Divorce to Destiny: Reclaiming My CEO Husband

256 Giving Winona An Out (Jayden)

I watch Winona's face as my words sink in. The shock is clear in her eyes. Telling her that we should stop sharing a bed-hell, that we should basically stop living together until the wedding-it's like dropping a bomb and waiting for the smoke to clear.

And part of me hates that I'm doing this, that I'm causing her this kind of confusion. But deep down, I know it's the right call.

She stares at me, her voice soft but filled with disbelief. "What about the kids? Do you expect me to just leave every night, after they're asleep? What kind of message does that send?"

This isn't a decision I made lightly, but it's one I know we need. Both of us. There's too much history here, too much pain we're still dealing with. And I'm not ignoring it any longer.

I sigh, rubbing the back of my neck. "I'm not trying to make things harder for anyone, especially not the kids. This... it's for us. For you and me."

"Sure."

"If we're going to do this-really commit to getting married again, to building this life together-I need to be sure. And I need you to be sure too."

She looks at me like I'm speaking a foreign language. And maybe I am, in a way. But I know she's been through hell because of me, because of the choices I made. I have to give her an out if she needs it.

"You're not serious, Jayden," she says, shaking her head. "You really think pushing me away is going to make me feel more certain about us? That putting space between us will help?"

Her voice trembles, and I can see how much this is hurting her. But I can't back down now. This isn't about just giving her space, it's about forcing us both to confront what's underneath all of this.

The trust issues, the scars we haven't fully healed from

"I'm doing this because I need to know," I say, my voice steady but low. "I need to know that when we stand at that altar, you're not doubting us. That you're not second-guessing everything because of what's happened. If we don't take this time now to figure that out, we're just going to drag all that shit into our marriage."

Her eyes narrow slic

narrow slightly. "And what about you?" she asks, her tone biting. "Are you having doubts?"

I don't have doubts about her. Not about wanting to be with her. But I do have doubts about whether she can ever truly trust me again. And that's where this all stems from.

"I'm not doubting us, Winona. I love you. You know that. But I need to face my own shit too. This... it's not just about you. It's about me, about all the stuff I've been avoiding. The dreams, the nightmares, all of it."

She's quiet now, listening.

"I went to see Barnaby today," I admit. "I'm starting one-on-ones. To dig into the darker stuff-the nightmares about Ashlyn, the guilt I've been carrying. I need to deal with it. I need to let go of all of that."

Her face softens a little at that. "Why didn't you tell me?"

256 Giving Winona An Out

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"Because I guess I didn't know myself."

The truth is, the B & D with Ashlyn... It became something I craved. For all the wrong reasons.

What started off as just a little fun-a way to escape all the pain and anger I was carrying-turned into something darker. An addiction, an escape.

I wanted to be punished for everything I'd let happen in my life. And Ashlyn was more than willing to help me bury myself in it for her own reasons. But it wasn't healthy then, and it sure as hell isn't healthy now. I'm not that guy anymore. I don't want to be that guy again.

"I'm dealing with it," I continue, looking her dead in the eye. "But it's not something I can just snap my fingers and fix. It will be an ongoing battle. One that we will have to take into our marriage."

She's staring at me now, a mixture of understanding and pain crossing her face. "So, what? You're just going to pull away until you figure it all out?"

I shake my head. "No. I'm not pulling away. I'm just giving us both time. You need to decide if this is what you want, Winona. If you can live with all of it-the past, the mistakes, the uncertainty."

"And what if I can't?" she asks, her voice trembling.

Waco-parent."

"Then we don't get married. And there are no hard feelings. We go our separate ways. The words taste bitter in my mouth, but I know I have to say them. This isn't a game. Her eyes widen, like the gravity of what I've said has finally sunk in. "So, you're giving me an exit plan?"

1 nod. "I am. Because you deserve it. You deserve the chance to walk away if that's what you need."

I can see the conflict in her eyes. She's hurt, but there's something else there too. Something deeper, something raw.

"And what about the kids?" she asks quietly, "What about the routine we've built? Anne can't just do it all while you force us apart."

"You can stay somewhere else at night, after the kids are asleep. They don't have to know anything's different. And if this isn't what you want, then at least we'll know before we get any deeper into it."

She doesn't say anything for a long time. The silence stretches between us. And I wonder if I've made a mistake. If maybe, just maybe, I should have kept all of this to myself. But I can't live like that. Not

anymore.

I know this is the right thing to do. It's the only way we can be sure.

I love Winona so much, I want her to be happy.

If that's without me, it's a chance I have to take.

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