You Saved Me Once Book 1

I met the Bartley's 13 years ago. The Richards were the "new" neighbors in this small town. At the time I had no clue why my mother decided to move so far from home, in a town we knew no one in. It was a widowed mom, and her 4 hyperactive kids who had an im-pulse to never sit still. We were a handful, but she knew how to handle us somehow.

I imagine life before Versa was quite dark, though I'd not know. I was too young to remember those memories anyways. I remember the black dresses, and suits at my father's wake though. He passed a year before we moved to Versa. By the time we got here, the town knew all about the widowed mother.

That's Versa for you.

The Bartley's, they were different. They welcomed us with open arms, they were our friends. More than that, they were our family. They had been living in Versa their entire lives.

In fact, Ms. Kristen was raised, and grew up in the same house she lives in still to this day. She invested in the perfect family. A traveling husband, committed to work, and her two boys. All perfect.

The oldest was Hayes Bartley. When I met him, I was only 4, and he was 7. He was like another older brother. Then their youngest was Timmy Bartley, he was only 2, he was perfect in every single way. Over the years, our relationship with the Bartley's grew, so fast and strong. We all build relationships with one another, some more than others.

One summer, when I was ten years old, Hayes confessed his deep-est love for me.

The confession was on a folded paper, with the cheesy "yes" and "no" check boxes. We were so young, yet he wanted me to be his girl-friend, forever.

At the time he was still my "brother", I thought it was gross.

"How romantic! You should say yes!" Squealed Rochelle. Even back then she was a fan of romance.

Hayes handed me the note in front of everyone, and I read it aloud. I'd thought I had done something wrong. I thought "what did I do to deserve an embarrassing letter in front of everyone". "A girlfriend?" I say to my mom.

"I think it's very cute Alex. But, he's like your brother." My mother says.

I contemplated on the idea for a full, 2 hours.

Then I'd go back outside, hiding the note behind my back. Hayes was there, with a handful of picked flowers from his mother's garden.

We quickly make a trade, without eye contact.

I got the flowers, and he got the note. When he goes to look at it, I can see his face. He was destroyed.

I said no.

I was his first heart break that summer.

If only I knew that was only the beginning for summer heartbreaks. This summer was going to be the worst.

I was big on all-nighters, forts, tents, and movies. They were the best during summer nights.

I only had Rochelle, and Hayes, they were my only friends. Some-times, my friends had friends, and it was just me and my thoughts. Sometimes, I'd host all-nighters, alone. I called them "shut up thoughts I can't sleep, so let's draw and listen to the radio all night." It was better than crying, I guess.

How can you miss someone you barely knew? I missed him every night. Every night that summer I thought of my father.

Most nights would turn into "dawn" mornings. Like always, when I couldn't sleep, I'd sleep in my mother's bed. I could always fall asleep in her arms. We'd look at polaroid's from my dad's book, as she played in my hair.

I should've been more careful that day.

The air was moist, the dryer was going off, downstairs. I call for my mom, she doesn't respond back to me.

The sun was coming up.

I open her closed door, without knocking.

As soon as I do, I feel the most painful pit in my stomach. It's as if I'd lost my appetite, without even being hungry. It ached, it hurt. I'm mute now.

The noises had stopped when I peeked inside. The mood was heavy, I could faint from the pressure.

My mother calls after me, but the man closes the door.

Mr. Bartley closes the door. Right in my face.

It was a dream. These words kept mumbling, as I go back upstairs.

My muscles are weak, I struggle to close my door. I slide into bed and fall asleep.

That's what I'd called them "dreams". That's how a 10-year-old, coped with her mother having an affair with her best friend's father. Silly me, for thinking it would go away. Silly me, for thinking my mother would comfort me, talk to me.

Choose me.

Summer was fading, yet every "dawn" morning, I'd blast my radio, to mask the dryer, to mask the real noise.

I could've asked my mother about it, she remembered me seeing everything. She just never cared enough to talk with me about it. She just expected me to keep this secret. Deep down, she knew me well enough, to know I would.

Over the summer this lie affected me. It affected me in many ways. The secret became too much.

Summer was almost done, I had carried this secret for so long. I just had to hold on a little longer, just a little longer. One more month.

Then, one afternoon, Ms. Kristen came over. Only hours after Mr. Bartley slipped out of the house earlier that day. She just wanted to drop off some baked goods, like always. Ms. Kristen looked so beautiful that day, she was happy.

Before she got addicted to alcohol, and young men. Before she did something terrible. Before all of that, Ms. Kristen was the "perfect mom" who made the best meals, and gave her heart to everyone, al-ways. It all changed that day. Everything changed, because of me. Be-cause I got sloppy. Because I wasn't careful enough.

This was my first secret. One of my only secrets that slipped through.

I didn't want it to happen right now, I didn't want to do it. The lie locked away, would come into light, whether I was ready, or not.

She came through the front door. It was just the two of us.

She didn't have a key, but it was always unlocked, just for the Bart-ley's.

I followed her into the kitchen, she only made it halfway through when she saw something lying on the counter.

It was a diamond ring. Just like the one on her hand.

"Who's ring is that?" She asks.

I lie. I lie because, I love my mother so much. I lie because I was afraid. I lie, because I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to lie to my sec-ond mother, who stands right in front of me. I loved Ms. Kristen, I loved her so much.

Yet, I pick up the ring, and force a tale.

"It's mine." I say.

"Don't lie Alex, I know you." She says. She holds my hand.

Her voice is sad. I squeeze her hand and shake my head. This was enough for me to cry, I tried to stop the tears. It hurt too much, to.

"Hayes gave it to me." I lie again, feeling my throat close. Tears start to fall.

Right then and there, I knew I had ruined it. It was me, who killed the light in Ms. Kristen that day. I made her change the prefixes, she stands by to this day.

It wasn't immediate, it took time for my one little slip, to destroy her. To destroy all the Bartley's, and the Richards's.

It took death to break them.

This is what happens when a secret comes out.

It kills.

It's all because of me. It was all my fault.

"Alex, what did you do?!" My mom scowls me.

This was the first time, I heard my mother's soft voice turn grey. Her voice turned angry, turned hateful. She fed the hungry butterflies that grow in my stomach.

Just wanted her to hug me. Wanted her to love me, again. Play in my hair, like before.

"I should've put the ring away. I'm sorry!" I yell.

"Damn right!" She shouts.

"I'm only 10." I mumble. I cover my mouth.

"Yes, you are. No, it's my fault, it's my fault." My mom breaks down.

"I'm sorry Alex." She cries.

She's slumped against the laundry door. We're quiet again, but she doesn't look at me anymore. I want her to look at me.

Both Mr. Bartley and my mother were wrong, and they'd soon have to watch the domino effect they caused.

Or, what I caused.

When the affair was finally brought to light, the Bartley's still went on with their lives. They just lived the lie, I had to all summer. The Richard's were distant, the rest of my siblings were still in the dark. Time passed, yet the affair didn't stop. School and photography were my only escapes.

They lived the lie around the town. Only to go home and argue all night, till the sun came up. Deep down I think everyone knew. At least, that's what I wished for, because I hated being one of the few, who knew the truth.

I was still better off, then Ms. Kristen.

When Ms. Kristen found out about the affair, she used alcohol and opioids to numb the pain.

Doing so, made her coherent many things. She missed a lot. It costs a life.

It was next year, spring break, and the Bartley's decided to go to Timmy's favorite place in Versa; The Coast.

As the story goes; Versa was experiencing storm season that spring. It could go from sunny, to cumulonimbus clouds in seconds. There was quite a bad storm coming in later on in the evening.

The Bartley's knew this, and still went. They knew the crowd was going to be small. They knew there wouldn't be that many people to see the Bartley's "perfect" mother, turned to the perfect "drunk". The sad thing is, no one knew.

No one knew why she fell apart. Not even her sons.

It stayed between the wife, the husband, the widowed single moth-er, and her 11-year-old daughter, who couldn't tell a proper lie.

On their family outing the Bartley's spilt up, it was Mr. Bartley's idea.

Hayes went with his father, and Timmy had to stay with his now hungover mother. This little spilt on their family outing was so the two parents could announce that they were getting a divorce.

The conversations between the Bartley's could've had tears in-volved, could've been lies, only they know. It's what happened about an hour later that is on record.

After the news was dropped to the children, the father, and oldest son left the Versa Coast to get ice cream.

When they returned back, they received the news that three kids had drowned, two boys, and a girl. Only one was revived.

Within that hour the tide had tripled. Some say they saw the three kids go into the water with everyone else. When the coastguard alerted everyone to shore. Three didn't come back.

By the time they found the three, it was too late. They saved one. Timmy didn't make it.

Some say on the beach, Mr. Bartley lashed out, and blamed Ms. Kristen for Timmy's death. Some say Mr. Bartley hurt Ms. Kristen. Then after that, came the secrets.

Now the whole town knew. The secrets were out. Most knew about the affair.

This was the final line for the perfect family. The Bartley's, had broken.

Ms. Kristen stopped opioids, but not alcohol. She stayed cooped on isolation, never leaving the house. She stopped coming over, she stopped loving me. I stopped loving her. Mr. Bartley stopped coming over too, he stopped seeing my mother. Mr. Bartley was now, de-pressed.

It was Hayes who took it the worst though.

After the accident, Hayes was gone for a full month. When he re-turned, he was different. He barely left the house. I wasn't allowed to see him at home, or in school. They took him out.

He stopped being my best friend for, a while. Just when things got better, he leaves again.

Mr. Bartley only gave it 2 months before he left Ms. Kristen. He took Hayes with him, and they moved to Hawaii, never looking back.

Now Hayes is back.

After Timmy's death, we drifted. It was mostly my fault, I kept my distance. The guilt ate me alive, even more around Hayes.

At the time we needed each other the most, we stayed apart.

It was my fault I avoided Hayes whenever he called, whenever he asked for me. The secrets were piling up, I didn't know how to tell him, or anyone, anything.

I chose to stay away.

Now he's back to resurface the unwanted memories, and se-crets.

Secrets that we still keep, secrets between Hayes and me, from 3 years ago. That was the last time he came to Versa, it was for a funer-al.

Even then, we weren't close anymore. We were just neighbors with history. Neighbors who felt the same pain. Neighbors who were both numb, and once each other's anchors, best friends. 3 years ago, I gained many secrets, and created some.

This time, I better keep the secrets inside, or they might kill.