Falling Awake (Unbreakable #2)

To say I was out of order?

I would lie to myself.

Lying on my bed on Sunday night with teddy bear from my demon in my arms, I could only wish desperately that I would remember what I´d been reading about - I didn’t even know which - war in the textbook five minutes ago. All my messy thoughts were tangled in one turmoil, and all I was able to do was to listen to my schizophrenic heart. Which was exploding every time I recalled his gaze. His mesmerizing, fucking bewitching demonic gaze.

No, I wasn’t just out of order.

I was completely fucked up.

I needed that weekend. I desperately needed to get some rest from Eric, to think of something else, to collect my common sense. Yeah, well… He would have to let me firstly.

It started on Saturday morning. That beeping of my phone.

Eric: Dove, when can I see you?

Me: On Monday during our last class?

Eric: Very funny. How about in five minutes?

Me: No.

Eric: Ten?

Me: No.

Eric: OK. Then fifteen minutes.

Me: No!

It didn’t stop all fucking day:

Eric: Dove, would you like to watch a movie with me?

Me: No.

Eric: Dove, don’t you need help with cooking?

Me: No.

Eric: Princess, what about paying a visit to Bill?

Me: No.

All fucking weekend:

Eric: Dove, would you like to go for a walk with me?

Me: No.

Eric: Would you like to have a lunch with me?

Me: No.

Eric: What if I let you drive Babygirl?

Me: That was very insidious, but no.

Eric: When I come to see Jim, will you at least go downstairs for a while?

Me: No.

Eric: Dove, you’re killing me.

Me: You already said that.

Heck, I’d never been so exhausted and confused before. And unable to move too. I could only lie here and keep staring at the colorful pictures of the soldiers in the book in front of me. I could only try to breathe; I could only try no to think about the same thing over and over again. Why should I listen to my heart when my mind protested strongly?

I couldn’t succumb to him so easily, I simply couldn’t.

I turned the page of my textbook as I was hoping that something new to read would capture my attention or help me to wake up. I really wanted to collect myself, to start focusing on history, but no. Nothing. Nothing helped, nothing at all.

Except for the soft knock coming from the window.

Fuck! What...?

Lara, no. No!

“Come in.” To my own dismay, my mouth said those words before a disapproving signal from my brain reached it. A second later, I looked at the result of this discrepancy that appeared in my room.

A demon from the deepest corners of hell himself.

“Hello Princess,” he greeted me, giving me one of his magical smiles. Quite suspicious smile.

It was absolutely clear to me that something had led him to smile like that, and it didn’t take me long to realize that I was snuggling up to a teddy-bear. His teddy-bear. I rather sat down.

“I’m waiting,” I raised an eyebrow, breaking the brief silence. “For that damn good reason why you’re in my room at half past ten in the night.”

He laughed softly, forcing the beating thing under my ribs to accelerate as he sat down next to me. “I needed to see you,” he shrugged. “I needed to see you really badly. At least for a few seconds before you send me away.”

Oh my gosh!

And I need to have nerves of steel to be able to deal with him!

But looking at the tenderness that was shining from his eyes, I couldn’t find the determination to send him anywhere. Because he was watching me, he was looking at me as if he was telling the truth. As if I really was everything, he´d ever needed.

“No. No! Just no! It won´t work this way!” I muttered, letting my face fall into my hands for a moment. For a little moment before I rubbed it and looked back at Eric. “You can’t be so damn cute!”

My demon was the one who raised an eyebrow in surprise now, but I just frowned at him. ” I can’t be pissed at you then, and I want to be pissed!”

I made him laugh, he truly laughed as if I´d been joking and hadn´t meant it. However, he became serious immediately after. “It’s all I have, Dove. I could try to buy you expensive gifts and crap, indeed. But I know you well enough to know it would only offend you. And I respect you too much to even think about trying to win you back this way. So I have no other choice. I can show you what you mean to me only with words. That´s all I have, Princess, and I’m gonna definitely take advantage of it.”

Oh, holy mackerel, I suddenly needed to get up to free myself from his dazing influence.

“Fine, that sounds fair,” I said. More or less to myself. I couldn’t deny in front of myself that he´d impressed me. “And I think those few seconds have already passed.”

He stood up with a heavy sigh, as well, and all of a sudden… It could have been seven inches that were dividing us now and I…, no, I wasn’t ready to face him.

“Princess, let me drive you to school tomorrow,” he smiled carefully at me. His eyes dropped to the floor as he showed his hands into his pockets. His former amusement, that provocative attitude which he had driven me crazy with last week, simply disappeared. Studying the boy in front of me, I saw timidity in his eyes as he looked back at me.

Well…

I thought about the offer, I sharply confronted the rational part of my brain with convincing arguments. But it still rolled me over with its contradicting.

Just let him keep trying, girl.

“I’d rather not,” I shook my head weakly.

He smiled again, he lifted the corners of those divine lips into a smile, yet I found nothing happy, nothing cheerful in his face. I guess, there was just understanding there. The same as was reflected in his eyes.

“Alright,” he exhaled heavily again. “Not yet.”

Seven inches that were dividing us right now, those seven inches were everything that prevented me from changing my mind. I returned the look to him, dammit, I seriously needed all my determination, all my efforts not to let myself be softened by those puppy eyes. Hell, I needed the strength needed to destroy all three pyramids at Giza so I wouldn’t change my decision.

But all of that evaporated, disappeared, simply vanished, perhaps the world ceased to exist when he raised his hand and stroke my hair. When he tangled his fingers in it. And those stupid seven inches disappeared as well as he pulled me closer to him.

And all that was left was blackness in my head.

He froze as I jerked, suddenly his touch seemed much more careful. As if he was afraid, I would stop him. As if he was afraid, I would pull away.

As if he had no idea I couldn’t do it anyway.

He let his forehead lean against mine. Now, I could only dream about inches as I felt his warm breath on my face.

“Dove, I know I deserve it.” My heart started to ache; it really did. Because the tone of his voice was truly heartbreaking. “I deserve your distance and your rejection. I know you have right not to trust me. Snarl at me, snort, hiss, roll your eyes, whatever you want. Just don’t stop me from doing this. Please don’t take these moments away from me.”

I couldn’t help myself I had to look him in the eyes. Damn, suddenly, there was only one thought that controlled my head. Again, and again, after a month, I had him so close. Everything I ever really wanted.

“W-what do you mean?” My breath stuttered. “What momen...?”

He interrupted me, he completely silenced me.

In that one instant when he pressed his lips to my forehead. For more than a few seconds, he extended the moment, letting me resurrect the feelings I´d tried so hard to bury somewhere deep inside me. I fucking loved him so much.

“These,” he whispered. “Ten minutes every night.”

Holy crap, he really didn’t know?

Who he was for me?

How much it hurt when he didn’t want to be here anymore?

No, he couldn’t have even a slightest clue. Otherwise, he would have never allowed himself to lay his hands on me. Yet he did so right now as he gently tuck my hair behind my ear.

Just like a thousand times before.

Before all of that.

“Please let me have ten minutes every night to say good night to you. Ten minutes, where there would be just the two of us.”

The heartbreaking tone of his voice deepened, as I still said nothing. But it was very controversial which of us was more torn.

“I will survive your every rejection if I know I have at least ten minutes with you every night. Just like before, before I screwed up. Only you and me. Nothing in between. Until I win you back, until I convince you that you can trust me.”

I bit my lip. First, I needed to convince myself that I was about to make the right decision. “Alright,” I resigned, shaking my head. Whether above me or above him, I didn’t know. “Ten minutes every night. But not a second more!”

I can allow him one small thing, right?

I´m not doing a mistake, am I?

I had my answer. I had it as soon as the corners of his lips widened into a breathtaking smile. He smiled so beautifully, and I just knew it. That even those ten damn minutes would be enough for him to confuse my head completely.

***

I was a little nervous watching him walk towards me with a huge smile. I didn’t expect him not to come, however I still wasn’t sure what exactly he´d imagined under those ´ten minutes´. What exactly he´d meant by ´just the two of us and nothing in between´.

“How was your day, Dove?” He caused me a minor heart attack.

With only his first question.

Or with lying down on the bed next to me, with leaning his head straight on my belly and hugging my legs.

So…, ten minutes.

Hell! I’m supposed to endure this for ten minutes, right?

“You’re kidding me, aren’t you?” I decided to comment on his question first. “You’ve been chasing me all day!”

All the hair on my body, every single one, stood up on end as he laughed softly. As it was his warm breath that tickled my skin.

“That means a good one, doesn´t it?”

“For heaven´s sake, Eric!” I had to try hard to pull him away from me. And then even more so that I would be able to ignore his dissatisfied grunt.

Just to be sure, he wouldn’t return to hugging me, I lay down next to him too. I was really so naive that I believed it. I believed that it would discourage him from starting another occupation of my body. No, my situation didn’t improve any better as my demon didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around me and pull me closer.

I only got out of the frying pan into the fire.

“You can’t act like this!” I frowned at him. “Like a little child. What the hell that supposed to be at lunch?”

He raised an eyebrow. But immediately after, my demon frowned, as well. In exactly the same way as he did in the lunchroom today. At exactly that moment when Colin stopped at my table.

“Hello Lara,” he smiled at me, “I’d like to have beautiful company at lunch. May I join you?”

My gosh, why am I being so punished?

I didn’t mean to offend him; I would never do that. But it was Eric’s pretty pissed expression, why I was willing to agree to that. It bothered me all day that I had him behind my back all the time and this was supposed to be my little revenge. I smiled sweetly at my demon, sitting just a few feet ahead of me as Colin didn’t hesitate to take place opposite me.

Jessica was ill this week; I knew I would probably stay alone with him. I expected him to be too polite again. But only for those demonic narrowed eyes, just because he stopped reading one of his books, just because his attention suddenly shifted exclusively to us, I didn’t regret my decision even for a second.

I couldn’t say that it bothered me, not at all. Colin could be a pleasant company when he was behaving normally. But I guess I screwed up pretty much with that phone call on Friday. And now, I had not only a demon from my personal hell, breathing down my neck, now there was also a rather annoying friend with the ability to give me too unpleasant compliments sometimes.

Either way, this situation promised a remarkably interesting week.

“So, what do you think about the radio?” He asked me.

What?

He laughed at my confused grimace, but yeah, he had every right to. I admit that thanks to those piercing brown eyes I wasn’t really able to perceive my surroundings. Only when he pointed his arm somewhere above us, I realized that music was playing from old speakers. He explained to me that within their mass media course, some guys from school had decided to play music and announce school news between twelve and two o´clock, when lunches were served.

Great.

If they keep playing the same pop shit as today, I won’t even eat at peace anymore.

Surprisingly, talking to Colin wasn’t as bad as I´d awaited. I didn’t know if it was because he was sober, but he didn’t try to hit on me or to make up some weird jokes. He was just talking about motorbikes and a lot of other things that amused him. And I liked it, I liked him this way. I was so intrigued by his experiences from Peru that I almost jumped when my butt vibrated.

Eric: Dove, at least don’t smile at him like that. His stupid thoughts are killing me.

Yes, yes, it took me a lot of effort not to put a malicious grin on my face.

Me: Then don’t listen.

I wrote him back, secretly under the table. And I added a winking face emoji as well.

Eric: Very funny. Also, very not possible.

Me: Keep trying.

I wanted to put the phone back into my pocket, I wanted to start listening Colin’s story again. Instead, I had to turn off the ringer completely so the constant vibration wouldn’t drive me crazy.

Eric: Did I already tell you how beautiful you look today?

Eric: And also, that I can´t wait till our ten minutes?

Eric: Princess, they’re opening an antiquarian-shop tomorrow, wouldn’t you go there with me?

Eric: C´mon, Dove, give me at least some hope.

I took a deep breath. Just seeing those messages, I really needed to get some oxygen into my lungs. I hoped it would keep my anger under control. Damn, that it would help me at least somehow!

Me: STOP IT!

Me: What are you doing? What´s bothering you? Are you jealous?

I prayed, heck, I really wished my question would cross his line. That he would stop with this theater and leave me be. But a second later, his answer already shone on my screen.

Eric: YES.

One quick glance behind my companion’s back reassured me that this wouldn’t stop. One quick look at my companion’s face and I knew he was quite confused. At that moment, I recalled all the vulgar words Joel had ever taught me. And there were a lot of them.

“I’m sorry Colin,” I apologized sincerely. “I’m sorry I’m playing with the phone. Jim can be sometimes pretty annoying. But I’m turning it off.”

I confess, I lied on purpose. Because I knew, it was clear to me that the envoy from the hottest circles of hell would hear it. I deliberately mentioned Jim instead of his name. And I deliberately showed him my phone as I was really turning it off.

“I’ll call him later,” I shrugged. “What were you saying about that festival?”

Well.

I learnt my lesson.

For one thousand two hundred and thirty-first time.

I learnt again that it´s not good to provoke a demon.

I realized that lying was not the best idea. I understood that trying to ignore him was even worse idea. The moment Eric got up from his table and headed to us, I knew I hadn’t chosen the right solution. Or maybe some acceptable solution.

And If I had at least a hint of common sense, if I wasn’t completely dazed, I would have jumped out to meet him, to try stopping him somehow. But no, it didn’t dawn on me. I just watched him with my mouth open as he sat down next to me and took a look at Colin. Just before he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.

“Hello Princess,” he said sweetly, then nodded to my friend, “Colin.”

I swear, my blood just started to boil. It must have been it what I was feeling.

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” he said innocently, “but your uncle called me few seconds ago. He said he couldn’t have reached you, cause your phone´s off. He asked me to tell you to call him. ASAP. It looked like it´s something urgent.”

So, my mouth was opened, but I still didn’t get enough air as I forgot to breathe. He repaid me my little scam; he raised my blood pressure again as he found a way how to interrupt my lunch with Colin. Because yes, I couldn’t call my uncle – who had no idea about this- in front of my friend. I couldn’t ignore calling my uncle, as that smartass said, it was urgent. And I couldn’t either tell Colin the truth about this because that would be just weird.

I literally kicked Eric out of the box, and getting up too, I only mumbled an apology to Colin.

It didn’t take me long to recall the anger my demon had made me feel. Now, looking at the same angry look of his, my feelings were back. Until his eyebrows straightened, until he fixed his puppy eyes on me.

“I’m sorry, Dove, I’m so sorry,” he exhaled heavily. “I wanted to respect that you were having lunch with him. I really did. But then I heard his thoughts, he wanted to ask you out, and I don’t know, I just snaped. I had to do something.”

What?

Wait…!

What the hell?

Did he actually save me from the embarrassing situation when I would have to turn Colin down?

“If you want to yell at me or blame me, I’ll understand,” he rubbed his face with his hands, despair emanating from his voice. “First thing tomorrow, OK? I’ll be here and I’ll let you, I won’t say a word. Just please don’t do it now. Don’t spoil my ten minutes.”

As if afraid that I was really going to do it, he put his arms back around my body and his grip tightened. As if afraid that I was going to send him away, he pulled me closer, leaning his face against my neck.

Goodbye common sense. I enjoyed the time spent with you.

“I don’t want to yell at you or blame you,” I resigned. His scent was all around me and in an instant, I recalled how I´d felt when I could have hidden in his embrace. My demon, the boy I´d missed so much was here, near me. “I just want you to know that you impressed me. Friday night, in the corridor at Bill’s. Don’t forget about it.”

He understood that I was referring to the night he´d withdrawn and hadn´t made scenes. I could have seen it in his eyes. They darkened as he was staring at me. As he whispered softly: “I’m really sorry.”

I didn’t know what else should I tell him. I could only lie there and feel his closeness. The heat that radiated from his body.

“How was your Christmas?” He changed the subject. “How are boys?”

So.

How can I describe the blackest period of my life so far?

I mentioned my mom and dad, I told him about the gigs, about all the evenings I´d spent with boys, playing. I described Jim´s effort to learn to cook in detail. But I didn’t tell him the whole truth, I preferred to skip my crying and transient states of depression.

He burst out laughing, he laughed a lot, but when I asked him the same question, he froze noticeably. “I don’t know what to say, Dove,” he shrugged, “I wasn’t well.”

His gaze fell somewhere away, I had the impression as he couldn’t even look at me.

“Actually, I was feeling terribly,” he continued, closing his eyes. “I missed you so badly. I wanted to text you, call you, I couldn’t have thought of anything else just that you were gone. I was often away from here, just driving. Just so I wouldn’t be in places that remind me of you. And then I tore flight ticket to pieces so that I wouldn’t be tempted to come for you and beg you for forgiveness.”

Ehm.

What?

What did he say?

“And then I tore up another four.”

What the fuck…?

“Excuse me?” I immediately pulled myself away from him, making him face me. “You torn five tickets for one thousand dollars?”

He grinned as he looked at me, and I knew it. I was sure that whatever he was about to tell me, I wouldn´t like it. My pretty fast pounding heart only confirmed my assumption.

Well, I wasn’t wrong.

“Actually, it was fifteen hundred and fifty, Dove. If you buy them a minute before departure and at Christmas, they´re a bit more expens... ”

He didn’t finish as I punched him in the arm with all my strength. His shoulders began to shake with a quiet laughter, yet he didn’t afford to laugh out loud. Not when he saw my utterly austere, dissenting expression. Instead, he boycotted all my effort to put at least some distance between us and pushed himself closer to me again.

“Why the hell didn’t you do it?” I shook my head in disapproval, I just couldn’t believe it. “Why didn’t you come to see me?”

He paused, he fell silent and the exemplary guilty look on his face had the power to break even the evilest man in the world. “Because at that time, I really believed I was doing the right thing,” he gave me my coveted answer.

I gave up, I lost. I just exhaled in defeat, unable to tell him anything else. He could be pretty stubborn when he wanted something. And for a moment, I doubted that this, these evenings and everything, would really lead somewhere.

“Come with me to see that secondhand bookstore tomorrow.”

Two things I absolutely loved. Old books and Eric Lestrad. And it hurt, I felt it somewhere in the left half of my chest. When I said softly: “I’d rather not.”

It was still early. Too soon to allow myself to succumb to hope. I still didn’t know much about him. Except for the fact that he could be pretty possessive and didn’t value money at all.

“OK,” he smiled weakly, and his arms left me. “Not yet.”

His palm hugged my face, as he leaned to me to press his lips to my forehead. “Good night, Dove,” he said making me realize that today’s ten minutes were over.

🙕🙕🙕