Crimes of Cupidity (Heart Hassle Book 3)

I’m still gaping at the shadows were Belren disappeared and totally ditched me with the naked monarch, when I feel the king’s hand snatch at mine.

I yelp, but fortunately, I’m soapy enough that my hand slips out of his hold. I flinch back, falling hard onto my butt on the stone floor.

“What the seven hells are you doing?” King Beluar snaps, looking enraged.

I try to get to my feet, but I get tangled up in the dress and stumble back to the floor. The king narrows his eyes at me. Now that I’m closer to the light from the fireplace, I can see the wheels turning behind his eyes as he looks at me. “You look familiar.”

I manage to get to my feet and shove a piece of frizzy pink hair behind my shoulder. “M-Me? I’m just a servant, Your Majesty.”

I watch his eyes widen as recognition dawns on him. He jumps to his feet, making me blink in surprise. Every inch of his lavender skin is on display, including the half-hardy he has going on.

“You. I know you.”

I shake my head, but he simply steps out of the tub and comes stalking toward me. Despite him looking feeble and unwell, there’s no doubt in my mind that he could take me down right here and now. He might be old, but he’s powerful.

Of course, that’s when my panic kicks in, and when I panic, I sometimes do stupid cupid stuff.

When he reaches forward to grab me I simultaneously toss the bar of soap at his head and blow a huge breath of Lust right into his face. It comes out in pink puffs, but I don’t stick around to see it. I duck under his arms and dart around him, running for the other side of the room.

When I don’t hear him immediately shout for the guards, I cast a hurried glance behind me and see that he’s now holding the bar of soap up and looking at it with the strangest expression on his face.

I jerk to a stop. All traces of suspicion and anger are gone. He’s looking at the bar of soap like…

Oh, okay. He’s kissing it now.

I wince when I see his purple tongue dart out and his eyes close on a moan as he starts making out with the sudsy bar.

I let out an exasperated sigh. “Dammit.”

I watch him, equal parts horrified and entranced, as he continues to mack on the soap like he’s hoping it’ll sprout a cooter hole so that he can put his rising rod inside of it.

I almost feel bad for him and my wayward Lust Breath, but not enough to hang out while he’s distracted. Besides, it’ll wear off. Eventually.

I dart out of the room, only to nearly barrel into a guard…and the king.

I almost freak out, thinking he’s somehow magicked himself ahead of me, but then I see that the guard is actually Belren, and calm down enough to remember the worm lick. Belren closes the king’s closet door, which he must’ve been in to dress the worm-king, while also finding the time to steal guard clothes. There’s probably some unconscious, naked guard stuffed into a broom closet now.

“Come on,” he says, urging us forward.

The door to the corridor is already open, and the guards are gone. I have no idea what Belren did with them this time, but I don’t ask as I hurry along beside him. We don’t stop hurrying as we go all the way down to the kitchens and start making our way to the underground passage that will take us to the prison tower entrance.

“Go invisible.”

I do, and then Belren and the king are stepping into the guard room.

There are two guards on duty, both of whom I recognize. There’s the water sprite, Blix, who my friend Mossie has a total crush on, sitting at the table, and then there’s the fire fae jerk, Ferno, with his skin that glows like embers and his curling, smoking hair.

Both males jump to their feet in surprise at our arrival, but then give hurried bows when they see the king. Well, the worm-king, anyway.

Now that I’m getting a good look at him, I have to admit, the imitating thing is spot on. But there are subtle differences. Like how his white hair has a slightly blueish tint to it, and his expression is blank, like zero thoughts are going on in his head. Which, I guess makes sense.

“Your Majesty?”

The king jerks his head down, and a grunt escapes him.

The guards share a look.

“How can we help you?” Blix asks.

Instead of answering, the king’s arm raises, and he flaps it in the direction of the door.

When he does it again, I realize that Belren is using his telekinesis powers to move the worm-king. He looks like a weird puppet without strings.

“Are you going to just stand there? Your king wants inside the prison!” Belren barks, making Blix jump for his keys.

“Of course. Right away.”

Ferno frowns, but when Belren moves the king’s head to look at him, the fire fae finally drops his gaze to the floor. “Shall we accompany you, Sire?”

The king’s head shakes no, and as soon as Blix gets the doors open, he jolts ahead, his footsteps loud and uneven.

Belren follows behind, and slams the door behind them. When we’re alone in the tower, I go physical and follow along behind.

“Which way?”

I point up the stairs. “All the way up.”

Belren grumbles a string of curses under his breath. Apparently, moving the worm-king that much is going to be a strain on his magic, but we start making the slow progress up the many stairs.

Each floor has a corridor of cells, and there are all sorts of putrid smells and miserable sounds coming from them. It makes my heart ache.

“We have to help them,” I choke out.

Belren shakes his head. “Not now. We have enough on our plate as it is.”

“Just because you’re a thief doesn’t mean you can’t be a good guy,” I argue. “I don’t buy that whole pretense, anyway. You are a good guy. I can tell. Besides, you have telekinesis. You can just flip everyone’s lock. It’ll be a good distraction!” I whisper-yell.

“First of all, stop thinking I’m a good guy,” he says, looking irritated at the thought. “I’m not. I lie, cheat, bribe, blackmail, and steal for a living, and I like it. Secondly, I don’t know if our wormy monarch here has enough juice to mark all of these prisoners so that the power allows them to leave!”

I cross my arms, stepping in front of him so he has to stop. We’re right beside a cell that reeks of urine and in the shadow, I can see a girl, probably in her early twenties, huddled up in the corner. She has a filthy maid’s uniform on and looks positively terrified.

I approach the bars. “Why were you imprisoned?” I ask her.

She flinches away from me at first, but she answers, “King said I stole the silver. But I swear I didn’t!” She cries, tears tracking down her dirty cheeks.

I turn to Belren pleadingly. “We have to try. Please.”

He watches me for a moment and then grudgingly looks at the girl in her cell. He lets out a long-suffering sigh. “Fine,” he says. “But you owe me. A lot.”

Excited I throw my hands around his neck and squeeze. “Thank you!”

“Hmm,” he says, pulling away. “We get the princess first. She’s our priority.”

“Of course,” I quickly nod.

When he starts walking away again, I turn toward the girl. “We’ll be back for you soon. I promise.”

She doesn’t look like she believes me, but that’s okay. We’re totally gonna save her and everyone else in this prison tower.

Catching up to Belren, I nudge him with my elbow. “You’re totally a good guy.”

He scoffs. “I am simply an opportunist. You will now be in my debt, as will all of these prisoners. It’s a good investment.”

I laugh under my breath. “Sure. Keep telling yourself that.”

The corner of his lip twitches before he schools his face back into impassive annoyance. But I saw it. The renowned thief totally has a heart.