How does it feel? (Infatuated Fae Book 1)

Callie

The room was still and quiet. I jumped when the wall creaked behind me, and a panel of the scarlet and gold wall slid open as thick black smoke rolled into the large room.

I was prepared to run into the smoke with the thought of catching the assassin off guard but immediately rethought my decision upon remembering he was the assassin for the crown. I wanted to be as far away from him as possible.

My eyes darted about the elegant-looking room. It held nothing I could use as a weapon, not even furniture to hide under.

I hastily slammed into the nearest wall and flattened my body against it as I crouched low, praying I would get my wish and become invisible. I was so very tired of being frightened.

The black smoke swirled from the wall’s opening as clouds billowed onto the marble floor.

Interesting, black smoke.

A hotter fire than normal converts more fuel into elemental carbon. That formed into tiny particles that absorbed light and appeared as black smoke. At least in the human realm, the blacker the smoke, the more volatile the fire, generally speaking. Most fires, like camp or kitchen fires, produced white smoke. I kept that knowledge filed in the back of my mind.

I careened my head to get a better look but could only see smoke-filled shadows. I knew he was inside, though, because the wall panel slid back down with a loud clang. The smoke billowed across the floor, but still, I saw no man.

A low, rattling growl sounded beside me as I stared at the wall panels. I spun, uncertain of how it had passed by me unnoticed.

The coat of the large panther glared blue it was so dark and velvety. Its head was aimed at me, lower than its body, ready to pounce. Large golden eyes gleamed against the shadowy fur on its giant face. Small black irises tracked my every breath, flickering slightly as my chest rose and fell rapidly. Long clear whiskers shot out from either side of his nose like a normal panther. Round ears sat positioned slightly away from me. It was going to pounce.

Up until this point, my mind seemed determined to categorize it as a normal panther. What a foolish thing to do in a Faerie realm filled with magic and beasts. Where a tail might normally be, sat nine powerful tails. Each of them with a glistening tip, poised in an arch, aimed at random spots on my body.

It took me a moment of curiosity, wondering why they were aimed at random places, before I realized they were all the various points on my body where a puncture wound would kill instantly, especially after being injected with what I could only assume was poison dripping from the sharp tips. The sharp, curved points formed a threatening vision. They were all black but reminded me of liquid metal dipped in ink.

Had I seen the tail, I would not have been so stupid. I would not have been foolish enough to have attempted what I did, though, to be honest, I hadn’t been thinking at all. My body simply reacted.

I reached my hand out quickly, without hesitation, and rubbed its furry black cheek.

My fingers rubbed the soft pad just under its rounded ear deftly, and suddenly, I had no fear. I only ever felt peace and magic with animals, foolish as it may have been. Even the scary ones were still in need of kindness. The moment my fingers touched the creature, all my terror seemed to evaporate. I supposed this was what true madness looked like after all.

The large black cat hesitated only a second after my touch. Before my eyes could open from their last blink, the feline shot its scorpion-like tails over its body, pressing each point firmly against my skin. One pressed lightly into the base of my neck, where my spinal cord met my brain stem. Two on my neck at my carotid arteries, two under each armpit by the axillary arteries, one at my heart, one on the right side of my body at my liver, and one on the side of my groin in the crook of my leg . . . What was that? Ah, yes, my femoral artery and then one on my popliteal artery just below that.

Interesting.

The sharp points pressed just enough into the skin to cause a small prick.

I looked into the panther’s eyes, foolishly searching for comfort. I’m not sure why since he was the one about to kill me. I took a deep breath as I continued to rub his velvety fur, more to comfort myself than anything. Its yellow eyes darted back and forth between mine in obvious confusion.

I’d never learned to fear animals; they had always seemed to balm my weary soul when I needed it most. This large cat did the same. If I was to die, let it be by him and end this once and for all. I was so tired of being afraid, and my body found some semblance of comfort in his furry presence. He wasn’t evil, even with poison tips feathered against my skin. I knew he wasn’t quite like the others. I could feel it.

I reopened my eyes, not realizing I had closed them, and the giant cat slowly retracted all nine of his tales. His golden eyes still latched onto mine, but now his furry features pulled together with concern.

“Your heart rate is slow, almost as if . . .” The large cat’s voice was deep, like a long rattling growl with the hint of an accent.

It’s what I would imagine my grandfather would sound like if I had ever met him.

“My heart rate?” I questioned, feeling dazed.

Had those points already injected me? I felt cozy. It was taking almost everything I had not to snuggle up to the giant death kitty. Yes, my mind had definitely left me.

“You . . . you pet me?” He asked incredulously.

I hadn’t realized, but my other arm had come up to stroke along his back while the hand that was near his ear had moved to pet the soft fur under his chin. For a split second, I swore he stretched his head up to let me get a better angle.

“I understand you are going to kill me,” I said sadly. “I suppose I trust your judgment more than the others here. If you’re going to, you must have a good reason to, right?”

The cat backed away from my reach and scowled at me as if disgusted that I had touched him.

“A good reason? You were sent to kill the crown prince, my lord. I need no reason to kill you, human.”

He began to pace in front of me, back and forth just out of my reach. It reminded me of the panthers that paced the glass windows at the zoo.

“No,” I stated, wishing I could get my hands in the soft fur again.

This was the longest I had been without some type of animal interaction besides the occasional visit from brown rat, and I couldn’t help but realize just how much I relied on them for comfort. Animals felt like home. The rehab center had meant everything to me. It often felt like they were the only ones to make me feel safe. Yes, I realized the irony of that statement, considering that I included a magical-Unseelie-assassin panther in that statement. Had I been mad for a while?

“No?” he said.

His voice grew more gentle the longer he watched me.

“No,” I corrected him. “I was trying to get back to my microscope in the woods, and I followed the moths into a ring of destroying angel mushrooms. I stepped in, and the next thing I knew, I was falling on your crown prince. I’ve not made a single attempt on his life or anyone else’s, for that matter, yet I’m starved in a dungeon with a forest bog as a cellmate.” I huffed, the frustration settling back into my bones as I vented to the cat o’ nine tails.

He stopped his pacing and stared at me with a deep exhale and a tilt of his wise-looking head.

“Do you know who I am? Surely they told you before I entered. I am Lord Alistair Cain.” He paused as if waiting for a reaction from me.

“Yes, they told me. Very prestigious sounding. Please don’t kill me.”

He curled his lip at my words, showing the whitest and possibly sharpest teeth. Maybe even sharper than the forest bog’s, though not as plentiful.

“I don’t understand,” he said, plopping down on his side next to me. His tails flicked behind him. “I hunt by detecting rapid heartbeats, the music of someone afraid or running. It is impossible to hide from me. So tell me why you do not fear me? You, a little human, reach out and pet me, Alistair Cain? I’m half-inclined to believe you’re an assassin and the best one I’ve ever seen just from the boldness you possess.” He looked around the room as if this were some kind of prank about to unravel. “How could you not be afraid of me? I’ve killed hundreds of assassins from both the Seelie and human realms, and not one has ever reached out to . . . to pet me!” He began to pace again.

He seemed to be at a loss for what was happening. That made two of us.

A laugh snorted out of me at the thought of him also thinking I was some next-level assassin. What did they all think humans could do against Fae that caused them to be so frightened?

He stopped abruptly at the sound of my laugh.

“There is something else about you. I am drawn to . . . to protect you, and I don’t even know you. Tell me, you are not full human, are you?” he asked as he sauntered closer until he stood directly in front of me.

“I am human. I can guarantee that,” I said sadly.

If I weren’t, I wouldn’t be here in this position.

He watched me closely in silence. I hadn’t felt safe since I had been here, and my eyes began to flicker closed despite my best efforts to keep the lids open on my burning eyes. I was so tired.

“In all my life, I have never been inclined to spare a life, but I will not kill you, girl. Something I don’t understand calls for me to spare you, and though I can do nothing to help you beyond these walls, within them, I will not harm you.” His whiskers twitched. “You are in the Unseelie realm, child. There is not a corner you will turn that someone will not hurt you. What is your name?”

He lay down again, his body language more relaxed now. He was close enough that his long back draped over my bare feet and pushed into my knees. I sighed at the warmth and comfort of the action, grateful to feel any bit of warmth against my freezing skin.

“I was told by a friend not to give my name to the Fae.” I straightened as I remembered brown rat’s words.

“Your friend is very wise, and they are a good friend to you. Do you know why you do not share your name, child?” he asked, reminding me of an old grandpa.

I absently reached out and began to stroke the back and side of the cat blanket on my feet. God, this was so nice. I could almost forget I was in an Unseelie castle surrounded by monsters that mistook me for a killer. Almost forget that I was pressed against a wall painted with blood as I petted a nine-tailed death kitty.

“He did not say why you don’t give your name. I only see him for short times,” I replied.

“They are not your cellmate?” he asked.

“No, my friend is a brown rat that comes to me under a missing brick in my cell to warn me when others are coming. The forest bog was chosen as my cellmate last night,” I mumbled as I fought to keep my eyes from shutting in exhaustion.

“The rat speaks to you?” He sounded concerned.

“Well, yes, don’t you all here?” I asked.

Though come to think of it, brown rat was the only rat that had spoken to me.

“No. The rats are just rats. Whoever this rat is lies to you. They are a shifter taking the form of a rat. Animal shifters generally have incredibly close connections to animals. He is likely feeling the same foreign need to protect you as myself.”

I froze. Brown rat wasn’t really a . . . brown rat?

“I don’t understand? Why would animals want to protect me?” I asked as I reached out absently to scratch under his chin.

This elicited a deep purr, making the fur above my feet vibrate softly.

“I don’t understand it either. I’ve never heard or experienced anything similar and am hundreds of years older than you could even begin to wrap your mortal head around. As for the advice of your shifter friend, in Faerie worlds, a name holds power. Giving your name to someone is like giving them a piece of your soul. Families often do not even share their true names. It gives another the ability to hurt you where no knife could ever reach. There are a few that could even control and kill you just by knowing your name. Only those that truly are so dark they have no heart or soul left to be hurt share their true name freely. Like me,” he said, the purring suddenly ceased.

“Alistair Cain is your real name? Surely you have a heart and soul. Look at you. You spare my life and allow me a moment of comfort petting you.”

“Not all Unseelie are evil, but we all bow to the darkness. I, like so many others here, allowed that darkness to enter my heart eons ago. It’s how you survive here. Trust gets you killed, and love gets you hurt. Everything here is about gaining power in some way or another. There are few here who could hurt me anymore.”

“Alistair—”

“I’d like you to call me something else when you are around me. Something untainted with pain and darkness. I haven’t purred since my mate died. My name is permanently soiled with disease and despair, not fit for whatever it is that you are.” He purred deeply.

His voice and eyes held a sincerity I was unfamiliar with. His words sent a shiver up my spine.

“Shivers.” I smiled.

He sat up to look into my eyes, and the look portrayed more than words ever could.

“If you like it, then that is what I wish you to call me when I’m in your presence.” He purred again.

“I’m Cal—”

“No!” he shouted. “Haven’t you heard anything I’ve said, child? Pick something else, do not speak your real name here,” he admonished, shaking his powerful head.

“No, I’m sorry. I heard what you said, but I will not cower from my own name. I am a simple human and will not be here long enough for it to matter, as I’ll either be dead or returned home. Those that want to kill me already have the upper hand on me whether I give them my name or not.” I straightened my back and felt my chin tip up defiantly, finally feeling a small ounce of control. “I am Callie Peterson. Proud environmentalist and biological technician. I was walking through the forest to get my microscope when I stumbled upon an anomaly of luna moths and a perfect circle of destroying angel mushrooms. I live at 4313 Sassafras Road, Willow Springs, Michigan.”

Shivers moved his head away from me slowly.

“Foolish girl, do not give your real name to anyone else, or you will regret it. Especially not Prince Mendax. He is one of few with the ability to control by name alone. He could force you to walk into a wall repeatedly until it killed you. He could force your mind to think it obsessed with him to the point that you could not breathe without his presence. All the while not lifting a finger from his hand,” he said with a look of tortured bitterness that made his eyes squint above his round jowls.

Was he being controlled by the prince?

“Are you—”

Before I could ask if Shivers was being controlled against his will, the dark cat stood abruptly and watched the door, and all nine of his tails sprang to life to arc toward the entrance. My heart began to race at the conflicted look that pulled at his features, his large body visibly tensed. I hadn’t fully understood how gently he had been treating me until that moment. He was the chosen killer of this horrible realm’s most awful monster, the prince.

“Prince Mendax comes alone.” He looked at me sharply. “He comes with no guards because he thinks you dead. I will be forced to leave the royal castle upon his return. I have loyally served for a very long time, and he will not kill me because of our history, but he will know you are different and that something mysterious has taken place. I, like him, would never pass an opportunity to kill, especially a human. He will know instantly that something mysterious lurks within your soul.” He bowed his head to me slightly. “Do not share your name with him, Callie, I beg you. He is filled with more power and hate than all of the Unseelie monsters combined. The sole reason he remains a prince and not a king is because he detests everyone to the point of unemotional murder. To become king and relieve his mother, the reigning queen, of her duties, he must be bonded with another to ascend the throne, but he has callously killed every prospect to the point that we allow him to govern us as prince without ascending. Wars began after neighboring royals sent their daughters to the prince in the hopes of an alliance only to have them violently murdered.” He shook his head slightly. “You will need to fight if you are going to get out of here alive.” He was talking faster, the rhythm of his shoulder blades moving quicker as he paced in front of me.

“I can’t fight,” I whispered. “I’m just a human scientist.”

Fear misted across my skin once again, forcing it to pebble with goose bumps. Escaping this place seemed impossible.

“Fighting isn’t only with fists, Callie.” He flicked his tails, and the fire from the wall sconce glinted from the tips. “You’re a smart girl. Use what you have. I fear if you don’t, you will not last another night in your cell.”

The iron knob jiggled outside the door.

Prince Mendax was opening the door.

I stood, forcing myself to step in front of Shivers. I would not let him get hurt because he had helped me.

“Go now,” I ordered him with as much bravado as I could muster.

“You’re protecting me?” The large cat watched me as awe pulled his lower jaw down slightly to reveal more beautiful white teeth.

“You’ve spared me, so now I’ll spare you. Leave before he enters. Please, I cannot fight for my life knowing I have cost you yours,” I whispered to the cat.

The large lock twisted with the sound of metal scraping.

The door creaked open, and the prince stepped in, shutting it behind him. His head remained down, not yet noticing the strange duo that stood to the left of the room watching him.

“Did she scream Alist—” He turned and halted as our eyes met.