Divorce to Destiny: Reclaiming My CEO Husband

257 BFF Therapy (Winona)

Lisa pours the wine, her eyebrow quirked as she glances at me from across her small kitchen island. "So, what exactly did he say?"

I take a long drink from my glass, trying to let the alcohol smooth the edges of my nerves. "He wants to stop living together until the wedding," I say, keeping my voice flat. "And he thinks we should stop sleeping in the same bed." Lisa nearly chokes on her wine, setting the bottle down with a clatter. "Wait, what?" She's staring at me, eyes wide.

I shrug, swirling the wine in my glass. "Not exactly. Just until the wedding. We'd already agreed to not have sex until the wedding night."

She leans back, folding her arms. "That's a whole new level of self-control. Are we sure he's not an alien? I mean were you okay with the no-actual-sex thing?"

"I was, until he started saying Ashlyn's name and the fucking safe word in his sleep.

"He did what now?" Lisa's eyes are wider.

I nod. "I just don't know what to think. These dreams, he says they are nightmares. But they sound like pretty happy nightmares sometimes."

"You should have told me."

"I couldn't even tell him I knew."

"Man, I mean, fuck me! What happened?"

"Last night, he had the worst one. He was shook and I was shook. I couldn't pretend I was asleep."

"Girl, this is next level. You always seem to top yourself. Stop it."

I can't help but laugh a bit. "It's more than that, Lisa. He says he needs me to be sure. That we both need time to figure this out." Lisa tilts her head, her tone softening. "And what do you think?"

"I don't know, Lisa. That's the thing."

Lisa sets her glass down, her eyes narrowing in on me. "So what's the real issue hare? You don't trust him, or you don't trust yourself?"

"I'm scared," I admit. "I'm scared that I'm never going to be able to trust him the way I need to. And if I can't, then what's the point?"

Lisa's gaze softens. "Winona, you've been through hell and back with him. But the question isn't whether he's worth trusting. It's whether you can live with the possibility that maybe he'll fuck up again."

I take another sip of wine. "It's not just that," I continue my voice shaky. "It's the sex."

"Or lack of it, at this point."

257DFF Therapy.

"I can't get past knowing he was with Ashlyn even when he was beginning to remember us. When he was actively pursuing me, he was going back to her bedroom."

"I get it. You're insecure. Justifiably so."

"If it was just sex, maybe it would be easier to let myself be with him again. But you told me there were rumors about the type of sex and then I saw his safe word texts with Ashlyn." "Right." She tops up my glass.

I exhale, rubbing my temples. "He had this thing going with Ashlyn. It was... dark. I don't know all the details, but I know it was intense. And I'm scared that part of him still wants that, still needs it. And I can't give it to him. I don't want to." Lisa's eyebrows shoot up. "Shit. Okay. Does he say that he needs BDSM?"

"He says he doesn't. But then he's doing it in his dreams, with her. She's fucking dead, fucking him and fucking with my mind."

"Fucking right! And you think he still wants that?"

I shake my head, feeling the frustration build. "How can I be sure? What if, deep down, that's what he needs. I don't want him settling with me. I want to be able to fulfill him as a man."

Lisa is quiet for a moment, her eyes scanning my face, "Look, I'm not an expert in this stuff."

I raise my eyebrows in disbelief. No one is more qualified than Lisa to discuss open sexuality.

"Okay, okay, maybe I am a bit of an expert on sex," she grins.

"A bit?"

"Shhhhh, don't try and change the subject. In a nutshell, you're worried Jayden's not telling you the whole truth and you're scared that you won't be able to satisfy him the way he needs." "Exactly. I want to believe him when he says he's over it, but what if he's not? What if that's always going to be a part of him?"

"What if he's slipping down the back alley on the down-low dressed in leathers and a gag."

I slap her arm. "Stop it."

She laughs. "Come on. You gotta admit, it's a little funny. Plenty of hot-blooded guys like to concede control and take orders sometimes. Maybe it's something you should explore together." "No. I'd never be able to stop worrying he'd compare me to her. I can't."

"But that's what you're doing anyway."

I stare at her because she's right. I can't have any sex with Jayden because of the fear he's comparing me

to her.

"And that's the problem, isn't it?" Lisa asks.

"I think it is," I whisper.

"Have you ever considered that Ashlyn did all that stuff because she was worried he'd be comparing her

252 BFF Therapy

to you?

"What?"

"You and Jayden shared something before that car accident that tilted the earth on its as the has to come in, on Judy's and her mother's insistence, and make Jayden love her... knowing she could never match that deep soul connection he already had with you." "But he'd forgotten me."

"But he wasn't going to forget you forever. She knew that. She was desperate to get some sort of unique connection with him."

"But she played upon his hatred of himself and his fears."

"Yes. But love, real soul-deep love, is stronger than anything based on fear."

"I'll drink to that." I hold up my glass for a refill.

"Too right. Now you just have to trust that Jayden can get himself through the abuse she put him through, Like your abusive trauma, it has to be acknowledged and dealt with."

"Why the actual fuck aren't you a psychiatrist?"

"Because I'm far too lazy to

rudy when my bank account is already stuffed full from Father. However, I

did graduate the school of hard knocks and hard cocks with flying colors!"

We clink our glasses. "To the school of hard knocks," I repeat.

""And hard cocks."

We laugh hard.

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