Zodiac Academy 4: Shadow Princess

A growl spilled from my lips as I stalked through the crowd of writhing bodies with my gaze firmly set on Roxy Vega. Heat coiled from my skin, hot enough to make everyone flinch away from me as my fire magic begged me to release some of this anger from my flesh. But I didn’t have anywhere to aim it. Because the reason for my rage sat firmly on my shoulders. I’d chosen to go along with this. I’d made yet another strike against her, even though I was beginning to feel like these attacks wounded me more than her. She’d barely spared me a glance all night. I didn’t even know what I wanted from her anymore, but the way she kept ignoring me was driving me insane.

I cut a beeline for her, her glittering skin making it easy to keep my eyes on her between the throng of bodies.

She was dancing with her eyes closed, her head tipped to the cave roof and her body simultaneously grinding against Milton fucking Hubert and that douchebag friend of hers in his fucking beanie hat. If I didn’t cut this shit short fast, that fucking potion might have her doing more than just dancing suggestively.

“Roxy,” I called, loud enough for the assholes surrounding her to hear me and back the hell away.

Roxy’s eyes fluttered open as her dance partners abandoned her with fearful looks my way and she pouted like I’d just stolen her favourite teddy bear.

“What’s up Dari-ass?” she asked, laughing at her own joke as she continued to dance on her own.

My gaze raked over her hungrily. She was almost unrecognisable with her skin covered in silver Pegasus glitter and her hair dyed to look like a rainbow, but she looked good enough to eat.

I couldn’t help but admire her balls, turning up here, wearing that even though she knew it would rile Caleb up. And despite his feelings on the subject, I couldn’t help but think of it as pretty damn funny. It made her look like some kind of ethereal creature, mysterious in her beauty.

She didn’t dance alone for long, her gaze fixing on me as she moved straight towards me.

My lips parted in surprise as she coiled her arms around my neck, pulling her near naked body flush against my bare chest.

A moan of ecstasy escaped her and my heart leapt as I caught hold of her and tried to peel her back off of me. As much as I’d fantasised about holding her like this, I didn’t even take any pleasure in the moment. She wasn’t herself, that damn potion was making her act this way and I needed to get rid of the effects of it fast.

“I got you a drink,” I said, holding out the tequila shot which held the antidote to the potion we’d slipped her.

She eyed it for a moment before taking it from my hand and knocking it back.

As the potion took effect, she slowly stopped dancing, stepping away from me and frowning around herself like she wasn’t quite sure what was going on. It should really just feel like sobering up a bit and I was hoping that was what she’d put it down to.

I bent down and retrieved her dress from the floor, holding it out for her as my gut writhed uncomfortably. We’d wanted to make sure we got good footage of her dancing with plenty of guys, but if I’d thought for a second the potion would make her act like that I never would have let her drink a drop of it.

Roxy took her dress from me and pulled it on with a slight frown like she couldn’t work out how she’d ended up out of it in the first place.

Part of me wanted to turn away and leave her here rather than face the shame of what we’d almost just let happen to her. But I couldn’t just abandon her here while she was looking so confused. I needed to make sure she got back to her bed. If I just knew she was safe tonight then I could put this whole mess down to a terrible fucking idea and forget about it. I’d stopped her before anything too bad had happened anyway. So I would just have to convince myself there was no harm done. Even if I did feel like a sack of shit right about now.

“This party’s getting old. You wanna head back to your dorm? I can walk you,” I offered, wondering if she was about to tell me to fuck off. Or if I’d have to toss her over my shoulder and drag her back there against her will. Either way, I was more than done with letting the assholes at this party gawp at her and I needed to be sure she was safe. 

I held out my hand and she raised an eyebrow as she looked at it.

“Truce?” I offered. “From now until tomorrow we can just pretend to like each other. Or at least not hate each other.”

The moment stretched and I grew a little self-conscious as my hand hung in the space between us.

“Maybe I’m always pretending to hate you,” she said eventually and I stilled as she reached out and took my hand. She looked up at me from beneath lashes which sparkled with the colours of the rainbow and my heart pounded at the impossibility of that suggestion. Because whether I wanted to admit it or not, the idea that she might not hate me appealed to me in a desperate kind of way. “Or maybe I’m not,” she added, snuffing out that little ray of hope just as quickly as she’d offered it.

I didn’t know why the hell that made me smile, but it did.

I curled my fingers around her small hand and drew her through the crowd towards the exit. She was still half dancing as we went, laughter spilling from her lips as she caught sight of a few members of the Ass Society who’d chosen to dress as Sirens with a dump fetish. They’d painted scales on their bodies and then smeared big clods of brown mud over themselves to finish the look. I was guessing Max hadn’t spotted them or I imagined they’d be dangling from the roof by their ankles by now.

I half wondered if I should confront them over it just as Roxy gripped my arm and pointed in the opposite direction, laughing again.

I followed the line of her arm to see two girls who had dressed themselves up as the Vegas. They were both wearing dresses that looked like they would have been at home in The Savage King’s court and had towering crowns on their heads. They’d added sashes to their costumes with the names Gwendalina and Roxanya scrawled over them and were putting on a good show of drawing attention to themselves.

“Doesn’t that piss you off?” I asked Roxy in surprise, turning to look down at her.

“Oh lighten up, Darius. If you can’t laugh at yourself from time to time then you’re going to end up spending a lot of your life taking offence over things that really don’t matter.” Roxy rolled her eyes at me like I was ridiculous and I frowned as I tried to accept the fact that she genuinely didn’t care.

Before I came up with a response, she tugged her hand from my grip and slipped away from me between the crowd.

I cursed under my breath and darted after her. By the time I caught her, she was half way up the long tunnel which led back out of the cavern.

“I’m covered in glitter,” she pointed out like I might not be able to see the fact that her whole body was covered in the shimmering silver substance.

“I noticed,” I replied.

“Well I’m gonna go wash it off,” she announced.

“Sure. We’ll be back at the dorms soon and then you can have a shower.”

Roxy sighed like that answer disappointed her, but she didn’t elaborate. We made it out of the cavern and she looked up at the sky for a moment, pursing her lips as she thought about something. My heart pounded wildly as she looked my way and a smile captured her lips. Roxy didn’t smile at me. Certainly not since the Eclipse. And I couldn’t really blame her for that. But until that moment I didn’t think I’d let myself appreciate how much it would mean to me if she did.

In the next heartbeat I realised why she was though as her wings burst from her back, punching holes into her dress as red and blue flames licked along the feathers and she flexed them to their full width. She stopped the transformation into her Order form there and I couldn’t help but be mildly impressed that she’d managed to learn that much control in the short time since she’d Emerged.

“Catch you later, dude,” she said, laughing as she leapt into the sky and started flying for the moon.

Shit.

“Where are you going?” I called after her as she beat her wings and climbed towards the heavens above us.

“Swimming!” she shouted back before flying away with a laugh like escaping from me was just so damn hilarious. 

Fuck.

I unbuckled my pants and kicked my shoes off before rolling my clothes into a ball so that I’d be able to carry them.

A ripple of energy coursed along my spine as I called on my Dragon and a moment later, my claws slammed into the dirt as my Order form ripped free of my flesh.

I grabbed the bundle of clothes in my mouth before springing up into the air to chase after Roxy Vega.

Branches battered at my wings, catching on my scales as I fought my way out of the canopy and eventually I burst into the sky with a growl burning along my throat.

I beat my wings as I flew higher, turning my head until I spotted the fire of Roxy’s wings in the distance.

With a powerful flap of my wings, I took off after her, chasing her through the sky as she headed towards The Orb and the other buildings at the centre of campus.

I started gaining on her but before I got close enough to catch her, she dropped out of the sky and disappeared from sight.

Cursing internally, I raced after her, diving for the ground as I reached the spot where I’d last seen her flaming wings.

I headed straight for the curved roof of The Orb and the metallic structure echoed hollowly as the considerable weight of my Dragon form came to rest on top of it.

I twisted my head left and right as I tried to spot her but she was nowhere to be seen.

Cursing to myself, I leapt down to the ground, transforming back into my Fae form just before I landed between The Orb and the crescent shaped building that housed Lunar Leisure and the pool. I glanced that way, spotting the door ajar and frowning as I wondered if she’d really meant it when she’d said she was going swimming.

I grabbed my clothes from the floor, dragging my pants back on quickly before kicking my feet back into my shoes. I jogged over to the open door, pausing to look at it as I spotted two little wooden picks abandoned in the keyhole.

“Roxy?” I called, stepping into the dark building and out of the cold night air.

There was no response but I carried on, stepping into the huge gym and passing the various pieces of weight and cardio equipment before heading on towards the pool.

As far as I knew, Roxy hadn’t come here since the night Max and I had trapped her beneath the water and my gut twisted uncomfortably as the scent of chlorine awoke memories of that night in me.

I stepped out onto the dark tiles which lined the pool and stilled as I spotted Roxy floating in the centre of the water with her eyes closed. Her dress was abandoned alongside her shoes at the edge of the pool but she’d kept her silver underwear on for her swim.

A huge cloud of glitter was spreading away from her body as she lazily swept her arms back and forth and I guessed she’d used magic to undo whatever had been holding the glitter in place on her skin.

“Are you just going to stand there staring or are you coming in?” Roxy asked without opening her eyes.

I cleared my throat, moving closer to the edge and trying not to think about what I’d done to her the last time we were here.

“Or maybe you’ve come to finish what you started last time?” Roxy asked, her mind clearly following the same trail as mine.

“If you’re worried about that then why did you come here?” I asked.

She sighed before dropping beneath the water and swimming towards me.

I watched her as a long trail of glitter was left in her wake and she slowly surfaced right in front of me, placing her arms on the edge of the pool as she looked up at me with her big, green eyes. There was something about the way that she looked at me sometimes that made me feel like she could see through every wall I put up, spot every lie and piece of armour I wore and look straight upon the creature which hid in the depths of my soul.

“I came because all I want is to be free. And fear shackles you just as easily as chains if you let it. So do your worst…or don’t. I can’t control what you choose to do, but I can choose what I do.”

Before I could reply, she climbed out of the pool, letting the water run down her body and take the glitter with it.

I couldn’t help but stare at her as she stood in her underwear, her eyes dancing with the fire of her Phoenix as she looked up at me like she was waiting for something. But I seriously had no idea what that might be.

A part of me wanted to reach for her and my gaze drifted to her mouth as my imagination got carried away for a moment, but I managed to take a step back instead.

Roxy looked up at me, pushing her hands through her wet hair which was still coloured like a rainbow and drawing the water out of it with her magic. She siphoned every drop from her body and underwear before heading past me to grab her dress and push her feet back into her stilettos.

“When was the last time you ever did something just for the hell of it?” she asked me teasingly as she started walking backwards, drawing me after her as she headed towards the diving boards.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Like, when did you last do something pointless, with no ulterior motives?”

“I’m hanging out with you now,” I pointed out.

She scoffed lightly. “Oh so you’ve got zero agenda with me, have you? That’d be a first.”

I held my tongue because she was right. I did always have an agenda when it came to her, though sometimes, like right now, it seemed like I wasn’t even sure what that was. I was supposed to be getting rid of her, but the idea of that tore me in two at the same time as me knowing it was necessary.

“Come on.” She grabbed the ladder for the high board and started climbing with a hint of laughter in her voice.

I frowned as I watched her go, wondering what the hell she was even doing while knowing whatever it was, I wanted to be doing it with her.

I followed her all the way up to the top where she stepped out onto the diving board above the water.

She walked forward carefully then dropped down to sit on the very end of the board, her legs swinging beneath her over the water.

I moved to sit beside her, leaving an inch of space between us despite the fact that I wanted to pull her close. I sighed, running a hand over my face. This whole thing was so fucked. I’d set her up tonight, gone out of my way to hurt her yet again but here I was, sitting in the dark with her, aching to touch her, stealing glances at her like some kid with a crush. Why was everything so difficult with her? It should have been simple, no matter what she looked like or how hot I thought she was, I shouldn’t have been agonising over the idea of getting rid of her.

Maybe once it was done, I’d be able to move on from this, forget about her. But as she leaned back to lay on the diving board and the white dress she was wearing rode up, revealing the bronze skin of her thighs and another glimpse of her underwear, I knew that was an empty hope.

I’d never hungered for someone like I did for her.

And it wasn’t just the way she looked, every time she bit at me or fought back against me, the beast inside me raised its head. She was more than just some girl who posed us a threat. She was a real challenge, unafraid of me no matter what I threw at her and capable of matching or even besting me in every way. I’d never met a girl like her before. She was my equal. She had no interest in my power or my name so every piece of attention she threw my way was earned by me. She actually cared about who I was over what I was. And even though she hated what she found most of the time, she still saw me. And the idea of that was as exhilarating as it was terrifying.

“Is Xavier texting Sofia?” she asked all of a sudden and my lips parted at that strange question.

“Yes,” I said eventually because it seemed pointless to lie to her about it. “He can’t tell her who he really is, obviously. But I wanted him to have someone of his kind to talk to, some contact with a herd…”  I trailed off because giving him the phone number of one girl to message seemed like a pretty pathetic way to help him, but I didn’t know what else to do.

“I take it Lionel still won’t let him reveal his Order to anyone?” she asked.

I laughed but it was a hollow, empty thing. “Never.”

Roxy pursed her lips like that pissed her off but she didn’t add anything else.

“And how’s your lovely fiancé?” she asked, a smirk playing around her mouth as she changed the subject.

“Fuck knows,” I replied on a growl. “Father keeps mentioning getting her to transfer here from her academy so that we can get to know each other better. I heard him saying he expects us to get married the year after I graduate…”

The horror of that idea haunted me most nights before I slept. The worst thing of it all being that I knew I’d end up going through with it if I couldn’t challenge him by then. He’d just use his Dark Coercion to force me if I tried to refuse anyway.

“Why don’t you just run away?” she teased. “Is your precious throne so important to you that you’d trade your happiness for it?”

I smirked at her as I lay down too, turning my head to look at her in the dim light. She swung her legs back and forth and the board bounced beneath us.

“Where should I go?” I asked. “The Azerian Desert? Or the Polar Capital? Maybe I should just go to the mortal realm and set myself up there?”

Roxy shrugged like those ideas weren’t entirely insane. “Better that than a life in chains,” she said simply.

I parted my lips to respond but what could I say? It was anything but simple. I’d been born to rule, everything I was, everything I’d endured to get to this point was all in the aid of that. I could never be satisfied with a simple life, hiding in the shadows. Besides, I had responsibilities here. To my brother, the Heirs, Solaria as a whole. I wouldn’t just turn my back on them.

Roxy yawned widely and I was reminded of what Lance had told me about her struggling to sleep since the shadows had been forced on her. I hadn’t struggled too much with them yet, but then I had years of practice with dark magic and learning to keep the shadows at bay.

“Shall we go back to our dorms?” I asked, forcing myself to look away from her to the pool which was now filled with so much glitter that I wasn’t even sure how the hell anyone would clean it out. I imagined there would be a very angry janitor in here tomorrow.

Roxy shrugged but got to her feet, the diving board flexing beneath us as I stood too.

I took her hand and she looked at me in surprise as I tugged her towards the edge. She only hesitated for a moment before letting me guide her closer to the drop and I smiled as I caught her around her waist, hoisting her into my arms.

She shrieked but it wasn’t in fear, her voice lined with laughter as I held her close and leapt off of the diving board.

Roxy cried out, her arms winding around my neck as we fell, but before we could hit the water, I flexed my fingers, forcing it to fall under my command. A column of water flicked up like a whip, winding around us and shifting us over the pool before depositing us on the edge of it.

Roxy’s eyes widened at my use of magic and I smirked at her as I started walking towards the exit.

“You’re so fucking smug,” she mocked but her tone was teasing.

“I can’t help it if you’re impressed by me,” I replied and she rolled her eyes.

“I’m not impressed by that. If you want to impress me, you’ll have to do something better than that.”

“Like what?”

She shrugged, her arm shifting around my neck and the touch of her fingertips against my skin sending energy darting down my spine. “I’m not the one who has trouble breaking the rules,” she teased, pushing out of my arms so that she could walk beside me.

I instantly missed the warmth of her body against mine but if she felt the same, she didn’t let it show.

We walked back out of Lunar Leisure in silence and I watched her from the corner of my eyes.

“I don’t have my dorm key,” she announced as we made it back out into the cold air outside. “Sofia has it…”

“So come and stay with me,” I replied instantly, wanting her close despite all the reasons that I shouldn’t.

Roxy turned to look at me and the heat in her gaze made my heart pound and my resolve weaken. I couldn’t help but wonder just how drunk she must be to be spending time with me like this. And if I was being totally honest, I was pretty sure she must have been close to wasted. Because Roxy Vega wouldn’t give me the time of day if she was sober and right now she was looking at me like I was the only person in the world.

“I dunno,” she said slowly. “There’s a lot of stairs to climb to get all the way up to your fancy ass room. Maybe I’ll just curl up on the floor outside mine and wait for Sofia to show up.”

I barked a laugh and an idea occurred to me. An utterly ridiculous, absolutely irrational idea. But the mere thought of it made my heart pound faster and I couldn’t help but be tempted by the possibility of proving to her that I didn’t just blindly follow the rules all the time.

“I left my window open,” I said slowly. “I can give you a ride up there.”

Her eyes widened as she realised what I was offering. And sure, she could just use her own wings to fly up there but riding on a Dragon was practically against the law. Especially if you asked my father. He could banish me from the Dragon’s guild if he found out. I could hear him now, Dragons are not pack horses. But I didn’t give a shit. I’d break that rule for her. Hell, I was beginning to wonder if I wouldn’t break a few more for her too.

A slow smile crept across Roxy’s face and she moved nearer to me. “What are you waiting for then, Dragon boy?” she teased. “You’d better take your pants off.”

I barked a laugh and stepped closer to her as I unbuckled my belt. I couldn’t quite figure out if I was drunk or going insane but I had to admit I liked it.

Roxy’s gaze fell to my movements and I paused as I unzipped my fly.

“Are you literally gonna stand there and stare at me while I get naked?” I asked.

“Like you did when you burned all my clothes off of me on my first day?” she countered, arching a brow at me.

I pushed my tongue into my cheek and dropped my pants, but her gaze stayed fixed on my eyes.

“If you could bring my clothes I’d appreciate it,” I said slowly and she nodded seriously like I’d just tasked her with something really important.

“Could you get in trouble for doing this?” she breathed.

“Why do you sound concerned about that?” I teased. “I’m pretty sure trouble’s what turns you on.”

Roxy laughed and my heart leapt at the sound of me making her happy.

I turned away from her, taking a few steps to make sure I had enough room before drawing the Dragon free of my flesh.

My skin tore apart and the huge beast which lay within me sprang free, my claws gouging lines in the path as I shifted into my Order form.

Roxy gasped in surprise but she didn’t back away. I turned my head to look at her and she stooped to grab my abandoned clothes before slowly approaching. She looked so small and delicate standing beneath me as I towered over her as the king of beasts, but there wasn’t any fear in her gaze as she moved closer. Only excitement.

I dropped into a crouch and lowered one of my huge, golden wings so that she could climb up onto my back.

My skin tingled as she clambered on, a trickle of adrenaline entering my limbs at the knowledge of defying my father like this and with a Vega of all people. He’d probably be having a mini heart attack right about now if he sensed it.

Roxy made it onto my back, her thighs tightening around me and her hands gripping one of the huge spines which protruded between my shoulder blades.

Hold on tight, Roxy.

With a powerful leap, I spread my wings and took off into the night. Roxy whooped excitedly, her grip on me firming as I flew higher and higher, the academy shrinking away to nothing but pinpricks of light beneath us as I beat a path straight to the stars.

Once I was high enough, I tucked my wings close to my body and free fell straight towards the ground again.

Roxy screamed as we plummeted and I released a plume of Dragon fire as my own excitement grew with hers, the flames whipping around us and away into the night.

I snapped my wings out before we could hit the ground and shot skyward again, spinning in circles and bathing in the laughter that spilled from her lips as she clung on for dear life.

I finally headed back towards Ignis House, carving a path through the sky to my bedroom at the highest point of the glass structure.

I landed carefully, gripping onto the building with my talons and creating a bridge with my wing for her to use to get in through the window.

Roxy jumped inside and I pushed off of the building, turning in a wide circle as I headed back towards the window once more.

I flew straight at the opening, shifting back into my Fae form just as I reached it and jogging several steps as I landed inside.

Roxy had moved across my room and taken a seat at my desk, kicking her feet up onto it and giving me a look at her long legs as she hooked a letter off of the pile to the left of the wooden desktop.

I moved to my closet, pulling on a pair of boxers and sweatpants as she tugged the letter from the envelope with a dramatic flourish. I didn’t move to stop her, that pile was full of fan mail which I basically just let sit there endlessly without bothering to read it. There were a few too many weirdos in Solaria who liked to write to me and I was generally of the opinion that I was better off not reading the things they sent me most of the time.

“Dear Darius,” Roxy purred, dropping her voice seductively. “I recently read the article published about you in Fae Weekly, and I have to say, I did not realise you were so fond of baking – is that true?” Roxy asked, looking up from the letter with an eyebrow raised at me.

I rolled my eyes. “They asked me what new hobbies I’d taken up recently and I said that as a joke,” I supplied, dropping down onto my bed so that I could watch her as she continued to read.

“Yeah, of course. I doubt you can do anything for yourself like that,” she mocked and there wasn’t really much I could say in protest because it was true. I’d grown up in a house that had more servants than family members residing in it. The idea of me baking was pretty ridiculous. She lifted the letter again as she kept reading. “I will admit, I did enjoy perusing the photographs included with that piece too. Particularly the one of you running on the beach with the other Heirs – oh she has a point there, I saw that and you did look hot,” Roxy commented, making my heart lurch in a strange way. But she continued as if there was nothing at all odd about her admitting she found me attractive. “I’ve included a gift with this letter in the hopes that when you catch the scent of me from it, you may seek me out and hunger for me just as I hunger for you. What does she mean a gift?” Roxy asked, hooking the envelope back off of the desk and drawing another piece of paper out of it.

“Ohmagawd!” Roxy shrieked, dropping the letter and leaping to her feet in disgust. “There’s hair taped to that and it did not look like head hair!”

She backed away from the letter so quickly that she lost her balance in her stilettos and I reached out to catch her as she fell back towards me.

Her weight collided with me and I laughed as I tipped backwards onto the bed, pulling her with me.

I rolled her over, pressing her back so that she was pinned beneath me and she looked up at me, laughter tumbling from her lips. I fell still. My heart was pounding and my gaze slid from her eyes to her mouth.

“I must be fucking insane to be alone with you like this,” she breathed. “You’ll probably just go right back to making my life hell tomorrow.”

I frowned at that comment even though it almost seemed like she was joking. “And you’ll go right back to hating me,” I replied.

“I haven’t stopped.”

Silence fell between us and I shifted back an inch. “There’s probably good reason for that.”

Her brow furrowed but I didn’t elaborate. She’d realise what we’d done when the story broke tomorrow. And as much as I was aching to close the distance between us, I couldn’t do it. Not when I knew she’d regret it as soon as she found out about what me and the other Heirs had done…

I shifted back suddenly, getting to my feet and grabbing my Atlas from the pants she’d dropped beside my bed.

“I’m just going to have a shower,” I said, backing away from her. “You can watch TV or whatever you like.”

“Okay…” she replied, not bothering to hide her confusion as I walked into the bathroom. But it didn’t matter if she thought I was behaving strangely. I just needed to get hold of Seth before he sent those videos to the paper.

I closed the door and locked it before pulling up the messages on my Atlas.

Darius:

I don’t think this is the right way to deal with things after all. Don’t send those videos.

Seth:

Right. Just the small issue of the fact that I already did it about an hour ago. And they just sent me the link to the story on their website…

Fuck!

I snarled, tossing my useless Atlas away from me like it was personally responsible for that story making it out to the press already. Like I hadn’t just fucked everything up again. Like I always fucking did.

I headed into the shower, setting it hot and letting it scald my skin as my anger at myself reared up inside me and a deep growl left my throat.

By the time I’d calmed down enough to return to my room, I found Roxy fast asleep in my bed.

I approached her slowly, dropping down to sit on the edge of the mattress with my thoughts warring amongst themselves.

She reached out sleepily, taking my hand in hers and pulling me down to join her. And I let her. Because I was weak and selfish. And because I knew this had been my last chance to prove to her that I could be more than just the asshole who made her miserable and I’d fucked it up. It felt like this had been a test and I’d failed before I’d even begun.

I lay down and she curled against me, laying her head on my chest and fitting so perfectly into the curve of my body that it was like she’d been made to fit there.

The ache in my chest lessened as I held her close, my fingers toying with the rainbow coloured strands of her hair as her heavy breathing fluttered against my skin.

I wasn’t even sure if I’d be able to sleep. Because I knew that in the morning this peace would be shattered. And once again, I only had myself to blame.