How does it feel? (Infatuated Fae Book 1)

Callie

The damp stone floor of the dungeon made it hard to keep the tiny cuts of cheese on the tiny charcuterie board I had been making. I suppose it was less of a board and more of a loose brick from the back wall, but brown rat wouldn’t mind.

I laughed out loud at how cute it looked with the little bits of cracker and honey I had saved from my meal yesterday. I quickly looked over my shoulder to see if the sleeping bog had heard me.

I hadn’t slept all night, too afraid to close my eyes, for fear the forest bog would wake and fulfill his promises.

I gently poked the open, bloodied wound on my head where he had hurt me. Somehow my wounds had already started to heal, faster than they ever had at home.

I pressed my finger nail sharply into the wound and bit the iron cuff around my wrist to stop from crying out. The metal tang of blood and iron swirled in my mouth.

I still felt something.

The iron chain between my cuffs clanged loudly with my movement, and I stifled a cry as I squeezed my eyes shut and listened in terror.

Had I woken the bog?

A stray tear fell from my crinkled eyes as I shivered and quickly attempted to shove myself deeper into the dark corner where I hid.

All night, thoughts of how to escape the cell and the forest bog tormented me. All night I had watched his sleeping form for signs he was waking. Fear never left me, even as I tried to feed brown rat with a meal one last time. The bog would not sleep forever, and when it woke, it would kill me. I knew it.

I surmised that waiting for death to arrive was infinitely worse than when death would actually arrive.

Waiting, every breath in fear for when the monster would decide my fate. I’m surprised it hadn’t risen already with the tang of my fear in its mouth, because it had only increased with the wait throughout the night. Maybe that was his intention. Smart.

I was shaking so hard I feared I would make noise.

Be quiet or they will wake and hurt you again.

If I hadn’t lost my mind already, then it was happening now. My sanity had slowly snapped. It was like the threads being frayed on a worn and tired rope. I began to unravel as I watched the bog’s dark lump of a body breathe in and out on the opposing end of the dungeon.

A moment of stillness passed, and I breathed out a silent lungful of relief and returned to my mini charcuterie board.

I could wait and see if they gave me more bread tonight, but I doubt they would even bother, assuming I was as good as dead now.

Quietly and with absolute care, I stepped my legs over the rusted chain connecting my cuffs and pulled my hands taut on either side of my body. The thick chain pulled tightly around my lower back, silencing any further clangs. I moved the small brick of food to the crack in the cell wall where I had previously removed the brick. I sat my body down silently in front of the gap and waited patiently.

Within only a few moments, the rat came crawling in. The light scratch of his claws on the musty cell’s stone and the deep rhythm of a sleeping monster were the only sounds. Even the other prisoners were eerily silent as if they, too, were afraid of waking the forest bog. Either that or they were quietly listening for the entertainment from my inevitable death.

“Friend, I’m so glad you made it back,” I mouthed, finally feeling a tinge of fear vacate my mind with the presence of a friend.

The large brown rat looked to both sides of the cell before bypassing the brick of food and hurriedly scampering into my lap.

“You’re still alive! How!? I told you to stop saving your food for us. I need to help you escape, not take your nourishment,” the brown rat scolded quietly as he climbed onto my shoulder to nuzzle the crook of my neck.

His soft fur, pressed against my skin, so warm and dry compared to everything else down here.

“Take the food back to the others, please. I need to know you are fed,” I pleaded in a breathy whisper.

He had assured me many times the castle rats were beyond taken care of, but I couldn’t harbor the thought of any of the animals and creatures around not having food, especially him.

“Please be quiet. I cannot bear to see that thing hurt you anymore. Hopefully, I have convinced him to arrive before the bog wakes,” he whispered even softer than before. He paused to look in the opposite corner filled with shadows before continuing. “I came to tell you that he is on the way! I have failed you—I just didn’t know what to do! Please, please don’t give up, I won’t . . . I just know he can’t possibly be so cruel to you. How does he not feel it? We will find a way—” Brown rat squeaked loudly before quickly running off my shoulder and through the hole again, just as a loud bang thudded and a large boulder slammed into the wall, just barely missing the rat’s tail.

I leaped back without thinking in an attempt to put distance between the monster and myself. I quickly stepped over my chain and brought it to the front so I would hopefully have more range of movement with my hands, maybe use the chain. Not that I could defend myself much. Callie Peterson was weak and defenseless.

“What did I tell you, human? What did I tell you would happen when you woke me?” rumbled a scratchy voice. It was haunting. Its pitch both too high and too low all at the same time. Nothing human sounded similar. But then, I suppose he was not human after all.

I stopped breathing for a moment altogether.

It shifted with a tremble and briefly transformed into a few other various creatures before turning into a squat, tree-stump-looking creature no taller than my hips. Brown bark-like texture covered its long body save for the angry tan face, arms, and hands. Dried green and brown leaves rustled loudly at the ends of his branch-like arms. Large black eyes void of any expression perched in the middle of his face. No other features gave way to his personality but for the large black hole of his mouth.

“I-I’m sorry. Please go back to sleep, please.” I pleaded with the forest bog.

It trembled again, and this time, sharp branches sprouted from his sides, each covered in thorns of tall green spikes.

“I will go back to sleep after I kill you and use you slowly,” the forest bog rasped as it stalked toward me.

The thorns shifted, growing longer and more frightening as every one of them angled toward me.

“Please!” I cried out as I pushed my back flush against the cold stone wall.

“So, you haven’t killed her yet?” Boomed a disappointed voice as the owner opened the cell door with a clang of iron and stepped into the dark cell.

Raw power rolled off the towering figure. At least fifteen guards in shadowed armor stood on edge as the man stepped forward.

The bog across from me shrank away instantly, withdrawing all of the thorns as he shifted into a boulder once again.

“Sir, the assassin is not safe to be around! Let us get her. Please, leave her cell,” one of the guards all but screamed as he scrambled quickly to step in front of the towering figure.

They all appeared large and omnipotent, but none seemed to come close to the bulk and height of the shadowed figure.

He seemed to suddenly remember himself and left the cell to watch from behind the iron bars. Five other guards entered in his place. I assumed it was the man I had fallen on when I entered the portal—the prince. There was an aura around him I didn’t think possible for anyone else to have. He was terrifying.

“Please! Don’t do this!” I shouted as several guards grabbed me.

They formed a complete circle around me with their bodies as they pushed me out of my cell and into the torch-lit aisle of the dungeon.

“Where to, sir?” a different guard asked as they huddled around me wearily. As if I were the most feared killer in all the world, all the while making certain they kept me far from him.

“To the chamber of blood. You’ve had your chance, Bog, now I shall have mine. I have grown tired of keeping her, and it’s just the place to kill her,” the prince said nonchalantly as if he were speaking about the weather.

The iron slammed behind me. I careened my neck to see where we were going, but I was unable to see anything past the cluster of armored bodies that surrounded me.

Several sentries held me up while they moved their tight huddle, shoving me forward. I tried to get a look at what surrounded my cell, to see if there were any exits or things that might aid an escape, but the guards kept tight enough to block me from seeing much of anything.

Even through all of the movement and forcefulness, you could sense their fear. A few watched me with such apprehension in their eyes that I couldn’t stop myself from laughing at them, which only seemed to amplify their weariness.

My head and leg throbbed painfully. A warm trail of blood slid down my thigh from where the bog had ripped open my skin.

The dramatic entourage continued. I was pushed up a set of stone stairs, thirteen—fourteen—black boots encircled me, shuffling to stay tightly together. One tripped, and his feet appeared smaller than the rest, maybe a men’s size eight? Was he younger? Lower ranking, possibly? Would he be more likely to help me?

A large wooden door with worn iron buckles opened, and I was shoved in as the guards remained outside.

I fell to my knees, and my dress shoved up, bunching tightly around my waist. I had no shoes now, and blood and filth caked my feet. Flakes of dried crimson blood and dirt sprinkled the floor where it had fallen from the fabric bunched tightly around my waist. The room was brighter than the dungeon. In fact, it was the brightest place I’d seen here. The floor was a beautiful white marble with red diamond tiles scattered throughout. A glance at the walls showed a beautiful crimson wallpaper covered with elaborate gold designs. A large black crystal chandelier hung in the middle of the moderately sized room.

It was beautiful in a classical gothic sense.

“My lord, please—” I heard in the distance.

I turned as I struggled to pull my tattered dress back over my exposed body, hurrying to my feet.

I could feel him standing over me like a black omen of death.

My cheeks flushed with anger and embarrassment, knowing he had just viewed my bare ass and probably more. I snapped my head up to scream at him to set me free.

Instead, I gasped as I fell backward on my recently covered ass.

In the brightly lit, opulent room, I could see him clearly for the first time.

He was ethereal. There was no other word for it. His head was free from any helmet, armor, or mask. His skin was a stark contrast against his black-as-night hair. A lock of it tousled over one of his eyes. In the light, I could see the color easily. Cold and icy blue. So light they almost appeared silver, but no, they were an unforgettable pale blue. No mistaking them. They glared at me with a force I was certain must have been laced with magic as they pinned me to the spot. His head tilted to the left ever so slightly, giving a predatory movement as he stared at me with a bored and irritated expression.

I’d never noticed a man’s jaw before, probably because they hadn’t looked like his. I couldn’t seem to shift my eyes to anything other than his face and neck. He swallowed under my scrutiny as if taunting my obvious internal war. The action caused a feathering of muscle and a small dip of his Adam’s apple down his masculine throat. Since when was I attracted to a jaw? Was this some Fae trick? Some type of magic they used to trip up humans?

His body was much larger than any human male’s. Were those his broad shoulders? How much armor did he wear? His waist seemed more trim than bulky, filled out with hard ridges of muscle. He wore no armor, yet somehow managed to appear more impending than those around him that did. Muscular thighs covered in black and burgundy leather armor stood confidently yet braced as if ready for a fight.

Fuck.

Somehow it was so much more unsettling and demented to have your mind be physically attracted, even a tiny bit, to the villain that was about to destroy you.

I gathered myself, remembering exactly why this monster had brought me here.

“Please,” I begged. “I don’t mean any harm just send me back. I’m just a scientist. This was an accident, I am no one.” Sobs racked my body. I couldn’t help it. My mind was weak from the constant fear. “I don’t even know where I am. I don’t understand . . .”

“Still going with that story, huh?” His gravelly voice rumbled across the air as he took a step forward.

His wings were nowhere to be seen now, and if I passed him in the street, I might think him human.

No, that’s not true.

There was just something godly about him, a raw air of sorts wafted from him, letting everyone in the vicinity know he was the most dangerous and powerful thing. It made the hair on my arms stand on end just being near him. No human would mistake him for anything other than a powerful predator. He was almost too beautiful to even pass as a human. A dark glint in his eyes didn’t seem to connect to anything within him. His eyes held no feelings or empathy, nothing that would give him pause before he killed. It was hauntingly ethereal in a menacing and frightening way.

I shivered.

“It-it’s not a tale, I’m not supposed to be here,” I stammered. This could very well be my last shot to convince him to set me free.

“Oh, do I agree, human. I will say it still pesters my mind just how the humans knew when we would breach the veil. They must have someone here working for them.” He paused briefly to grin a small creepy smile. “If I find out who it was, I’ll hang them by their ears and skin them. Shame I had to adjust my plans, but alas. The Unseelie will still claim the Earth as their own regardless. But don’t worry, you won’t be around to watch us destroy your family and friends. You’ll be long dead by then,” he whispered as he crouched down and rested his hands on one knee next to where I sat on the floor.

My body involuntarily leaned back to escape his closeness. At my movement, a guard entered.

“Sir!” the guard shouted, obviously alarmed by the prince’s closeness to me.

What did they think I could do? He and every other male here dwarfed me.

“Why would you want Earth? Why do you hate humans so much?” I whispered, unable to silence my curiosity.

None of this made any sense.

He ignored the guards and stared into my eyes, a wrinkle of anger and curiosity furrowing his brows.

“Ple—” I began to stand, but not before the younger guard I’d noticed from earlier, size eight, suddenly rushed me.

The guard’s palm slapped me so hard across the cheek that my entire body slammed down onto the white marble floor with a clap. Blood filled my mouth as something small and sharp stuck to my tongue.

It was my tooth.

The young guard had hit me so hard that he knocked out my loose wisdom tooth. I stared up at the two large males with fury, and I had to remind myself who I was. I was a helpless human scientist with no defenses against these Fae. They could hit me around all they wanted, and there was nothing I could do. I was weak.

The prince, still crouched on one knee, glared at the guard who had slapped me. His gaze held an irritated look, like it had offended him that the guard had thought he needed help. The young guard nervously slid himself back and away from the glaring prince.

“The Unseelie realm will take Earth because it is due to us.” He turned his eyes away from the hiding guard and focused again on me. “When our space was divided, tell me why the Seelie were granted access to earth but not us? Because we are filled with darkness and they are filled with light? Most humans’ darkness could rival ours. The only real difference is we have the power and longevity of immortal life to back it up. Not fragile, impending mortality like you. So very easy to kill,” he said softly.

A vein had begun to pop forward in his forehead, causing him to appear completely unhinged.

I didn’t dare make a single move other than to tremble. How much more of this realm’s terror could I take?

When no more hits came, I slowly rolled away from him but kept my eyes locked with his. I spat out the blood and sat back up, pressing my loose tooth into my cheek. Maybe I could use the calcium or phosphorus for something later, something that could get me out of here.

I laughed chaotically as my tongue trailed over my hidden tooth. The scared faces of the guards flinched with every move I made toward the towering prince, and I couldn’t suppress the laughter anymore. It was absurd. My laugh grew hysterical, harder and harder as I watched their terrified faces. I did more than just laugh, though, I felt it. It was when I knew I had truly gone mad. That was the first time I had felt the madness.

“What’s it like, Prince?” I smiled at him as I canted my head and blood dripped from my open mouth. “To have your guards terrified of an innocent, inconsequential human?” I shifted and rose to my feet, not caring how close I was to him now. I was going to die soon enough so what did it matter?

He bristled and tensed his body as I quickly moved to stand next to him, so close I nearly brushed against his gloved hand. The timing left him still kneeling. As I stood, I looked down on him for a moment before I gave him my back. Tears leaked from my burning eyes even though a smile remained.

“You turn your back on a Smoke Slayer?” he whispered, and I heard him stand. “You’re much dumber than I had initially thought. You didn’t even try to block or overpower me. What a waste of time you are. At this point, I’m forced to believe the humans just wanted to be rid of you.” His words echoed in the room like a sound system, full of power and arrogance.

Unseelie prince?

I needed to know. Even in my death and madness, my curious mind refused to comply.

“What exactly are Unseelie, and why do they need a prince?” I asked, turning back to face him.

His blue eyes flickered a moment with confusion as he tilted his head slightly and clenched his jaw. His full black brows pinched slightly before returning to their statuesque state.

“Why not, I’ll play, assassin. You currently stand in the blood chamber of the Unseelie kingdom. The most evil and deadly fairies and creatures behind the veil bow only to me, their prince and soon-to-be king.” His stance widened as he crossed his arms, the action pushing his biceps out even more obnoxiously.

And then I saw it for the second time in my life.

“Ohmygod,” I gasped, inhaling sharply. “Actias luna . . .”

Had it been here the whole time? It fluttered its wings slowly as it rested on the shoulder blade of the cruel villain. I only saw the tip of beautiful green wings that stuck above his ridiculously wide shoulders. In pure awe, I forgot myself and scrambled to get a better look. I ran around to see his back before he could turn.

Three luna moths clung to the black leather of his large back. He turned quickly, and the movement caused them to flutter their giant green wings, always slow and controlled. Two flew off and landed on the scarlet walls of the chamber, leaving only one to crawl on his back.

“My god . . .” I whispered in complete amazement.

I had searched for years for them.

His brows drew together over his repulsed squint, and he shifted away from me in disgust.

“You act like you’ve never seen a luna moth before. I happen to know they are on earth and were waiting for me at the portal. I sent them.”

“You sent them?” I scowled, knowing he was lying.

He brushed his shoulder as if to shoo the moth away. “Of course, they are the chosen symbol of the Unseelie Fae royals. You wouldn’t expect me to leave them behind when we took Earth would you?” He tsked as one flew to his finger briefly before they all fled to the crimson and gold wall. “They are drawn to portals through the veil, being from Faerie.”

For the first time, he looked at me puzzled, as though he was no longer completely sure that I was an assassin.

“They are the most beautiful things we have on Earth,” I murmured, staring at their bright wings before I turned to meet his gaze. “Shame they came from someone so ugly.”

Menace flamed in his eyes briefly. A corner of his mouth pulled up in a lopsided grin as he leaned slightly forward, nearly grazing my ear. “I happen to know the only place I’m ugly is on the inside,” he whispered. His voice sounded sinister, like he knew exactly how evil and beautiful he was. He watched me for a moment with a grin. His pale eyes danced with caged madness. “Send in the cat o’ nine tails,” he shouted to the guards at the doorway.

“I’ve thought about you a lot these past few weeks, human. I’ve thought about how much I want to hurt you. How badly I ache to feel your weak neck give out and collapse under my grip. But then I was reminded how inferior you are as a human. I refuse myself the joy of killing you if I cannot feel your life fade away on my bare hands. Unfortunately, as a Shadow Slayer, I am forbidden from touching you. Forbidden against soiling my royal hands with human remnants.” He flexed his gloved hands as if his restraint was fading already. “The only one truly fit to kill you is Lord Alistair Cain. The most feared monster we house in the Unseelie realm, next to me. He is what gives our monsters nightmares. My personal assassin.”

A chill ran through my bones. The room felt like it grew smaller, the air harder to inhale.

“Why bring me out of the dungeon to such an elegant room just to kill me? Why not leave me in the cell? Much easier to keep the trash in the can, don’t you think?” I bit out.

This didn’t make sense. Why would they have brought me here? The room was empty enough, no weapons or torture contraptions, at least in plain sight anyway. The room was beautiful. Probably the most beautiful, opulent room I’d ever been in. The gold details sparkled ornately off the deep red walls in a beautifully elegant—

My stomach churned at the realization.

“The walls are painted in blood.”

His mouth thinned as he smiled at me.

“Very impressive. One of the few to figure it out before their own blood paints the walls.”

His watchful eyes were so penetrating against mine now I couldn’t help but step away from him. My body’s primal instinct set alarms and sirens off to get as far away from the look he gave me as possible. His every cell seemed to be on edge watching me. Like a hawk before it torpedoed to capture its prey.

“What is the gold then? Ground teeth?” I needed him to stop looking at me like he was.

I spat the tooth that I had been cheeking at him with as much force as possible.

A few loud slaps of thick glass sounded behind us as the guards drew their weapons. Weapons I didn’t understand. Long bat-like sledges of iron and what appeared to be simple glass balls filled with black smoke.

With scary fast reflexes, he reached a gloved hand up and caught the tooth before it could hit his face. “Teeth? No, but your decorating ideas are truly inspiring. Maybe we have more in common than I thought.” He looked at me another long moment and placed my tooth in the pocket of his black tunic. “No, pet, the scarlet is human and the gold, as I’m sure you very well know, is Seelie blood. Beautiful warm glint to it, wouldn’t you say? Like liquid gold.” He smiled at me, but it was only his mouth that held a smile. His eyes were once again empty and cold.

The way he had said Seelie left no need for interpretation about how he felt about the other Fae.

“If you’re Unseelie . . . and a horrible monster, are the Seelie gods? Is that why their blood is gold?” I asked.

I couldn’t help it; my mind never stopped asking questions. It was part of why I became a scientist.

He growled at me. Actually growled.

I froze at the sound, my pulse in overdrive.

“I’m certain they think themselves gods. In a sense, all us old Fae are gods in our own right, but no.” He spit on the floor. “The Seelie are no better than us. They lie and steal just the same. Corrupt and ruin. They hide behind a mask of good, lying to themselves and everyone else in the light of day. We own our evil. There is beauty to be found in the dark, just as there is horror within the light.”

I was going to throw up.

My legs were nearly unable to keep me upright. I stood in a room quite literally painted with the blood of their enemies. God only knew what the floor was made of.

I needed out of here and fast.

I began to panic. I didn’t want to die. I needed more time to figure out how to get out of here.

“Please call off your assassin. If-if, in fact, the humans watched you wouldn’t a human pet be a much grander display? Show them you owned and enjoyed their foolish threat.” I was scrambling to think of anything, anything that would play to his arrogant nature and keep me alive long enough to escape and go home.

His head canted as a maniacal grin slid into place on his chiseled jaw.

“If you were more beautiful, I surely would have considered it, but you can’t expect me to drag a human around that looks as you do? Fae are superior in every way, including beauty. Your boring features and ugly red hair pale in comparison to even the ugliest of female orcs. Disgusting really. The only thing a human is good for is the music their screams play just before they die.”

He thought my hair was red from all the blood? “What about a—”

“Quiet. I’ve thrown away too much time listening to your plump mouth.” He walked to the door, leaving me alone in the large room.

Just before he passed through the crowd of guards, he turned. “This is exactly why Earth should be ours. What a waste you humans are. I hope Alistair enjoys killing you. I know I would.”

The large door slammed shut, and I was left in the blood-painted room alone, awaiting the creature that would kill me.

Lord Alistair Cain.