-walker. My room is five minutes away. It’s not too far. There are plenty of wedding guests staying here but I’m hoping that most of them will still be asleep. The families are likely to have headed down to breakfast already. I cross my fingers, saying a silent prayer that I make it to the safety of my room without being outed as the wanton woman that I am. I’m almost there when I see a door opening and, horror of horrors, my mom backing her way out of a room.
I could have sworn her room was further down towards the beach than mine. Whose room was she in this early in the morning? She must catch sight of me from the corner of her eye because she whirls around and stops dead.
“Bethany,” she gasps. “What are you doing here?”
I narrow my eyes because she’s acting like I just caught her eating pie in the middle of the night. “I’m here for Kerry’s wedding.”
She huffs. Facetiousness is a pet peeve of hers. “That is not what I meant and you know it.”
I shrug, feigning innocence. That has to be the best course of action right now. “I just stepped out for some fresh air…my head was pounding. I’m just heading back to my room to get ready for breakfast.”
She looks me up and down, obviously taking in my dress and bare feet. “You stepped out for some fresh air and got dressed up in your wedding clothes?”
“They were on the chair,” I say. “Anyway, I’d better get back to my room, otherwise breakfast service will be finishing.” I’m past her and ten yards down the hall when she calls after me.
“I wasn’t born yesterday, Bethany Blane. You watch yourself. You’re not too old to get a bad reputation.”
I don’t bother turning because what’s the point. Mom’s radar is on high alert. I’m not going to explain myself to her or try to deny what is obvious.
In my room, I scramble into my coral bikini, cut-off shorts and tank top. My poor feet are grateful to slide into some white sandals. I throw a few things into my beach bag and find my sunglasses. Then I’m off to breakfast with a thudding heart and butterflies in my stomach.
Will the twins be there already? What about their brothers? I think about what mom said again. Bad reputation. There are now four witnesses to my sins. Four very sexy witnesses. Two I can believe would go a long way before outing my indiscretions. The other two, I can’t be so sure. There certainly seems to be some lighthearted friction between Liam and Callum and their younger siblings. Maybe a bit of rivalry or jealousy. I wonder what it must be like to follow in the footsteps of men like Callum and Liam. They’re gorgeous, confident, funny and surprisingly kind.
And I’m so damn excited to see them again.
Too excited.
I slow my pace, thinking about how fragile my heart had felt only yesterday. If you’d asked me if I’d be risking it in the hands of one man I’d have laughed. Am I really prepared to risk it in the hands of two?
If it’s possible to hate your own internal voice, I do at this moment. Doubts are back. Fear is back. Thinking about everything way more than it really needs to be thought about is my usual way, and look where it has gotten me. Analysis paralysis. A life half lived because I sought the control of a cruel man who took away my choices and made me weaker as a result.
It’s a terrible thing to be scared to live.
When I was a child I looked around at the adults in my family and imagined what it would be like to be free like them; no one telling you what to do; a plethora of choices; a whole life to shape. And now that I’m an adult, the very thing I used to look forward to is the thing that scares me the most.
I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust my ability to make good decisions. I don’t trust my instincts to weed out the good people from the bad. In fact, I know I make bad choices in so many aspects of my life. I’ve proven myself to be unworthy of the power and freedom of adulthood time and time again.
Here I am about to do the same thing again. I can tell myself the twins are great. I can tell myself that this is just a bit of fun. A vacation romance. A clichéd fling between the maid of honor and the best man…or men, in this case, but I know myself. My heart is like an overripe fruit; swollen with hope and bruised from mishandling.
As much as I want to be the girl who can throw caution to the wind and enjoy this for what it obviously is, I don’t think I’m her. I don’t think I can ever be her.
I want to be her.
By the time I’ve thought all these complex and deep thoughts I’m nearing the restaurant. I stop and look around, thinking about what I should do. There is no way I’d be able to just avoid the twins for the rest of the trip. Not without hiding out in my room, and I don’t want to spend what little vacation I’m going to get this year watching reruns of the ‘Gilmore Girls’. I’m going to need to face them and tell them that I can’t be with them again. Even as I think it, my pussy clenches with hunger. She’s been so disappointed with sex for so long and finally, I find not one, but two men who are capable of giving her the treatment she deserves and what am I planning to do? Tell them thanks but no thanks. I must be fucking crazy.
Just as I’m pondering heading to the beach and living off fruit for the day, I feel a hand on my waist.
“You waiting for someone special?” a very familiar voice whispers into my ear.
“Because I think the wait is over,” another very familiar voice whispers into my other ear. All the hairs on the back of my neck rise. My knees feel weak, as though they have gotten used to the idea that these men can hold me up, no matter what the position!
“You look good in shorts,” Callum says, kissing my cheek.
“She looks good without shorts,” Liam chuckles, kissing my other cheek.
I catch a middle-aged woman flanked by two small children staring in our direction. Then she winks and I blush profusely! Is it that obvious what we’ve been up to? Do I have that ‘just been fucked’ glow? Or maybe she just thinks I’m damn lucky for being in such close proximity to two of the most gorgeous men I’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing in the flesh. I hope it’s the latter.
“Shall we get something to eat?” I say, heading through the doors and looking for an inconspicuous table. There’s a booth near the windows that looks free. If I slide in there I should be relatively shielded by the twins and their ridiculous proportions. If a hurricane passed through here right now, I’m pretty sure they would be able to provide me with enough shelter between them to survive it!
I hear their footsteps behind me as I race through the dining area, scanning for familiar faces. I catch sight of cousin Dylan in the opposite corner with this family but he’s looking at his food, thank goodness. I chuck my bag into the corner of the booth and slide right in. When Callum and Liam finally catch up with me and take their seats they’re looking very amused. Liam is sitting opposite, dressed in a snug gray t-shirt that leaves nothing about his drool-worthy body to the imagination.
“Are you hungry, Rio?” he asks me and for a moment I must look as confused as I am. “You practically jogged to this table.” He raises his eyebrows.
“She’s embarrassed to be seen with us in public,” Callum says nonchalantly, as though he’s reading an item off the menu, not describing my shameful truth.
“Embarrassed?” Liam feigns a lack of understanding, but I know he’s realized too.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I start, but when they both fix me with a ‘don’t bullshit us’ stare, I stop and have the decency to look sheepish.
“It’s not you, it’s me,” I say and then cringe. That’s got to be the worst sentence I could have chosen.
“Of course it’s you,” Callum says, resting his hand on my arm. “We’re absolutely fine with being seen with each other in public. You kind of get used to it when you were born two minutes apart and have pretty much done everything together for over thirty years. Also, that dude over there looks the same as me, so being embarrassed by him would be like being embarrassed by myself.”
“Dude,” Liam says affectionately. “I didn’t realize how much you cared.”
“You see…and then you gotta go and say shit like that and I feel like taking it all back,” Callum says.
I watch them laugh together, the easy affection and humor they share, and I feel really stupid. All my insecurities and feelings of shame seem silly when I’m in the company of these guys. Somehow, they make everything seem like it’s okay.
“You know that nobody knows what we got up to last night,” Callum whispers. “All of that is just in your head and ours.”
I blush and fumble with the napkin on the table in front of me, remembering all the amazing filthy things we did. I was a different woman. A wanton and sophisticated woman who asked for what she needed.
“You know that there’s nothing wrong with what we did?” Liam leans in across the table and rests his hand on top of mine. I stop fidgeting and go totally still, calmed by the weight of his huge palm and his reassurances. “We’re all consenting adults. We all have respect for each other. We all had a damn good time, so don’t kick yourself, okay. That doesn’t make me feel good. It makes me feel pretty shitty.”
Callum slips his hand onto my knee. “My brother is right, for a change. You should listen to him.”
I look at them both, and there’s so much that I want to say. I feel like I could tell them all the strange and dark things that are in my heart and that maybe they’d be able to drive them all away. Then I feel stupid because as nice as they are, and as much as we have done together, these guys are still virtual strangers.
“I don’t regret it,” I say. “I’m just not sure what to feel about it and I’m not sure what should happen next.”
“Well, I was thinking that we attack that breakfast buffet like the raging hungry people that we are. Then find a waiter in this godforsaken hotel and order some very strong coffee. And then maybe hit the beach for a day of doing pretty much nothing but sunbathing, broken up by the odd swim and maybe some reading.”
“Sounds like a plan to me,” Callum says. And before I have a chance to agree or disagree they are up and out of the booth to do exactly that. So what do I do?
I follow them. Fears be damned. I’m hungry, in more ways than one!