Heartless Angels

Chapter 59 – Oakley

Chapter 59 – Oakley

Everyone is finally healed up and all the drama from me having to deal with my last mate and my family has finally been

settled. I don’t know that they had planned for the break that we had to take as long as it did, but between my injury, Je rry’s near death experience, me completing the rejection with Levi and telling my family of my decision, Lisa and Harry’s drama, and Trainer Sophia accepting my brothers as her mates, a lot of sh it has happened. We all needed a break and I think that the down time did all of us some good.

Many of my fellow recruits have started to find their mates. You know, when I had heard about people dropping out of the Elite 10 training, I hadn’t realized that it could be for anything other than being unfit for the position of a member. That’s not always the case. Sometimes two mates just want to be together. They find each other and then they are done. They don’t wish to give up what they have with their mate for the chance at a position they might not even get.

I just wish that the choice was so easy for me. I don’t know why it isn’t, honestly. I mean, Ray is f ucking amazing. And he supports me with everything that I choose. I can feel myself falling in love with him and I already know that he’s in love with me. Why would I want to give that up?

But something keeps pulling me back to the possibility of becoming an Elite 10 member. It might be the way that I was despised and dismissed when my wolf appeared so weak in my old pack. Do I still feel like I have to prove myself to people?

Possibly.

But, even knowing that, I have trouble shrugging it off. I mean, I was basically shunned by my pack, had the s hit kicked out

of me by Levi, and had my family turn their backs on me for that very reason. Would it make the point that I am no longer weak

if I made it as far as being selected to the Elite 10 and then rejected it to be with Ray? Or does that just show how weak I really am, that I can’t let go of the matebond to take my destiny in both hands?

I don’t know. And I’m ashamed by how much the answer means to me. Because I want both options equally as badly But

that’s a lot to ask of Ray. Would you wait for someone for a decade, forsaking everyone else that could make you happy? Cause

I don’t think I could do it.

Granted that both of us are equally obsessed with each other, though I’m starting to see some cr acks in Ray’s armor. He

wants me. Every time that we have S** or snuggle, or his mouth comes anywhere near my marking spot on my n*eck, his eyes

start to bleed black with his wolf coming to the surface and shoving his nose into my n*eck. He will alternately nuzzle me, k*ss or

lick my n*eck, and rub his canine teeth against my marking spot. He’s getting impatient to mark me, to prove to everyone that i belong to him.

He’s not pushing me with words. I know that he would never do that. And he’s always stopped his wolf and struggled to

take back over from his more instinctual side. It’s odd that we haven’t marked each other. Most wolves mark their mates within

seconds of seeing them for the first time. The fact that we didn’t is weighing heavily on my wolf and I because I know how much

it’s hurting him.

But how do I pass up the ability to be one of the Elite 10? Because I have no idea how to go about it. This is the first time in my life that I’ve felt like I’ve meant anything to wolf kind. To know that I have this power, this ability to protect those who are

weak like I was, to bring fear to those that used to call me weak…who can pass that up?

I don’t want to admit to the fact that the petty side of me is loving this. I love that I made Levi feel even a fraction of the

pain that he gave me. I love that one day, I will be standing in front of those that I had called friends until they turned their back

on me because of my weaker wolf and I will be the thing standing between them and the enemy. That they will have to depend

on me to keep them and their loved ones safe. It’s petty as f uck, but it’s how I feel. I get a certain satisfaction knowing that I am

the bada@wolf now.

Chapter 59 – Oakley

Who doesn’t want to tell their high school bullies to f uck off and that they are a badas s now?

Beyond that, though, is the need to help. I’ve always wanted to provide protection to the wolves that I’ve lived with all of my life. When I found out that didn’t have a wolf, I went to the next best thing: technology. There, it didn’t matter how weak my wolf was. I was as deadly and formidable as my brain and imagination allowed me to be. Before I had found out that Levi was my mate, my plan was to go to school and learn all that I could about electronic defense and security and further my skills as a hacker and fabricator of technology. My goal was to go to Levi when he became alpha and offer him a beefed up system that would allow us to work more efficiently without wearing out wolves on night after night of patrols and potential for being blindsided by roques.

Work smarter, not harder.

That’s not what happened, but I still have the desire to help. To keep people safe. Maybe that’s from when I was supposed to be a luna…Regardless, I would definitely be benefiting and helping wolves if I became a part of the Elite 10.

I know that I need to talk to Ray about it. I completely get it that he’s feeling impatient and like I’m leading him on. I’m not trying to. I’m really not. I just don’t know what I want to do. It’s the first time in years that I’ve felt completely wanted and happy. Knowing that I’ll have to give that up even a portion of that is killing me.

How do I choose?

I’ve tried to talk to J erry and Cassie about it, but both of them are having issues of their own. They’ve been great to talk to, but they have no idea what to tell me and so all they do is listen.

Cassie is still trying to figure out what to do about Mary She wants to be with her, but she’s not feeling the matebond like she would if Mary was here in front of her. Unfortunately, unless Cassie leaves Elite 10 training, she will not be right in front of Mary again.

Jer ry is getting pis sed at Cassie because of it. Apparently, Mary broke down the other night about it, just begging for Cassie to make a choice. I think that Mary is just having trouble with the indecision, something that I’m sure that Ray completely

understands.

Unable to come to a decision on my own and fairly frustrated by it myself, I throw myself into training for the rest of the. week. Things seem to be coming to a head for a lot of us and frustrations are taken out on each other in the sparring circle. The medics are working overtime to keep us all healthy and the trainers are having to step in a lot so that we don’t pound each other

into oblivion

Doesn’t help things that Sophia hasn’t been around all week. She’s been wrapped up somewhere with my brothers, firming up their mate bonds. Typically, the bonding time takes about a week, but none of us are really sure about it with two. The twin thing is actually kind of rare. Though twins can have the same mate, it typically only happens when their mate is pretty powerful and they need two mates to balance them out.

But we finally make our way through the week and it’s time for week two’s round robin

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