Hockey With Benefits

Practice sucked ass. I dragged. Most of the guys dragged. Labrowski didn’t show up, which Coach was going to tear into him for why the captain was a no-show, but it was done. Think I got an hour of sleep? I didn’t even know, but when we got back to the house, I went upstairs.

“Yo.” Barclay had bags under his eyes too. “Breakfast?”

I grunted, heading for the stairs. “Sleep.”

He rubbed at his eyes, yawning. “Sounds good to me.”

The usual routine was practice, back to the house, shower, get ready for morning classes, and a bunch of us would head to campus for breakfast. After that we dispersed, some staying on campus for early classes and others heading back to the house. Or going to the weight room to lift. This morning, I meant what I said.

I got to my room, opened the door, and stopped short.

A part of me had expected her to be gone. Like normal times. Before, she hardly ever slept over. There’d been the few occasions, but normal Mara. She’d be gone. Giving me her body, nothing else. I’d gotten used to it. Hell. I loved it in the beginning, but it changed. Started changing more this semester, and now here I was. Here she was, still sleeping in my bed.

And I stood just inside my door, watching her sleep.

She was curled in a ball, toward the wall. Some of her hair was peaking out of the blanket, and I could see her form breathing. Slow. Peaceful. I didn’t want to wake her up. What happened last night, no one should deal with that. Her. Angela. Other girls. No one. But seeing how she handled Angela. Hearing how she spoke to her, the knowing in Mara’s eyes.

“You might not feel it now. Every part of you is probably screaming at you to run and hide. You will regret that. There will be a day where you wished you had the strength you’ll have later, that you had rallied it today so you can tell the police what happened to you. It’s today. It’s not later. You don’t have the strength? Take mine. Take Cruz’s. You are not alone today, but you will feel alone for so many days after this. I can’t take that away from you, and trust me, I would love to do that. I can’t. But today, right now, trust me. I don’t want you to feel the regret later.”

Then later, when I asked, “That ever happen to you?…”

“Once. When I was too young to know anything.”

I knew it then, knew it when she said those words, and I was sliced from the inside out.

I loved her.

I don’t know when it happened. Hadn’t expected this to happen, but it was there.

All the times she pushed people away, when I knew there was more inside. Could feel the pain behind her exterior, knew there was so much sweetness behind her cold walls. Knew it. Had tasted it. She gave me that of her, that side of her she didn’t give to anyone, and I was learning that she had never given to anyone before.

Warmth. Heaven. Sunlight. That’s what she gave me, and things had changed.

A part of me had been bracing for walking into an empty room, feeling that coldness after she left because it’d always been there. I just hadn’t noticed. I hadn’t cared because it worked with me. Not wanting what we had now, but now having it, and knowing I never wanted to go without it again.

She rolled over in bed, the covers shifting, and her face was poking out. Enough for some oxygen.

I moved closer, brushing a strand of her dark hair to the side. It was a whole myriad of dark red, chestnut, and a few blonde mixed in. Looked fucking gorgeous on her. I loved her hair. Could grab a handful and you never know what part of the rainbow you’d get, then you could tug on it and you’d get a whole different reaction from her.

I went to the bathroom, closed the door, and did a quick shower. After that, throwing on some clothes, I went back to bed and slid inside, loving the warmth that was her own cocoon. Loving how that cocoon smelled of her, just waiting to greet me back as I reached for her and gently pulled her to my side.

She nestled into me, one of her legs slipping between mine, and I turned to her. Kissed her forehead. My head went to the pillow as I breathed her in, and I pulled her even closer, her front fitting to mine and my hand rested on her ass.

Oh yeah, I thought as I went to sleep. A whole wall had shifted inside of me, shifted to let something in that I never had before either. She did that. She shifted the wall.

I’d never let her put it back.