Zodiac Academy 6: Fated Throne

“Oh, by the light of the big, blue moon, a narwhale sang in the great lagoon. ‘I am but a fish in need of a kiss, and I tell you this as my dying wish.’”

“What song is that?” Angelica asked as I sang my dilly dally to the stars, offering it up to them in hopes of buying us some good fortune after a long day of classes.

It was dark out here between the trees and there was no one to hear us despite the silencing bubble I’d used to hide our passage.

“It’s nothing, dear Angelica,” I said. “Merely a ditty to appease the stars on this – the night of the great A.S.S. ramming.”

“Are you certain you want to stick with that name?” Angelica asked, that dubious tone to her voice which she kept using when I brought this up.

“Angelica, dear,” I began on a sigh. “Are we or are we not about to meet in a clandestine, Order mixing, law flouting, gathering of the biggest A.S.S.es you know?”

“Well, yes, but-”

“And are we, or are we not about to ram our truth down the throats of those vile K.U.N.T.s?” I proceeded.

“Yes. But-”

“So are we A.S.S. ramming or are we ramming the K.U.N.T.s? Because so help me, Angelica, I can’t think of a simpler way to phrase our noble work.”

She seemed on the cusp of further nonsensical arguments when we rounded a turn in the bend and we came upon the place where it was all to take place. The first official meeting of the A.S.S. since that unworthy reptile had placed his scaley behind upon the throne of my ladies and sullied it with his loathsome presence.

The clearing in The Wailing Wood was the perfect place for a secret meeting of the most devoted royalists I knew, and tonight we would begin upon our journey of support which would see our ladies reclaim their birth rights.

I placed the box of buttery bagels I’d been carrying down upon a convenient tree stump and sighed as the sweet scent of victory called to me on the breeze.

The crescent moon was low in the sky, but Justin had already arrived and was valiantly hanging little balls of fire around the place like a diligent dung beetle, tirelessly working to get the job done.

“Hey, Grussy,” he said as I pushed my silencing bubble out to encompass the entire clearing, smiling at me like a happy little caterpillar.

“What fine little balls you have,” I praised and he opened and closed his mouth a few times before I pointed to the fire balls he’d created. Sometimes, he really was rather dense.

“Oh…thanks. I actually wished to have a word with you, Grussy,” he said, taking a step forward as Angelica busied herself creating little cups out of ice for everyone to drink their champagne from like a good little lamb. It was a celebration after all.

“Well make it fast, floppy worm, I have much to do and little time to do it,” I said, awaiting his promised word.

“It’s about…our arrangement,” he said slowly, glancing over at Angelica who was listening in like a nosey nelly and I gasped as I threw a second silencing bubble over us to make sure my most secret secret was kept on the low down.

“Oh, what a time to bring up such a thing!” I cried. “On this most important of days! At this most important of meetings! During the A.S.S. ramming! Why would you wish to sabotage my A.S.S. ramming?”

“Grussy,” Justin pressed, clearly taking no heed of my distress. “I know we agreed to keep it secret until graduation and to…play the field.”

“What is this field of which you speak?” I asked in confusion.

“I mean…you know, how we said that we’d spend the time before our marriage having sexual relations with other-”

I clapped a hand over his flapsome jaw and looked around in alarm, noting Angelica’s raised brow of judgement even though she could not hear us. But she always did have a way with her intuition and no doubt with that single eyebrow proclamation she was telling me that she’d figured it out. She knew of the way Justin’s family and mine had agreed to join. She knew that the two of us were due to be wed after graduation. She knew how we had agreed and how we had also made the choice to water our lawns with a range of hoses in the meantime. ‘Play the field’ was clearly Justin’s utterly confusing way of saying that I was spending time riding the Long Sherman, hopping on the wishing fish, writhing with the slippery sea serpent and bending the salmon. Yes, that eyebrow said she knew it all and now the whole academy would know too.

“What on earth possessed you to bring up our arrangements now, you meddlesome moth?” I asked him incredulously.

“Because I think that we should stop seeing other people and just come out and tell everyone about us,” Justin said as if this were the place for such a declaration.

“And you thought now was the best time to try and tame Lady Petunia?” I gasped. “Right when I have her all primed for a ramming?”

“Your vagina is primed for-”

“Good sir! Please do not be so uncouth. I cannot have this discussion right now. And I cannot agree to any such thing at this moment. You do not just announce to the lawn in the midst of summer that she shall only taste rain henceforth! I need my lawn watered in more ways than that. What of the hose? What of the bothersome barracuda?”

“The what?” Justin frowned and I flushed red as thoughts of my dear, sweet, badly bred basking shark swam through my mind and for a moment I couldn’t breathe.

I was saved from answering the vexing cricket by the arrival of the rest of the Almighty Sovereign Society as they began to appear between the trees and I made a hasty retreat.

I hurried around the circle, making sure everyone had a bagel from my box, handing them out so that everywhere I looked there was a buttery bagel in hand and a look of most reverent devotion upon their faces.

I was about to begin when Milton Hubert stomped through the trees, seeming to take no care to remain silent.

“Do sit down, Milton,” I encouraged, refraining from making a joke about bulls in china shops though the notion did strike me, bringing a chuckle to my lips.

He took a seat beside one of Justin’s tiny balls and I gasped as the firelight caught on the glorious ring he had freshly hanging from the base of his nose.

“Dearest Milton!” I cried, my eyes wide as I realised what this meant. “Have you taken on a herd?”

“I’m about to,” he said proudly, lifting his chin so that his nose ring caught the light again. “My family were in talks with several other Minotaurs over the summer and at the weekend I beat all the other bulls to the centre of the Gelopian Maze. I got my nose ring for winning and I’ll start meeting some cows soon so that I can build my herd.”

“Oh joyous day!” I said, throwing my arms around his neck and squeezing him tight. “We must all have a toast before the ramming begins!”

I turned away from him to find my glass, but as I hunted for it, my Atlas began to buzz in my pocket.

I pulled it free and my cheeks flushed as I spotted Maxy boy’s name appearing upon the screen.

Justin was casting a curious look my way and I quickly switched the device off before putting it away again and raising my glass for all to see.

“To Milton getting his nose ring!” I called out and Milton stomped his foot happily as everyone raised a glass in a toast.

We took a sip of our drinks and I smiled warmly at everyone as the bubbles tickled my tummy and I was filled with pride at the sight of so many varied and wonderous Orders all joined together in one place.

“It is my great honour to be holding this somewhat clandestine meeting of the A.S.S. despite the ridiculous laws of the scoundrel who has stolen the crown from our fair ladies,” I began. “I am as thrilled as a chicken crossing the road to see you all here, flouting the grossly outrageous restrictions he is trying to place upon our kind. And though our queens are not currently here, I know that they would be truly bolstered to see so many fine faces, standing up against this Orderist collywobble!”

Cheers went up amongst the noble A.S.S. and pride beamed through me like sun through the fluffiest white clouds.

“All of us here stand united in our faith in the Vega line. We stand against persecution, inequality and unworthy Dragon scoundrels. This is not just a meeting of the Almighty Sovereign Society as usual, but it is indeed the beginning of the rebellion!”

“Long live the queens!” Sofia cried and more scallywags joined in, bringing a smile of greatest joy to my face.

“Indeed!” I agreed wholeheartedly. “We here are the first to see the light and my father has found even more likeminded souls out amongst the masses. Lionel Acrux may have stolen the crown with dark magic and deceit, but his reign will not be a long one. He will be cast asunder by our ladies before long and we shall live to see the rise of the Vega line once more. Who here will stand with me against the K.U.N.T.s? Who here will fight for what is right?”

Cheers of joy went up and I beamed, feeling the full force of the A.S.S. ramming building up all around me.

I opened my mouth to go on, but before I could, I felt a press of magic against the wards I had cast to keep unwanted nincompoops away from our fine and noble meeting and I gasped as I turned around, hunting the trees for a sign of the intruder.

I raised my hands, pushing back against the magic that tried to break through my own, grunting as the scoundrel coming against us used brute force and took me unawares, breaking through my wards.

“We are under attack!” I called, looking out into the trees and gasping as I spotted a flash of white racing towards us.

I conjured a spear into my hands as I prepared to stand and fight and the rest of the A.S.S. stood at my back, valiant and stalwart in the face of impending doom.

“Gerry?” Maxy boy’s voice called to me and though I had no business in trusting an Heir, my stomach did flip flop and my tension did ease.

“What are you doing breaking into a private meeting you cantankerous clam?” I called back, sucking in a gasp as he burst through the trees riding on the back of a fine white Werewolf, looking like some warrior of old, galloping in to save the day.

“The K.U.N.T.s are coming,” he called. “We overheard Highspell. She caught wind of your meeting and they’re on their way to catch you all. You have to run.”

I pressed a hand to my heart as I looked around at the A.S.S. ready to fight if that was what was called for.

“Is there time for us to escape?” I demanded as Seth skidded to a halt before me and Maxy boy looked down at me from his back, shirtless and salacious and making my mind go all of a dither for a moment.

“Yes. If everyone splits up now. I set a river racing across their path to slow them down, but my magic won’t hold much longer and Nova will expel all of you if you’re caught meeting like this,” he grunted and I noted the tension in his muscles, realising he was indeed wielding powerful magic to aid us in our hour of need.

“You heard the man!” I called. “Vamoose! Take to the skies, the land and the sea, get yourselves away from here before that mindless mannequin and her platoon of K.U.N.T.s are upon us!”

The A.S.S. sprung into motion, many of them shifting, grouping together in their Orders and taking off into the night. The flying Orders flew skyward and dear Angelica paused to burn all remaining items of clothing with her Dragon Fire before taking off after them.

“Come on, Grussy,” Justin urged, snuffing out his little balls and peeling off his shirt as he prepared to shift into his Cerberus form and I knew in all good sense that I should go with him, but Maxy boy held out a hand to me and in a moment of madness, I wished to take it.

Indecision froze me and Highspell’s voice called out through the dark. “I want anyone found out here detained for Cyclops interrogation! If we can prove they were meeting in secret then we can report them to the King!”

“Be gone you braggards,” I hissed, smacking Seth on his hairy behind and waving them all away as I turned to the clearing, wielding earth magic to grow new vegetation over the last of the evidence.

Justin whimpered before taking off into the trees as I’d insisted and Seth howled as he raced away too.

I pushed more power from my body as I made greenery grow over every scrap of evidence and Mildred’s heinous voice called out as she spotted me.

“I see one of them!” she shrieked, her undercut snout poking through the trees as her beady eyes glared at me.

“For the true queens!” I cried, throwing my hands in the air and creating an enormous crater beneath her feet which she tumbled down into like a turd in a toilet.

I was fully prepared to stand my ground and make her pay for ever choosing the Dragon imposter over my ladies, but I was suddenly whipped off of my feet in a whirlwind of air magic and the world went topsy turvy all about me.

I landed in strong arms and my heart leapt as I found myself held against my Maxy Boy as Seth ran beneath us, the two of them having circled back for me and Seth howling in victory as we tore away through the trees.

“I’ve got you, Gerry,” he purred in my ear.

“Oh you cunning cuttlefish,” I cooed, relaxing back into him as we tore away from the K.U.N.T.s in the direction of King’s Hollow.

He chuckled behind me as he held me close and despite the fact that he was an Heir and a scoundrel, I found myself smiling. For a man who claimed not to support the true queens, he had just put himself at great risk for the A.S.S. and that meant more to me than he could ever know.

So perhaps there was more to him than met the eye. He had just aligned himself with the supporters of the royal line. And just maybe, that meant there was hope for him yet.