Dear Heart, You Screwed Me

Closing my eyes, I inhaled deeply and tried to calm my erratic heart. After a moment, I opened my eyes and pulled the door of the courthouse open. Killian had already left this morning by the time I had woken up, so we never got a chance to speak after last night. I tried my hardest to keep away, but after a couple of glasses of wine we both were like moths to the flame. Unable to stay away from each other. It was because we knew we couldn’t be with each other that we craved it more. You always want what you can’t have. We both agreed it was the perfect way to say goodbye. We made love until the early hours of the morning before I slipped out and slept in my own bed.

I also needed to look at moving out, I couldn’t stay living with Killian much longer. I had to get on with my own life, I had my own plans to keep and my own dreams to follow and I couldn’t allow Killian to put them on hold any longer.

My legs felt heavy as I walked down the aisle towards the judge. I looked to the left to see Killian’s lawyer, but no Killian.

I had prayed and begged silently last night that Killian would want me, would want what I did, and we could stay married and live happily ever after. But he made it clear he didn’t want that, Connie was his priority, which was right. One hundred percent. But a small, teenie weenie part of me hoped he wanted me as a priority too.

But he didn’t.

He wanted the annulment, and he wasn’t here.

I nodded curtly to his lawyer who gave me a grave smile before turning to face the judge.

“Morning,” the judge said to both of us, “we are here today for the annulment of a Ms Reese Hernández and a Mr Killian Hayes, is that correct?”

“Yes, your honour,” me and his lawyer said in unison.

“Let’s get started.” She smiled, turning to face the lawyer.

“Your honour, before we get started, I need to let you know that my client, Killian Hayes will not be present today, but he does have the documentation signed by himself and Ms Hernández.”

“And why couldn’t Mr Hayes be here today?” her brow raised as she leant forward.

“Personal issues,” his lawyer’s voice was tight, “but I have full control over Mr Hayes’ personal affairs as well as his finances. I am fully aware of everything that needs to happen today.”

He wasn’t here.

He couldn’t even have the decency to turn up to our annulment.

He didn’t want to be here.

He didn’t want me.

The harsh reality seared through my heart like a samurai sword, destroying all of the patches he had covered. But that’s just it. They were patches. Small repairs to try and fix my obliterated heart. He never saw a future with me. He never wanted it to be any more than what it was. A booty call.

A forbidden love affair.

The tears stung behind my eyes, my throat constricted and tight as the burning lump lodged itself in my windpipe.

My breath ripped from my lungs.

He wasn’t coming.

“Ms Hernandez?” The judge said a little louder now.

“Sorry, yes your honour.”

“Welcome back,” a small smile crept across her lips. “I will repeat my question, are you happy for Mr Hayes’ lawyer, Colin, to act on Mr Hayes’ behalf and represent him for your annulment.”

The breath caught at the back of my throat, rendering me speechless, a lone tear escaped as it rolled down my cheek. Swiping it away quickly, I nodded.

“Let’s proceed.”

The overall process was short and sweet, a bit like mine and Killian’s drunken marriage. He had taken care of everything. His statement advised it was a drunken mistake, no consummation of marriage was ever had and the reason it took us a few months to get our annulment was because our clash in work schedules. I was also given my old apartment back as part of the arrangement, even though I didn’t want it.

It was official.

We were over, he didn’t want me living with him anymore.

I was angry, I was upset and most of all, I was disappointed. I thought I meant more to him than that, I thought we were friends.

He signed the papers and gave the lawyer his ring to pass on to me, but I respectfully declined. Why would I want that?

I walked home in a daze, my mind flooding with why he didn’t show, but it didn’t matter anymore. We didn’t have any ties. The air was still cold, nipping at my skin as I continued walking towards Killian’s. I was numb. Emotionally and physically. Passing Frank, I didn’t even respond when he wished me good afternoon, just carried on towards the lift.

Once I was in Killian’s apartment, I felt sick to my stomach at being here. He didn’t want me anymore. He didn’t want me here anymore.

I slipped the lock across the front door and slipped my heels off, padding over to the sofa I sat down and rubbed my tired, aching feet. This is why I didn’t like wearing heels, they were uncomfortable. How women wear them all day, every day, just baffles me. Give me a pair of flats or trainers any day.

Letting my foot fall to the floor, I tipped my head back onto Killian’s sofa, my eyes pinned to his ceiling. Why was this gutting me? Why did I have this burning pain searing through my heart? Why did I have this constant sickly feeling? I didn’t want the marriage, we both agreed to call it quits. Yet, why when he didn’t show has it broken my heart? I rubbed my chest with my palm to try and ease the ache that was so prominent it was scaring me.

We were never going to work.

I knew that.

Deep, deep down I knew that.

I would be okay; I just needed to hide away and lick my wounds. First things first, I needed to move out. I lifted my head when I heard my phone ping from near the front door where I dropped my bag. I couldn’t be bothered to get up, I didn’t move until I heard it ping again. Rolling my eyes, I pushed off his sofa and headed towards the door. Grabbing my phone from my bag, I stilled on the spot when I saw Killian’s name.

Killian: Won’t be home tonight.

Glad all is sorted with annulment.

K

No ‘x’.

I felt the tears prick behind my eyes, my skin covering in a cool sweat, even though I felt like I was on fire.

What the fuck was going on?

I dropped my phone on the side unit and walked towards the bedroom slamming the door behind me.

After a well needed bath and hair wash, I felt a little calmer. I padded across the quiet apartment and grabbed my phone to see a key next to it. It was the key to my apartment.

Swallowing hard, I looked around to see if he was here, but he wasn’t. I was alone.

Picking up his keys and my own, I walked for the door and locked it behind me. Slipping out of the lift, my heart rate spiked as I headed towards my apartment. I stood outside for a moment before trying the key in the lock, a smile spreading as I heard it unlock. Opening it slowly, I stuck my head round first – just to make sure there was no one in there that shouldn’t be. Could you imagine? Walking in and the apartment had been rented out?

Closing the door behind me, I noticed a small bouquet of roses sitting on the worktop. My brows pinched as I cautiously walked towards them. Placing the keys down next to them, I plucked the card that was sitting nestled between the red roses and read it silently.

Welcome Home

K

Still no ‘x’. Arsehole.

Slipping the card back in the flowers, I skimmed my finger along the edge of the worktop, my cheeks flushing at the memories of when we were last together in here. Me on the worktop, him between my legs. I had never had sex like that, and I felt so fucking guilty for even thinking that. I mean, what sort of fiancé was I to Elijah to think thoughts like this. But it was the truth, I couldn’t deny that. The connection between me and Killian was explosive. I had never felt a tension or chemistry like that, sure I didn’t have much experience, but it couldn’t get any better than what me and Killian had.

I flopped down on the sofa and tapped my foot. I wanted out of Killian’s apartment tonight, I haven’t got that much to move. All the furniture is still here, it is literally my clothes and a few odds and sods. I could do it.

And I was going too.

Standing from the sofa, I swiped the keys off the work top and headed back towards Killian’s to start packing my suitcases.

It had only just gone two, I had plenty of time.

Lugging the last suitcase full outside of Killian’s apartment, I left my copy of my key on the side table, lingering for a moment as my fingers tightened round the door handle.

This was the end of this chapter.

Another life lesson done.

One more experience that has only bought me pain.

And I was done with being hurt.

Dipping my head, I closed the door behind me, my fingers still wrapped around the doorknob. I wanted to let go; I was just struggling. But the truth was, I don’t think it was my hand, it was my heart.

I didn’t want to admit it, but I had fallen.

Hook, line and fucking sinker.

I had fallen for my boss.

My best friend’s dad.

My now ex-husband.